The Come & Go (Open House) Shower: Is it a Good Time or a Street Crime?
I received a rather lovely bridal shower invitation. It’s on a Saturday from 2-4 PM. It says Come and Go. The mother of the groom told me it means it’s an Open House and you can come when ever you want and leave whenever you want.
What do you make of this kind of shower? I have never heard of this. I am feeling they don’t really want to get to know me. Just bring a gift — have a cookie, toss back some punch and leave. No getting to know the bride. What do you think of this kind of shower? I feel all I want to do is send a gift through the mail and take a pass on the drive and the cookies.
— Marsha
I’m currently planning an open house shower for my sister, and wanted to through our thought process into the comment mix here in case it is helpful:
My sister has a TON of friends - she is one of those social butterflies that knows everyone, so her guest list is 120 people for a baby shower. But the thing is, my sister hates impersonal showers where ladies get together, play a couple of “icebreaker” games that are generally corny and uncomfortable, she opens presents, and everyone leaves. So the problem we had on our hand was: how to plan an intimate shower, but for 120 people, and ensure my sister could have time to personally connect with each attendee.
Our solution: A well planned open house. (well-planned being the key words here!) We specifically designated hostess jobs to two people to be in charge of assisting conversations and keeping an eye on my sister to make sure that a single attendee didn’t come or leave without getting to connect with her. Our activities were all planned on little side tables to encourage mingling, and consisted of things like: “scrapbook guestbook” - each guest instead of just signing a name actually designed a scrapbook page with personal sentiments for my sister. We also had a digital camera person there to take a picture of each guest to place on their scrapbook page. “Submit your baby name” - my sister hadn’t picked a name yet, so we had a table with a box and little cards so attendees could submit their ideas to her. “From my experience…” My sister wanted to get parenting advice from her guests, so we had a station where they got to fill out cute note cards with personal advice on parenting: whether they had children themselves and gave clues to things they did, or if they were kids whose parents did something they loved, or if they heard or read about something that they wanted to share- they wrote it down for her to read!
I think the main thing to keep in mind is what the goal of the shower is, and who the person is that you’re throwing it for. My sister happens to be one of those unique people who is able to mingle with a large group and make each guest feel special and cared about. since that was her personality, we decided the open house made a lot of sense (as opposed to the 5 separate showers we’d have to throw), and she loved it because it gave her a chance to actually talk to her guests, instead of being forced to spend the whole shower playing games with no real conversations.
Words of advice: just make sure you plan it well! Make sure the hostesses know how to execute that plan. We had a great team of girls that knew the majority of the guests, were outgoing, and very attentive. This team made sure each guest felt welcomed, had plenty of one-on-one chat time with my sister, and was never standing in a corner with no one to talk to. I don’t think anyone felt they were invited just to bring a gift and then scoot out, from the comments I received - I think they all enjoyed it as a unique shower where they had a chance to actually connect and catch up with others. :)
These types of Showers are about the only type given in the Middle part of Alabama. They have been given the majority of the time in the last 40 yrs. that I know about.
Usually the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom and the bride-elect greet invitees at the door. Sometimes the bride to be may open the gifts other times a hostess will unwrap the gifts.
Record the gift in the bridal book and have someone place it to be seen.
If the come and go shower is given at a home, gifts are recorded in the bridal book by a hostess and the gift is put on the bed and dresser in a room with of course the card that comes with the present. Vistors/Invitees can first talk with the bride at the door and others and get refreshments (Or) she can go right away and check out the gifts that the bride has already been given. Sometimes gifts are sent ahead of time and sent to the bride’s home or to the home of the lady given the shower. The gifts given ahead of time are not opened mostly, but if the bride opens hers she brings it with the card as to whom the gift is from with her. And the gifts are displayed with the others she gets at the shower.
In this area most all brides register for the gifts they want. This makes gift giving easy and you know the bride will LOVE the gift no guessing what she wants. On the invitation typed smaller at the bottom it states” The bride is registered at Macey and Target…for example.
These showers go by different names, but are basically done the same.
Also in someone homes the gifts come be put on tables (folding tables) in the person’s home. Many shower nowadays are given at the bride’s church where the gifts are placed on tables with table clothes and usually some small floral arrangement and are done pretty much like the ones given at home.
The invitations usually state the time which is usually a Sunday afternoon (which is a time that many people are not gone someplace and the time around here has is 2:00-3:30.) Many times it use to be until 4:00 but it seems you can get just as many people to come in an hr and a half as you could in two hours.
The invitations could be sent to 100 people are more. With people coming and leaving you can invite more people. Many people enjoy this as a way to talk with the bride before the wedding, when time is presssed. The hostesses help gather up the presents afterwards and clean up the church or house where the shower is given. Many hostesses are asked to bring specific “goodies” to the shower. Many times cake or Petifores may be bought but not always, sometimes homemade cakes along with sausage balls, chicken salad sandwiches, pasta salads, crackers and dips and fresh fruit of course with punch and possibly coffee.
Does anyone know of games to play at open houses?
We are very interested in doing a bridal shower open house, but I am the grooms mother and we are wanting to invite couples mainly our long time friends. The groom has been out of town for several years. I would welcome anyone’s ideas or comments on this.
Thanks
I’ve never thrown on of these Open House Showers, but my sister and I are currently planning one for our older sister. It took me a little while, but I believe that I have worked something out that gets the point across and sounds elegant at the same time. I hope this helps…
You’re invited
to an
Open House Bridal Shower,
In honor of our bride-to-be
BRIDES NAME
Please stop by between the
hours of 2-4 pm on Sunday, March 8.th
Hosted by her bridesmaids,
at the home of _________ _________
ADDRESS
Danielle is register at
Bed Bath & Beyond,
Target, and Macy’s
Thanks for the great idea. I’m so happy I came across this website. I had never heard of an open house type wedding shower.. I thought I came up with the idea myself :). My son and his fiance live across the country so most of our family and friends will not be able to attend the wedding. I am going to host an open house shower at our home (I’m mom) for the couple because we want to invite as many friends and family as possible to meet the bride to be and celebrate with them. I wasn’t sure how to word the invite, but I like your ideas. If anyone has any other great ideas to make this a fun event please let me know!
Are you inviting couples and their families?
Hi—I just came across this site and am so excited that so many have had successful open house bridal showers. I do have one question and hope you may be able to help. I am currently in the process of planning an open house for my future sister in law, but am struggling to decide whether or not we should play “games” like we have for the traditional showers…..any suggestions???
I agree there are no set rules. One person mentioned about the bride not opening the present in some of these stay for a while and leave showers. Well if the bride wants to unwrap her gifts, she should! She can unwrap them when the people come to the door look at it and comment and then give it to someone to display somewhere. In the South gifts are displayed in a house on beds, on dressers in bedrooms.
Also gifts may be sent in the mail not only to the bride but many times to the address of the shower is sent and a guest may send the present directly to the host, who is throwing the shower. Also it’s very important many times to include a map of just where the shower is to be held in with the invitation, just copy it on folded or a small piece on paper and insert with invitaiton. The host can wait unti the shower to give the present to the bride and have the bride open the present. At the showers around here some people bring presents and some people send them. Local stores use to send some free, now they charge fees. You may not call people helping you hostesses, like we do where I live but you could have people serving punch. sandwiches made in croissants are used as well as quich too and all types of dips with crackers etc. and fruit that is displayed on tiered dishes where you can just pick off the grapes and such. Also there are some good fruit dips. Homemade cakes of different kinds can be used instead of those from a bakery. Punch and coffees or different flavored teas. Have someone write down all the gifts and maybe use number to match the discriptions with the gifts so that Thank you notes can be sent out with discriptions of the gifts. If it’s a big shower the bride could forget during this time who brought what gift so this helps along with people signing in.
The registry might sound impersonable to some people, but it’s very helpful. How many brides in the past tried to return gifts only to find out she did not know where they came from and she did not like some of the gifts at all? It’s good to know she would like a certain kind of sheets, towels and their color, shower curtain, and there is her everyday Dishes which my Mother -in- law selected when she was a bride nearly 60 yrs. ago that were registered. Also china has always been registered in the South! I love to use the registry because I know the bride can use the present I select for her. She select her pots and pans and flatware and just about everything. I think the registry is a great idea and everyone always mentions on the shower invitation where the bride is registered and I think that’s great! When I got married many years ago, I was stuck with a bunch of stuff I did not like and tried to return it. This might sound bad, but that’s what brides did, tried to return merchandise or get credit to buy something else. A lot of times many brides nowadays that work, just have limited time to return items and try to furnish the newlywed apartment/house and if you buy what she wants you will be helping her. The brides gift can go from items only costing very little to prices for large items that could be very expensive, so whatever you get her will be appreciate, because she wants or needs the item.
Hi Lorna, it is really nice to hear from someone who’s attended a lot of showers in the region of the country where this custom started; thank you so much for your helpful replies and observations!
I have had two showers this way and have had better success than the traditional showers. Everyone is very busy and this allows most everyone a chance to visit without interfering with their schedules. Each guest also has the opportunity to individually talk with the bride one on one without the bother of trying to speak to them quickly after a traditional shower, it actually is more personal. It’s a great way to celebrate!
I am giving a “come and go” shower this Sunday because, like you said, people are so busy these days that it is just easier for them to come. In addition, some people had rather not sit around and play games but rather spend time talking to the bride and meeting their friends and relatives. I am really surprized to hear the large number of people who have never heard of a come and go shower. Maybe it’s an age thing. I am 60 years old and only go to come and goes–the other ones I send a gift but don’t attend.
I think this is rude. Why don’t you just send out an e-vite and ask people to mail their gifts, that way they do not have to even attend.
That’s is so true. True friends will not be offended by this type of shower. Some people don’t like it when things are done differntly. At one time it was considered “bad manners” for a woman to expose her ankles! LOL!
First open house shower I attended today. Invite said come anytime between 2-5pm. They had a nice buffet food set up and cake. We were from out of town and had quite a drive so were surprised that the guest of honor did not open our gift or even acknowledge that we were there. This is the 3rd occasion we have attended where we were not acknowledged by the girl. We drove 4 hours to destination wedding, paid for 2 nights in a hotel and were never greeted by the brides parents. It was a very small wedding (nephew) so not like there were tons of people to greet and thank for coming. I might be old fashion and believe me I don’t like shower games but I would never go to one of these again. I would just send a gift and save time with the drive. Just plain weird.
I think not being acknowledged by the bride-to- be is NOT the way the shower should go, I think the girls were just not using good manners.
Many times I enter the shower and talk with the bride and she tells me how glad she is to see me. Maybe the brides have been reall busy talking to someone else. Sometimes you can have someone come to showers who talk too much Keeping others from talking to the bride(or) the bride talk to them.
Sorry about how we were treated but I have never found this to be the norm for these type of showers.
I think it is sad that our society is that busy that we can’t take time to share the joy of wedding or baby shower with the bride/expectant mom. I know I am a dinosaur (58) but when I got married we had small intimate house showers with maybe 15 guests as our homes were not that big. Nowdays you have maybe one big shower with 50-100 guests and you never get the opportunity to even talk to the guest of honor. So it looks like one big gifting event. Reminds me of kids at Christmas where they rip into present after present and then say is that all there is and don’t even know what they got. We are de-personalizing society. May work for some but not for others and guess it just doesn’t work for me.
I’m around your age, and I don’t consider it “sad” to have a come and go shower. It’s really the only kind of Bridal shower (and I have been too many many showers) much that I have went to. I enjoy them. I’ve went to a few tradional showers and let me say, I didn’t see as many people and I was free to talk to anyone I pleased while there and also I didn’t have to play games that I may or may not have wanted to play.
Having something a different way , is just different. If you want to feel young sometimes it’s good to include a little change here and there.
Its the bride or if a Baby shower - the ladies option to have the type shower or party that she wants. If this type shower is what “the girls” -ladies consents to have go with it. Sometimes its good to do something different…and you never know you just might enjoy it
Well I guess everyone that lives in my area of the country have been rude for over 40 years that I know of. Why would this be rude? I would think it was just a different way of doing things.
You can invite more people this way and actually you see more people than you would at a regular shower. You see all the gives there laid out either in a pretty bedroom (this is an old custom that has been used in years past for many types of gifts)
and the bride can go check occasionally and see what she got.
The bride actually can talk with more people than she would at a traditional shower, where as at her wedding with photo taking and such she won’t have as much time to visit with guests like this. To each his own, but I just have always loved this type showers.
Now these showers are spilling over into Baby showers and is really taking off. The Mother-to- be gets to see lots of folks and she like the bridal shower can pick out items and register them…no more trying to return 20 something size newborn clothing or more amount of clothing and not have anymore in different sizes. No more having too much of certain things and not enough of others. Of course for both bridal and baby shower the mother to be or brides-to- be can just take back the items she doesn’t need, And these women do!!! Gift cards are great! Many times you can tell where the item came from, and get store credit there. I myself, always attach the receipt with my registered gift as sometimes people do not have the items marked off at the store as they are suppose to. This way for any reason the bride can return the gift. And I don’t care if she returns it, whatever makes her happy I’m for it!
I think an open house is a great idea. People are so busy but would love the opportunity to stop by and feel like a part of the celebration. I personally hate opening presents in front of everyone and could be done with a more intimate gathering. Other wellwishers could stop by or stay the whole time and enjoy refreshments. My daughter has 65 people on the guest list for the shower (the bride and groom grew up together in a large church) and 400 for the wedding, it would be hard to accommodate all of those schedules. Wish we would have thought of this…there would not have been so many people having to send regrets because of soccer games, etc.
Teri
I found this site searching for “display shower” and cannot believe some of these comments. “I am planning for my daughter” Has NO ONE heard of etiquette - that the mother or sisters should not be throwing a shower and asking for gifts for their immediate family? Has anyone every heard of Emily Post or Miss Manners? As for this display shower concept - yuck.
Here I thought a shower was supposed to be an intimate affair thrown by a good friend of the family … 50 people?!?!?! Just more American materialism…give me more more more
Why yes, “Miss Susie Sunshine,” I have heard of Emily Post and Miss Manners. It is unfortunate that we all lack the the proper social behaviors that you possess.
I just feel the need to comment on this. Times change and so do traditions. Everyone I’ve spoken to that has attended these types of showers LOVED it no stupid games, no sitting around waiting for everyone to arrive, no looking at your watch because you have things to do and need to go. You are welcome to drop in and leave or stay the whole time. No one says just pop your head in with a gift and leave! It’s totally up to you. And again if it’s not your shower why are you worried about how it’s presented.
Oh if you read on many website, it will tell you that “Yes” it is proper for a Mother or Mother in law or sister or cousin to throw a shower why? because sometimes the bride is from out of town now that she’s grown, but still has many friends left in the town before she graduated from college and got a job and moved off where she could find a job.
It’s hard to put together showers and teas and the etiquettes has changed. I have gotten so many invitations to shower from Aunts, Mothers, Friends, Sister you name it for a bride’s shower, makes no difference to me, I attend because I want to see the bride and give her a present. Things have changed from years ago. Did you know that people coming to weddings now can wear black! Use to be a no-no. And have you checked out some of the black bridesmaides dresses! If you haven’t been to showers or weddings as of lately you are in for a big surprise when you get there because times and things have changed!
I have had one open house baby shower for my daughter and her husband and it was a huge success. We are now planning one for another daughter and son-in-law as the birth of their first child approaches. We found that this type of shower was great!!!!! People don’t have to sit for hours watching the mom open gifts; it includes husbands and kids; people can organize their own day; people who travel a distance can stay as long as they want to; people who have other plans can just drop in; the food is casual; very little attention is paid to the gifts, so it’s more like a party. Also, the honorees get to spend more time with each guest because they’re arriving at different times.
Could you please tell me more about your open house baby shower? I am trying to plan one for my sister for her second child and trying to find the correct wording for the invitations but no luck. And any other info you could give me would be great. Thank you April
In my area in the South Open house type baby showers have been the rage for the last 10 years! or more! We do them just like the open house Bridal showers. Diaper cakes, decorating with a theme, usually the one the mother to be has chosen for the baby’ss room. The invitation sometimes show picture related to the theme of the baby shower. And baby gifts are registered by the Mother to be. The stores for the items the mother wants for the baby are listed. Listing can include vaporizers, quilts with the theme of the baby room, baby clothes the mother likes, diapers, bibs, strollers, car seats, baby swing, mobile for baby, even infant toysetc.. I think it’s a good idea and have been to probably 30 in the last 4 years that have invitations with a registry. Also there are some women that will knit or crochet some wonderful items for the baby. I bought some personalized bibs with the baby’s theme Trucks and car embroidered on the bib and burp pad with the trucks and car and the baby’s first name embroidered on it. Love a baby feel to the baby shower!
I’m thinking about having a come and go baby shower for my sister. I need all the help I can get to make this a perfect day for my sister. PLEASE tell me every deal you can about your shower, as for as games, food and favors.
I think this sounds great. A friend of mine did one and she said that everyone loved it. I am planning a shower for my daughter. I was trying to get some sample wordings. Does anyone have one that they used? Thanks, Jeanne
Our invitations said “Drop in anytime between 1 and 5.” It worked out really well. Hope that helps!!
PS: To all those who think open house showers are tacky…..
It is hard to accomodate everyones personal tastes. Times and traditions change and things that were popular 20 years ago are not necessarily popular today. I suggest that if you think open house showers are rude, send YOUR regrets to the bride. This is her event…not yours!!
I would like to get feedback from Courtney regarding opening the gifts. Did you do each gift as guests arrived and then set on a display table for everyone to see or did you sit and open all the gifts at one time? AND any other pros and/or cons you’d like to share– thanks!
I couldn’t agree more with this comment, people are busy, it’s not like 20 years ago when women had too much time on their hands and could spend all day visiting, we have sports, cleaning, family time now. I LOVE the idea of an open house, drop by when you want, visit and leave. Great idea!!!
My mother had 5 girls to raise on her own and worked two jobs 20 years ago–no actually she had remarried now had 11 children to raise between the ages 17 and 7 worked full time juggled ball schedules etc, but had the kindness and generosity to attend these events with a gift that was wrapped. Times to change, but that is because society will change their standards to allow it.
Children did not take guns to school 20 years ago, and it wasn’t cool to make the police report either. We have allowed society to make this acceptable even if it is not!
RE: Drive By Bridal Shower…….
My friends are holding an open house shower for me in the next few weeks. The reason why I wanted an open house shower for ppl to come and go as they please, was more for the guests than for myself. I know I hate spending 4 hours on my day off sitting in a hall (or wherever its being held) playing silly games and watching all 300 gifts being opened, while oohing and ahhing the whole time! Most feedback that I have gotten on this idea is that its great! Those who want to stay 4 hours can absolutely do so, and those who dont will be accomodated as well! I didnt give people a time frame tho…i will let them choose for themselves when they want to leave! Hope this helps……
My friend wants a open house bridal shower! This is new to be, one I have never heard of it and two I am clueless exactly on what to do.
I was thinking of renting a conference room at a local hotel and jazzing it up with flowers, food and such, my friend would also like it to be from like 6-9, my only thing with this is…will people think we are having dinner? She also like to have wine there, is it better to do it at someones house? If any has ideas please let me know!
I just attended one of these drive thru showers. I had no idea what they were until now. I was really looking forward to this bridal shower and I feel it was nothing but a no class affair. In the end I feel that it WAS just a gift grab. We were immediately rushed through the food line, played two quick card games, had cake literally thrown at us, and watched here open the loot! Also as I went to get something to eat a younger girl took my seat and refused to move telling me her grandmother told her she could sit there. I told her Thank you very much. I am an older person with a bad back and was forced to stand by the trash and eat my meal. I was ready to dump the food and leave. I am completely livid about this whole situation and I don’t think I will be attending the wedding. Thanks but no thanks to these kind of showers!!
Sounds like the people were the problem, not the shower.
Well if you love games, you were lucky. But most of the times Games are not played at come and go showers as people come and stay as long as they want- and hr.if they like or more and some come and stay only 20 minutes or less. I don’t consider it a drive through thing. NO ONE should rush you to refreshment or to see the presents OR TO PLAY GAMES …you should be able to go where you please. There should be someone to serve you the appetizers the entire time
But I have been to a few where it ends up being serve yourself, which I don’t mind at all, and why not serve yourself if the utensils are there to do such.
I talk to the bride and she usually talks a lot and also to the bride’s mother and the groom’s mother and persons that are there when I am. If I don’t see people I am quite familar with at the shower, it doesn’t bother me. I assume either they have came and went (or) are coming later. I don’t see how games would work into this type shower with people coming and going.
So many people work nowadays compared to 30 or lets say more years ago where most women were stay-at- home Moms- this works out really well for a lot of people. I say go with the flow if the bride has this type shower-it’s her decision-If he has the tradional type- that’s her decision too. Don’t we want to please the bride or other gues of Honor. Make it a point at these showers to talk with the bride.
Personally - I think it is tacky to think it is OK to do a drive by shower or an open house type of shower. If you can’t accomodate a large group host a smaller shower. No one ever said it had to be 50+ people! The brides that responded in favor or this type of shower have forgotten what it all is really about….perhaps the open house invitation should read NO GIFTS - only your brief presence is required to greet me amd to celebrate my upcoming marriage. It strikes me that in this day and age people have forgotten what it means to make a time committment. Brides who think showers are BORING should decline all offers for a bridal shower. If family and friends can’t spare an afternoon or a oouple of hours for a Bridal shower they have a CHOICE - It is called RSVP regrets.
Deborah,
So rather than have an open house shower you suggest only inviting a few people that you can accomodate. So you shouldn’t offend people by having an open house shower, but it’s ok to cut three quarters of guests off the list altogether? I would be much more offended not to be invited at all. And no one ever said you HAVE to bring a gift. Just because it is and open house shower doesn’t mean “come and stay a few minutes and bring me a gift.” It says “drop by at your own convenience.” You have the option of staying all day if you want.
Obviously, this type won’t be everyone’s favorite. For me, it will work, and it solved the problem of accommodating everyone. I didn’t have several people offering to host a shower. The wedding party are all young girls, with no money! A friend opened her home, but couldn’t fit 45 people to all sit at once. Each situation is different. and as Beth said, the guests can stay the entire time if they want, AND it is up to them to bring a gift or not. Let it go, for some people this is the best option!
I would NOT cut the list down. Where I live people invite maybe 100 to 200 people sometimes to showers and about half to a fourth may show up and they show up from between 2:00-3:30 on sunday afternoons. The gifts that don’t show up at the shower may be brought by the bride’s house or kept until the wedding and brought and put on a special table that is just for presents. The sunday afternoon has been a great time as it doesn’t infer with plans for peoples weekends or plans for young people that like to have friday or sat. nights open. And working people many times have to clean house and want to sleep late on saturday. So Sunday afternoon is selected by most brides for their bridal showers, been this way for years.
I think Deborah has it all wrong. The bride is usually not bored- it is the GUESTS. When women get together they like to socialize not sit there for 3 hours and whisper because the bride is opening gifts.
I thought about doing an Open House for my daughter but because is is not quite “here” yet (PA) I was afraid to take the chance. However, we did do something a little different and it was a bit hit.On the invitations we said “we’ll mingle, chat, and play a game or two” and at a Bridal Shower for…
We served appetizers and desserts, wine and a vodka punch, along with the usual soft drinks. The maid-of-honor announced at the beginning of the shower that everyone could make a plate whenever they wanted and could contine to socialize as the gifts were being opened. The room had some high tables and a small bar with stools and a small deck with a few tables they could use.Some ladies watched the entire time others went back and forth for food or went outside (it was a beautiful day) for awhile then returned. But no one felt STUCK in a chair with the same 5 or 6 people for 3 hours. It was a big shower (close to 70) but I didn’t have a choice because this was her only shower and the familes were a good size.
I received great feed back. It felt more like a party and it was a fun atmosphere.
This line may be useful for an Open House shower: Come or Go, Come or Stay, We’d Love to Have You Anyway.
My daughter is planning this type of shower for her sister (the bride) we “came up” with the idea, because the wedding is going to be very non traditional. Tye-dye table cloths, potted herb wedding favors, no shoes for bride or bridesmaids, etc. This bride would HATE to have 40 or so people with all eyes on her while she opens her gifts. We are planning to have the guests come when they want, give the bride the gift, she will open it, then display it on a table. We are having everyone bring a note card with something they remember about the bride. A table will be set up to gather and organize this. The food will be available at another area. People can stay the entire time, or just drop by for a little while. It should be about the bride and her likes, not what the traditional wedding book says. I think it will be great! Relaxed, not spending 3 hours of your sunday afternoon watching someone open endless gifts!!
I live in the South. I am use to showers that are come and go when you please. They have had them here in this area for 30 yrs. are more. I had gotten so use to these type showers (even for babies) that once I was invited to a baby shower and showed up 30 minutes after it had begun. I thought it was the type where you come and go, everyone at the shower was waiting on me so the bride could open her gifts! I was so embarrsed that I didn’t read the invitation correctly.
All the Bridal showers like this are usually on a Sunday afternoon with a time like 2:00-3:30- this seems to work real well. Yes, it’s true you can invite more guests this way and you get to stand there and talk to the guests! Some guests you might not be able to talk to very much at your later wedding. The gifts are displayed.
If the shower is at someones home, they are usually displayed in one or two bedrooms, usually the hostesses, yes hotesses unwrap the present. There are many hostesses to open the present, serve the punch , cake , dips, and sometimes sandwiches. They clean up the dishes and mess, so all that’s left is for the bride to take the present home. She also gets help by these Hostesses loading her car with the presents. And some present do come in the mail and are displayed also. Each hostess gives money on a large hostess gift.
The mother usually suggest 3 or more gifts in different price ranges, as she does not know what price range the hostesses can afford or want to afford. Sometimes the bride is given the collected money instead of a gift.
And the bride registers the presents she would like to have at department stores like Macy’s , Target, Penney etc.
The invitation also includes where the bride is registered, and you can see on a list what gifts the bride desires on a list at the store, or you can go online and buy a present. The present is marked as “Fulfilled” on the gift list so others will not buy the exact present.
Also the bride, her mother and the Mother of the groom stand and situate themselves as a welcoming team when a guest arrives at the door. The present is taken by a hostess. This welcoming team does not always stand by the door when guests aren’t ringing the door bell they mingle with the people, and look at the presents.
The come and go shower is also held many times at the church where the bride is getting married in a fellowship room and the gifts are displayed on a table with a white tablecloth, arranged with dishes on a table that are similar and lilnens etc. the gift is unwraped and the tag to the gift is taken off the wrapping paper and taped on the gift or book with the gift inside.
Other locations sometimes are sometimes used.
This arrangement has worked in my area for so many years. I have no idea how long this particular shower custom has been used here.
Lorna
I really need some wording for an ivitation for a display shower for my daughter.Also any ideas would be helpful. Its about 50 people. and an island wedding is planned
Hi, I read about the come and go shower and was wondering where I might find pre-printed invitations for it or if you need to make your own..I think this type of shower sounds great and relaxing and not 3 or 4 hours of boredom!
Re: wording, I have mostly seen things like “Please join us for an Open House Bridal Shower” or “Please join us for refreshments at a Come-and-Go Bridal Shower” between time and time. Or:
Date
Time
Open House (or “Come and Go”)
Location … etc.
Dawn, Thank you…And, as far as the Come and Go Shower, I have to have my daughter’s at Christmas time because 2 of my daughters live out of state, and it is the only time we can do it…It is not the best idea for alot of people, but at the Holiday’s I think it will work out well considering the busy time before…
Just noticed lots of questions about wording. Our invitations say Drop by anytime between 1 and 4. That is pretty self explanatory!
Pam,Thank you!!!! I was beginning to think no one responded to this…That’s what I figured about wording it….Good Luck with your daughter’s shower and wedding….
The shower list for my youngest is about 25 but at best I can only squeeze 10 comfortably. It is either 2 showers or an open house. I want to do this for my daughter in my home, however humble my space. She has decided one shower is better with all she has going on. Those who know us know we are not about “gift grabbing” but this is about bringing family and friends together to celebrate a very special bride.
A few more questions (besides wording for the invitation) about the open house shower. Is it enough for the women to come, have a few drinks and appetizers and mingle or should we play at least one or two games? And getting back to the wording-if the shower is not actually being held at a house but a restaurant does open house fit? if not, what about “open hour” shower. Same concept - coming between such and such a time frame???
I don’t think I like the idea of Nicole not being able to open the gifts at all. Maybe she should be the one greeting the guests and opening the gifts as they come in. If there starts to be a line forming, the guests could place the gifts somewhere mingle for awhile then return to the bride. It gives the bride a chance to talk to her guests & thank them and gives the guests a chance to see her open the gifts.
My soon-to-be mother in-laws friends are giving me this type of shower. This is the type of shower they’ve always given to accomadate the large amount of guests. However, I’m not exactly thrilled with the setup. Their general setup is the bride, bride’s mom, and groom’s mom stand at the door and greet guests coming in. A hostess takes the gift brought in to a different room, unwraps it there, and displays it on a table. So the bride never sees the gift that was brought by the guest (unitl the end of course) and the guest never gets to see the bride’s reaction to the gift!! I just think this is so cold and impersonable. I believe if someone spent any amount of money, time, and thought on me…I should at least personally open their gift in front of them!! I’m I crazy?? Couldn’t we have the same type of setup where instead of me standing at the door…I’m sitting some where so I can open the gift as they come in and chat with them all at the same time??
I think the “Open House” shower is a great idea. But PLEASE - would someone who has hosted one of these showers give some ideas, especially about wording in the invitation and general pros and cons. I’m planning on hosting one and I need some ideas ASAP. Thanks
I read that Vickie had asked for details of an Open House shower. Did you ever get any info. back? If so, could you please share it? If not, what did you do for your open house shower?
P.S. Does this site serve any purpose if questions are asked but rarely answered?
I don’t know that the wording is that complicated. When I’ve gotten one it just says something like “You’re invited to an Open House Bridal Shower between the hours of …” You can even post this in the paper. In many areas guests will already know what an Open House shower is, but if not, they can ask.
You can also personalize it a little more with previews of your hospitality or any entertainment on the menu, aka “refreshments and hors d’oeuvres will be served.” By now a lot of ladies who’ve hosted this type of shower have posted here, so hopefully they can share their own wording too.
Help? In helping plan a bridal shower, I included names of people who are not invited to wedding which is two hours away. Living in a small community and working with so many people, they get their feelings hurt if they are not included in shower prep but are not on list for wedding invitations. How do I fix this and not hurt people’s feelings?
I have a question and hope to get some help. My sister and I are throwing a bridal shower for our other sister. She has requested that we make it a display shower, which is fine by us. The only problem we are having is how to word the invitation without sounding tacky or stupid. Any or all suggestions welcome. Thanks for your help!
Could someone explain in detail exactly how to do an open house/drive-by bridal shower? We want to do one. Do you set up tables to display opened gifts? Does the bride sit in a chair as people come in? Or maybe that’s why someone suggested opening gifts every half hour or so. Otherwise she may sit the whole time and open gifts and never get up to mingle. Any comments? I need lots of details!
Also, anyone have an actual invitation for their open house bridal shower? I would like to see the wording. Thank you!
Vicki, this shower is done pretty differently in different parts of the country. Sometimes it’s considered a very old-fashioned type of shower and sometimes, a more modern solution to the problem of having a LOT of potential guests.
The pros are that the bride often has more of a chance to socialize with individual guests in this type of shower, and it can accommodate more people’s schedules. Potential cons — the idea that the whole thing could look like a ‘gift grab,’ and older guests who like the shower games and structured activities could feel a little let down.
When it’s called a display shower, the organizers typically plan a situation where the shower gifts are sent ahead of time, and displayed at the home with the gifter’s names attached. You will probably need to explain this concept to a number of guests unless this is popular in your region.
When you don’t do this, I don’t know that there’s any hard and fast rule about opening gifts. I think a lot of people simply accept the gifts graciously and open them later, after the shower. BTW, if you’re worried about seeming on the take, you could put “gifts optional” on the invite.
In terms of decorating and setup, just think bright colors, casual flowers (gerbers, mums), light and inexpensive food (mini sandwiches, punch, snacks in bowls, a homemade cake to celebrate the bride), colorful paper lanterns, some kind of light champagne punch, and maybe some inexpensive favors for the guests, nothing too overboard.
Also, it’s a common challenge to want to invite all the work colleagues, but not being able to invite them all to the wedding. Most people make this less awkward by having a work shower AT work. But even then, you’ll have to tactfully let people know that you’re having a small, intimate wedding and can’t invite everyone to it. This lets people off the hook in terms of expensive shower gifts and helps them make more appropriate choices, like a group gift where everyone contributes a modest amount.
Come and Go showers are SOOOO much better for getting to know the bride! There are fewer people at a time, thus more time to spend with individuals
Regarding “Open house” or “drive by” showers, It looks like we’re gonna need one! We have too many people for a moderat sized shower. I besides we like the idea of 1) receivecing, opeing and thanking the gift giver right then and there, and displayig it for ll other to see. I need to see some EXACT inivitations!! Any care to share?
How can I have a shower when there are not enough of the guests on the wedding guest list living close by ? They are in other states & this is a destination wedding with about 150 guests. e
Does the Bride have to open gifts at the shower if the time is limited? Not opening the gifts gives her more time to mingle and enjoy her shower.What do you think?
I have a question about a display shower. We are throwing a baby shower for my daughter-in-law and she really likes this idea of having everyone bring the gifts unwrapped and displaying them on tables that will be set up in a different room. We have about 120 people attending and I personally think this is a great idea. However, I’m not sure how to word the invitations so that everyone understands how this will work. We are planning on having a few games and some nice door prizes, but nobody will have to sit through hours of unwrapping gifts. Help! How do I word the invitations?
My sister would like a display shower. She hates the idea of shouting across the room after opening each gift given to her by her 60 guests. She thinks THAT’s tacky. As her maid of honor, I’ll do whatever she wants. If family members think putting unwrapped gifts on a table to be perused at their leisure is rude, they’re under no obligation to attend.
Hey ladies, I plan on doing my shower as an open house…I think it’s a wonderful idea. I didn’t even want a shower until I heard of this option. I’m not big on attending showers either and that’s only because it takes 2-4 hours out of the middle of my Sunday (or Saturday) to sit, play games and watch the bride open gifts….out of all the showers I’ve been too I can honestly say that I never got to sit and visit with the bride on a personal level so this open house gives a chance for everyone to walk around, visit with everyone & actually have a conversation with the bride. I would go to every shower that I was invited too if they were like this! I will send thank you notes, offer beverages, food etc. because I am very thankful to anyone who took a part of their day off for me…. If anyone is offended by my invite…then they don’t need to come…simple as that.:P
Btw, I would like to share just one problem that happened. We invited my sister’s friends and their daughters (if they had them.) We had someone show up with their daughters (no problem) however, they also brought along other children. I kind of became a babysitter at one point. People need to realize that just because the invitation says ‘Open House’ that doesn’t mean it is a free for all.
Well, my sister’s Open House Baby Shower was a complete success! It really wasn’t that much different than a regular shower. The nice part was that the guests actually got more one on one time with the mom-to-be. Everyone came at different times so everyone wasn’t there fighting for her attention all at once. She still opened the gifts as they came and everyone seemed very relaxed. I would definitely recommend this kind of a shower and will more than likely throw one like it again!
That is horrible - but not because it was an open house!!! To accept a gift without providing any hospitality and then not even send a thank you is rude no matter what kind of shower it is. In fact - any bride who would not bother to send thank yous for an open house shower probably would not have for a regular shower either!!! The only difference between a regular shower and an open house shower is the time schedule of events - the rules of etiquette and hospitality do not change!
I’m sure some people are throwing wonderful open house showers. However, I just attended an open house baby shower. The father-to-be stood in the driveway accepting gifts from “certain” people without inviting them inside. I attended the sister’s open house bridal and baby showers within the past two years and never even received a thank you. Open house showers are a Street Crime.
Generally, the invitation would be to a “Bridal Shower Open House” or “Come & Go Bridal Shower” - either one would work:D
Please! I like the idea because the bride is having a destination wedding that not all can attend but who would be offended if they weren’t invited to wish her well on her marriage. The problem is wording the invitation…Should (can) it read “It’s a Bridal Open House” and follow with pertinent inormation? Suggestions, please!!!!!
Well, you’re probably all going to hate me, but I have to say it.
ENOUGH!
For heaven’s sake, 50+ people at a shower, hundreds of people at the wedding, thousands of dollars being spent on everything by everyone and for what? Honestly how many of us who have attended a shower have really enjoyed one? I know, this is to celebrate the bride and groom, but so is the wedding!! And how many of the honorees enjoy and remember it? There’s a lot of stress and expense leading up to it, then it’s done and people don’t remember even posing for pictures that they see a week later. This just keeps turning into more, more, more!
I’m all for celebrating the union of a couple, but do that and don’t try to make it an extravaganza that just so happens to include a wedding.
I think that it’s a FABULOUS idea! Who really likes to sit through the games and presents anyway??? I’m getting ready to throw my sister a baby shower and we are doing it this way. People are just too judgemental. Relax. As long as you receive a nice thankyou….what’s the big deal?
The best way to do the gifts would be to open them as they come in, or in small batches every 1/2 hour or so - that way the guests can see you open the gifts they brought and you can thank the giver personally.
The benefit of opening the gifts as they come in is that it gives you a chance to interact with each guest individually - when they arrive, you spend a few minutes talking with them, open the gift, thank them personally, etc. The downside is that you may have people coming in groups who will have to wait their turn - but really, at a normal shower, everyone has to wait their turn anyway right?
A nice idea is to create a “gift table” to display the gifts with cards after you open them so other guests who come in can see what everyone else gave you as well:D
How were the opening of gifts handled at an open house shower? My guest list is huge just with Family 75!! (WE both come from big families)I know not all will come but just wondering how we should deal with the presents?
I would like to give a come and go bridal shower and would like some ideas as to how to word the invitation. I want each person to know they are more than welcome to stay and visit the entire or if they have a busy schedule that day they can come and go as they please. Can you help me with this
My closest friend’s daughter is getting married this fall and I am hosting an open house type shower for her. We have all lived in this area for fifteen to twenty five years with many friends in common. In addition, our children have remained close and live in this area as well. For this reason, even though I would love to have a normal shower, the shower list will be 60 people at least and there is no way my home could accommodate that many people. This type of shower is not new at all. As a matter of fact, my bridal shower was an open house. It really has nothing to do with not wanting to spend money, because I can assure you, when you invite 60 people into your home, you will spend money…..And I certainly hope people will not be offended when the invitation arrives. If they are, well it’s THEIR problem not mine. I believe I am doing a good thing for my special friend and I know she will exemplify her gracious character in this event just as she has in the past.
It’s not that big of a deal. A bride has no control over her shower so don’t blame her. Families have so much to do around wedding time and soooooo much $$$$$ is spend- well it is just all crazy. I like the idea of laid back shower.
Plus- I find shower boring.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have such a small guest list. I come from a large family and just my sisters, moms and bridesmaids would have been more then 20 people. My bridal shower was a regular shower, with the bridesmaids, sisters, grandmas, moms, my aunts and a few close friends - which came to 60 people! My biggest regret is that I look at the pictures and can’t remember even having the time to talk to half of the people that were there:( If I were to do it over again, I would have an open house shower for that reason.
It is not like she is asking you to come at a specific time and stay for only a few minutes. It is an open ended invitation, meaning you can come at any time, leave at anytime, and stay as long as you wish. There is nothing about this that says she wants you to show up and leave right away. You are welcome there for the duration of the shower - but unlike a regular shower - you do not have to feel obligated to remain there the entire time if you choose not to. So, the choice is yours not hers.
The hosts responsibilities are to provide a pleasent atmosphere, offer some sort of refreshments and take time to make each guest feel at home. This can be done just as easily at a Come & Go (sometimes more easily). In the end - you can not determine if the host will be hold up her end until you actually get there.
It has the appearance of being rude. As if they want your gifts but don’t want to be bothered by hosting their guests!
I don’t know who came up with this idea, but it goes against everything being a good hostess and the principals of a shower are all about.
Personally, I wouldn’t host such a thing and quite frankly, I don’t think I would want to attend such an event.
Out of the 160 people on my invitation list, only 20 are on my bridal shower list. I just wanted to invite ladies that I have some type of personal relationship with.
Hey there. Actually, this type of shower is becomming quite common. As wedding guest lists get larger, so do bridal shower guest lists. So when someone does not have a home or location big enough for everyone, a open house shower is the perfect option.
I would not take this as an insult - this is not because they don’t want you to get to know the bride. In fact, most people do this thinking that with less people there at once, the bride will have more time to connect with each person. In fact - this may be true!
If you want to have time to connect with the bride - show up early. If there are already a lot of people there, wait till some of them leave and then take some time for a one on one with the bride. You’d never get that chance if all the guests were their the whole time, would you?