Who’ll Walk Me Down the Aisle?
Hey, Shandra! This is something I've been asked before and the truth is, there are a number of options you can look into, so I will share them all with you. In the end, it's your wedding, so you need to decide what is most meaningful and comfortable for you.
If you have your heart set on having one of your fathers walk you down the aisle, then you need to make that decision based on your relationships with each of them. It is important to decide based on your individual relationships — not on how you think the other father will feel. Then, once you decision is made, be honest about it. Hiding your choice until the last minute will only make the moment more tense. If you're not comfortable having this discussion alone, then your fiance should go with you. Simply ask the father in question to respect your choice and understand that this is what you feel is best for you.
Today, many brides faced with this decision are deciding that in order to maintain peace, they will go an entirely different way! There is absolutely no rule that says it has to be a father who walks you down the aisle at all. Many brides are choosing to have their mother, a close friend, a brother, an uncle, an aunt or another close relative walk them down the aisle. Is there someone who has been a steady support in your life? Perhaps your mother has been your only constant support in all this, and you want to honor her for this. Or perhaps you have a special aunt who was there for you, a sibling you are close to or a friend who is closer than family. Any of these people are wonderful choices for this place of honor in your special day.
Yet another option that is becoming more common is the bride walking herself down the aisle. There are a number of ways this is done. You can have both of your sets of parents meet you at the front of the aisle and stand on either side of you — when the officiant asks "Who gives this woman?" they can all reply We Do together. Another option, which I saw done at a wedding just last month, is to have all sets of parents — yours and his — stand where they are sitting, and have the officiant ask, "Who gives their blessing for this union?" with all sets of parents responding together! This is a wonderful way to get everyone involved and to show honor and respect to all the parents, not just your fathers.
Well, I hope some of that has proved useful. Remember, this is your wedding day and it isn't about the events or the little details. It is about the lifelong commitment you are making to the wonderful man you have chosen to marry. Surround yourself with those who are your strongest support through thick and thin, and you will never regret it.
The Expert
Crystal Unrau is an experienced wedding planner who specializes in ettiquette, wedding decor, wedding fashion, wedding planning and most importantly, dream weddings on a budget. She is the owner of Wedding Style Diva.
I’ve been having trouble finding a similar situation to mine, regarding the father/stepfather and walking down the aisle drama. My parents are divorced, but my dad is still in my life and we are pretty close, and my mom remarried when I was about 21. I went through a really dark time after they divorced and when she remarried I was torn between two sets of parents. So it’s not like my step-parents have both been this huge part of my life. I am 29 now and I am getting pressure from my mom to have my stepdad walk with me halfway down the aisle, but I have always envisioned my dad walking me down. I feel like it’s turning into a circus. It’s not like my dad and I aren’t close, and ya my stepdad is cool, but I’m not like super close with him. I feel bullied and it’s honestly taking away the joy of preparing for the wedding. I know it would break my dad’s heart if my stepdad was a part of the walk because my mom already left him, and it’s just another big slap in the face for the guy. On top of that I feel like my mom would back out of helping with the wedding, if I had only my dad walk with me. How do I tell my mom that I want just my dad to walk with me without her getting mad?
Bernadette,
As a bride this is solely your honor to choose who you want to walk you down the aisle. Just as picking your bridal party and MOH is. I would just say, I love you mom and thank you for your input on this but this my memory, my sentimental walk down the aisle. I prefer to stick with the traditional route and have my dad walk me down the aisle, I have imagined it no other way. As any bride she gets to choose who walks her down the aisle. But I have arranged to have father/daughter dances with each. And that I hope you dont let any personal feelings get in the way for my wedding day, because I want you sharing this with me but I want you to stand by me on what makes me happy for my dream day. Hopefully this will help ease her feelings and the tension it is causing.
I have two questions. My father passed away 15 years ago when I was 11 and my step dad is also no longer in the picture for other reasons. My only grandfather still with us is 98 and probably wont be in the best condition to walk me down the isle either. I wanted to ask one of my older brothers who I was raised with my whole life. Is that something people normally do? If someone asks which man relative I am closest to in my life, it would be him and that is the whole point right? Or would it be better to have my mother do it? I have never seen a wedding with a mother or female walking a bride down the isle. Also, if my brother walks me, does he wear the same colors as the groomsmen? Thanks
Hi Amber congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I think it would be an honor for your mum to walk you down the aisle. Ask her first and if she feels uncompfortable then ask one of your brothers, the one you feel closest to. I know i would have loved to accompany my husband in walking our daughter down the aisle together, but she did not want this and I am still sad about it as I feel we have been through so much together. I am sure when the day arrives it will all fall into place, enjoy your special day.
Amber,
You are right, you can ask your brother to walk you down the aisle. You can have your mother if you wish, you coudl even have both of them walk you down the aisle, or he walks you halfway and she the other half or vice versa. He can wear the same as the groomsmen with maybe a different color boutonniere or a favorite color or fave flower of your father. Here it shows examples of moms escorting the bride….
HELP! Getting married in July. My step dad has been the only dad Ive known. When I asked him to walk me he said no, go ask your reall daddy. My real father has never been apart of my life. So now Im a bride that lives 2000 miles away from her family and have no one to walk me. My mom is just getting over breast cancer and I dont think she will be strong enough to walk me by then. Mom is coming just with out dad! Help
Andrea,
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Sometimes brides walk down the aisle alone or meet their fh halfway. I don’t blame you for not asking your mom since she is recovering from breast cancer(so happy to hear that she is okay). Steph ( bride below your post) asked about some options and the link I gave her has some really good ideas. I hope you get everything worked out. I know it is difficult right now and the memory of walking down the aisle is a cherished memory but what really matters is who you are gonna spend the rest of your life with. And nothing is more beautiful than your future spouse meeting you halfway down the aisle to lead you to the front to be joined together for life. So sweet and romantic. Hope this helps!
I was always daddy’s little girl, and never pictured anyone else walking me down the aisle. But now, recently engaged and my dad passed away, a few years back, I don’t know what to do.
I do have a step-dad, we get along but have never been REALLY close. As for my mom I love her to death, we’ve become a lot closer since I’ve gotten older but I still just don’t want anyone else walking me down the aisle. My mom wants her brother(my uncle) to walk me down but I’m not close to him at all. I do not know how to tell her without hurting her feelings!
Steph,
First i am very sorry for your loss. If there is noone that you feel close to for this honor, then I suggest walking in alone. Your fh can meet you half way up the ailse and walk together to the front( one of my fave options)Some weddings the bride and groom choose to walk in together. You should do what is right in your heart, since it is your day. This is one of the brides priviledges as to who walks her down the aisle. I would just explain to her that you love her and value her ideas but you feel noone can take the place of your father on the biggest day of your life, with giving you away. Still, in respect, it will be a cherished memory if she met you half way, it can form a wonderful bond and be something you both would not forget. I dont know how your venue is set up but some brides walk in from the side, thats an option as well.
* ideas
Help! I want my steddad to walk me down the aisle. He has been in my life for the past 21 years- since I was 7 years old. He is still married to my mom, however, SHE wants to walk me down the aisle instead of him. It would mean the world to her, but our relationship hasnt been good the past couple of years and I would feel uncomfortble having her walk me, yet I hesitate to take this”right” away from her. I know she would take it very hard if my stepdad did instead of her. What should I do, what I want, or what she wants? what do I tell her?
Monica,
You can have them both walk you down the aisle or let her walk you half way and let him walk you to the alter. In this dilemma especially in weddings, compromise is key. You can also walk alone. But if it means that much to you then byu all means, you should have who you want give you away. It is your day and your memories. Tell her your a bit old fashioned and dont want to hurt her feelings at all, just always wanted your “father” to give you away. It is something you have envisioned for a long time and want it to be traditional. You could offer another option like a special reading from her or an honorary rose to give her. i wish you the best!
My husbands daughter wants her brother to walk her down the isle. He dad has been there all of her life, doing vacations, and having the kids all summer. Not a dead beat dad at all. Her brother just left for the Army and he is planning on him walking her down the isle. My husband said that if thats the case he is not attending. HELP
ann,
In this case, I would have both of them escort the bride down the aisle. It is puzzling why she doesnt want her father to escort her, maybe family situation, divorce, etc. If she is asked maybe she will say why. I can understand why the fathers feelings would be put out but I still think he should attend. There are other ways to work out. Even with the bride walking with her brother half way and the father halfway. I am sure it will cause some eyebrows to raise( even though the bride has the choice of who walks her down the aisle). I would definitley have both of them. This way noones feelings are hurt. It is difficult when one joyous day can cause a rip in relationships for life.
Dear ann, as my husband keeps reminding me, this is a different generation. I know exactly how your husband is feeling, (my husband and i both wished to walk my daughter down the aisle next year but she only wants her dad). I wonder if you can approach her brother and let him know how this is upsetting her father, he might help you find out the reason. You make a lifetime of sacrifices and do so much for your children but they just dont see it, i honestly feel that they will only realise the hurt they cause when they have children of their own. I hope things sort themselves out, sometimes we just have to go with the flow just to keep the peace. regards mary.
ok i need help big time…i am getting married and i decided i want my mother to give me away she raised me and my dad got off easy…i also decided i wanted my grandfather to walk me with my mom, he has done so much to help me and my boyfriend and i feel he deserves some onor…the big problem is my father IS attending the wedding…i broke the news that my mother was giving me away amd my father seemed to be ok…i havent told him about my grandfather yet im scared to hurt him and even though he seemed ok at first hes now asking if he is going to be involved at all or will he be just another guest!!! how can i include my dad in the wedding ceremony and still have my mom and gradnfather walk me down PLEASE if anyone has any ideas let me know
Confused,
If it were me. I would have only my mom walk me down the aisle. I think the grandfather walking with you both might make your father feel a tad uncomfy. Another way to do this is have your grandfather and mom walk you half of the way and your dad and mom the other. that way everyone gets included. You can also choose to walk alone, stopping to give a rose to your mom, and a hug to your dad and grandfather. ( you will need to allot xtra time in the ceremony for this). You can also choose a special dance for each the grandfather and the father ( at the reception) and let your mom only walk you down the aisle. And last is when there are multiple parents etc. they can walk ahead of the bride instead of arm and arm, to show that they all mean alot to you. And when the officant asks who gives this bride away they all say we do and are seated. Hope this helps!
Mary,
I am so sorry for what your going through. It seems she wants to go with the traditional route, which is quite normal for brides. The fathers are suppose to give away their daughters. This comes from a longstanding tradition, fathers being head of household and grooms asking for him for the daughters hand.
* tradition
There are many ways she can incorporate you in the ceremony with poem or other special reading. Even presenting her with a special rose or gift at the ceremony. Of course you will need her ok on this. I can understand how you can be hurt by this but no matter what just share in the joy of her special day while she marries the person of her dreams. Try not to allow this to dampen your spirits, she wants to share this day with you and will involve you in the other wedding planning aspects I am sure. It is like the mom gets to share the moment of finding that once in a lifetime wedding dress her daughter will wear walking down that aisle and since grooms/fathers dont usually lean toward wedding planning, this gives the dad a moment to share in her joy too. so you both have a special memory. She loves you and doesn’t mean to hurt you.
Thank you so much for your response, i will give her a rose on her special day, i just feel like since she met her partner in life, she has totally abandoned the rest of the family. We have loved this child so much and done absolutely everything for her as you do with all your children, but i still feel so very sad and i have tears everytime i think about being rejected in this way. I know she will regret her decision one day, and it will be too late. I am not well after back surgery and i felt that she would have felt it a priveledge and an honour to have us both give her away. kind regards. mary
I have a situtation that needs some attention and advice. I was honored to walk my God daughter down the isle on her W edding day due to the fact her father did not agree that the Groom was a different race then his own. He totaly disowned her. Now his other daughter is getting married and he will walk her down the Isle on her Wedding day. The person she is about to marry is not the same race as she is either. Everybody that is getting invited was at the first daughter’s Wedding and did not agree with the fathers decision. Should the father stand back or make a fool of himself? 80% of the people do not want to attend if he goes through with this. Need help to resolve this issue.
Thank you
The post messed up so i cant address the name. The guests should attend anyway cause they are there for the bride and not the father. I can imagine the disappointment she would feel if noone showed up due to this dilemma. Right now, she needs as much loving support as she can get. otherwise her wedding day will not be a joyous occasion. She shouldnt pay for her fathers decision. Please go it would mean the world to her!!
Thanks for the advice, the bride to be is a wonderful person. We are all sadden the way her father treats her sister whom has done nothing wrong but fall in love with her soulmate. You are right that the bride should not pay for her Fathers ignorance. Someday he will realize the damage he’s done to his family and the people he has offended. My wife & I will attend and will let you know the outcome!!
Thank you
I need help!I just let my father know that I want both him and my stepfather to walk me down the aisle. He is hurt. He says he doesn’t think he can do it. I am not sure what to do. My stepfather has been there almost my whole life. I want them both there with me. Should I just have my dad to avoid the break between my father and I. I am worried that this is going to hurt our relationshio. My stepmother thinks that I am being selfish and doesn’t think that I am thinking or anyone but myself. What is the best way to handle this situation?
I have the exact same problem! Have you handeled it yet? If so, what did you do? I’ve been looking up how others have addressed this issue and as far as I can tell, the decision is certainly up to the bride. I hope you had/have good luck with it. :)
I am getting married next saturday and my dad called me last night and said he was hurt that both he and my stepdad were going to walk me down the aisle. My stepdad was going to walk me half way and then my dad was going to walk me the rest of the way (my dad found out about this from one of his friends). I have read all of the stuff online and everyone says it is the Bride’s choice, but I am really afraid that it will damage my relationship with my dad and cause drama to the point where he may not show up. I really need some advice, I have no idea how to proceed with this and am ready to walk down by myself, which might lead to my dad not coming too. Do I talk to my stepdad and let him know my fears and hope that he is the “bigger man?”
Lindsey,
you could talk to your stepdad and say you would just rather go the traditional route and have your dad walk you down the aisle. that he has been looking forward to that since i was little girl and dont want to take that moment away from him. these feelings are very delicate to fathers close to their daughters, who also have stepparents, when special moments arise in life.there are other ways to include your stepfather which is have a stepfather dance as well as a father dance.to keep the peace i would definitely go the traditional route. i am sure that your stepdad will understand completely. have a wonderful wedding.
* ideas
what side does the father of the bride walk on with me the left or the right?
tammi,
he walks on the right
I am getting married in august and I dont feel that my dad has the right to walk me down the aisle or give me away due to the fact that he left me, my mom and sister when I was only four and then barely was around for the rest of my life and even now that he lives in the neighborhood I barely hear from him, he is expecting to walk me down the aisle and I just dont know how to break the news to him that I want my mom to walk me down the aisle because she is the one that worked as much as she could to give me everything that I have ever needed and wanted… any one have any advice, I have been going nuts trying to figure out how to break the news to him since I got engaged in June ’08….pleasegive me some advice!!!!!
Kendra,
Just try being honest with him and telling him you want your mom by your side, just where she has been your entire life. Your dad will understand how important it is to you. Remember, it’s your big day; you can do what you want and most importantly, what makes you happy.
Recently, my husband’s daughter chose her wedding date. She also informed us that she will be asking her mother’s husband (stepfather) as well as my husband (biological father) to walk her down the aisle together. My husband has always had a close relationship with his daughter. As a matter of fact, she and her fiance rent (at a very discounted rate) an apartment in our home.
My husband is terribly hurt by this decision for several reasons. First, she is his daughter and he has always looked forward to this day. Secondly, his daughter NEVER got along with her stepfather when she lived in his home. They have only gotten along over the last two years while she has lived here. Her stepfather makes a good deal of money in his own business and can afford to give her much more money than we can toward her wedding and we feel that this is the reason why she is asking him to walk her down the aisle. Could you please give me advise on how this situation should be handled. I am afraid that this will damage the relationship between my husband and his daughter for the rest of their lives. Thank you.
What happened with this? I have the same situation except my stepdad was always there for me. How did things work out?
who walks the mother of the bride down the aisle before the bride walks
down with her father ?
I would like to have both my father and stepfather walk me down the aisle. Is it more traditional to have them both walk me the whole way, or one walk me half way and the other the other half?
what is a good song for a brother to walk his sister down the isle to
Hi!
I have a question as to who “walking the mother of the bride down the aisle.” I have 4 sons who are groomsmen in their sister’s wedding. The oldest will walk his paternal grandmother down the aisle; the 2nd oldest will walk his maternal grandmother down the aisle. That leaves 2 sons and only the mother of the bride left. What is the best way to handle this?
Who does walk the bride, if father and step father both raised the bride?
Any suggestions. the two dont get on that well.
Who walks the mother of the bride down the aisle? Do you ever see the mother and father of the bride walk the bride down together?
i have always had a wish to walk my children down the aisle with my husband when they get married. my daughter has just announced that she is getting married in 2011 but only wants her father to walk her down the aisle. we have always done everything for our children and been there for all of them, i did not think this was asking the impossible i thought she would love to share this moment with us, since we both brought her into the world, but she is adamant this is what she wants. i am so devasted and hurt i cannot function at the moment, i have never felt so broken hearted in all my life. i know it is her day but how sad it is that you make so many sacrifices for your children and they dont seem to care. broken hearted mum.