Invited to a “Money Shower” — Now What?
Because the money shower (or money tree shower) is still a little esoteric and brings up a slew of thorny issues, we’re going to answer a few more questions Kim didn’t ask:
What’s the proper etiquette for monetary gifts? Is it ever appropriate to ask for them? Are “money trees” and “money showers” considered in bad taste?
You’re planning a bridal shower, and let’s face it — the bride and groom have been living together for three years, already accumulating at least two blenders and a toaster oven. What they could really use is some extra cash (they’ve been dying to remodel their 70s-era bathroom).
However, blatantly asking for specific gifts — monetary or otherwise — is in poor taste. Just imagine an invitation that reads: “I could really use some new shoes — please send me some strappy sandals.” (Just because Carrie Bradshaw got away with it does not make it okay!)
What you can do is let guests know (if they ask) that the bride prefers cash gifts. Send shower invites without registry information; inquiring guests will ask where the couple is registered, presenting a perfect opportunity to respond with the bride’s preference. Some guests will still prefer to give a tangible gift, so the couple should register for a few items.
Avoid drawing attention to the cash with a “money tree,” or other cash-displaying gimmick, so guests bringing tangible gifts don’t feel awkward. Simply display all cards and gifts together for the bride to open and acknowledge. The happy bride-to-be should always remember to feel privileged, not entitled.
You’re sorting through your mail, and to your dismay discover a shower invitation with a cutesy rhyme such as -
“¦To make it easy for you
and avoid a shopping spree
We thought that we would have instead,
a little money tree”¦
Although this presents a clear breach of etiquette, it also doesn’t justify an uprising of the etiquette police. Pointing out another’s faux pas is just as rude as the original blunder. Here are your options:
Bring a monetary gift ““ If you choose to participate with a cash donation, give whatever you feel comfortable giving. The shower host will start the tree off for guests by tying a bill or small envelope on the tree, and guests will follow suit. There is usually no way to tell who gave what amount. In this instance, bring a card separate from the cash for the bride.
Bring a tangible gift — I say this with caution, because you don’t want to appear as if you’re protesting the shower theme. That said, if you’ve put a lot of thought into selecting something memorable for the bride, take pride in presenting her with a thoughtful gift to acknowledge her upcoming nuptials.
The Expert
Cori Russell is editor-in-chief for Elegala Magazine. Elegala is a new wedding planning resource offering the most comprehensive portfolio of superior wedding reception sites and wedding vendors, with the planning tips to keep brides in the know on today’s wedding trends and styles.
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I don’t care if this is the new generation, whether you have everything you need for your home or not - I find it in very poor taste for a bride and a groom (or a parent) to ask for monetary wedding and/or shower gift. You’re essentially asking for the guest to “pay” for the wedding and/or shower. If you can’t afford to pay for your own wedding, perhaps you should revisit your finances and your guest list, then revise your budget so you can stay within your means. A wedding is about the celebration of the love and commitment a couple has for each other - not a means to make big bucks from the people who matter the most!
does anybody have any ideas what to put inside of the invitations… how to tell the guest that we are having a money tree… Thanks
I have been looking for someway to let people know that we are having a money shower for an employee who is moving to England. It is very expensive to send things there and they don’t have the same stores as we do. I found this.
To make it easy for you,
and avoid a shopping spree.
We thought that we would instead,
have a little money tree.
I think this is cute and people already know she is moving.
I hate the fact that people say it’s not “proper” to ask for money…what a new married couple needs is to be debt free. If you are spending the money on a gift what difference does it make to put it in an envelope instead?? I’m getting married in October and do not know how to word that we would appreciate cash. We have all our appliances already. It really sucks that we would be called tacky for that…but we can ask for a slew of gifts…Yeah that’s soooo much better:-?
I would like to give my niece a bridal shower (she is like a daughter to me). My problem is she lives in Califnoria and the rest of the family lives in Massachusetts. She is unable to come home until 3 days before the wedding. Is there any way I could have a proxity shower with her mother standing in for her. We would video it so she could see what is going on. It would have to be a money or gift cards shower
You will probably find that most people won’t want to come if the bride is not going to be there and trying to plan one right before the wedding might be to hectic. Another option, if she is around for a while after the wedding, is to host a post wedding shower.
At what point can I say no? I have been asked to contribute to a ‘money shower’ , a stag and doe and a gift for the wedding. When did a wedding become an event to make money off the backs of your friends and your friends families?
anna gay…i am in the same boat…wonder if it is the same couple? Are you from La Jolla?
nope….denver
Here is my dilema, my finacee live in Virginia and I am in Michigan after the wedding I will be relocating to VA. So we are not registering. Is that a good or bad thing and would like to request monetary gifts, since we will be combining two households and we both have been single for quite a while so we have alot of things already. What would be the best way to let our guest know that we would prefer money or gift cards.
You help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Felicia
I’m helping throw a jack and jill shower for a friend and she and her fiance have been living together for quite some time. I know she would like to have a nice honeymoon as they may not afford it with all the money spent on the wedding. What is the proper way to ask attendees to bring a monetary gift instead of tangible. I have also considered including in the invitation an envelope with a picture of the bride and groom for the gift to be placed in and brought to the party. I’d like to know if this is okay, or if there are any other suggestions.
Thank you
I’m planning an engagement for my daughter and they already have a furnished home. How do I tell people to only give money?
Thank you