The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
by Melanie Doetsch
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
Hi! I am the MOH and have already made plans for the Bridal Shower with the brides aunt. My question is, how do you go about asking the rest of the bridesmaids to help with the expenses without being tacky? Or, is this soley the MOH responsibility?
Emily,
First you should sit down with the bridesmaids and the aunt. Begin discussing shower plans, what you think it will cost, etc. Ask whoever wants to chip in and if so, how muchcan they afford. Remember noone is under no obligation to be a host, not even the bridal party. Since it is a optional event, they have the right to decline and should never be made to feel obligated. So many times I see issues arise where a amount is set(sometimes very expensive) and then the others are told how much their part is without their say, however, this is not proper etiquette. Because some bridesmaids cannot afford such expense. If they cannot and wish to decline as host, reassure them there will be many things like decor, favors, etc. and help putting those things together will be appreciated. Their contribution can be preparation and they should still be listed on the invite as hosts. Such as given by: Bridal party and the Brides Aunt Joanie. I hope this helps!
I want to put baskets in the bathrooms with things guests might need or like. Mints etc.
So 2 questions. Do you do the mens room or just the ladies room? Thanks
Deb,
I would do both.
Hi I am the maid of honor in a second marriage, small affair wedding. I have decided to give a bridal luncheon instead of a traditional shower. I am stuck what to do about gifts.
The bride doesn’t want to register. I am thinking of a theme luncheon but don’t really have any decision ideas. Can you suggest some?
Plus if we are doing nails, pedi, hair and makeup. Plus staying over night in a hotel. I am not sure what my responsibilites are. I am paying the hotel define. But think I only pay my own share of the beauty day. Plus the bride isn’t sure if she should pay the mani/pedi. What is the norm? Thank you.
Deb,
In this case the pamper day, each is responisble for their own costs. A bridal luncheon usually doesnt bring gifts. If the spa day and luncheon is on same day then you could have that theme or you could keep it simple and just have lunch at a nice place. I would axe the theme and just have a nice day out. On the invites make sure you list no gifts on insert and let women invited know they are responsible for their mani/pedi costs. But the MOH and/or bm’s would usually gift the bride her spa services. If you are paying for the hotel room then that is wonderful. The hosts also provide the food costs. You could have each cover their own food expenses if you. Have the wording like:
Let’s Do Brunch! or Wanna Do Brunch? or Lets Get together for brunch to celebrate with Bride to Be ( Insert Name) on her upcoming wedding!
Date, Time, Location
Brunch Buffet $15 per person ( beverages included) for those who wish to attend.
Please RSVP so we can save your spot! Hope to see you there!! No gifts please.
Contact information:
( be sure to include info on mani and pedi prices with wording like: Mani/Pedi/Hair/Makeup Prices will be…$$