The Drive-By Bridal Shower: Is it a Good Time or a Street Crime?
I received a rather lovely bridal shower invitation. It’s on a Saturday from 2-4 PM. It says Come and Go. The mother of the groom told me it means it’s an Open House and you can come when ever you want and leave whenever you want.
What do you make of this kind of shower? I have never heard of this. I am feeling they don’t really want to get to know me. Just bring a gift — have a cookie, toss back some punch and leave. No getting to know the bride. What do you think of this kind of shower? I feel all I want to do is send a gift through the mail and take a pass on the drive and the cookies.
— Marsha
May 15th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I would like to get feedback from Courtney regarding opening the gifts. Did you do each gift as guests arrived and then set on a display table for everyone to see or did you sit and open all the gifts at one time? AND any other pros and/or cons you’d like to share– thanks!
May 14th, 2008 at 11:55 am
PS: To all those who think open house showers are tacky…..
It is hard to accomodate everyones personal tastes. Times and traditions change and things that were popular 20 years ago are not necessarily popular today. I suggest that if you think open house showers are rude, send YOUR regrets to the bride. This is her event…not yours!!
May 14th, 2008 at 11:49 am
RE: Drive By Bridal Shower…….
My friends are holding an open house shower for me in the next few weeks. The reason why I wanted an open house shower for ppl to come and go as they please, was more for the guests than for myself. I know I hate spending 4 hours on my day off sitting in a hall (or wherever its being held) playing silly games and watching all 300 gifts being opened, while oohing and ahhing the whole time! Most feedback that I have gotten on this idea is that its great! Those who want to stay 4 hours can absolutely do so, and those who dont will be accomodated as well! I didnt give people a time frame tho…i will let them choose for themselves when they want to leave! Hope this helps……
April 28th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
My friend wants a open house bridal shower! This is new to be, one I have never heard of it and two I am clueless exactly on what to do.
I was thinking of renting a conference room at a local hotel and jazzing it up with flowers, food and such, my friend would also like it to be from like 6-9, my only thing with this is…will people think we are having dinner? She also like to have wine there, is it better to do it at someones house? If any has ideas please let me know!
April 28th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I just attended one of these drive thru showers. I had no idea what they were until now. I was really looking forward to this bridal shower and I feel it was nothing but a no class affair. In the end I feel that it WAS just a gift grab. We were immediately rushed through the food line, played two quick card games, had cake literally thrown at us, and watched here open the loot! Also as I went to get something to eat a younger girl took my seat and refused to move telling me her grandmother told her she could sit there. I told her Thank you very much. I am an older person with a bad back and was forced to stand by the trash and eat my meal. I was ready to dump the food and leave. I am completely livid about this whole situation and I don’t think I will be attending the wedding. Thanks but no thanks to these kind of showers!!
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:17 am
I think Deborah has it all wrong. The bride is usually not bored- it is the GUESTS. When women get together they like to socialize not sit there for 3 hours and whisper because the bride is opening gifts.
I thought about doing an Open House for my daughter but because is is not quite “here” yet (PA) I was afraid to take the chance. However, we did do something a little different and it was a bit hit.On the invitations we said “we’ll mingle, chat, and play a game or two” and at a Bridal Shower for…
We served appetizers and desserts, wine and a vodka punch, along with the usual soft drinks. The maid-of-honor announced at the beginning of the shower that everyone could make a plate whenever they wanted and could contine to socialize as the gifts were being opened. The room had some high tables and a small bar with stools and a small deck with a few tables they could use.Some ladies watched the entire time others went back and forth for food or went outside (it was a beautiful day) for awhile then returned. But no one felt STUCK in a chair with the same 5 or 6 people for 3 hours. It was a big shower (close to 70) but I didn’t have a choice because this was her only shower and the familes were a good size.
I received great feed back. It felt more like a party and it was a fun atmosphere.
This line may be useful for an Open House shower: Come or Go, Come or Stay, We’d Love to Have You Anyway.
April 20th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Dawn, Thank you…And, as far as the Come and Go Shower, I have to have my daughter’s at Christmas time because 2 of my daughters live out of state, and it is the only time we can do it…It is not the best idea for alot of people, but at the Holiday’s I think it will work out well considering the busy time before…
April 20th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Re: wording, I have mostly seen things like “Please join us for an Open House Bridal Shower” or “Please join us for refreshments at a Come-and-Go Bridal Shower” between time and time. Or:
Date
Time
Open House (or “Come and Go”)
Location … etc.
April 20th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Obviously, this type won’t be everyone’s favorite. For me, it will work, and it solved the problem of accommodating everyone. I didn’t have several people offering to host a shower. The wedding party are all young girls, with no money! A friend opened her home, but couldn’t fit 45 people to all sit at once. Each situation is different. and as Beth said, the guests can stay the entire time if they want, AND it is up to them to bring a gift or not. Let it go, for some people this is the best option!
April 20th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Deborah,
So rather than have an open house shower you suggest only inviting a few people that you can accomodate. So you shouldn’t offend people by having an open house shower, but it’s ok to cut three quarters of guests off the list altogether? I would be much more offended not to be invited at all. And no one ever said you HAVE to bring a gift. Just because it is and open house shower doesn’t mean “come and stay a few minutes and bring me a gift.” It says “drop by at your own convenience.” You have the option of staying all day if you want.
April 19th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Personally - I think it is tacky to think it is OK to do a drive by shower or an open house type of shower. If you can’t accomodate a large group host a smaller shower. No one ever said it had to be 50+ people! The brides that responded in favor or this type of shower have forgotten what it all is really about….perhaps the open house invitation should read NO GIFTS - only your brief presence is required to greet me amd to celebrate my upcoming marriage. It strikes me that in this day and age people have forgotten what it means to make a time committment. Brides who think showers are BORING should decline all offers for a bridal shower. If family and friends can’t spare an afternoon or a oouple of hours for a Bridal shower they have a CHOICE - It is called RSVP regrets.
April 17th, 2008 at 6:14 am
Pam,Thank you!!!! I was beginning to think no one responded to this…That’s what I figured about wording it….Good Luck with your daughter’s shower and wedding….
April 16th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Just noticed lots of questions about wording. Our invitations say Drop by anytime between 1 and 4. That is pretty self explanatory!
April 16th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
My daughter is planning this type of shower for her sister (the bride) we “came up” with the idea, because the wedding is going to be very non traditional. Tye-dye table cloths, potted herb wedding favors, no shoes for bride or bridesmaids, etc. This bride would HATE to have 40 or so people with all eyes on her while she opens her gifts. We are planning to have the guests come when they want, give the bride the gift, she will open it, then display it on a table. We are having everyone bring a note card with something they remember about the bride. A table will be set up to gather and organize this. The food will be available at another area. People can stay the entire time, or just drop by for a little while. It should be about the bride and her likes, not what the traditional wedding book says. I think it will be great! Relaxed, not spending 3 hours of your sunday afternoon watching someone open endless gifts!!
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:06 am
Hi, I read about the come and go shower and was wondering where I might find pre-printed invitations for it or if you need to make your own..I think this type of shower sounds great and relaxing and not 3 or 4 hours of boredom!
February 24th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I really need some wording for an ivitation for a display shower for my daughter.Also any ideas would be helpful. Its about 50 people. and an island wedding is planned
February 15th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
The shower list for my youngest is about 25 but at best I can only squeeze 10 comfortably. It is either 2 showers or an open house. I want to do this for my daughter in my home, however humble my space. She has decided one shower is better with all she has going on. Those who know us know we are not about “gift grabbing” but this is about bringing family and friends together to celebrate a very special bride.
January 18th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
A few more questions (besides wording for the invitation) about the open house shower. Is it enough for the women to come, have a few drinks and appetizers and mingle or should we play at least one or two games? And getting back to the wording-if the shower is not actually being held at a house but a restaurant does open house fit? if not, what about “open hour” shower. Same concept - coming between such and such a time frame???
I don’t think I like the idea of Nicole not being able to open the gifts at all. Maybe she should be the one greeting the guests and opening the gifts as they come in. If there starts to be a line forming, the guests could place the gifts somewhere mingle for awhile then return to the bride. It gives the bride a chance to talk to her guests & thank them and gives the guests a chance to see her open the gifts.
January 18th, 2008 at 8:59 am
My soon-to-be mother in-laws friends are giving me this type of shower. This is the type of shower they’ve always given to accomadate the large amount of guests. However, I’m not exactly thrilled with the setup. Their general setup is the bride, bride’s mom, and groom’s mom stand at the door and greet guests coming in. A hostess takes the gift brought in to a different room, unwraps it there, and displays it on a table. So the bride never sees the gift that was brought by the guest (unitl the end of course) and the guest never gets to see the bride’s reaction to the gift!! I just think this is so cold and impersonable. I believe if someone spent any amount of money, time, and thought on me…I should at least personally open their gift in front of them!! I’m I crazy?? Couldn’t we have the same type of setup where instead of me standing at the door…I’m sitting some where so I can open the gift as they come in and chat with them all at the same time??
January 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Vicki, this shower is done pretty differently in different parts of the country. Sometimes it’s considered a very old-fashioned type of shower and sometimes, a more modern solution to the problem of having a LOT of potential guests.
The pros are that the bride often has more of a chance to socialize with individual guests in this type of shower, and it can accommodate more people’s schedules. Potential cons — the idea that the whole thing could look like a ‘gift grab,’ and older guests who like the shower games and structured activities could feel a little let down.
When it’s called a display shower, the organizers typically plan a situation where the shower gifts are sent ahead of time, and displayed at the home with the gifter’s names attached. You will probably need to explain this concept to a number of guests unless this is popular in your region.
When you don’t do this, I don’t know that there’s any hard and fast rule about opening gifts. I think a lot of people simply accept the gifts graciously and open them later, after the shower. BTW, if you’re worried about seeming on the take, you could put “gifts optional” on the invite.
In terms of decorating and setup, just think bright colors, casual flowers (gerbers, mums), light and inexpensive food (mini sandwiches, punch, snacks in bowls, a homemade cake to celebrate the bride), colorful paper lanterns, some kind of light champagne punch, and maybe some inexpensive favors for the guests, nothing too overboard.
Also, it’s a common challenge to want to invite all the work colleagues, but not being able to invite them all to the wedding. Most people make this less awkward by having a work shower AT work. But even then, you’ll have to tactfully let people know that you’re having a small, intimate wedding and can’t invite everyone to it. This lets people off the hook in terms of expensive shower gifts and helps them make more appropriate choices, like a group gift where everyone contributes a modest amount.
January 17th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I don’t know that the wording is that complicated. When I’ve gotten one it just says something like “You’re invited to an Open House Bridal Shower between the hours of …” You can even post this in the paper. In many areas guests will already know what an Open House shower is, but if not, they can ask.
You can also personalize it a little more with previews of your hospitality or any entertainment on the menu, aka “refreshments and hors d’oeuvres will be served.” By now a lot of ladies who’ve hosted this type of shower have posted here, so hopefully they can share their own wording too.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I read that Vickie had asked for details of an Open House shower. Did you ever get any info. back? If so, could you please share it? If not, what did you do for your open house shower?
P.S. Does this site serve any purpose if questions are asked but rarely answered?
January 15th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I think the “Open House” shower is a great idea. But PLEASE - would someone who has hosted one of these showers give some ideas, especially about wording in the invitation and general pros and cons. I’m planning on hosting one and I need some ideas ASAP. Thanks
January 8th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Help? In helping plan a bridal shower, I included names of people who are not invited to wedding which is two hours away. Living in a small community and working with so many people, they get their feelings hurt if they are not included in shower prep but are not on list for wedding invitations. How do I fix this and not hurt people’s feelings?
January 2nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I have a question and hope to get some help. My sister and I are throwing a bridal shower for our other sister. She has requested that we make it a display shower, which is fine by us. The only problem we are having is how to word the invitation without sounding tacky or stupid. Any or all suggestions welcome. Thanks for your help!
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:09 am
Could someone explain in detail exactly how to do an open house/drive-by bridal shower? We want to do one. Do you set up tables to display opened gifts? Does the bride sit in a chair as people come in? Or maybe that’s why someone suggested opening gifts every half hour or so. Otherwise she may sit the whole time and open gifts and never get up to mingle. Any comments? I need lots of details!
Also, anyone have an actual invitation for their open house bridal shower? I would like to see the wording. Thank you!
October 1st, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Come and Go showers are SOOOO much better for getting to know the bride! There are fewer people at a time, thus more time to spend with individuals
September 16th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Regarding “Open house” or “drive by” showers, It looks like we’re gonna need one! We have too many people for a moderat sized shower. I besides we like the idea of 1) receivecing, opeing and thanking the gift giver right then and there, and displayig it for ll other to see. I need to see some EXACT inivitations!! Any care to share?
August 26th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
How can I have a shower when there are not enough of the guests on the wedding guest list living close by ? They are in other states & this is a destination wedding with about 150 guests. e
August 25th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Does the Bride have to open gifts at the shower if the time is limited? Not opening the gifts gives her more time to mingle and enjoy her shower.What do you think?
August 13th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
I have a question about a display shower. We are throwing a baby shower for my daughter-in-law and she really likes this idea of having everyone bring the gifts unwrapped and displaying them on tables that will be set up in a different room. We have about 120 people attending and I personally think this is a great idea. However, I’m not sure how to word the invitations so that everyone understands how this will work. We are planning on having a few games and some nice door prizes, but nobody will have to sit through hours of unwrapping gifts. Help! How do I word the invitations?
July 4th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
My sister would like a display shower. She hates the idea of shouting across the room after opening each gift given to her by her 60 guests. She thinks THAT’s tacky. As her maid of honor, I’ll do whatever she wants. If family members think putting unwrapped gifts on a table to be perused at their leisure is rude, they’re under no obligation to attend.
June 6th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Hey ladies, I plan on doing my shower as an open house…I think it’s a wonderful idea. I didn’t even want a shower until I heard of this option. I’m not big on attending showers either and that’s only because it takes 2-4 hours out of the middle of my Sunday (or Saturday) to sit, play games and watch the bride open gifts….out of all the showers I’ve been too I can honestly say that I never got to sit and visit with the bride on a personal level so this open house gives a chance for everyone to walk around, visit with everyone & actually have a conversation with the bride. I would go to every shower that I was invited too if they were like this! I will send thank you notes, offer beverages, food etc. because I am very thankful to anyone who took a part of their day off for me…. If anyone is offended by my invite…then they don’t need to come…simple as that.
May 22nd, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Btw, I would like to share just one problem that happened. We invited my sister’s friends and their daughters (if they had them.) We had someone show up with their daughters (no problem) however, they also brought along other children. I kind of became a babysitter at one point. People need to realize that just because the invitation says ‘Open House’ that doesn’t mean it is a free for all.
May 22nd, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Well, my sister’s Open House Baby Shower was a complete success! It really wasn’t that much different than a regular shower. The nice part was that the guests actually got more one on one time with the mom-to-be. Everyone came at different times so everyone wasn’t there fighting for her attention all at once. She still opened the gifts as they came and everyone seemed very relaxed. I would definitely recommend this kind of a shower and will more than likely throw one like it again!
May 22nd, 2007 at 9:15 pm
That is horrible - but not because it was an open house!!! To accept a gift without providing any hospitality and then not even send a thank you is rude no matter what kind of shower it is. In fact - any bride who would not bother to send thank yous for an open house shower probably would not have for a regular shower either!!! The only difference between a regular shower and an open house shower is the time schedule of events - the rules of etiquette and hospitality do not change!
May 19th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
I’m sure some people are throwing wonderful open house showers. However, I just attended an open house baby shower. The father-to-be stood in the driveway accepting gifts from “certain” people without inviting them inside. I attended the sister’s open house bridal and baby showers within the past two years and never even received a thank you. Open house showers are a Street Crime.
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:57 am
Generally, the invitation would be to a “Bridal Shower Open House” or “Come & Go Bridal Shower” - either one would work
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Please! I like the idea because the bride is having a destination wedding that not all can attend but who would be offended if they weren’t invited to wish her well on her marriage. The problem is wording the invitation…Should (can) it read “It’s a Bridal Open House” and follow with pertinent inormation? Suggestions, please!!!!!
April 15th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Well, you’re probably all going to hate me, but I have to say it.
ENOUGH!
For heaven’s sake, 50+ people at a shower, hundreds of people at the wedding, thousands of dollars being spent on everything by everyone and for what? Honestly how many of us who have attended a shower have really enjoyed one? I know, this is to celebrate the bride and groom, but so is the wedding!! And how many of the honorees enjoy and remember it? There’s a lot of stress and expense leading up to it, then it’s done and people don’t remember even posing for pictures that they see a week later. This just keeps turning into more, more, more!
I’m all for celebrating the union of a couple, but do that and don’t try to make it an extravaganza that just so happens to include a wedding.
April 9th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
I think that it’s a FABULOUS idea! Who really likes to sit through the games and presents anyway??? I’m getting ready to throw my sister a baby shower and we are doing it this way. People are just too judgemental. Relax. As long as you receive a nice thankyou….what’s the big deal?
January 26th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
The best way to do the gifts would be to open them as they come in, or in small batches every 1/2 hour or so - that way the guests can see you open the gifts they brought and you can thank the giver personally.
The benefit of opening the gifts as they come in is that it gives you a chance to interact with each guest individually - when they arrive, you spend a few minutes talking with them, open the gift, thank them personally, etc. The downside is that you may have people coming in groups who will have to wait their turn - but really, at a normal shower, everyone has to wait their turn anyway right?
A nice idea is to create a “gift table” to display the gifts with cards after you open them so other guests who come in can see what everyone else gave you as well
January 26th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
How were the opening of gifts handled at an open house shower? My guest list is huge just with Family 75!! (WE both come from big families)I know not all will come but just wondering how we should deal with the presents?
September 9th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
I would like to give a come and go bridal shower and would like some ideas as to how to word the invitation. I want each person to know they are more than welcome to stay and visit the entire or if they have a busy schedule that day they can come and go as they please. Can you help me with this
June 9th, 2006 at 8:19 pm
My closest friend’s daughter is getting married this fall and I am hosting an open house type shower for her. We have all lived in this area for fifteen to twenty five years with many friends in common. In addition, our children have remained close and live in this area as well. For this reason, even though I would love to have a normal shower, the shower list will be 60 people at least and there is no way my home could accommodate that many people. This type of shower is not new at all. As a matter of fact, my bridal shower was an open house. It really has nothing to do with not wanting to spend money, because I can assure you, when you invite 60 people into your home, you will spend money…..And I certainly hope people will not be offended when the invitation arrives. If they are, well it’s THEIR problem not mine. I believe I am doing a good thing for my special friend and I know she will exemplify her gracious character in this event just as she has in the past.
May 25th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
It’s not that big of a deal. A bride has no control over her shower so don’t blame her. Families have so much to do around wedding time and soooooo much $$$$$ is spend- well it is just all crazy. I like the idea of laid back shower.
Plus- I find shower boring.
May 21st, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Not everyone is lucky enough to have such a small guest list. I come from a large family and just my sisters, moms and bridesmaids would have been more then 20 people. My bridal shower was a regular shower, with the bridesmaids, sisters, grandmas, moms, my aunts and a few close friends - which came to 60 people! My biggest regret is that I look at the pictures and can’t remember even having the time to talk to half of the people that were there
If I were to do it over again, I would have an open house shower for that reason.
It is not like she is asking you to come at a specific time and stay for only a few minutes. It is an open ended invitation, meaning you can come at any time, leave at anytime, and stay as long as you wish. There is nothing about this that says she wants you to show up and leave right away. You are welcome there for the duration of the shower - but unlike a regular shower - you do not have to feel obligated to remain there the entire time if you choose not to. So, the choice is yours not hers.
The hosts responsibilities are to provide a pleasent atmosphere, offer some sort of refreshments and take time to make each guest feel at home. This can be done just as easily at a Come & Go (sometimes more easily). In the end - you can not determine if the host will be hold up her end until you actually get there.
May 21st, 2006 at 1:37 pm
It has the appearance of being rude. As if they want your gifts but don’t want to be bothered by hosting their guests!
I don’t know who came up with this idea, but it goes against everything being a good hostess and the principals of a shower are all about.
May 21st, 2006 at 9:01 am
Personally, I wouldn’t host such a thing and quite frankly, I don’t think I would want to attend such an event.
Out of the 160 people on my invitation list, only 20 are on my bridal shower list. I just wanted to invite ladies that I have some type of personal relationship with.
May 17th, 2006 at 10:02 am
Hey there. Actually, this type of shower is becomming quite common. As wedding guest lists get larger, so do bridal shower guest lists. So when someone does not have a home or location big enough for everyone, a open house shower is the perfect option.
I would not take this as an insult - this is not because they don’t want you to get to know the bride. In fact, most people do this thinking that with less people there at once, the bride will have more time to connect with each person. In fact - this may be true!
If you want to have time to connect with the bride - show up early. If there are already a lot of people there, wait till some of them leave and then take some time for a one on one with the bride. You’d never get that chance if all the guests were their the whole time, would you?