Remember a Loved One at Your Wedding
Light a Memorial Candle
Provide a second table at the altar or near the front of the church. On it, place a Memorial Candle in tribute to your loved ones.
Ask your officiant to include them at the beginning of the candle-lighting ceremony. For example, "Before (Bride) and (Groom) light a candle to symbolize their union, they will light a candle in honor of (Loved One), whom they dearly miss, and who they know is present with them here today."
Then, light the Memorial Candle, ask the officiant to say a prayer, then move to the altar to light your Unity Candle.
Light Taper Candles In Memorium
It's traditional to have one or both parents light the individual tapers for their children before the bride and groom light the Unity Candle. If one or both of your parents is deceased, the bride or groom can light the taper and ask the officiant to acknowledge the act before the Unity Candle is lit.Also: consider using candelabras, and having sisters, brothers, or other family members light a candle for each relative who's no longer with you.
You guys have the best ideas. I’ve been researching how to honor a loved one at my wedding. My brother passed away in Dec. at the age of 18 and my wedding is next July. I definately want to honor him in some way since he really likes my Fiance, which is a total shock since he was a very shy teenager. I’m thinking about having all the groomsmen wear a red rose, as red was his favorite color. I’m afraid that if I place a rose at my family’s table at an empty seat it will be upsetting. Any suggestions?
Thanks!
Aimee,
I am sorry to hear about your brother. i love the idea of the groomsmen wearing red roses or you could carry a bouquet of red roses and explain in the programs what it stands for. another idea instead of giving a rose to your mother and mother in law, have your mom hold a red rose and you can pause and she can give it to you, before joining your fh. one more idea is what was his birthstone color? you could have a pendant in your bouquet in that color, after the wedding you will have a wearable keepsake, or have your wedding jewelry in that color rhinestone. i have also heard where the officiant pauses for let’s take a moment of silence for those not with us today. did he have a favorite poem or book? it could be adapted in your readings. be sure to pick something not to upsetting.
I think the red rose is a nice idea. You could also have red roses on your cake. It’s a small, subtle
reminder that your brother is remembered, without going overboard. I hope you have a beautiful wedding day!
I need help. im getting married next month and having hard time coming up with a song to play to remeber the lost of my son and the lost of future husbands mom and dad we will have a table with ther pics and our plan is after we light the unity candle and give a rose to my parents to light a candle for each loved one before going back to the alter. i want a song that will touch everyones heart of us coming together and that our loved ones are with us anyone have any ideas?
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Paul Alexander - Light a Candle - very suitable
http://www.griefsong.com
My sister passed away two short months ago, she was only 12 years old, I am getting married september 2010, and she had always wanted to be my maid of Honor, instead of having a maid of honor, my best friend is doing all the roles of that place, but I would still like to incorporate my sister in the role of that even in her absence, does anyone have any ideas? I really need some help here!
summer,
i am so sorry to hear about your loss. an idea is to take a long stem white rose( or 3 to stand for each word i love you) with ribbon, which stands for remembrance of a lost loved one. i would incorporate this by carrying the 1- 3 roses and laying them in the spot by you. you could even kiss the rose before placing it on the place where she would stand. you could even place your bouquet in the spot, since the moh usually holds it, but i really believe the roses would be best( roses have very strong meaning when used that way) inthe spot where she would stand you can have the rose laying in that place., sometimes at high school graduations they will place a rose inthe seat where the person would have sat. its really moving and such a special way to remember someone. you can also add a locket with her picture in your bouquet. a prayer can be spoken in memory of loved ones not there. after the prayer, a moment of silence is done, to remember loved ones.
tip: you could even use her fave flower in her fave color for the laying of the bouquet.
Thank you both very much for the ideas, I really like the idea of the long stemmed white rose, and especially the locket for my bouquet, do you know if they make special kinds for bouquet use, or if I would just purchase a necklace locket? I am going to try and find a poem for the preacher to read aloud at a certain time in the ceremony, the same preacher that conducted her funeral, will be conducting my wedding also, but at the same time, I want it to be as happy of a day as possible, even though it will still be all too fresh in our minds….her favorite flower is a star gazer lilly, so, I don’t know if I would be able to incorporate that into a fall wedding, but I would love to. Also, I have already thought about the dove release, we released three doves at her funeral, do you think that I should not do this because of any reason? I have also thought about having “Angels Among Us” by Alabama played at the reception in her Honor, but, I am having a hard time thinking of how I would get the guests to recognize that that is a time of rememberance for Logan. Thank you both for all the wonderful help!!! I greatly appreciate it!!!
Many websites sell bouquet charms/lockets.
Try http://www.esty.com.
Also, if you have a DJ at your wedding, after
the dances with parents, first dance, etc., have him
announce the special dance: “The Bride and Groom
ask that everyone join them for this special dance in
honor of her sister . . . ” etc.
Consider having a small arrangement of flowers
somewhere that won’t be in photos, like at the guest book at the church. Or maybe you could give all the
girls and Moms at the rehearsal a stargazer lily to use
as they practice walking down the aisle. I think the
dove release would be very appropriate.
Best of luck, just remember that your sister would
have wanted it to be a happy day. . . but bring
lot’s of Klennex.
summer,
*bouquet memory lockets
you could buy a special memory locket but why not buy a necklace with locket that way you can wear it after the wedding is over. the stargazer lily will be fine too, for significance i always suggest, to use only one flower in the bouquet, if it used nowhere else, then the one flower will stand out more. if you want guest to know about the tribute to your sister then just make simple diy wedding programs and have what each one means. this should give the guests the headsup.
i also think the doves will be fine, the only thing i have heard is they “soiled someone” when flying away.
i do hope you have a wonderful wedding day!! i wish you all the best.
If you do decide to wear a necklace locket, make
sure you have your photographer get a picture of
you with the locket. That is a sentimental photo . . .
you looking out of a window touching the locket, or
if it’s on a long chain, looking down at the locket.
You may be able to give the photographer a favorite photo of your sister or you and your sister and
have him superimpose it over your wedding photo.
This would make a very touching addition to your wedding album.
In your wedding program, list your wedding party’s names . . .
at the bottom, have something like:
“Honorary Maid-of-Honor: Jane Smith”
Susan’s sister, Jane always dreamed of being the Maid of Honor at this wedding . . . please remember her in your hearts today”
After you walk down the aisle, or after a memorial prayer,
take one flower from your bouquet and place it on the altar or
in a spot designated and approved by the clergyman.
Also, pick a favorite song (a happy one!) and play it at your
reception in her honor. Consider using her favorite flavor
cake for your wedding cake, her favorite colors in your color
palette, or her favorite flowers in your bouquet. Or consider
a dove release . . . usually they release 2 doves to represent
the bride and groom, and they release another in memory
of loved ones. It’s all about small, simple rememberances.
If you mention your sister in your wedding program,
a SHORT quote or poem is appropriate . . . this is one
I have used:
Time is too slow for those who wait
Too swift, for those who fear
Too long, for those who grieve
Too short for those who rejoice
But for those who love . . .
Time is Eternity.
Of course, if your sister had a favorite song or poem,
you may find something else. Good luck with your wedding!
Summer,
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother passed away 5 years ago and my fiance and I decided we would include him as the missing groomsman in our wedding party. I am having 6 girls and he is having 5 guys. My fiance’s sister will walk alone in honor of my brother since that is who he would have walked with. We are also planning on putting his name on our ceremony program where we list the other people in our wedding party and writing RIP 5-3-84 to 7-11-04.
your mother would want your day to be about you, not mourning her absence, but living on with her in your spirit. A special poem on the back of your program will bring tears to your guests knowing you long for her presence and acknowledge her absence, but continue onward in creating the life she raised and hoped you would someday have with the love of your life. She is there. If you need more, consider a locket on your bouquet with her picture her inside, a photo with her favorite flower layed nicely in front, or honor her with her favorite song played at your reception and ask to dance with your father as it is played or your new husband in her rememberance. She is where you need her, in your heart.
My mother is deceased so I need to know what the appropriate way to handle the lighting of the unity candle would be during my wedding ceremony. Should I have the one she would have lit already lit prior to the arrival of the guests for the ceremony to symbolize her absence or should I have another family member (grandmother) light the candle?
all brides, rosemary added to a bouquet is for remembrance. also consider a bible bouquet with their fave color rose underneath cover with ribbons hanging. for some who dont like these ideas. pictures on a table or by memory book with a vase filled of fave color or fave flowers also or fave flower or rose (only one) at center of bridal bouquet. i have even heard of some brides wearing or carrying a locket or a special necklace or possession wrapped around stems of bouquet or added amongst it.
My fiance’ just lost her mother about 4 months ago to cancer. She wants to remember her mother during our ceremony and reception, how would we do this. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love these two ideas above, but it just isn’t the right thing for us. Please if you think of anything let me know!!!!
Hi Britnee,
My father is a pastor and in the past he has used roses to remember loved ones. He usually has the usher bring the rose up and set it in the place that the loved one would have set. It is a very nice way and I will be doing it as well to remember my grandpa. Hope that helps.
Hi Britnee, my mom passed away from breast cancer so we are placing three pink sohpia roses (representing each of her daughters) on an empty seat in the front row. We are having an outdoor wedding in a park under a big tent and aren’t allowed to have any open flames, so we couldn’t use candles.
We are also having a moment of silence to honor her and all of the other loved ones who could not attend - not only other deceased family members but also living friends and family who couldn’t make it.
Why don’t ya’ll try balloons? my mom died a little over three years ago of cancer and every year on what would’ve been her birthday, we send up some pink ribbon balloons. Ya’ll could do it after the ceremony to celebrate a life right before u start a new one.
What I would do is have a locket with her picture inside tied to the bouquet with ribbon so you have her with you. Some other ideas are to display a picture of her with a rose and candle, or have the pastor say something to recognize her in your ceremony.
Hi, I’m wanting to remember my Dad by incorporating cotton boles into my flower arrangements at the church and reception (he was a cotton farmer). Will this look ridiculous? Also, does anyone have any other suggestions as to how to incorporate cotton boles? Thanks so much.
If you need more ideas, we just added an updated new article on the blog: Remembering Loved Ones at Your Wedding. Please add your comments and thoughts!
Have a seperate “Memorial Table” at the reception, with a small
flower arrangement in colors similar to the bride’s bouquet.
A wedding portrait of a woman in your life who has pasted away,
or a wedding portrait of a couple (if both parties have passed on)
is appropriate. Find a frame similar in style to those you are using for the photos,and place a poem or song lyrics inside. Or, if someone close has recently passed away, have the DJ announce that a favorite song of the one you have lost is going to be played and have a “Dance in honor of ———, who loved this song”.
Before my grandmother passed away in Dec. she gave her ring to my fiance. He took the ring and designed a new setting, we were engaged Sept 10 so she was able to feel her ring on my finger before she passed. Doing something symbolic for her gets me all teary and I love the idea. Thankyou Cynthia
with our wedding we are putting pictures of our loved ones in a pretty frame and lighting a candle next to them. Its going to be in front of the church and at the reception there will be a table set aside just for them, so that everyone can take a closer look.
My neice will be getting married 05-16-09. We lost her mother (my sister) to breast cancer in 2000. I am helping my neice with her wedding flowers and what I will do is add one pink silk rose from my wedding bouquet (I kept my bouquet when I got married in 1991) to my neices bouquet to honor her mother, and 3 white roses to honor her paternal grandfather, maternal grandmother and maternal grandfather. During the ceremony before she lights the unity candle she will remove these flowers from her bouquet and place them in a vase.
valerie, beautiful idea. I know how difficult it is to lose loved ones. remembering them on this special day is a wonderful tribute. I wish the bride and family a blessed day.