The Come & Go (Open House) Shower: Is it a Good Time or a Street Crime?
I received a rather lovely bridal shower invitation. It’s on a Saturday from 2-4 PM. It says Come and Go. The mother of the groom told me it means it’s an Open House and you can come when ever you want and leave whenever you want.
What do you make of this kind of shower? I have never heard of this. I am feeling they don’t really want to get to know me. Just bring a gift — have a cookie, toss back some punch and leave. No getting to know the bride. What do you think of this kind of shower? I feel all I want to do is send a gift through the mail and take a pass on the drive and the cookies.
— Marsha
A few more questions (besides wording for the invitation) about the open house shower. Is it enough for the women to come, have a few drinks and appetizers and mingle or should we play at least one or two games? And getting back to the wording-if the shower is not actually being held at a house but a restaurant does open house fit? if not, what about “open hour” shower. Same concept – coming between such and such a time frame???
I don’t think I like the idea of Nicole not being able to open the gifts at all. Maybe she should be the one greeting the guests and opening the gifts as they come in. If there starts to be a line forming, the guests could place the gifts somewhere mingle for awhile then return to the bride. It gives the bride a chance to talk to her guests & thank them and gives the guests a chance to see her open the gifts.
My soon-to-be mother in-laws friends are giving me this type of shower. This is the type of shower they’ve always given to accomadate the large amount of guests. However, I’m not exactly thrilled with the setup. Their general setup is the bride, bride’s mom, and groom’s mom stand at the door and greet guests coming in. A hostess takes the gift brought in to a different room, unwraps it there, and displays it on a table. So the bride never sees the gift that was brought by the guest (unitl the end of course) and the guest never gets to see the bride’s reaction to the gift!! I just think this is so cold and impersonable. I believe if someone spent any amount of money, time, and thought on me…I should at least personally open their gift in front of them!! I’m I crazy?? Couldn’t we have the same type of setup where instead of me standing at the door…I’m sitting some where so I can open the gift as they come in and chat with them all at the same time??
I think the “Open House” shower is a great idea. But PLEASE – would someone who has hosted one of these showers give some ideas, especially about wording in the invitation and general pros and cons. I’m planning on hosting one and I need some ideas ASAP. Thanks
I read that Vickie had asked for details of an Open House shower. Did you ever get any info. back? If so, could you please share it? If not, what did you do for your open house shower?
P.S. Does this site serve any purpose if questions are asked but rarely answered?
I don’t know that the wording is that complicated. When I’ve gotten one it just says something like “You’re invited to an Open House Bridal Shower between the hours of …” You can even post this in the paper. In many areas guests will already know what an Open House shower is, but if not, they can ask.
You can also personalize it a little more with previews of your hospitality or any entertainment on the menu, aka “refreshments and hors d’oeuvres will be served.” By now a lot of ladies who’ve hosted this type of shower have posted here, so hopefully they can share their own wording too.
Help? In helping plan a bridal shower, I included names of people who are not invited to wedding which is two hours away. Living in a small community and working with so many people, they get their feelings hurt if they are not included in shower prep but are not on list for wedding invitations. How do I fix this and not hurt people’s feelings?
I have a question and hope to get some help. My sister and I are throwing a bridal shower for our other sister. She has requested that we make it a display shower, which is fine by us. The only problem we are having is how to word the invitation without sounding tacky or stupid. Any or all suggestions welcome. Thanks for your help!
Could someone explain in detail exactly how to do an open house/drive-by bridal shower? We want to do one. Do you set up tables to display opened gifts? Does the bride sit in a chair as people come in? Or maybe that’s why someone suggested opening gifts every half hour or so. Otherwise she may sit the whole time and open gifts and never get up to mingle. Any comments? I need lots of details!
Also, anyone have an actual invitation for their open house bridal shower? I would like to see the wording. Thank you!
Vicki, this shower is done pretty differently in different parts of the country. Sometimes it’s considered a very old-fashioned type of shower and sometimes, a more modern solution to the problem of having a LOT of potential guests.
The pros are that the bride often has more of a chance to socialize with individual guests in this type of shower, and it can accommodate more people’s schedules. Potential cons — the idea that the whole thing could look like a ‘gift grab,’ and older guests who like the shower games and structured activities could feel a little let down.
When it’s called a display shower, the organizers typically plan a situation where the shower gifts are sent ahead of time, and displayed at the home with the gifter’s names attached. You will probably need to explain this concept to a number of guests unless this is popular in your region.
When you don’t do this, I don’t know that there’s any hard and fast rule about opening gifts. I think a lot of people simply accept the gifts graciously and open them later, after the shower. BTW, if you’re worried about seeming on the take, you could put “gifts optional” on the invite.
In terms of decorating and setup, just think bright colors, casual flowers (gerbers, mums), light and inexpensive food (mini sandwiches, punch, snacks in bowls, a homemade cake to celebrate the bride), colorful paper lanterns, some kind of light champagne punch, and maybe some inexpensive favors for the guests, nothing too overboard.
Also, it’s a common challenge to want to invite all the work colleagues, but not being able to invite them all to the wedding. Most people make this less awkward by having a work shower AT work. But even then, you’ll have to tactfully let people know that you’re having a small, intimate wedding and can’t invite everyone to it. This lets people off the hook in terms of expensive shower gifts and helps them make more appropriate choices, like a group gift where everyone contributes a modest amount.
Come and Go showers are SOOOO much better for getting to know the bride! There are fewer people at a time, thus more time to spend with individuals
Regarding “Open house” or “drive by” showers, It looks like we’re gonna need one! We have too many people for a moderat sized shower. I besides we like the idea of 1) receivecing, opeing and thanking the gift giver right then and there, and displayig it for ll other to see. I need to see some EXACT inivitations!! Any care to share?
How can I have a shower when there are not enough of the guests on the wedding guest list living close by ? They are in other states & this is a destination wedding with about 150 guests. e
Does the Bride have to open gifts at the shower if the time is limited? Not opening the gifts gives her more time to mingle and enjoy her shower.What do you think?
I have a question about a display shower. We are throwing a baby shower for my daughter-in-law and she really likes this idea of having everyone bring the gifts unwrapped and displaying them on tables that will be set up in a different room. We have about 120 people attending and I personally think this is a great idea. However, I’m not sure how to word the invitations so that everyone understands how this will work. We are planning on having a few games and some nice door prizes, but nobody will have to sit through hours of unwrapping gifts. Help! How do I word the invitations?
My sister would like a display shower. She hates the idea of shouting across the room after opening each gift given to her by her 60 guests. She thinks THAT’s tacky. As her maid of honor, I’ll do whatever she wants. If family members think putting unwrapped gifts on a table to be perused at their leisure is rude, they’re under no obligation to attend.
Hey ladies, I plan on doing my shower as an open house…I think it’s a wonderful idea. I didn’t even want a shower until I heard of this option. I’m not big on attending showers either and that’s only because it takes 2-4 hours out of the middle of my Sunday (or Saturday) to sit, play games and watch the bride open gifts….out of all the showers I’ve been too I can honestly say that I never got to sit and visit with the bride on a personal level so this open house gives a chance for everyone to walk around, visit with everyone & actually have a conversation with the bride. I would go to every shower that I was invited too if they were like this! I will send thank you notes, offer beverages, food etc. because I am very thankful to anyone who took a part of their day off for me…. If anyone is offended by my invite…then they don’t need to come…simple as that.:P
Btw, I would like to share just one problem that happened. We invited my sister’s friends and their daughters (if they had them.) We had someone show up with their daughters (no problem) however, they also brought along other children. I kind of became a babysitter at one point. People need to realize that just because the invitation says ‘Open House’ that doesn’t mean it is a free for all.
Well, my sister’s Open House Baby Shower was a complete success! It really wasn’t that much different than a regular shower. The nice part was that the guests actually got more one on one time with the mom-to-be. Everyone came at different times so everyone wasn’t there fighting for her attention all at once. She still opened the gifts as they came and everyone seemed very relaxed. I would definitely recommend this kind of a shower and will more than likely throw one like it again!
That is horrible – but not because it was an open house!!! To accept a gift without providing any hospitality and then not even send a thank you is rude no matter what kind of shower it is. In fact – any bride who would not bother to send thank yous for an open house shower probably would not have for a regular shower either!!! The only difference between a regular shower and an open house shower is the time schedule of events – the rules of etiquette and hospitality do not change!
I’m sure some people are throwing wonderful open house showers. However, I just attended an open house baby shower. The father-to-be stood in the driveway accepting gifts from “certain” people without inviting them inside. I attended the sister’s open house bridal and baby showers within the past two years and never even received a thank you. Open house showers are a Street Crime.
Generally, the invitation would be to a “Bridal Shower Open House” or “Come & Go Bridal Shower” – either one would work:D
Please! I like the idea because the bride is having a destination wedding that not all can attend but who would be offended if they weren’t invited to wish her well on her marriage. The problem is wording the invitation…Should (can) it read “It’s a Bridal Open House” and follow with pertinent inormation? Suggestions, please!!!!!
Well, you’re probably all going to hate me, but I have to say it.
ENOUGH!
For heaven’s sake, 50+ people at a shower, hundreds of people at the wedding, thousands of dollars being spent on everything by everyone and for what? Honestly how many of us who have attended a shower have really enjoyed one? I know, this is to celebrate the bride and groom, but so is the wedding!! And how many of the honorees enjoy and remember it? There’s a lot of stress and expense leading up to it, then it’s done and people don’t remember even posing for pictures that they see a week later. This just keeps turning into more, more, more!
I’m all for celebrating the union of a couple, but do that and don’t try to make it an extravaganza that just so happens to include a wedding.
I think that it’s a FABULOUS idea! Who really likes to sit through the games and presents anyway??? I’m getting ready to throw my sister a baby shower and we are doing it this way. People are just too judgemental. Relax. As long as you receive a nice thankyou….what’s the big deal?
The best way to do the gifts would be to open them as they come in, or in small batches every 1/2 hour or so – that way the guests can see you open the gifts they brought and you can thank the giver personally.
The benefit of opening the gifts as they come in is that it gives you a chance to interact with each guest individually – when they arrive, you spend a few minutes talking with them, open the gift, thank them personally, etc. The downside is that you may have people coming in groups who will have to wait their turn – but really, at a normal shower, everyone has to wait their turn anyway right?
A nice idea is to create a “gift table” to display the gifts with cards after you open them so other guests who come in can see what everyone else gave you as well:D
How were the opening of gifts handled at an open house shower? My guest list is huge just with Family 75!! (WE both come from big families)I know not all will come but just wondering how we should deal with the presents?
I would like to give a come and go bridal shower and would like some ideas as to how to word the invitation. I want each person to know they are more than welcome to stay and visit the entire or if they have a busy schedule that day they can come and go as they please. Can you help me with this
My closest friend’s daughter is getting married this fall and I am hosting an open house type shower for her. We have all lived in this area for fifteen to twenty five years with many friends in common. In addition, our children have remained close and live in this area as well. For this reason, even though I would love to have a normal shower, the shower list will be 60 people at least and there is no way my home could accommodate that many people. This type of shower is not new at all. As a matter of fact, my bridal shower was an open house. It really has nothing to do with not wanting to spend money, because I can assure you, when you invite 60 people into your home, you will spend money…..And I certainly hope people will not be offended when the invitation arrives. If they are, well it’s THEIR problem not mine. I believe I am doing a good thing for my special friend and I know she will exemplify her gracious character in this event just as she has in the past.
It’s not that big of a deal. A bride has no control over her shower so don’t blame her. Families have so much to do around wedding time and soooooo much $$$$$ is spend- well it is just all crazy. I like the idea of laid back shower.
Plus- I find shower boring.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have such a small guest list. I come from a large family and just my sisters, moms and bridesmaids would have been more then 20 people. My bridal shower was a regular shower, with the bridesmaids, sisters, grandmas, moms, my aunts and a few close friends – which came to 60 people! My biggest regret is that I look at the pictures and can’t remember even having the time to talk to half of the people that were there:( If I were to do it over again, I would have an open house shower for that reason.
It is not like she is asking you to come at a specific time and stay for only a few minutes. It is an open ended invitation, meaning you can come at any time, leave at anytime, and stay as long as you wish. There is nothing about this that says she wants you to show up and leave right away. You are welcome there for the duration of the shower – but unlike a regular shower – you do not have to feel obligated to remain there the entire time if you choose not to. So, the choice is yours not hers.
The hosts responsibilities are to provide a pleasent atmosphere, offer some sort of refreshments and take time to make each guest feel at home. This can be done just as easily at a Come & Go (sometimes more easily). In the end – you can not determine if the host will be hold up her end until you actually get there.
It has the appearance of being rude. As if they want your gifts but don’t want to be bothered by hosting their guests!
I don’t know who came up with this idea, but it goes against everything being a good hostess and the principals of a shower are all about.
Personally, I wouldn’t host such a thing and quite frankly, I don’t think I would want to attend such an event.
Out of the 160 people on my invitation list, only 20 are on my bridal shower list. I just wanted to invite ladies that I have some type of personal relationship with.
Hey there. Actually, this type of shower is becomming quite common. As wedding guest lists get larger, so do bridal shower guest lists. So when someone does not have a home or location big enough for everyone, a open house shower is the perfect option.
I would not take this as an insult – this is not because they don’t want you to get to know the bride. In fact, most people do this thinking that with less people there at once, the bride will have more time to connect with each person. In fact – this may be true!
If you want to have time to connect with the bride – show up early. If there are already a lot of people there, wait till some of them leave and then take some time for a one on one with the bride. You’d never get that chance if all the guests were their the whole time, would you?