The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette

Where are the answers to all these questions below?

is it correct for women that are invited to assume they can bring their children to the bridal shower?

What about a wedding shower for a second marriage?

IS IT PROPER (REQUIRED) FOR THE BRIDE TO PURCHASE GIFTS FOR THE BRIDAL SHOWER “GIVERS”

Is it proper to invite close friends and family members who live out of state to a bridal shower or does it appear you are just looking for the gift.

Is there a tactful way to inquire concerning wedding gifts or cards that may have been lost? Several close family and friends recently attended our daughter’s wedding. All had been invited to a shower, which they did not attend, but did come to the wedding. There were gift tables at both the wedding and reception and many gifts and cards were left. Our children were blessed with all they need and we are not concerned about the lack of a gift from these families, but are concerned about not expressing thank yous if there are in fact missing gifts. I am sure we are not the first to run into a situation like this - can anyone help us determine how to handle this?

Is it okay for the bride to register for lingerie-type items in addition to household items?

how does the mother of the grom sign a bridal shower card

Dixie … here are some great places to start spinning out teacher-theme ideas for a shower or wedding.

StyleMePretty, Dear Abbey: Lisa Vorce of “Oh, How Charming!” gives her thoughts on adding teacheresque touches to trivia games, favors, menus, table numbers. Great ideas in the comments fields, too.

DIY Bride, Chalkboard Votives: You can make the coolest favors or decorative items using spray-on chalkboard paint. I’ve seen terra cotta pots planted with herbs, masked off with a “chalkboard” center, and personalized with pretty colored chalk as favors. You can do much more. Again, see the comments for lots of extra helpful info.

Snippet & Ink, School Days: as always, she finds a way to stay firmly within the realm of elegance while doing “school”. Should spark some fun ideas. Plus, be sure to follow the link on that page to Brooklyn Bride’s Grade School Sweethearts. HTH!

I need your help. My son goes to a small school and his teacher is getting married. The class is very close to each other. They call themselves a classroom family. The kids want to surprise her with a small shower from them. I need ideas! Please help.

The children are 9 and 10 years old.

Is it proper to have a money tree at the bridal shower?

Elizabeth,
Assuming the pen will be used by the bride - I would personalize it with her married name “Mary Smith” or monogram and the wedding date.
Another pen idea for those interested, there are beautiful hand blown glass pens available which can be used at the wedding and shower guest books. I found ours by google search, also available at fine stationary stores.

I’m personalizing a pen to give as a gift at the bridal shower. What’s the proper message that should be written? Both the bride and grooms name with the wedding date? OR Just the bride and her shower date??

Thanks!!
Always a bridesmaid

Is it ok to ask someone to the shower but NOT to the wedding due to budget restraints?

Thank you.

I am a bridesmaid in a shower held in another state. I am unable to attend the bridal shower. The shower has gotten a bit out of hand in my opinion. At this point, each bridesmaid is required to pay nearly $200.00 (this does include a group gift) but there are 6 bridesmaids. Am I required to pay if I am not attending?

I am having 3 bridal showers, due to the fact that not everyone is willing or able to travel to my home town more then once for the wedding and I was wondering if it would be appropriate to have my fiances 3 cousins who I am very close with plan the one in there area, my cousins wife (i am also close to her) and grandmother plan the one that will be held in their area and my mother, his mother and his little sister plan the one that is in my home town. I also should explain that my maid of honor can’t plan any of them because she is not local to any of the 3 locations, and will just be flying in for the wedding and my second brides maid is getting married 2 weeks before me and we both think it would just be too much for her to plan the one in my home town. Is this ok to do, or does anyone have a better solution to my crazy bridal shower dilemma.

If there are more than one person giving the bridal shower and all asked to participate and there name were all on the invitation, is the cost split evenly between them?

I am the mother of the bride and the wedding party has asked whether we should open the presents at the shower or not. The bride was not going to open the gifts, but I think she should. What is the correct thing to do.
Thanks,
Marg

Hello, I am a Maid of Honor for my friend and the only member of the wedding party. She wants to have a very pricey shower with high tea at a very expensive restaurant. Is it reasonable to ask for guests to pay? How do I go about asking for assistance with the cost?

Is it proper to invite guests to a bridal shower even though they are not invited to the wedding?

My granddaughter has already had a large shower hosted by our church family. All of our family members and friends close enough to invite to a shower attended this event. In addition there is a personal shower this week and the groom had a very nice “honey do” shower. The brides father holds a key position in a family owned business, this company has also employed our granddaugher during school breaks and has given her a generous college scholarship. In addition to all of this they too want to give her a shower and have asked for a list. All of our friends, family and co workers have already been very generous and there is no one else to put “on a list”. About 30 wedding invitations will be sent to the company employees, but none were invited to other showers. Could we “graciously” suggest that the shower be a “workplace” shower and other invites would go to the mothers and this loving grandmother? The last thing we want to do is be ungrateful. Quick replys would be appreciated

My roommate is getting married in July. Her cousin and I are co-MOH’s. Her cousin is hosting a shower in the bride’s hometown, and I am in charge of the one where we live.

I’ve already bought store invitations that are perfect and were on a huge sale. The problem I have is this: The invitations have a pre-printed “Hosted By.” While I am paying for the majority of the shower, my mother, and the brides future sisters-in-law will be helping with a few things. The other bridesmaids, up to this point are NOT helping. My question is 1) Who should I include in the “Hosted By” section and then 2) How should I word that section?

I appreciate ANY suggestions!

My mother is sick with cancer and the bride envited her all though she knows she could never go cross country there, is that bad etiquette? Mary

I have a question. Is it required for the mother of the bride to bring a gift to the bridal shower?

Help!! My husband’s boss is getting married and he asked one of the bridesmaids and I to plan a bridal shower. Her sister is the maid of honor, but has not planned anything…nor is she making an effort. The groom says that her family is not wanting to make any plans, just want to show up to whatever has been planned. Since the wedding venue is 2 hours away and that is where the bride and groom’s friends/family is from, we are planning on doing the shower on the Saturday early afternoon the day of the rehearsal dinner. We know this is cutting it very short, but we don’t have time to go back and forth before the wedding. Since we don’t know anyone in the town, and have a limited budget, any ideas would help on where we could have this shower would be helpful. We thought about a restaurant, but we don’t want to be obligated to purchase everyone’s meals. We will provide the cake and decorations. Any suggestions??

Should the family of the groom, who have been invited to a shower honoring the couple, bring a gift with them for the couple? Traditionally, when does the family give the couple their wedding gift.

Mary,
I have lived in different areas of the country and the customs are different everywhere. In the mid-west, shower and wedding gifts were expected, but the shower gifts were inexpensive items. In the south, where I now live, most people give one nice gift and if they are invited to a shower they bring that gift to that event. Note on invitations to multiple showers; if I know I will be invited to more than one shower (possibly a personal or honey do in addition to miscellaneous) I determine the amount of money I want to spend over all and then buy gifts to fit the budgeted amount. I never mind being invited to more than one type of shower, but never feel obligated to bring a major gift to each event. LC

If one receives a wedding shower gift and an invitation to the wedding, does this require two gifts? And does the answer change if the invited cannot attend one or the other event?

Is it proper to include the flower girl in the planning and cost of a shower, like the bridesmaids?

Should i give a small gift to the ladies hosting my bridal shower?

Staci - just a matter of preference. Run it by the bride & see what she thinks. Many times a shower has a totally different theme; no need to match.

Connie - are you talking about a situation where you can’t attend the shower but are sending a gift? Ordinarily you’d bring the gift to the shower … feel free to elaborate.

Deborah - by etiquette, absolutely not. By modern practice, it’s fuzzier. Best route — gauge it by how personally close you are to the bride. Hopefully you have a wedding invite fast in hand!

Hi Linda - as you know as a former wedding planner, it’s traditional for close female relatives AND close friends to attend a bridal shower, so mothers and grandmothers are definitely part of the picture. (Kudos to everyone for keeping this intimate and not overblown). You probably can’t change the MIL’s mind, but as for yourself, feel free to plan, attend and enjoy. Also, congratulations on your close relationship with the bride-to-be!

To which home should bridal shower presents be deliverd if the bride lives on her own? Should it be the parents house or the person giving the shower?

A personal shower (lingerie) will soon be given to my granddaughter. We are very close and she has asked me to be her wedding planner and has also asked me and her mom to come up with a guest list of about 20 people. She has been away at college and her close friends are scattered. He invite list will include her four bridesmaids, and other people she would like to ask include other female members who are involved in the music and serving as house party at the reception as well as her mother, soon to be mother in law and me. Her soon to be mother in law has informed me that she does not plan to come as the “mothers and grandmothers don’t attend this type of party and only 4 or 5 young people should be invited.” I have been a wedding consultant for several years but came out of retirement to help my grand daughter. Is this a new trend? I don’t want to embarrass anyone.
Thank you for your comments.

I need some ideas for my daughter to give the hostess of her Bridal Shower….thanks

My brother is getting married out of state. Only immediate family is attending. For the bridal shower, my sister and I are throwing it. Who do we invite?

I am the MOH and live two states away. Because of this I wasn’t able to make it to the bridal shower or to the bacholrette party. I wasn’t asked for any ideas or imput. Now, just days before the wedding I’m being asked to pay for part of each. Please help me with this. We’re already spending so much just to be here.

Hi Elise — guests are usually intimate friends and close family members. Flower girls, typically not, but maybe older junior bridesmaids.

Catherine — definitely. At some drop-in showers the (poor!) bride is posted by the door specifically to accept and unwrap gifts.

Cynthia: that’s a complicated question. It’s not standard etiquette, so you can’t determine whether it’s ‘proper’ or not except by considering the whole context.

Emma: there’s no requirement that the MOH give a ’special’ gift at the shower. Hopefully, the bride will be thrilled with whatever you picked out as a token of your friendship and affection. However, many people enjoy using the registry to narrow down what the bride really wants. Typically you would pick a less expensive item off the registry, and save more expensive picks for the wedding. But any gift that represents your closeness is a good choice.

Tamara: I’m not quite clear on which events your cousins and aunts are invited to. Can you clarify?

Angela: it’s really never okay to expect your bridesmaids to host a shower for 80 people. In fact, bridesmaids should never be on the hook for anything larger than a very intimate party — say, 20 max.

If you’re going to throw etiquette to the wind as a bride and effectively plan your own, excessively large shower… leave the bridesmaids out of it, and don’t give lip service to etiquette. Just have your mother host it. An event that size is too much to ask girlfriends to plan and pay for.

We are planning to go away with our wedding party and get married. Two weeks after we return we are going to have a dinner and reception. Before dinner our wedding video will be played and then we will arrive and have dinner and our reception. My question is - I have a really large family and I am closer to some of my cousins then others since I know I will offend my aunts if certain cousins are invited and not all and I can’t afford to feed everyone I am only inviting my aunts is it ok to invite my cousins to the Bridal shower even if they are only invited to the reception?

is it appropriate for the mother of the groom to hold a bridal shower?

are flower girls invited to the bridal shower

Thanks for the reply.

Basically she has several people who want to throw her a shower. Different family members and friends of the family all want to throw their own shower for her and so they do, and she feels it is important to invite the mothers and grandmothers to every shower and when some feel like one was enough, or even 2, then she feels insulted that they only wanted to attend one when her mother and grandmother is more than happy to go to every single one.
basically I am the groom and she is pissed at my family for not going to every shower that her family/friends throw, but they have all been to each one. If i try to say its enough the i get yelled at.

Maria:
I’m the mother of the groom living with my son in NJ and I’m hosting a bridal shower for my future daughter in law for relatives in NJ and nearby states (within a days drive) Just curious why you wouldnt want to host the shower.
Tori

i am interested in know what others feel about inviting the same people to every single bridal shower. I understand the bridesmaids and mother-of-the-bride are invited to all of them, but is it necessary to invite the grooms mother, and grandmothers to every shower? I feel that it is more burdensome to ask the same people to every shower, and to have them buy you gifts for every shower, especially if you have 3, 4 ,5 + showers. I know it’s not really normal to invite the same guests to every shower, but mainly I want to know about the grandmothers, and other close family members. If they are invited to every single shower, should the bride feel offended or upset that they don’t go to all of them, or more than one?

thanks,

Should any ladies be invited to the bridal shower if they are not being invited to the wedding? My girlfriend has a running list of about 70 people she wants to invite, but how can I explain the etiquette and the fact that it will be costly for me (Matron of Honor) to plan and to partly fund……

I am wondering whether my feelings of hurt are correct. My brothers daughter, (one of 3 female triplets all being married this year, but having their owns weddings) is about to have her bridal shower in two weeks. i have just recently learned about it. I live in Florida, but had all intentions of attending. Now that I know that I am NOT invited I am hurt! Should I say something to my sister-in-law or brother, or should i just keep my mouth shut!

Thanks for your answer in advance. PS……..My daugther-in-laws who live in the same city the the shower is being held in were not invited either!

Ladies!
Help each other out and post more suggestions also!

Jessica, your advice is great, thank you so much for your thoughtful suggestions!

RoxAnn,
My mother asked everyone coming to the shower to bring their favorite recipe with them. At the shower she presented me with a recipe book. She had already copied all of her favorites recipes on the cards inside. Then we passed around the extra cards and everyone wrote down one of their favorites. It was an extremely thoughtful, useful and special gift.

Kim,
Try to remember that the shower is a gift to your niece. Will you cause division by bowing out? This is her (your niece) special time and not a time for squabbles between relatives. Truly I can’t think of a graceful way to bow out now.

Ellyce,
First you should register at places like Target, Walmart, Bed Bath and Beyond, any stores that you find in Michigan and California. Then you will just need to spend an afternoon returning the gifts you receive from those stores for credit (some stores will give you cash with receipt). You shouldn’t have too much stuff that you can’t return.
If that is really not an option then I would add a line to the invitations stating that you request no gifts as you will not be able to transport them. Guests should get the hint.

Please help! I offered to host my neices shower but now MOB has taken over and planned all the details , changed all previously agreed upon arrangements and has sent out several hundred(that is not a typo) shower invitations. I want to gracefully decline further involvement but how?

should the bride give a gift to her bridal shower hostess? what if there are several hostesses, like a Sunday School class?

Is it appropriate for the mother of the groom to host a bridal shower. My future daughter-in-law lives here, but her family and all of her attendants are several states away and are planning a shower there. She has friends and co workers in the area, although I don’t know them.

Mickie,
Just try to arrive at the shower a little early so that you can have a few moments with the bride beforehand. Let her know how happy you are for her, how much you care, and how happy you are to have made it to the shower. Then kindly let her know that you just wanted to tell her before the shower as you’ll need to leave a little early to arrive home safe. She’ll understand, and no on else’s opinion will matter.

Is it appropriate to list the Hostesses as Bridemaids and the names of the mother and mother-in-law or should all the bridesmaids names be listed?
Is it appropriate to ask for gift reciepts from gifts purchased at Target?

My future daughter-in-law has decided not to register for her bridal shower and is planning on asking for a “donation” toward her honeymoon in Italy. Is this a proper thing to do? I don’t feel that it is, and if it is not, how do I tell her?

Help! My best friend is getting married at a small intimate service (no bridal party or reception). She wants me to throw her a huge shower though….she said “how else will i get gifts if I’m not having a reception?” Isn’t it really terrible ettiquette to invite people to a shower,expecting gifts, and not inviting them to the wedding?

what should i do?

Should the Mother of the Bride bring gifts to the Bridal Shower?

I am getting married in June 08, and then moving to South Africa in August. It is very expensive to ship things abroad so we have not set up a registry. However, we aren’t sure what to do about people who would like to buy us gifts. Etiquette dictates we should not request money, but it there anyway to clue in our guests without being rude?

Please help!

I am hosting a lingerie bridal shower, I am the MOH. The other bridesmaid, is taking care of arrangements for the bachelorette party- not financial arrangements, but the plans.

Is it bad etiquette to ask the other bridesmaid to help fund the bridal shower? She has given me some suggestions as to plans- which I’ve taken, but I don’t know if I should ask her to help money wise.

Also, if she is unable to help money wise, should I still put her as a “host” for the bridal shower since she’s helped with the plans?

My niece is getting married and sent an email out to coordinate her wedding showers. I was taken back and thought it was a little bold. she indicated that the maid of honor would give one shower, another bridesmaid giving a couples shower, the sister of the groom a family shower for his side of the family and she indicated one from someone on my side of the family. She gave the dates that he would like each shower to take place. I have already given the engagement party this past summer and I don’t feel that I should have to give a shower, nor really anyone else on my side of the family. Could the shower being given for the grooms side of the family include the brides family? and isn’t 4 showers with a bacclorette party and having had an engagement party alot? Your thoughts!

Help please! I am hosting a wedding shower for my sister in law and her future husband later this year. Since my sister in law is hoping for a guy/ girl shower with dancing - I thought of a great idea to have it at a local bar/grille that offers a private outdoor/indoor patio with bar and stage. This would be during the day and the bar will have finger sandwiches, salad, chips/dip and light desserts with coffe/tea. Since I was planning on a day shower with a beach theme I really thought this would be a great idea.
However when I mentioned this to the other girls in the party they offered their ideas. Which is great I want all of them to be involved but I really do not want to have to cook and clean up after 160 people eat, drink and dance - and I think this is what they are planning on doing.
In the end It will end up costing $340 each.
The bride has already paid for each of our dresses so we are already saving $200-were as in other weddings we would have had to pay this.
As the maid of honor I am willing to pay the $340 plus the cost of the DJ and favors/decorations.
I have arranged to meet with the five remaining bridesmaids and my mother in law for input and hopefully some support.
Beofre I propose this to them again - I am just looking for some feed back on whther this is too much to ask from the other girls?

I live in Colorado and in May I’m getting married in Kentucky. My mom who lives in Virginia is hosting a bridal shower for me. Since we live so far away, it would be best to recieve money or gift cards instead of actual gifts. Is there any wording that is proper to use to say this in a shower invite? She was thinking of something like “in lieu of gifts, a basket for cards will be available”. Does anyone have any other suggestions???

Is it traditional for the bridesmaids to contribute (financially) to the showers?

My mom and sister are throwing me a bridal shower in a couple of months - the only reason is because my wedding consists of only family. The church we are having the wedding at only holds 50 people so none of my childhood friends are invited due to the fact that it is so small and out of town as well. However, I want my friends and co-workers who are not invited to the wedding to come to my bridal shower. Is it okay to have them be invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding? If so, how do I go about inviting them - or rather how my mom and sister go about it?

I was wondering if it is ever ok for the grooms mother to host a bridal shower. our house is very small so I would have to keep it at a minimal. I was thinking of mostly my side (4-6), her mother, her bridal party(3), and a few co-workers only. Because she has a huge family, with lots of aunts and cousins, I could not host them all. I would only do this of course if her mother or sister-in-law would not be having anything. I also would not want to offend anyone by not inviting everyone. I would do the food pantry, and also since they don,t really need anything, would it be ok to say that gifts are not required, but if you would still like to get them something that gift cards would be their best choice. I,ll be waiting for your response! Thanks so much! R

As the mother of the bride, there are two showers coming up next week for my daughter throw by the groom’s family members. I have already attended a Jack and Jill, and a shower a few weeks ago for my daughter. If I am going to these other showers, am I required to bring a gift each time? I helped out with the Jack and Jill with food, prizes etc, and bought her a number of things from her registry for the first shower, held by the bride’s maids.

What do I do?

Thanks

B

Hi, my sister and I are TRYING to throw my brother and his fiance a shower but they are getting married in hawaii and they keep insisting that they don’t want to register because they don’t “need” anything. They haven’t flat out said they want cash but they keep saying they don’t need anything so they refuse to register. My sister and I think they should register and their making it extremely hard for us to throw them a shower.. HELP!

I was invited to a wedding shower for a coworker’s son. I have never met him and don’t live in the same town as this coworker. I do not socialize with this coworker outside of work. The shower was held 2 weeks before the wedding to which only certain employees were invited. I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I didn’t attend the shower and did not send a gift. Was this bad etiquette?

Angela: Absolutely. This happens all the time in the circumstances you’ve described. It’s incredibly thoughtful for a bride’s hometown friends to do this for her, even if she can’t get back home in time to attend it personally.

Jennie: With a lot of communication, this situation should be fine. Although some of us have huge families, the person hosting the shower is limited to their space and resources, which might not accommodate everyone. So if you can’t shrink your list to fit a party for 20, having two is a great solution.

It sounds like the ground is cleared for this already since your FSIL offered to hold one. It is actually a service that you’re not inviting the same people to two showers. No matter what you say, that puts them in an awkward position regarding gifts (do they give two, or show up empty-handed for one of the events?).

Just make it clear that you find your FSIL’s offer of a second shower a very kind gesture, and you greatly appreciate her making it possible to include the groom’s side of the family. If possible, however, your aunt’s shower should take place first.

Finally, although it may be a bit late for an official engagement party, you may want to host an informal get-together of your own so both sides of the family can enjoy some time together before the wedding.

What does etiquette indicate about having a shower for a future bride who lives out of town and wouldn’t be able to attend the shower? The bridge moved several years ago and no longer lives close to relatives. Would it be okay to host a shower in her honor for close relatives and send the gifts to the bride?

My husband is divorced and his nephew is getting married. I am his new wife. Well, his ex wife said she would give the bridal shower. Since the mother and grandmother aren’t suppose to. However, my husbands, mother called and told me I wasn’t invited and not to get my feelings hurt.

This is not the first slight I have had in this family, but i think it will be my last. His ex wife has come out and said she hates me. The children know she hates me. And she said she will not be attending the wedding because, David her ex husband will be there.

This all sounds crazy…..and it has caused a major rift…. Help

How far in advance do we send out the shower invites? 2 weeks, 4 weeks, etc.?

My boyfriends sister is having a wedding shower which I am invited to. I have no clue what kind of gift to bring though. The invitations came with info on where she is registered but it’s the same registry as for the wedding itself. Am I supposed to bring a gift that is more personal like just for the bride and not like dishes? Or should I just stick with the same things that I would bring to her wedding? And do I then bring another similar gift to the wedding also?

Dee and Confused, you’ll be happy to know there’s no expectation that you send a bridal shower gift if you aren’t attending the shower. It IS considered good etiquette to send a wedding gift if you’ve been invited to the main event and can’t attend … but this courtesy doesn’t extend to a bridal shower. You can of course send your most sincere well-wishes for their future together.

Amy, it’s traditional to bring a gift to the shower, but it’s not traditional to go into debt and live off top ramen for a month to do so. So only worry about getting a gift you can afford.

A.L., that’s a tricky situation that can cause hurt feelings. It’s difficult for most people to invite all their office colleages to their weddings. As a result, it isn’t uncommon for office friends to throw a shower knowing that they may not be invited to the wedding. However, the bride really needs to communicate the limits of her guest list ahead of time, or there will probably be misunderstandings.

Amanda, it’s still customary for a bridesmaid or MOH to give the bride a shower gift (and wedding gift) even if they are paying to host the shower. Not a cheap proposition!

I live in Illinois and I have an invitation to a wedding shower in Michigan which I cannot get to. Am I expected to look up the bridal registry and send a gift for the shower even though I cannot attend it? I will attend the wedding in December. Thank you.

Dee Barua

I was invited to a wedding and the bridal shower. It’s a friend of mine. I don’t have a lot of money. Do I have to bring a gift for the shower and the wedding? Can I split the gift between the two? Thanks!

I am confused. I have mailed wedding presents to the bride’s home for the wedding. What do I bring to the shower? Are the presents for the shower and then do I give money at the wedding?

How do you react to an aunt that attends your bridal shower but has her headset on listening to a baseball game during the entire shower??!!
My mother is livid and wants to say something to her sister but I said just let it go altho I can’t believe she was that rude! Some of my friends thought she was disabled and had some type of hearing device hooked up when they found out what it really was they were as shocked as we were! I don’t want my mom and aunt to have a disagreement but am afraid it is going to take place

Vicki — gray area, I think. Strict etiquette would seem to dictate that you don’t invite anyone to the shower who can’t come to the wedding. But in reality, some couples can only afford (or just want) a very small wedding, yet their friends and relatives still want to celebrate with them. Work is the classic example: people like to throw showers for their work friends, but that doesn’t mean everyone in accounting gets invited to the wedding.

I think the way to invite a larger pool of people in this situation — where only a few will attend the wedding — is to take the focus off gifts and just say a party or a celebration for the bride. Close family members and friends can still give gifts. I’d love to hear what other people think.

Lisa — absolutely. It’s very kind of you to do this for this couple. It’s also thoughtful to mail the gifts to the couple’s final destination after the shower so they don’t have to worry about schlepping them through the airport when the wedding’s over (if applicable).

Rachel — it’s customary (though not required, obviously) for the MOH or whoever’s throwing the shower to include registry info in the bridal shower invite. The goal is to avoid the potential tack factor of forcing the bride to include the registry info in the actual invitations (not that we’d ever do that, right??). Perhaps the best strategy of all is word-of-mouth, but that’s not always easy these days. Another slightly-subtle option: add the couple’s web site instead, which includes a tasteful page on their registry info.

Ashley — It’s customary for the MOH to give the shower, but there’s no rule that says another close family member can’t do it if she’s willing to give over the reins. They should always check with the MOH first to avoid mix-ups. Maybe the larger question is, is your MIL bringing up a pure question of etiquette, or does she want to play a larger role in the pre-wedding parties? If the latter, see if there’s a way to involve her.

Deb — I don’t think there’s any magic cutoff age, but it’s probably more common for friends to just take an older bride out for a celebratory dinner rather than try to equip her for a household she’s long had under control. What does everyone else think?

I am hosting a bridal shower and would like to know what the etiquette rules are as far as gifts goes. It’s a women only shower, but the bride would really like to wait to open her gifts with her fiance’. Does etiquette dictate that the gifts must be opened at the bridal shower. The venue where we are holding the shower is a small room in a restaurant. What to do? What to do?

my nephew is in the military. he and his fiance’ got married two weeks ago. i and a friend want to host a wedding shower. however, they live out of state (both are in the military). is it proper etiquette to have a shower w/o the bride and/or groom to be there. a friend suggested we put photos of my nephew and his bride up. i would like for the bride to fly in for the shower, but due to work and schooling she doesn’t think she can get in. is it proper to have a bridal shower? thank you

Hi, We’re not sure how to write out the shower invitation to our guests.
The bride to be has everthing she needs and established. How do we
let the guests know to give money instead?

I have a question. I have always been brought up that if you are invited to a bridal shower you assume you are invited to the wedding. Is this still true? I threw a shower for a family member and did not invite some people that I wanted to because they were not going to be invited to the wedding. Then a week before they did get added to the wedding list, I invited them at the last minute explaining everything. They came to the shower even being invited a few days before and brought a gift. Two days after the shower this family member decides she really does not want them at her wedding and is going to un-invite them. They are FAMILY. This family member lives out of town and does not care if anyone gets mad at her. However I live in town and I see them a few times a year and now I fill very ackward. Is she wrong or am I? She’s says it’s her wedding and she should be able to invite who she wants. Which I agree with but un-invite I think is just WRONG. I would love to hear other people comments on this.

This may be a stupid question but does the Bride-To-Be usually participate in the bridal shower games??

My sister in law is insisting on having her shower on a saturday afternoon and she has an 80 person guest list. 80 PEOPLE!!!! Please tell me am I crazy… I though it was supposed to be a surprise. Why is there 80 ladies invited in the first place?? And we the bridesmaids have to fork over the money for all these 80 guests. I THINK THIS IS SO OBNOXIOUS! She’s not supposed to tell us the rules of the game is she? It has to be at a restaurant with a bar so when we are done with our required “green back” shower we can all sit with her and at the bar and be forced to get sH*T faced with her. Oh what fun!! Please help I’m in bridezilla hell!!!!!!!!!

I look forward to the day when bridal showers become passe. Far beyond the too large crowd, games, awkward conversation and a blown Sunday - personally, they offend in every way with their outstretched hands (Chicago area; yes a gift is expected). Obligatory giving is not a gift. People who truly are that close will give and don’t have to be conspicuously ‘asked’ with a registry URL. The fact that bridal showers still exist and are thrown for anyone beyond those in need (younger, no real startup items) is, to me, appalling. When a shower even hints at greed, I find this the ultimate in classless.

Many new brides these days have been self-sufficient for years. Perhaps they’ve already showered themselves years prior (or should have) with a non-fancy but good set of dinnerware and such; hence, no shower. Yes, I’ve heard all the “it’s for the TWO of you and your NEW start” stuff. And yes, that’s a push from the retail bridal industry.

Honestly, how many ladies are ever going to pull out that thousands-worth of good china from the specially purchased space-hogging curio and just ‘take up’ entertaining? Unfortunate as it may be that entertaining has fallen away due to increasingly busy schedules, just all seems outdated.

Realize my ideas aren’t popular, but there have to be more girls out there than just me that think the notion is becoming tired.

OK MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED JULY OF 2008, HER MOTHER INLAW TO BE HAS GONE AND GOT A PLACE FOR HER SHOWER AND GOT THE CENTER PEACES , NOW I WAS TOLD I AM TO PAY FOR SHOWER INCLUEING WHAT SHE GOT DONT GET ME WRONG IT IS VERY NICE PLACE NICE CENTER PEACES SHE DIDNT LIKE ANY PLACE I TOLD HER I AM JUST SO CONFUSSED MY MOM TOLD ME THAT THE BRIDES MAIDS SHE HAS 2 AND THATS ALL THE GIRLS IN THE WEDDING WERE TO TAKE CARE OF SHOWER , I AM DISABLED DONT WORK GET A FIXED ICCOME EACH MONTH HER DAD WORKS IN A FACTORY, WE GAVE THEM 10,000 TOWARD HER WEDDING WE JUST CANT AFRORD ANY MORE AND DONT WANT TO HURT ANYONES FEELINGS. BUT THE 2 GIRLS WAS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS BUT THEY BOTH JUST GOT NEW HOMES AND ARE WORKING ON THEM IT IS UP TO THEM THATS WHAT A BRIDES MAID IS AM I RIGHT OR WRONG ,OR INCOME IS NOT HIGH LIKE SOME OF HER FRIENDS AND THEY WANT TO INVITE ALOT OF PEOPLE HIS SIDE OUR SIDE AND OMG HER FRINDS AROUND 70 COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO . MY DAUGHTER GETS UP SET WITH ME WHEN I BRING IT UP SHE DONT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT BUT I DONT KNOW HER FRIENDS I AM LOST, I TELL HER IT ISNT FARE TO US SO WE WOULD HAVE TO TAKE SOME OF THE 10,000 TO PAY FOR HER SHOWER IF I HAVE TO PAY SHE SAID NO THAT IT IS FOR HER WEDDING FOOD AND PLACE OK THATS OK WITH US BECAUSE SHE IS OUR DAUGHTER BUT I REALLY DONT UNDERSTAND HOW TO TELL HER AND HIS MOM THAT THE GIRLS HAVE TO DO THAT PART, PLEASE HELP ME OUT .