The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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My mother of the groom and his grandmother are thowing me a shower in the next couple of months. They believe it is necessary to invite every woman in the church which would be about 100. However, I am not inviting every woman in the church to the wedding. The wedding is going to be at my church (not his). Also we are limiting our guest to 200 and don’t have room for anymore on the guest list. I have always heard it is good etiquette to only invite women to the shower who are going to be invited to the wedding. I have tried to explain this to my MOG but she doesn’t seem to care that we are going to look rude. I think it looks tacky and greedy to invite this many to the shower. How do I convince her not to invite this many people?
Cecile,
if she wont cut the guest list, in this case i would just enjoy the day but not alter my guest list. i think the church ladies wont expect an invite. it is good etiquette but in some cases the rules can be bent and this will apply. i dont think anyone will see this as greedy just alot of women wanting to share in your celebration. have a great shower and wedding!!
cecile, i meant dont alter the wedding guest list, cause the church ladies probably wont expect a wedding invite but like a coworker shower they just want to do something nice. sorry for any confusion!!!
Hi
I would just like to know whether there is a rule against talking about someone else shower while you’re at one. My sisters shower came up while we were at my sister in laws bridal shower. Was that wrong?
Nerisha,
no it is common to talk “girl stuff”, showers included. its okay!!
I am wondering what the proper bridal shower Etiquette in reguards to inviting people to the shower but not to the wedding? I am having our oldest daughter’s shower at Christmas this year and she gave me the list of friends she wanted to invite and I added a few of my friends..She says if you invite them to the shower then they are suppose to be invited to the wedding.The wedding is in another province.
Can anyone help as I am hurt that she feels I did something wrong
brenda,
your daughter is right. etiquette states that guests at shower should have an invitation to the wedding event.
*emily post
What is the proper etiquette for a second bridal shower? My fiance has been divorced now for 10 years or more. This is my first marriage and this will be his second. My maid-of-honor is throwing a bridal shower and I would like his family to be there but his family is not sure what to do.
Rgrussel,
*etiquette
*more tips
i would plan a shower for absolute sure! happy planning!
My daughter recently got married and I threw her a shower in October. I am the MOB and I was her Matron of Honor. She and her new husband had a small wedding in which the majority of the people from the shower were not invited (except his family and his co-workers), but she said she planned on having a reception next year in the Summer and everyone would be invited then.
When my girlfriend saw him do this, she was a bit insulted and ticked off, because she purchased these items for my daughter and not for his mother. Needless to say, she and I had an argument today, because I mentioned this to her and her writing this in the thank you cards and her response was that it was her gift cards and she could buy what she pleased; however, she was ticked off about him giving her bridal shower gift to his mother to use. I told her that when people come to a shower, it was to help her get started in life and when they hear that you spent their gift cards on frivilous guy items it might make one think what you needed a shower for in the first place. She didn’t see eye to eye on me on this one and needless to say, we got into an argument. A bridal shower is supposed to be for the bride to purchase home items…iron, silverware (which they still need) towels (which they don’t have) sheets, etc. 
I feel that she should have never told everyone that they bought a snowblower in these hard economic times especially when she was first getting married and had nothing to begin with. 
I’m not trying to be a meddling Mother-In-Law and have only visited them once since they moved in. When I went to visit, I was insulted that my son in law went in the basement and didn’t even socialize with me. When I was leaving he came up the stairs to say goodbye. I made sure I didn’t overstay my welcome and stayed for only 1 1/2 hours. I brought a car load of her things to her along with two pies and treats for the animals. I feel like I’m not welcomed there and I don’t want to go there anymore in spite of my daughter who seemed very glad to see me. I am trying my hardest to love my son in law, but he has nothing to say to me when he sees me. They are not young people (she’s 35 and he’s 42) and I’m hurt at his actions. Planning on staying away and out of my daughter’s life, because whatever I do or say is wrong. 
I have always been against showers where the bride has a registar and tells everyone what she wants. My thoughts on this is that a shower is… “Thank you so much for helping me get started in life” and not “This is what I want.” I did the best I could for her and gave her the most elegant Victorian Tea Party bridal shower that anyone could have ever had. Each guest got to take home a vintage tea cup and many gifts. I had searched all Summer long for Vintage tablecloths and tea cups at garage sales and we made our own Victorian centerpieces. Everyone said it was the most elegant party they had ever seen. There were about 50-60 in attendance. I am alone and could not afford to pay for her wedding, but I baked and cooked my brains out and paid for the majority of her shower as if it was her wedding.
In spite of my negative feelings about a registry, I placed a note in the shower invites that if they were uncertain what to pick out, a gift card from Home Depot, or Lowes would be appreciated since she had recently purchased a home (this was my daughter’s request). The shower was a success and she got a substantial amount of gifts and gift cards; however, shortly afterwards, she told me that her fiance’ now husband took the gift cards and purchased a snowblower! I thought what the heck? She read in an etiquette book that when she wrote out thank you cards she should inform the guests what they bought, so SHE TOLD EVERYONE THEY BOUGHT A SNOWBLOWER! Yesterday, my sister-in-law mentioned to me that she received a thank you card with the statement that they bought the snowblower and she had a question mark on her face. I called my daughter up today and asked her if that is what she wrote everyone who came to her shower in the thank you cards and she said yes. I was stunned that her husband took the cards and purchased “guy stuff” from a bridal shower. It was my understanding that bridal shower things should be items bought for the house and not guy stuff. I was p*ss$d off to say the least that HE took these cards and spent them. Also, the day of the shower HE gave his mother bowls that she had just received as a shower gift, so she could take food home! MY DAUGHTER JUST RECEIVED THESE GIFTS FOR HER SHOWER!
Weddings are about the BRIDE and the GROOM. Their special day, and all the events leading up to it should be about them. There is nothing wrong with having a registry - people are not required to choose from them, but it’s a nice way to help get a couple started out right with the things that they like. If you give a gift card, that means that you wanted to be thoughtful and allow the couple to use it for whatever they’d like. A snowblower may not be the most sensible gift, but it’s what THEY wanted, and they were thankful to those who helped them purchase it. It’s fine as the MOH and MOB for you to offer suggestions about etiquette and other details, but at the end of the day, its really about them, and you have to respect their decisions (even if you don’t agree with them).
I am in the bridal party and we have all gone in on a group gift to give the bride at the shower…Do I still need to purchase a shower gift on my own?
No…that is sufficient.
Bre,
Leona is right.
I, and other family members, recently gave my niece an engagment party where we presented one large gift to the couple. Am I required to buy another gift for the bridal shower?
susan, no, one is sufficient, it is only optional(personal choice) if you bring another gift to the shower.
I have been invited to a wedding shower, this is my first one as we do not have these in my country. My husband and I have already bought a gift for the couple off their registry, which has already been delivered (again very weird). I was wondering do i need to buy another gift as well for the shower? The wedding is also a destination wedding and we are going to a lot of expense to attend, so I was curious if i need to purchase more gifts - please advise?
speakeasy123,
since you have bought a gift you not required to purchase another. if you want(optional) and didnt want to go without one a nice set of towels or a gift certificate to a restaurant or even a fast food place, that you know they love. i have even seen fun gift baskets put together for a movie night, popcorn, theater candy( $1 at walmart) gift certificate for some movies. you could put on the card:
It is the Friday night and you don’t know what to do
But you wanna stay in, your honey does too.
You just want to relax and kick up your feet.
Curl up to a movie with some popcorn and treats?
Well here is a basket just for you
Enjoy your movie night you two!!
Our daughter is getting married in May at a Destination Wedding and close family members are out of town. Her Maid of Honor and I will go in together for a bridal shower but it will be so small so I am wondering if co-workers and other friends could be invited even though they will not be invited to the wedding which again, will be for a few friends and family.
Tammy,
normally anyone not on the wedding guest list shouldnt be invited to a bridal shower. in this case, as long as everyone is okay and they just want to be a part of the celebration honoring the bride/groom then by all means go for it!!
*tips
I received an invitation for a bridal shower for a niece. The bottom reads as follows…..
There will be a wishing well that we would like to fill with financial gifts to help **** and ***** begin their future together. We Encourage you to contribute. Even if it is in lieu of a gift.
Frankly, I was shocked. Is it okay to ask for money at a bridal shower. I thought cash gifts were given at the wedding. I was taken aback.
Thank you for your response
emily,
usually asking for money and on invites is not the proper thing to do. instead a sign by the wishing well with a cute poem would have been a softer approach. though, i am finding more and more hosts/couples have already set up home and really dont need household items. cash or gift cards are becoming a big thing now. stating what the guests should bring has mixed emotions. it is not uncommon to register with a honeymoon or money registry.
* example
*wishing well
a wishing well is a long time tradition. so on the other side, it can be a good thing, lettin guests know they have the option of a gift or $$$. Good luck!!
I’m sorry to be (possibly) so naive in my older age (51), but I was shocked at a response that I received from my wife relative to Bridal Showers. She mentioned that her daughter (my step-daughter) was going to have a Bridal Shower here at home, next month. I thought that was great…no problem. But then I asked, what was the event that you and her went to last weekend (remembering that it was her Bridal Shower….or at least as my memory allows). And she answered…. “Her Bridal Shower. Most people have 15-20 Bridal Showers, but we’re only having 4″…. and there was not a good tone to it. Again, I may be WAY behind the times, but do brides-to-be REALLY normally have 15-20 bridal showers? This is not a huge family. I would say just a normal average size of family and friends. Maybe as I mentioned, I’m just behind the times, and Walmart/Macy’s/Hallmark have done a heck of a job with this event? I also got some flack for not having a Groom Shower (not to be confused with a Bachelor Party). I, nor no one that I am aware of had a ‘Groom Shower’. Jesh…..I am getting old (knew that, but it seems that I learn more so each day).
Can you give me some advice / update? Thank You Truly. -D.Noland
david,
it is true it is becoming a popular trend for grooms showers and multiple bridal showers. with the bride each family, coworkers, etc. may want to throw a shower for the bride. church ladies, different friends, the list goes on and on. the grooms shower is usually gifts like: power tools,lawn and garden supplies, etc. depending on the grooms taste. weddings have gone through many “revised” etiquette and options. brides are planning very weddings that are very much “them”. there are still families and friends that have the traditional wedding and one bridal shower, which is more my style. i have to say, though, there are some GORGEOUS non/semi- traditonal weddings and showers out there!! i truly hope i have helped.
Stacey, YES you have helped indeed. I do appreciate the insight. It was mostly the number of 15-20 bridal showers that through me for a loop…. I mean, the more power to her (my step-daughter), there was at the time of the discussion, a inference that I/we were to arrange each of them. And excuse me, but my thoughts was in a the form of ‘no way’. Of course, being the wise 51 that I am…..I kept my mouth shut (;> I have since, given in to at least attributing to the ‘Groom Shower’. Considering a gas blower. Presently, they live in an apartment, and wouldn’t really need it. But they are looking for a house….so that was my thought. In any case, YES. Thank you for your thoughts and helpful guidance. BTW, how many ‘Receptions’ should I expect ???? Maybe, I don’t want to hear the answer.
Best Regards, -D.Noland
I’m going to a bridal shower tomorrow. Do I put the bride and groom’s names on the envelope/inside of the card that I’m including with their gift, or should it only be to the bride to be? Thank you!
cathie,
i would just put the brides name on envelope and on the inside just write congratulations to you both!!
typically, should those that hosted the bridal party receive a small gift from one of the mothers or the bride-to-be?
mary,
*theknot
*bridal shower hostess gifts
i think it is a very nice thing to do. although optional. i love the idea of sending flowers and a card thanking them for a special day!!
I am the MOB who will be hosting a bridal shower with MOH. The Bride does not wish to have any games. It is okay to have guests print out their names on cards to be drawn for prizes?
bonnie,
oh yes this will be perfect.
Please settle this argument between coworkers: if a guest of a bridal shower wins a prize, is she obligated to give it to the bride?
kelly,
no, that is door prizes those are not included in the brides gifts. those are what the hostess picks up to have little games at random at the shower for the guests to make it more fun. look at it like a raffle or door prize that would play at other functions, the same rules apply, winner keeps gift. the brides name can also go in the pot for the name drawing ( optional) another fun way to include her.
*link
*bridal shower games
a co-worker asked me in summer 2008 to be in her winter 2009 wedding, and then she & fiance eloped two weeks ago. our work is throwing a (surprise) bridal shower for her next week. bride’s mother has asked me if the family should still host a bridal shower, since she eloped. what do you suggest?
shannon,
a shower is usually not given for elopements. those invited to the wedding usually go to the shower.
*etiquette
BUT….
with the ever changing rules of weddings more and more brides and families are making it about what is better for them. this is my suggestion. instead of a family bridal shower i would have a small reception for them ( coed) it doesnt have to be grand, a reception shouldnt cost any more than a bridal shower. simply have cake and champagne or punch. have it in the afternoon. keep it super simple ( 2 hours tops) and have in a place where everything is already there. no rentals. wouldnt it be fun to surprise them with a reception as long as it wouldnt go against any reasons why they may have eloped( example: she didnt want a big wedding) it would just be a very nice way to celebrate upon return!! or just take them and immediate family out to dinner. i am sure family will want to give gifts etc. anyway. so they could bring them with them. think…gift certificates etc. i want sure if she already had all her home items. then gift certificates would be perfect! did they have a real “honeymoon”. if not, why not get everyone together who wants to contribute and give them a weekend getaway gift certificate to a fave spot.
stacey, thanks for your reply. the reception dinner for this friend is only 6 weeks away. i think the MOB is still planning on doing some kind of shower & the reception dinner is far enough away that the guests invited will have to stay the night in the hotel ($$). what is a polite reply to decline to attending or participating in a 2nd shower??
shannon,
if there is an RSVP just write the number of guests invited; decline. if asked for a reason just state: Thank you so much for the invitation to the bridal shower, however, finances wont permit us to attend all the wonderful prewedding events. Please accept our apologies and we wish the bride and groom all the best, we will see you at the wedding!
I see a comment about the etiquette of not necessarily inviting all the women who are invited to the wedding to the shower- this makes sense, however I’m having a destination wedding and my MOH & MOB are throwing a shower the day before. I had originally wanted to only invite a select group of close relatives and friends, however that sort of left out a small number of the ladies coming to the wedding… My worry is that the women not invited might be more insulted that they were left out since they flew half-way across the country just to come to the wedding? In this case should I just invite everyone?
kate,
if they will be at your wedding it would be very nice to invite them to the shower since it is the day before. i am asuming you all will already be at your destination. if so, it would be best to invite them. they may feel awkward being at the destination spot with all the ladies but them at the shower venue. if you will not be at your destination i would still invite them.
Okay, so I’m having my honeymoon shower this weekend, I’ve always had it in my head that since most of my gifts will be gift certificates or money towards our honeymoon registry that it would be inappropriate to open envelopes in front of our shower guests. I have been given an opinion that it would be completely insulting if I didn’t open the envelopes. What should I do? open or not open? PLEASE HELP!
lisa,
open the gifts whether gift cards, monetary, or other. that is usually the high point of a shower so guests can see the bride open the gifts.
yes, I agree should this be a traditional whoer, but I can’t exactly show my guests monetary gifts, wouldn’t that be rude?
lisa,
you are very right. i would just have it more like a party and when everyone is mingling open the cards, pull out the gift certificate or money , and display the cards on a table. or you can just choose to open them and thank everyone for their gift and it be more like a party than a shower with a traditional gift opening. if someone happens to bring wrapped gifts, which they still may, then you could open those.
*what they did here
opening gift cards and monetary gifts in front of guests can be in poor tastes. since that is a private thing. my apologies for misunderstanding.
My mother and my sisters fiancé’s parents threw my sister a wedding shower. It was only family members (parents of the fiance and my parents and my sisters) who were invited and attended, a total of 10 people. She stated a very long time ago that she didn’t want a wedding shower. Well it was thrown anyway. She got wonderful gifts and it was a great way for the families to get to know one another and what not.
My sister flipped out at everyone saying that we were selfish in throwing her a shower and she was very very angry about it. She called my mother selfish and explained my mom threw the shower only for herself, which is impossible to do since my mom and my soon to be brother in laws parents spent hours putting decorations and gifts together. She stated this all at the wedding shower, in front of her fiance’s parents.
I can understand her maybe not wanting the shower but do you think she was out of line stating all this at the shower and yelling at my mother and sisters in front of my soon-to-be brother in law and his family? We feel that she should still appreciate the gifts and the effort that went into the shower. She embarrassed our family and really made us look bad in front of our new family. Do we have a right to be upset by how she acted and said?
Thanks so much
J,
i would be hurt by this action. the shwoer was a thoughtful idea and if you decided to proceed then that was the family or hosts choice. i am not understanding why she got upset; what reasons? could something have been said previously that would make her that upset for the shower? your correct, the shower was not the place to have “the” discussion about the event. afterwards in the presence of your family only would have been more appropriate. i would offer my apologies to the grooms family for the outbursts and explain that you didnt realize a shower would upset her so much. and leave it at that. for her, i would wait til she cooled off and not ask what yall did wrong about planning but what may have caused her emotions about it. just state youwanted to do something nice for her cause you love her and also didnt realize and if it offended her you apologize. it would be so easy to get very upset by this but i do believe there could be stress or other things bothering her and the shower was a great way to relieve pressure. again i am not sure. i dont think his family will look at you in a bad way, i think they may actually wonder why she got so upset. either way i do hope that everything works out. take care!!
As MOB I am helping my other daughter MOH plan for the shower. The MOG is wanting to invite all her friends (there is no family) but has not and does not offer to pay towards anything. Must the guess list include her friends?
feebee,
usually the guest list which is given by the bride, invites those that she is close too. it will or should include aunts, cousins, etc. from the bride and grooms side of course. since the party is given is given in honor of the bride, the mog shouldnt invite personal friends( unless she was the host) and unless her friends are close to the groom/bride then that is okay ( as long as the bride approves of adding them to the guest list.)
*etiquette
Feebee, I am an MOH who just went through this same thing. Not only did I not want to allow the MOG to invite people (cuz they were all non relatives) but my sister (the bride) insisted that she be able to invite 2-4. Not only did she invite 4 but she showed up with 9 people(!!!!) to the shower and I had planned special food for the number of people I had invited, not 5 more! Nip this in the bud and remind your daughter that when you and/or the MOH is paying for the shower, she can’t give carte blanche inviting!
A co-worker of mine is getting married in November. I would like to give her a shower at work, but the bride-to-be is concerned about whether all of her co-workers need to be invited to the wedding if they come to a shower. She is planning a small wedding so inviting all co-workers would not be an option. What is “proper protocol” here? Thanks!
michelle,
a coworker bridal shower is the exception to the rule. the only coworkers invited to the wedding are generally ones very close to the bride to be, that is why most coworkers understand and a coworker bridal shower is given, which is a great way to celebrate with the bride. happy planning!
Thank you so much! I agree and cant wait it will be FUN!
I am the maid of Honor in my best friends wedding. In MAY i asked her for a list of people and told her I was planning the shower at a park close by. I reserved the pavillion she gave me a list of 20 people in June. The shower is on September 27 and two days ago (September 7) she gives me a list of 12 more people she needed me to invite. So I bought more invitations. that is one thing. Her mother and I decided on food for the party and a few weeks ago she said she wanted some other food there so the original plans were out the window. Today she says that the park i chose is not going to have enough room and the bathrooms are not fit for her party since 3 of her grandmas are comming and she cant let them go in “that things” and they are too far away. they are 25 yards away from the pavillion. 17 days before the shower she decides to change the location of the party. Mind you I planned and bought all the decorations for the pavillion and they will not be used at her mothers. Am I wrong to be pissed that she took it into her own hands to change the location 17 days before the shower when she had over 3 months to change it?
Am I wrong to have her pay me back for the lost money on the park? Am i wrong to let her and her mom do everything for the shower now since nothing I did is good enough? Bridezilla yes or no?? 
Ashley,
my goodness! yes, i would ask for the money back on the park due to the circumstances. Since you went through this dilemma i would step back and let someone else plan the shower and pay the expense. The bride was suppose to give you a guest list only with you and the bm planning the shower according to YOUR set ideas and budget. I completely understand how you could feel. Stress( especially wedding stress) can cause even the closest relationship some shocks.
MAJOR BRIDEZILLA!
No way should the bride be able to add another 12 people (who are somehow close enough to her that they should be invited to a shower but she forgot about them until now). Additionally, as the MOH it is extremely anti-ettiquette for anyone to take over for you and plan, it is one of your privileges as the MOH!!! As it is, let them plan it, return what you can and get your money back and I would suggest having the bride or someone compensate you for any money lost. After that, be done with it. I am an MOH and I wouldn’t stand for it.
I am the matron of honor for my sister’s wedding, which was planned for the end of October. I am hosting a shower, and already sent out the invitations for September, but then the couple decided to push back the wedding date. Should I call off the shower, or is it OK to go ahead? They still plan to get married this spring, but have not set a new date.
Matron of Honor,
Since the date is up in the air and not set, i am not sure i would proceed with the shower. It would be better to wait and push that back also until you know for sure it will be in the spring.
I was wondering. A very good friend of mine that I have grown up with is getting married soon, and my boyfriends mother and I and a few others were planning on throwing her a party and I had told the MOH that we would be doing it and we wanted to make sure it was ok with her and we wanted to include her. Well the MOH took over invited more people to host “our” party and completely left us off of the invitation as hosts??? How do I politely tell my friend the bride that I really wanted to help out and host a shower for her but we seemed to have been replaced- without worrying her or causing any “drama.” I just want to politely inform her that I thought I was helping and I am sorry that “for the record” I never even HELPED host a bridal shower for her??? I just want to be prepared in case it should come up in conversation
emily,
i dont agree with her leaving you off the host wording. you could talk to her or just let it slide. since you two are so close you could tell her that you were a part of a team of hosts but the invitation didnt show that. if you are not planning any of the shower and no money has passed then why not plan a lil’ treat for the bride on your own. have just the 2 of you or more go for lunch and have a girls pampering day. it would be best if it did come up in conversation that the bride to know beforehand. i am sure she will thank everyone who hosted at the shower and with her knowing the ones who were left out of the invitation will be mentioned in the thank you speech.
I just came from my son’s financee’s shower- I love her, by the way. She chose to take the wrapped gifts home– I’ve never heard of this, and I think several people were disappointed. Isn’t the norm to open them at the shower– that is, after all, most of what the shower is about!
confusedmog,
yes you are right. i can understand how guests would feel disappointed, anticipating the oohs and ahhs of what she got. if there were alot of gifts, i would have made sure i opened the gifts of the guests present and the guests who sent gifts and couldnt make it, that would have been okay to save them for later. i am sure she wanted to spend time with her guests instead of the entire shower opening alot of gifts, this could be what she was thinking. From the sounds of it, I do not think she meant to offend anyone if she did.
My brother is getting married soon but he is having a small wedding and not inviting our very large extended family - yet there is some pressure for a shower. The MOB is hosting a shower but it doesn’t seem right to invite people to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding. I am thinking of hosting a wedding party for the family to congratulate the bride and groom but I wasn’t sure about a shower. Any thoughts?
not sure,
etiquette usually says no, though, some brides are bending these rules. what i would do is have a family party and have it after the wedding like a second reception. this way a shower can be planned. this is a great way to include family in celebration of the big day. have a simple sheet cake to cut, nothing to fancy. i would actually opt for a cake and punch or champagne celebration, costs would be super reasonable. choose a place that needs no decor. it will be best in the long run. if you are wanting to provide food, keep it simple. light appetizers will work just fine. limit the party to 2 hours. Or a hot dog party is a great way to go. make it fun! like a birthday party except grown up. one of the most inexpensive receptions i have attended was chicken spaghetti, meatball spaghetti, a large salad, garlic bread, and simple strawberry shortcake in large aluminium pans. assorted drinks. there was even food left over cause it was hearty and a great filler. the shortcake really hit the spot. i would make it super casual so noone has to dress up alot. have the newlyweds wear their attire for pics then change or a simple dress and slacks/jeans nice shirt with flipflops. how great would that picture be!! it can be done and on the cheap. so i would go this route, just make this the shower too. for example:
you are invited to the casual wedding reception/shower of
Mr. and Mrs. bride and groom
on
date
venue
time
Wear something casual and comfortable!!
this lets guests smile to a unwinding event. a luau would be perfect for this!!! orientaltrading.com has cheap decor for this them!!
*perfect party theme
*the knot
*more ideas
*more themes
gave links just in case!!
Hello I was married July 11, 2009. I Couldn’t of asked for a more beautiful day. All 13 of my bridesmaid were great. My sister and I had a double Wedding on what would of been my MomMom’s birthday- whom I adore greatly. She had passed away but will remain with us always. Not only did I marry a man I adore but I got to share this special day with my little sister- I can’t begin to tell you all the emotions I had. I know that on July 11th I was extremely happy. My mommom was a symbol of butterflies, so on my wedding I would be surrounded by them- my flowers, the cake, the alter bows and even the ice sculpture it was as beautifull as she was. On Our Double Honeymoon we were greeted by an endless supply of butterflies I know in my heart she was there. I couldn’t of asked for a better time- it was a struggle getting there but no regrets. I want to thank all my Family and Friends it meant the world to me.
As a bride, how does one talk to the MOH about her constant complaints about money and expenses relating to the bridal shower etc. She has been offensive at times.
Kim,
this is one of those very difficult situations. i would sit her down and talk to her about things non wedding and when you noticed a relaxed time. i would say i am so excited to have you have you stand up for me on my wedding day but i was just wondering how you are doing? i havent had a chance to talk with you among all the planning and was wondering if you had any concerns? if she feels like she is not being attacked then she will most likely state what is wrong without being offensive. I would keep eye contact and listen to her. It could be she cant afford the moh expenses and is pressuring herself to do so, to keep from disappointing someone she cares deeply about. I know this can be a not so joyous moment in the planning phase. If she has not bought anything and is just complaining about the expenses just tell her that her feelings are important to you and that you go way back. that you dont want the wedding to come in between your friendship and would understand if she just wanted to share in the joy of being a guest, that you will love her just by being present. Sometimes the bridal party gets a major bashing and i am not saying it is okay to have outbursts ( but that is showing an underlying issue and it may be she cant say no even though $$$ may be very tight). Coming from a best friends role she may not want to hurt the brides feelings, and she cant speak up. I am not saying this is right cause i would want to know if they could or couldnt afford the wedding. I am sure she wants to stand by your side on the most important day of your life, and felt like she would let you down. There are many emotional issues( example: sometimes even being single and watching your bf or sis be the one getting married can cause nonintentional feelings) in a wedding especially when $$$ start hitting the table. I know i may be completely off base. Keeping the lines of communication open even if it is something hard to hear just shows unconditional love. i hope this helps!!
Please HELP!
If someone was invited to a bridal shower and did not rsvp or acknowledge the bride in any way should those people still be on the wedding list?
kathy,
there are some guests that dont rsvp. usually the bride will give the guest list for the bridal shower, if they are on thse list then yes, they are invited to the wedding too. chances are the guest wont show. i would call just to make sure they declined though. with rsvp’s some phone calls will still need to be made. if they are included on the invite list, then the bride or couple must want them included.
Is it etiquette to only send shower invites to people who are attending the wedding?
Bonnie,
guests attending the bridal shower should also be invited to the wedding.
I am the MOG. I received an invitation in the mail to the Bridal Shower given by the MOB. MOH started to give the shower, but MOB took over (all the way down to NOT listing the MOH’s name on the invite). Invitation didn’t have my name on it-just address, and frankly I just assumed they meant my daughter also. We went…talk about “uncomfortable”. No one else on my son’s side of the family was invited. Frankly, I had an argruement with my son about this. In the 22yrs. of my oldest son’s life, I’ve been “mad” at him 3 times. Age 13-caught him smoking. Age 20-he had an arguement with HIS future M-I-L. (MOB was upset with her daughter and called my son every name in the book. She was upset because her daughter didn’t pay ALL the lot rent and electric bill as she has since she started work at age 16.-Yep, you heard right. Jerry Springer type stuff).
I happen to be very proud of my son (Firefighter/EMT/Paramedic/Dispatcher-College Grad) AND my Future D-I-L. (EMT/Paramedic-College Grad). I know I’m supposed to “show-up, shut-up and wear beige” but, when my family is getting shafted on invites to the shower and the wedding…
The thought of this “one sided” wedding turns my stomach.
I am a MOG. I just received an invitation to a shower for my soon to be daughter in law. I didn’t know anything about the shower until I received the invitation in the mail. It turns out the shower is the same day as my parents 60th wedding anniversay party, which is being given by me and my siblings. I cannot go to the shower because of this. I am feeling hurt and excluded because as the MOG I should have been asked before they picked a date for the shower if it was okay with me. Is this right or wrong? Is it okay for them to go and make plans for this without checking the date with the MOG?
I want to call the MOB to tell her what I am feeling about this. Is that okay to do?
nora,
i believe this is an oversight instead of intentional, i would try not to get to upset. i can understand your hurt feelings. i would explain to them what happened and unfortunately cant make it, but would love too. its just you and your siblings are hosting a anniversary party. unfortunately it was the shower hosts that set the shower date and arent required to inquire. i am so sorry it turned out this way. it will be okay, your parents will have a wonderful day as well as your fdil, the main event all loved ones will be attending, that is actually the event that shouldnt be missed. i do understand my advice may not ease hurt feelings. wish your fdil the best and tell her to have a wonderful shower and you cant wait to see all the great gifts she got!! i am betting she will be saddened by missing your parents anniversary party as you are about missing the shower. btw,
congrats to the marriage of your son AND your parents being together for 60 years!! what beautiful celebrations indeed!! smile.
I am in a very unorganized wedding. We have 6 weeks until the “big day” and I was just informed that since the MOH, also the bride’s sister, doesn’t want to throw a Bridal Shower myself and another bridesmaid are going to have to throw it instead.
There is a coed Wedding Shower this evening that we are all invited to and the same girls that will be going this evening will be on the invite list for another one.
I personally feel this is redundant and unnecessary, we are all strapped for time and money. I also thought that it was the responsibility of the bride’s family to throw showers in an event like this.
Any advice?
frustrated,
a bridal shower is optional and since she is already having one, you could opt out of throwing another. instead just take the bride out for a wonderful lunch and present her with a beautiful gift. i usually suggest this since the bride may need a say of R&R. it would be nice to add pedis and manis?!? how great would that be!! i am betting she will get most of what she needs at the coed shower. there really wouldnt be a reason to throw another. me, personally i would just take the bride out for the day as suggested. girls day out!! a pamper party!! it is usually the bridal party’s responsibility to throw a shower. however, now days, if there isnt anyone or if someone volunteers, it can be thrown by just about anyone. so make those lunch reservations at a fave restaurant, go to a simple place with 2 die for food, or grab coffee and dessert and present her with a personal( instead of a couple) gift, spa products? a gorgeous nightgown( think victorias secret i spotted a gorgeous ensemble for $40) and robe for her honeymoon? it doesnt have to be costly, keep it simple!! you will be glad you did!
I am the MOH and only bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding. I am throwing her a bridal shower and her guest list is HUGE, how can I tell guests that it is an infromal dinner/shower for the bride and they are responsible for their own bill?…without sounding tacky and poor.
frusterated,
*bridal shower tips
* more tips
*coffee and dessert shower ( have the theme more like a coffee shop, include kolaches(yum!) elegant looking donuts, lil’ cakes, etc)
*champagne and dessert bridal shower
i would opt for a cheaper yet elegant shower, cake and champagne or dessert and coffee is plenty for a shower. just plan at a time guests wont expect a full meal. i would do what i could afford. it will still be memorable and thats what its really alll about!!
another idea is to go to a simple restaurant and book a private room or have spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, and dessert( strawberry shortcake. this will go a long way. perfect for those who dont care for meat too; meatballs on the side.
You can simply send the invite and at the bottom, just say “dinners range from “9.99-29.99″ or whatever the price range is and that way everyone will know THEY are paying for themselves!!!
should grandmothers, aunts and cousins be included, even if some other states/countries?
happy,
yes they should even if they cant make it youwill still want to include them on the guest list and send an invite
I just received an invitation to the bridal shower for my stepson’s fiancé that will be held five hours from my home. My dilemma is: my husband and I are rarely, if ever, included in anything to do with the wedding, unless it is something we need to pay for. On the occasion of the few and far between visits we have with them I am rarely spoken to. I feel very uncomfortable about going to a shower where I won’t know anyone and most likely won’t feel very welcome. What’s the best way to politely decline – considering that my husband is his son’s best man?
crazy in cn,
it will be a difficult thing to decline but i understand your dilemma. if your finances are tight then youcould always tell them that( if it is the case) or it looks like your not gonna be able to make the trip, but will be very excited to see them at the wedding and you will give them their wedding gift there and keep it simple. do you have anything you need to be doing that day. then you could say unfortunatley something come up you couldnt get out of but you hope they have a beautiful day.
I am in my soon to be sister-in-laws wedding she is having a HUGE wedding party and can’t decide on a maid of honor, so I guess we r all suppose to be bridesmaids. The problem is a co-worker of hers has made up a title for herself as the maids maid. I am just trying to figure out who should be throwing the bridal shower in this case?? I don’t want to step on toes and I don’t want to cause any problems
confused,
all the bm should get together and plan a budget ( after finding out how much everyone can pitch in) and go fromthere. usually the moh heads it but in this case all the bm can give her a wonderful day!! good luck!!
I am the bride and I am pretty much throwing the whole shower I feel embarrased and way out of place doing this but all my bridesmaid are big talkers but didn’t do anything and now it is this weekend at my house and I am rushing around trying to make it perfect!
I have a question regarding when the Bride should arrive at the shower if it is not a surprise.
G,
usually a few minutes before start time.
I am the bride. I always thought that having a lingerie party would be so fun with my close friends and immediate female family members. I have two dilemmas:
I could have two in one day. Like the coed first and then have the guys leave and have the lingerie party. But, then again, I’m not sure what friends and family would think about guys being there. I’m just not sure what to do???
)
First - all of my bridesmaids are broke due to grad school debt (except my sister - the matron of honor)! I just don’t want it to be so expensive for them. They are buying their dress, buying lingerie and buying a wedding gift. That’s a lot of buying!!! Now, I know I can just have a plain old boring bridal shower, but knowing my friends we’d be laughing up a storm with this type of party. My friends are very creative, crafty and goofs (my bridesmaid’s theme for my bachelorette party is penis haha).
With this, I wouldn’t mind two parties, but my sister or even my friends and family may think that’s going overboard and costly. In addition, I want my fiance, my friends and family to be there when we open our gifts from our registry. I could have a coed one, but that takes the fun out of the lingerie party.
Second - how do I keep it formal with this type of party? My fiance’s family is very formal and I don’t want to offend them or think of my friends and I as immature (I could just see one of my friends buying whips and chains as a gag gift and then say ‘let’s test them out’ and jokingly use the whip — something inappropriate like that). We are grown adults and love to laugh at the simple things and odd things in life (who doesn’t!?!). But, they can be weird sometimes - so, not sure what they would think. If they think it was inappropriate then they would complain to my fiance, which in turn he’d be complaining to me. Taking note, I want to invite them so they can be apart of every aspect of the wedding (plus, they would feel hurt if they weren’t invited), so, excluding them wouldn’t be an option.
Guess I’m overwhelming myself with this! Trying to make everyone happy (which I know, can’t make everyone happy - but, I can always try
Thank you for the help!
I am having a shower for my daughter (technically hosted by a cousin so that it doesn’t seem tacky). She has everything she needs and doesn’t want anyone to have to spend lots of money. I thought a “picture this” theme would work. In the invitation, I stipulated that gifts be limited to family snapshots or individual photos. Those things mean more, cost very little, and don’t lend themselves to competition.
OK, reality check. It sounds like in the excitement of your wedding - which is great and all - you’re losing sight of the big picture here. If your friends are as broke as you say, then there’s no reason in the world to be inviting them to 2 showers where they feel obligated to buy you 2 presents in addition to your wedding gift. Keep in mind that in addition to the 3 - count ‘em 3! - gifts they are now purchasing for you, they’re also forking out for bridesmaid dresses (or just buying something nice to wear), hosting the actual showers, and possibly hotel and travel expenses.
So, here’s the solution. Assuming you enough volunteers to throw all these showers, you don’t have to invite the same guests to every party. You can invite the groom’s “formal family” to the couples shower, and then invite your close friends to a small girls-only lingerie shower. Besides, I’d expect most groom’s family (mom, sisters, cousins) would prefer not to think about you guys getting it on and your sexy lingerie. I doubt they’d feel hurt being excluded from this event, and unless you are best friends with his sister, they don’t even need to hear that it’s taking place.
How do you word an invitation if the MOB and Grandmother of the bride are paying for an entire shower……the bridesmaids are taking care of games, and entertainment part and set up …..without offending the mother of the groom??? should I just omit the phase hosted by???and just keep RSVP?
Loren,
you will need rsvp contact numbers and info. so the hosts will need to be listed, all of them. or they can talk it over and agree on someones name and number to be contacted. the grandmother may choose to leave that up to the moh( which the moh is usually the one for the rsvp even with multiple hosts) since the bm will be pitching in they will be hosts too. i know you mentioned the mog being offended, not sure why, but why not let her help decorate and pitch in making things. she can be a host too!!
but you could put it
hosted by: bridal party and family
this may offend others, since their name wasnt actually listed. i am not sure, how they would feel. i would put someones name that everyone would know for the contact number. cause if they dont it may have negative effects on the attendance.
*bridal shower wording
if you choose to omit the hosts line. make sure to have the moh for contact info, doing this make sure everyone that helped plan will be thanked at the shower. it wouldnt be polite not to thank them after the hard work and $$$ put into it. i hope this helps with your dilemma.
I am the bride and I was married before. My fiance has also been married before and I was wondering if it was appropriate to have a bridal shower. We don’t really need anything for our home but a longerie shower or honeymoon shower would be helpful. My two grown daughters are bms and would like to do something for us. Any advice?
marsha,
you can give the green light for a bridal shower, it is very appropriate to have one. whether a one time bride or a encore bride. i hope you and your family have a wonderful time with your new journey. i wish you both all the best!!
Help! I am a bridesmaid for my cousin, I’m from out of town, The MOH is incharge of the shower - I agreed to chip in on helping with the shower - which I thought was for the party favors and decorations, I thought it was odd to be asked to do that in the first place - anyways, the invitations went out last week and then today I was informed that each bridesmaid owes $170! We never got a price quote, menu - nothing - just some ideas from the MOH. There are 6 of us, the guest list is for 70! It’s a sunday brunch! I did not agree to this much! It’s crazy!! I have never been to a 70 person shower nor have I had to pay for a shower. Do I still get a gift? I don’t want to jip the bride she has no control over this. Do not attend? Oh help! How do I get threw this? It’s in a few weeks!
I am so torn - the hotel, gas money a gift, I am going to go broke. I agreed to be a bridesmaid with the bride, I agreed to go on a bachelorette weekend, this is way too much! My husband is having a fit!
monica,
usually the bm and moh will chip in on one gift. i would be upfront about my finances and explain that you didnt think it would be so high. that it would be something you all could afford. it was unthoughtful to spring this amount on you all of a sudden. you are not required to pay more than you can afford, since you were not in the planning process. it is wrong to tell you what you must pay, it should have been discussed in a group as to what could be afforded. if you pitch in this will make you a host, i would tell them i will give what i can afford or step down as one of the hosts cause you cant afford the travel expenses etc. i would just give my gift to the bride at the wedding.
*bridal shower tips
monica, i thought this q&a forum fit you your situation perfectly. it is also from a top wedding website.
*bridal shower costs
me,
i would talk to her and say it is really important to me to help plan a shower for my sister. i was wondering which direction you wanted to go with the shower and i might have a few ideas that might work, maybe we could sit down and talk. if this dont work, why not just bring just your sister to a day just for her. you could treat her out to lunch and have a relaxing day. does she like pedis and manis? treat her to those and help her with the beauty end of getting ready for her big day. if the moh wants this day and wants to pay for the entire thing,( if any bm are paying a portion their planning ideas SHOULD be involved and shared, otherwise they shouldnt have to pay) if you are not paying then the moh or host will decide how to plan the shower. then i would give my sister a day all for herself. she would sure welcome a day from thinking about the wedding, even if its for a couple hours. you can bond with her better alone where in a group of people eveyone will be vying for her attention.
Oh my goodness. Hopefully somebody….anybody on here can help me. I am a very young bride to be, I’m 21 years old, and my MOH is only 18. She’s still a poor college student, and she can’t afford to throw my bridal shower, which is fine with me. My other BM’s have agreed to take it on, but they’re dropping the ball. Don’t get me wrong,l I’m not complaining, a bridal shower is the last thing that I’m worried about.
Here’s the problem. My future mother in law absolutely detests me. She goes out of her way to make me uncomfortable, and does not acknowledge me when my fiance is not around. I’m marrying the son of the dragon lady.
Anyways, she called my fiance earlier this evening and informed him that she will be planning my bridal shower, without any consent from either of us. Any ideas on how to approach this? I don’t want to make the situation any worse than what it is at this point, but I don’t want to have to go through with a bridal shower being thrown by a person who doesn’t seem to care for me at all.
Duck,
you said she does not acknowlege you when your fh is not around. i would accept the offer only if it is coed. if he is present it will make it more comfortable. i would simply say that we wanted a coed shower the entire time, or if you have everything just thank her for her thoughtfulness but decline. if she insists have your fh to firmly but lovingly say coed. those are more fun anyway! this is something i would want to resolve asap. cause marriage will mean you spending time with his family now and in the future, while you cant make two people like each other you can definitley have your fh and you both sit down to find out why she doesnt like you. it could be she is having a difficult time letting her son go. sitting down could be the answer.
There is no reason why you can’t have two showers. Let your new mother in law host one party, and have another one with a few intimate friends. Be gracious and mature. This is, afterall, the mother of the man you are going to marry.
I am the stepmom of the bride and would like to be a part of the shower. The mother of the bride has organized the shower with very little input from the bridal party. I have spoken to two of the bride’s maids, and they are asking me w hen the shower is. My husband, the father of the bride receives a call concerning the cost of the shower from the bride, that since her mother said it is too expensive for the bms to have to pay she would like him to pay for half of the restaurant bill. I don’t think it is appropriate for the mother and especially the father to be involved in the shower arrangements, and can understand that the mom wants her daughter to have a beautiful one. Do you think that I should offer to help out, or do you think it it already out of control?
maryanne,
i would offer my help if i felt it was the right thing to do. generally, etiquette says no to parents throwing a shower but now says it is pretty much up for grabs. i dont know if the bm are upset about not being involved or taking it as thoughtful. if you want to be a cohost then by all means ask if you could help out cause you love the bride and want her to have many memories of her wedding and preparties. i would not pay for half if i couldnt afford it. when hosting parties, a budget should be discussed and set and whatever funds are available is what one would work within. it is easy to let your heart rule and the event takes on a life of its own. this causes many stresses and can hurt relationships. it should never reach that point. my overall opinion…the father should not have to pay for the bridal shower since it is for ladies, he could if the couple was paying for their own wedding but i would recommend in that case; coed. cause if he pays that makes him a bridal shower host and his name SHOULD be on the guest list.
i was wandering if the bride and groom are not having a big wedding,is it still ok to have a bridal shower for the bride? the people that would be invited will not be at the wedding
sue,
absolutely, check out the posts below. a couple brides wrote in on same situations.
My sister is getting married and I am her MOH. I am hosting the shower with a family friend as well. My sister wants to go to Cuba for her honeymoon so I thought it would be fun to have a Cuban themed shower and in the invites say guests could contribute to the honeymoon or bring honeymoon themed gifts. Is asking guests to bring money for the honeymoon tacky? The lady I’m hosting with thought it would be! Please let me know what you think!
courtney, hi!!
I LOVE the honeymoon theme! i think this is a thoughtful way to do a shower! spread the word what your plan is but make sure it is optional to do the $$$ or the honeymoon gifts! great idea!! have alot of fun planning this!
*honeymoon theme shower
*honeymoon bridal registry
*tips
*money bridal shower for honeymoon
*Honeymoon Travel Bridal Shower ( I LOVE THIS!! the entire theme outline is wrote out for you, you register the couple and give the guests the choice to buy a gift certificate toward the honeymoon!! WOW!) this is gonna be tons of fun! etiquette has BEEN changing. brides are making weddings more about the couple etc. this topic will get mixed reviews but i would go with what i KNOW will be perfect, bravo as a moh and a thoughtful sister!!
So I have to have a really small wedding and my bridal shower is the week before the wedding. Due to the small amount of people we can have…I have my list and some people on it aren’t invited to the wedding. Is it impolite to invite them to the shower, even though they are not invited to the wedding? I know some of them understand that they couldnt be invited but still want to support me. Is this something thats too rude?
alyssa,
i am gonna leave this link for you and Rose, since your situation is similar. here…
*bridal shower and small wedding
thought etiquette says guests at shower should go to wedding, under the circumstances it is perfectly fine to have a shower. a great way to celebrate with those you care about. i would heavily consider coed too. that way the guys can be there too. it could be a great lil’ party. have a wonderful day!!
I am having an extremely small wedding - I am excluding a lot of people - is it impolite to invite them to a bridal shower and not the wedding?
rose,
usually anyone invited to the bridal shower is on the wedding guest list.
but some go ahead, due to a small family affair, giving you a way to celebrate with everyone, usually its for a city hall or destination wedding
I am invited to my boyfriend’s cousins shower tomorrow. Do I sign the gift from just myself or from myself and my boyfriend? I am not super close to her or anything. She may not even know who the gift was from by just looking at the name..haha
Help please!:-)
katelyn, if its coed then put both. if not, just yours. you could giver her a card signed by both of you if you wish.
If I give a shower with a hostess gift to the bride do I also give a wedding gift at the wedding?
JD,
this will be your wedding gift overall , unless you choose to give another!
I am a bridesmaid in my sister-in-law-to-be wedding, her MOH and I are hosting a small shower and when we recieved the guest list from the bride, it is full of her friends and family only, how can we politely ask her to cut her list down to include some of the grooms’ family as well? or is it simply up to the bride who attends her shower? I can’t help but think it would be rude to exclude close family members in favor of old H.S. friends…..HELP!
me,
first i would ask her is the grooms side gonna throw a shower too? it could be a simple oversight. the bride does give the guests list, i woud ask her if she wants to invite the grooms mother and female relatives, cause it may cause some hurt feelings. it could be she doesnt know this is the way of the bridal shower. show her some links online in case she doesnt.
*bridal shower who to invite
Invite the bride’s and groom’s mothers, any other female relatives, bridal attendants and close friends of the bride to a traditional shower.
My daughter has a friend that is getting married and she is a bride’s maid. I am a hostess of the bridal shower and contributed to the hostess gift, but my daughter is just considered just a guest. How do we handle the gift situation?
michelle,
if she wasnt a host and the bm werent contributing to the hostess gift, it would have been better to buy a separate gift under the circumstances. it would be best to give her $$$ back on the hostess gift and let her buy a separate gift. it will make it look like the other bm werent involved and could hurt some feelings when the hostess gift card is read allowed and her name is mentioned and not theirs, they may feel like they werent given the chance to pitch in even if it was optional. i would for sure return her portion of the $$$. it would be much easier to do this. good luck!!
I am a bridesmaid for a coworker, the MOH is her sister I recieved an invitation to a bridal shower which seems as if it is being hosted by the mother of the bride. I have never met her mother as she lives in another state. The shower is tomorrow and I got an e-mail this morning saying I would be responsible for the cost of the shower along with the other bridesmaids. I was not involved in the planning and it sounds as if it will be a pretty expensive event. How do handle this situation?
Dee,
since you were not given a heads up and involved in any of the planning, you are not required to pay for any of the shower, unless you choose to, then you can contribute what you think is best, but prepare for potential drama.
here is a “similar” situation….
*bridal party tips
Is it appropriate to exclude children from the bridal shower? If so, how would one word this on the invitation? I fear the kids will detract from the shower, and the location is not kid-friendly.
shannon,
*bridal shower tips
just put adults only, please in bottom left hand corner
I am hosting a bridal shower for my niece. I’ve planned for several years to do this when the time came and would like to do it on my own. A couple relatives offered to help, and one of them seemed determined to be a part of it, though I tried to tactfully decline her offer. Rather than argue about it, I finally asked if she would agree to take care of the guest favors, and centerpieces if needed. The shower will be held at a restaurant. Invitations will be going out soon and I need to know if I should show this individual as a co-hostess on them? I will be paying for everything except the favors (and possible centerpieces).
susanne,
if she is contributing a little or alot, she is considered a host. just add hers, yours, and others who are pitching in to help with the shower! how lucky you are to have people to help out!! good luck!
How would you word an invitation asking a small group of people to a lunch with the bride? I want to make it clear that the invitees will be paying for their own lunch, without being super obvious. Any ideas?
I would send out a email not a invitation if you want the individuals to pay. and have the email say lets get together for Lunch with the bride. Let me know who can make it and Ill set a reservations maybe even attach the menu to see if all can afford
courtney, i agree with you. it suppose to be casual and simple. with a heading Let’s Get Together For Lunch!!
if guests will be paying for their own meal. moit anything that says hosting or request your presence. that is clearly responsible for the events financial end.
I’m the mother of the groom and have been invited to a wedding shower for my son & daughter-in-law in another state. I can’t afford to fly there and my son is fine with that. I’m on a very tight budget and will be paying for a large rehearsal dinner party at a destination wedding. With airfare, hotel expenses and the rehearsal dinner which will be at a restaurant, plus a wedding gift, my budget is being stretched beyond capacity. My question is, should I send them a shower gift if I’m not attending?
In light of all you are doing for you son and daughter-in-law, I would say, “no.” Instead, send them a card and enclose a letter telling them how much you love them and how proud you are to be the mom and future mom-in-law of such a wonderful couple. Perhaps you can enclose some pictures of your son growing up, telling them how thrilled you are to see him approach the next big milestone in life with such a beautiful woman.
Just before the shower, give your son son and future DIL a call and explain why you won’t be sending a gift for the shower.
carol,
i agree with Kim i wouldnt worry about a shower gift. if you still want to just make it very reasonable. like a gift certificate to a food outing. it doenst have to be expensive. usually someone brings a gift to the wedding if they cant make it to the shower. but i would make an exception in this case and just forego the gift. good luck!!
http://www.restaurant.com great gift certs for CHEAP!!!!!!!
I think some kind of gift is nice. I also agree with Kim about sending pictures. My mother and I are spending a lot more then we think is necessary for a wedding so when it comes to a gift at every shower my mom decided to make a small photo album of pictures of my brother to give to his new bride. It’s pretty cheap, we’re just color copying our originals and getting a $2 photo album, not too big and making that our gift. I think it’s a lot more meaningful and it’s very inexpensive.
Good luck!
Heck yeah, you need to send a gift. IT’s your son’s wedding!!! It doesn’t have to be expensive, but you should send something thoughtful. If it wasn’t your own son, you might get away with it, but why are you dickering over a gift that could be as small as a 50 dollar gift. You’re son will appreciate it more than you know.
I am the bride. It is my second marriage and my fiance’s first. My fiance and I have owned a home together for 3 years. I did not want a shower as we have all we need for our home and my friends and family have already provided this once for me (14 years ago). Instead I would like to host a ladies luncheon to thank my friends and family for their support. Is this OK? If so How should I word the invitation?
joan,
what a wonderful thought. i just love to see different ideas in weddings.
*wording
*invitation wording
i absolutely love this one i found, its elegant yet lighthearted…..
You are cordially invited to a
Bridal Luncheon
Date
Time
Place
Addressr>City, State
Thank you for being by my side and helping prepare for our special day!
Given with
love and appreciation by
Bride’s name
Please say, “I Do” by ….
so i have a bit of an issue. im the moh for my bestest friends wedding. i want everything to be perfect and wonderful for her but it’s a bit tough. there are 6 girls in the bp including myself and we are all aready putting out so much money just for the wedding day itself. the bride has a huge family and so does the groom. i was told that the guest list for the BRIDAL SHOWER itself will be like 75 ppl. ( craziness if you as me). anyway each girl has to put down $75 just for the room. ( that doesn’t include any decorations or food at all. its just the room and tables and chairs for 4 hours.) im really trying to only have to spend 150 per girl. once the room is paid for we are only left with $450 for decorations, cake, invatations, favors, gifts. we’ve already decided to ask the family to make food. this wedding is like one of those $40,000 weddings. ( mine was 5000 all together so this is greek to me) i need to figure out ways to cut costs for us girls without compromising the (for lack of a better word) fanciness of her wedding. would it be ok for me to make handmade invitations? is it ok to just have handmade wedding favors? like toole and mints? if there is really going to be that many people there we have to keep it as inexpensive per person as possible. i need all the help i can get… did i also say this is the first wedding i’ve ever been in? please please please…some advice
amber,
i have an idea. i want to treat this shower as if planning a wedding. i would do a simple dessert “reception”. have an assortment of desserts only, simple punch, waters, and coffee will work just fine. for a more sophisticated palette, dessert and champagne. plan this shower for the “in between” hours when guests will not expect an entire meal. go to your local supermarket bakery and pick up or order a beautiful cake with roses trailing down the side. when i first read your comment, i was thinking omg! a coffee and dessert reception fits the bill. think of it like your going to your local coffee or book store. there is nothing better than a simple “tea” either. if you want simple dainty sandwiches, cake, fruit and veggie trays, condiments, cookies, crackers and cheese. with coffee, soda, tea, etc. just whatever you prefer.i have to admit, our southern showers are simple, i have been to several and ours are cake and punch. it is perfect, since a “shower” is thought of like the afternoon tea party. light refreshments only. as for favors, i wouldnt worry about those, you can choose to have tulle and mints but in this case i would put $$$ elsewhere. for decor, dont go all out. depending on the tables and the room. simple potted herbs, or a single, tall, rose in a vase will be just fine. go to walmart or your local supermarket flower aisle and pick up roses for $10 a dozen. maybe more inyour area. or check out the other flower bunches at walmart. sometimes a little clipping and arranging and simply setting in vases is all you need. $ stores carry flower vases. i would put a theme on this shower so you can plan, decorate, and save money. it can still be nice and elegant. yes, making your own invites is a very good idea.
*bridal shower ideas
*bridal shower pics
i would love to see a pic of the venue and know what the bride enjoys ? wedding theme? you can pull ideas from that too.
omg!! look at this website! i love the love comes softly theme!
perfect! it is simple, the chic vases with the single flower. paper wraps for the napkins, this is a diy haven, oh the $$$ you will save!! an eco looking bridal shower has a great color scheme think chocolate brown and mint green, foliage or ferns for centerpieces, along with simple white linens, white napkins,etc. paper lanterns, candles are inexpensive too.
*bridal shower themes
*coffee/dessert reception ideas
*save money bridal
*table settings and ideas ( my fave is the elegant garden party, i love the simple yet “happy” colors with this, not to mention the way they have it set up)
i hope all this helps, if you need more post back!
thank you! thank you! thank you! for your advice and how encouraging you sounded. im over stressing and you were a big help to make me step back and calm down…with a little creativity it is so easy!
I want to throw a small, elegant tea (not a shower) for my stepson’s fiancee (both are in their early 30’s). He has been married before once, she has never been married before. I’d like it to be small; about 10-15 ladies. Can you give me some ideas on proper etiquette on this? Is this OK for me to do? Thanks.
elizabeth,
a shower is most definitely appropriate.
*tea party bridal shower
here you will find manylinks for your planning! have fun!!
I am my best friend’s Matron of Honor. My maid of honor (not this friend) was not a good example for me, so I am doing a lot of research and take on as much responsibility as possible for my friend. I, of course, immediately wanted and assumed I would host the bridal shower, but my friend, the bride, told me that it would be at her mother’s house and her mother would be hosting it. I always thought that was poor etiquette for the mother of the bride to host the shower, and I REALLY want to do it. How do I approach the subject with the bride and her mother, or do I just offer to my assistance?
Research bridal showers online — there are a number of sites out there that confirm the long-held belief that the Mother should not host the event. Once you gather up this info, share it with the bride, plus let her know that you’d really like to host the shower at MOH and that is traditionally the way it’s handled. Would she and her Mom be willing to change plans? Tell her that you would LOVE her mom’s help (ideally, she may also offer to help financially). Here’s a great compromise — you “officially” host the party on the invitations, but hold it at the bride’s mother’s home. (There are many good reasons for doing so — the mom has more room, her place is better located, etc.) I agree that it is not proper for the Mom to host a bridal shower, so good luck.
My Aunt is having a second wedding/marriage and she chose nieces as bm’s and her fiance chose his nephews as his gm’s. I’m the oldest so I am the MOH. I don’t mind handling the MOH responsibilities, but am I supposed to? I guess it just feels a little different being her niece and it’s her second wedding. I guess I’m more concerned about $$$. and if I’m supposed to pay for the showers and other events… and the other bm’s are college students with very little $$$. help? Also, what do I say for a speech?
kim, yes since you are the moh that comes with certain responsibilities. it doesnt have to cost a fortune, but if you do find you cant afford this, then have a talk with your aunt and explain the situation, although there are ways to cut costs without it costing a fortune.
otherwise, just talk about things straight from your heart. are you and her close? then share a great memory with everyone. the speech is optional, you can choose to just say a toast. there is a great link on favor ideas with tips for the moh speech.
* Giving a Maid of Honor Speech? Simple Tips You Can Use Right Now!
when you get ready to plan let me know!! i will help all i can!
I have been invited to a bridal shower and the invitation states “please wear cocktail attire”. The shower is to be held at a private residence on a Sunday afternoon. My question: Is is proper to expect guests to buy special clothing to attend a shower? Many others I have talked to have said they can’t go because they can’t afford to buy a new dress.
BAM,
usually this can be the case. do you have a nice pantsuit you can wear? then just add a chiffon or silk scarf and your most elegant accessories with heels and you have something perfect. think a simple black, blue, or any neutral dress too. something basic will work if you you just add the right accessories. think about a simple but nice black dress with a scoop t shirt neckline no sleeves. if you add a long beautiful scarf around the neck and let the scarf ends flow, with diamond or faux diamond jewelry and strappy heels. then you have the perfect dress to wear. if you would like, please write back and tell me what you have in your closet along the lines of dressy. you may have everything you need except the scarf etc. i would love to help!!
I am the MOH to a friend of mine and am hosting the bridal shower. Am I supposed to give her a gift as well?
lauren, usually the moh and bm pool their money and buy one gift.
Thanks for the reply. I guess I should have explained that I am the only attendant. As it ended up, I didn’t buy a gift after spending several hundred dollars for the shower.
Is it traditional to give the bride, mother of the bride, and mother-in-law to be corsages at the bridal shower?
alisa,
i have only seen the bride wear one, since it is in her honor. usually the others get one at the wedding.
My question is my sister and I are sharing the maid of honor role. We are giving my sister her bridal shower and covering the cost of this. We have 3 other attendants as part of the bridal party. I did tell them that my sister and I would cover the expense of the restaurant and party. I graciously asked if they could help with the cost of favors, cake and decorations. One bridesmaid came forward and ordered the favors and decorations and the cost involved. We spoke on the phone and she came forward and said it the other 2 would like to contribute that would be great but if they decline that was okay also. I would like to know how to graciously ask the other two bridesmaids if they would/could contribute to the cost of the favors/decorations. I feel bad the one bridesmaid put out the money but she in no way expected anything from anyone. I just want to handle this properly but I dont know how to approach asking for money when they werent in on the decision on what and how much everything would cost. Any ideas?
annemarie,
if they werent involved in any of the planning, then it is difficult to ask. it doesnt matter if the one bm came forward and bought everything. just tally up what the supplies were and tell them. if the $$$ arent really that important, then just have them join forces with “manpower” to get the bridal shower organized, decorated, and cleaned up. btw, what thoughtful and great bm you are!!
Hello! My brother and his fiance are getting married in November….destination wedding with only immediate family invited. They are having a reception two weeks after the wedding for all family, friends etc. I offered to throw them a shower when they first got engaged. He asked me if I was still going to give him a shower and I will….however…I want to make sure that I’m following proper rules…who can I invite to the shower?
griselda, since there will be a reception upon return, it is the same as any shower.
*How to Know Who to Include in a Wedding Shower
I am giving a shower for someone and there is a very moved up wedding and shower which doesn’t allow much budget for the wedding. Could a shower be used to include close friends who won’t be able to be involved in the wedding day? There is an upcoming family event that will be tragic that has caused things to be moved. Some close women will not be invited due to money and time restrictions for this family but they do know the situation. Could the shower be their time with the bride to celebrate her special day?
shari,
it is a rule you dont invite someone to the shower and not the wedding. unless it doenst matter to them, then by all means do it, otherwise i wouldnt.
REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE, PLEASE: My neighbors have asked to throw me a bridal shower. I am the bride. My MOH is lives out of state, my bridesmaid lives out of state. I have no immediate sisters and my sister-in-law isn’t close with our family. I was talking to my host tonight deciding on where to throw the shower. Because it’s our only shower, there are 56 people to invite to this shower. No one has a house big enough, so we have to throw it at a restaurant. Just for the food and drink and reserving the place, it’s almost $1,000. That’s not even inivites or favors or the decorations. My host mentioned to me today that she was broke. There is a second host who she doesn’t even know if she’s chipping in. So she asked me tonight that we should go three ways. Basically the bride and groom would have to shell out a third of the costs. And I know that’s not how it works. The hosts offered the shower to me, they take care of the costs. I feel like the right thing to do is to relieve her of her offer. I asked her if she wanted to back out and she said….well….. I don’t know how to relieve her of her duties and don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. But I know the bride and groom shouldn’t have to bear the costs of the shower. That will mean that we won’t have a shower at all. It was great that she offered because we do need one. And to add, my mom can’t afford to chip in either. What do I do?
donna,
unfortunately you cannot host your own bridal shower; or share in expenses. if the hosts cannot pay for the shower, then they should be relieved of this, however, it is not up to the bride to make this decision cause a shower is a optional party. if you feel strongly about telling the hosts they dont have to plan one, then the next time i was approached i would thank them for their thoughtfulness and consideration to throw a shower but the bride and groom are not suppose to share in the bridal shower expense and politely decline. there are ways to have a cheaper shower by cutting the guest list so it can be thrown at someones home or a church banquet hall or local park. keep it simple like cake and punch( this is the route i would go) or appetizers and beverages. i do hope they find a way to afford the shower because every bride deserves one. i do wish you the best of luck.
Expecting your hosts (neighbors) to pay $1,000 for a shower for 47 people is extremely bold and impolite. When they offered, they probably had in mind a smaller affair — maybe 20 people max — to be held in their homes. Since they wanted to host a shower for you and no one else has, allow them to plan one, even if it’s not a large and expensive as you think you deserve. The host determines the size of the shower, since shes the one who has to do all the work and pay for everything. Don’t take the host’s generous offer as your opportunity to a huge gala event. Be thankful that they have offered to do anything. Maybe that’s why no one else has volunteered — they know you have unrealistic (and greedy) expectations.
Ok. take it easy. I was just asking advice. I have never been married before. I’ve never done this. My host asked me to come up with the list. I didn’t know that she needs to do that. I was just asking advice on how to let her off the hook without hurting her feelings. You don’t have to bash me. I am not greedy person. I was just doing what someone asked me to do. I don’t expect that from anyone. And around here, there are plenty of big showers. And this is not the reason no one else is throwing a shower. You shouldn’t be so harsh to someone you don’t know or their circumstances. I was reaching out because I didn’t know what to do. And I thank the first person for your advice. It was helpful.
My niece is getting married in October and is having 2 Junior Bridesmaids and 2 Flower Girls in the wedding. The ages of the Junior Bridesmaids will be almost 10 and 7 1/2 and the Flower Girls will be 1 1/2 and 2 1/2. My question is: Are they responsible for contributing, financially, to the Bridal Shower? The MOH seems to think that since they are in the wedding that they should be counted in. Seems ridiculous to me. What do you think?
I agree with you. That is ridiculous to think they should contribute. Only the Maid of honor and the bridesmaids contribute, and only if they are able to. Junior Bridesmaids and flower girls are not expected to contribute, and I am sure they cannot and this will just be another expense coming out of the pockets of the parents.
Kristy, Thanks so much. I knew I couldn’t be the only one that felt this was unfair. It’s just obvious to me that kids shouldn’t be included in the financial aspect of a wedding. Thanks again!
janis,
no, etiquette states they do not contribute financially, the older ones can be given a few responsibilties, like favor assembling, setting out items, etc.
*Flower Girl Responsibilities
*The Wedding Etiquette Books By Emily Post
Stacey, Thanks so much! This is a touchy situation because the MOH is also a niece. Now I have to get up the nerve to call her on this… Thanks again.
have been to many showers, traditionally the Maid of honour, bridesmades and very close friends contribute financially or by bringing food and a gift. The other friends will bring a gift of some kind. Younger ones seem to want to contribute in some way or other, but are NOT expected to contribute financially in any way. Contributions may be in the way of singing a song, playing an instrument, writing a poem etc, or by buying a little gift out of their pocket money like body lotion, bubble bath. Usually the mother of the flower girls is more than willing to buy a gift herself lingerie for example as she is usually very close to the bride herself.
The point is that no pressure whatsoever should be put on anyone to contribute anything, particularly the younger ones.
It’s supposed to be a special time a time of celebration for the bride to be who is being honoured. Putting pressure on people to contribute is not in the spirit of a shower.
hope this helps, have a fab time and God bless
Siobhan
I am the cousin of the bride and unfortunately cannot attend her bridal shower. Am I supposed to give a gift anyway? (I am attending the wedding and will of course, have a gift in hand).
A,
a gift in hand is perfect, no need for a second gift!!
Hi All,
I am the bride to be, but I am helping my mother and my younger sister who is my MOH, bring together a guest list for my bridal shower. We have a very large family, and every female family member on our side is invited, along with about five of my closest friends. My parents are paying for the wedding, and also the bridal shower since my sister (MOH) is only 21. They have been so generous, and I would like to keep the bridal shower at a minimum so the cost does not get out of hand. When it comes to the grooms family, I’m a little confused! My fiances parents are divorced, but his father is engaged. I was planning on inviting both his mother and his fathers fiancé, but, they have never met before, and I do not think this mother knows his father is engaged. I was also wondering if I should invited his aunt and two cousins on this father side… we have met a few times on holidays, and I have been invited to his cousins baby shower. I feel awkward because I would not be inviting any of his mother family since I have never met them. What do I do? I do not want to hurt any feelings, but I also do not this shower to turn into a production! I am equally close with his mother and soon to be stepmother; is it okay to invite both? Do we invite his aunt and two cousins? PLEASE HELP!
aubrey,
hi! if you are looking to have a low key shower i would keep it to family and closest friends. chances are, someone in the fam, will be throwing another shower. here is guest etiquette for those wanting to follow some sort of “rules” when making the guest list. i would definitley invite them even if they dont attend. i would invite the mother and the future stepmother. i would have someone politely tell the mother to save her from any surprises though. cause even if you kept it under wraps, i am sure someone knows and may say something at the shower. this will give her time enough to deal with the situation. it could be, that it wont bother her. i would most definitley include his side of the family as well. unless, you know there will be a “groom’s side of the family” shower. i do have one tip, and i promise noone will be displeased, just make sure to set the shower time for say 2 p.m.-4 p.m. for example. this is a time most wont expect a full meal. have a beautiful table of punch and cupcakes or cake, with ice cream. it will be ALOT cheaper and perfect for gifts to open and share in the special celebration leading up to the big event. the rule of thumb is dont invite someone to the shower who isnt invited to the wedding itself. i went to several bridal showers that had this. there was an assortment of beverages including punch , a very tasty cake, nuts, mints, ice cream and one had ice cream toppings. it was decorated really pretty and everyone had a wonderful time. noone missed the sandwiches, etc. another is a dessert and coffee/punch shower.
*****
You should invite:
· Mothers of the bride and groom
· Grandmothers/great grandmothers of the bride and groom
· Aunts
· Female Cousins
· Bridesmaids/female attendants
· Close friends of the bride and her family
· Close female business associates of the bride
* Create Bridal Shower Food And Menus
i do hope this helps!
I have received a few shower gifts at home for guests who will be attending my shower. Am I supposed to bring these gifts to the shower?
debbie,
it is really up to you. generally when a gift is received it is opened right there or you can wait and bring them to the shower.
My best friend asked me to host her daughter’s bridal shower since the MOH lives out of state. I’ve reserved my neighborhood clubhouse for the event which is already costing me $100. Am I expected to pay for all of the food, favors and everything else involved in the party? If not, who do I approach and how do I tactfully ask for help?
will be broke,
usually the moh and bm help out. i would get in contact with the moh and the other bridal party. if there is noone then you could ask family members if they would like to help host the bridal shower. your best friend must think the world of you to bestow you this honor, however, a bridal shower is a thoughtful thing to do for a bride or couple. and it is generally best volunteer to host the shower instead of being asked. i would definitely ask for help. your best friend can help also, along with aunts, cousins, friends, etc. tip: keep it as simple as possible.
Hello!
While it is considered in poor taste for the mother of the bride to actually throw the shower, the mother of the bride can still help out financially, you can also consider sending the maid of honor or other bridesmaids an e-mail in regards to this. You should not have to come out of pocket this much especially when you were asked to throw this shower, and you didnt voulenter.
Hi,
I am the MOH and will be throwing the bridal shower. The bride lives out of town as does her mother. We will be having the shower in the bride’s hometown since it is easier for me to travel to her rather than all of her friends/family to travel to me. The thing is, the shower needs to be at her mother’s house. Her mother doesn’t drink and doesn’t like alcohol any where near her. I completely respect this decision and suggested we have two types of wine (one alcoholic and one sparkling) to accomodate & respect everyone. She has still said no, not in her house etc, etc. Do I respect her decision and have a ‘dry’ bridal shower, or should I push the issue? (The bride would like to have a glass of wine at her bridal shower)
I have dealt with this issue personally and believe that if you feel strongly about having the wine, you should. But you cannot impose your wishes and desires on someone in their own home. If this is your desire, I suggest that you find a community center, apartment complex party room to rent and have your bridal shower there. Then you are in total control and no one should be offended and everyone has a great time. I believe it would be offensive to bring acholol into someones homes when you are totally aware that they are oppose to it. It would make for a very uncomfortable situation for the Bride, her mother, and you. Then no one would have a good time which would defeat the purpose.
my cousin is getting married in vegas, small ceremony only 20 or so ppl. i am the MOH, there are no bridesmaids or bridal party. i don’t live in the state where she lives but i want to step up and have a shower for her. some questions:
1- since she’s having a small ceremony it’s ok to invite her friends and co-workers that weren’t invited to the wedding right? how do i let them know this so they’re not insulted? (i don’t know most of them)
2- she suggested a lunch or brunch at a restaurant to make this easy, but I think this makes it more of a $$ burden on the host…thoughts?
3- she’s lived with her boyfriend/groom for years so they don’t really need anything for the house but I they are taking a cruise for their honeymoon so i thought maybe making that the theme, and having guests gift her things through the cruise website (you can have champagne delivered to their room, a cooler full of beer/soda delivered, drink tickets, etc.) Is that ok? if so, how do I inform the guests? the bride already feels funny about having a shower- like she’s being greedy (sweet girl).
3.5- she suggested i send e-vites, to keep it simple. is that ok? if so, does that give me a little more flexibility on communicating tthe theme/gift arrangement without seeming rude? or do i have to wait for guests to ask me what they can do??
4- her mom and groom’s mom have already asked about or offered to do it, or something, i’m not sure which. she’s going to let them know i’m throwing her shower, but should I wait for them to offer to help, or should i reach out? especially with no other bridesmaids, i could really use the help.
5- should i ask the moms to help with $$, or is that rude? if they offer to help with $$ should they go on the invite? what if they offer to help with making some food? do i put them on the invite either way, if they help in ANY way?
i know that’s a lot of questions, but this is a different situation, and this is a unique bride! she’s a no muss, no fuss kinda girl…why i love her!! any thoughts/suggestions/input is very much appreciated!!!
babs,
a cruise how wonderful!! she could do a honeymoon register ( google search) love the theme your using!! thumbs up!
1) *New Destination Wedding Etiquette Q&A
2) in vegas, a restaurant would be ideal. usually bm pitch in funds, see if any of the parents would like to in this case, if it costs to much then i would plan a simpler shower with cake, punch, appetizers. as host you plan the shower you can afford. the bride shouldnt be in the planning or choosing the venue.
3) awww!
*gift registry ideas
3.5) send out paper invites, they may not get the email. afer she has registered have a small section at bottom or a simple but nice printed paper of where she is registered. another thing i would add tothis shower is gift cards ( google search gift certificate bridal shower and also gift card bridal shower) this will make it easier for the ones not interested or cant go online ( no paypal, credit card, etc).make it easy for all combined by having her register in additon for honeymoon items she will be needing. luggage? personals? anything honeymoon related.
4) take their help! if they have already asked then sit down and talk about what needs to be done. orientaltrading.com has cheap but tasteful destination theme decor. also google search ( honeymoon theme bridal shower or travel bridal shower; for cute ideas)
5) if they have already offered then take their offer. if they havent you could find out if they would be interested in helping plan a special shower for the bride. if they help in any way they will be listed as a host. on the invite it will be typed hosted by: names of each person planning and funding the shower.
you sound like you are a wonderful moh so thoughtful, caring. it is so nice to see how you want her upcoming wedding and activities to be special. if you need any xtra help please dont hesitate to ask, i promise i dont mind the questions, i am just glad i am able to help, in any way i can.
stacey,
Thanks so much! I appreciate your input.
the shower is going to be in town, not in vegas, so I think i’ll take your advice and keep it simple.
I have looked intot he honeymoon registration sites, but they have already booked their cruise, so I think the only site that would work would be one (honeyfund.com) where it just tells the guests what they want (and how much $) and the guests pay the bride directly via check or cash…kinda weird, i think. I wonder if it would be ok to direct them to the cruise site and let them just buy drink tix or whatever for them there…if someone’s really clever they’ll know that cash is ALWAYS welcome, right?
babs,
great idea, i would get in contact with the cruise line and see how to do this! good luck!!
I am getting married in august, it is my first, his 2nd, I am 33 years old & have 2 daughters & own my own home & he lives with me.. my MOH wants to throw me a shower, I feel kind of weird about it. Is it appropriate to have one at this age & stage in my life?
m. blake,
you can choose to forego the shower but instead you can choose to set up a honeymoon registry ( google search for severallinks) this could be a great idea for the bride who has everything! another popular idea is the gift card bridal shower ( google search also) but yes, any age is appropriate for a bridal shower. it would be alot of fun!
I am the MOH in a friends wedding in September. My husband and I will be flying to the wedding, renting a car, and staying in a hotel for four days to attend this event. Originally I had also planned on attending the bridal shower in July. However, I am now rethinking this. I received an email stating that another bridesmaid had planned the shower and my contribution would be $125.00, the same as all bridesmaids. In addition to this amount (which I feel is a lot for a shower) I will have to buy a plane ticket to get there. My husband is currently in college and I am a teacher working on my masters. We really do not have the money for me to attend this event plus I will miss a class to go. Would it be okay for me to politely let my friend and her bridesmaids know that I cannot attend?
dragonfly,
this is a situation that is so tricky, i completely understand your dilemma, the bridal party usually splits the costs. here is a great link…
* bridal shower etiquette
from the page here is the question/answer i wanted you to read.
from all about showers…..
The maid of honor and the matron of honor planned the entire shower with no input from the other bridesmaids. Now they tell us that it will cost us $50 each, plus we have to chip in $25 each for the group gift, and plus, they want us to fly in a week before the wedding just for the shower. Do I have to?
A: No. Just explain that since you will be flying in for the wedding, you find it impossible to make another trip. Wish them luck, and send them your portion of the group gift.
it was a “similar” case and i would go by this answer. it would be to expensive with plane ticket. i would talk to the bride, or whoever is closer and would understand. if you only have 75.00 i would send what i have and tell them you just dont have it.
I am wondering what the proper way to send out bridal shower invitations. I have 8 aunts and uncles and then about 50 cousins and their daughters. Would it be appropriate to send one invitations to my Aunts and then let them spread the word to their daughters, etc. I am thinking that I should send invitations to my aunts and cousins and then let my cousins spread the word to their children. Is this acceptable? Also I have famiy out of town and do not expect them to be at the shower so I am assuming I would not send an invitation to them.
nancy,
word gets around anyway!! 
still everyone should get an invite. 
out of town guests should be sent an invitation regardless if they attend. it could be hurt feelings that they didnt make the guest list, because they live out of town. if you want to cut down on invites a simple email or phone call would be ok. still they should be invited. the same rules apply for all invites, here in the south, we just send 1 invite per family kids and all. lol
*Bridal Shower Etiquette
I am planning a Bridal shower for my sister who currently resides in a tiny apartment with her fiance and they plan to stay another year there after the wedding. Well currently they do not need anything for a house and no room to store anything since they won’t know how big ect the house will be. My question is, is it inappropriate to have a gift card shower? where the only registry is for gift cards to loca stores? or is it better to to try something else?
sandi,
this is the type of bridal shower i would want if it were me. 
the more i hear the gift card bridal shower the more appealing it is!! love it!! google gift card bridal shower ( several links). the rules of etiquette are ever bending and there are some great ideas popping up all over the place.
*bridal shower theme ideas
sandi, oh yes! still be prepared for someone to steer from the gift cards and bring a “gift”. it is funny, in some previous posts i hung in the balance about the ever changing wedding “rules”, these new ideas are just so much fun!!
Someone told me they had been to a shower where there were raffles…I’d never heard of it, only at jack and jill’s, but it sounds like a cool idea…anyone else heard of that or think that would be okay???
michelle,
it really is neat, they buy tickets to win a prize and funds go to the honeymoon!! great interactive game!! just google bridal shower raffle tickets. who doesnt love a raffle!! its alot of fun!!
On a Bridal Shower Invitation I received the type of Shower is posted as a “Presentation Shower”. What is a Presentation Shower? The bride is not registered so I am guessing this is a Money Shower. Am I correct?
christine,
your right!! it is a shower for money gifts only.
My fiance and I have decided to have a small intimate wedding… 40 guests in total (max. of 20/side). The wedding was just planned and is scheduled for this October.
My sister is the MOH and asked what I would like to do as far as a bridal shower… and also wants to know who she should invite since there are only 2 close female friends of mine invited to the wedding.
What are rules as far as inviting people to the shower??? Can I invite friends who are not invited to the wedding to a bridal shower???
nikki,
* Bridal Shower Q&A
I am the MOG. We live in another city and state from the couple and the wedding. Is it proper to give a shower with the bride absent?
Jacque,
it would be really difficult. i really love the idea of a shower in a box. it is perfect for these situations.
* Bridal Shower in a Box
*shower in a box
Hello,
My fiance’s parents are divorced, and her mom and her dad’s current girlfriend want to each throw her a bridal shower, almost as a way of keeping the 2 sides of her family (her mom’s and her dad’s) separate. That’s all well and good, but now MY mom (mother of the groom) is asking me if she needs to go to BOTH showers. My initial reaction was no, she should only go to the mother-in-law’s shower, but I am getting ‘guidance’ from my fiance that it would be nice for my mom and sister to attend both showers. I think it’s a little much.
Thoughts?
Brian,
this is a sticky situation…
if your mom and everyone else wont be uncomfy, she could attend but if it may cause a stressful event then i think i would decline. if she is still unsure after weighing the pros and cons, then maybe someone could find out would her presence would make anyone uncomfortable. it would be easier to know for sure what to do in this case.
Question. I am the Mother of the Groom. My son just told me something neither one of us was aware of - that the groom’s side should also give the bride a shower. That would be me giving it. I am looking forward to it, but I have no idea how to go about it. Is it only the women on the groom’s side of the family who should be invited to this? Or, should I be inviting the ladies on the bride’s side, too, although there is a shower planned for her in July by her aunt, in another state. I liked what I was reading on this site about a small, intimate shower! I get nervous around a lot of people and I would really hate to mess something up for our beautiful bride! Thanks for your help!
sara, a shower from groom side and in general are optional. if you want to throw one however are most of the grooms family gonna have the opportunity to attend the main shower? that is sufficient.
remember dont invite someone to the shower thats not invited to the wedding.
for your shower invite the grooms family ( women) unless it is coed. you dont have to invite the ladies on brides side but do invite the brides mother, grandmother, and sisters. the bridal party ( optional) by all means keep it small if you wish!
*bridal shower etiquette
*bridal shower
*Mother of the Groom: Basic Etiquette Q&A
My boyfriend’s childhood friend is getting married again. The bride to be and he live in DC, his family lives in TN (as well as my boyfriend and I), and she is from NC. (Ohh geography). What I would like to do is throw a Bridal Shower for her. The group of guys that they they run with grew up togeather have remained extremely close, and most are married or in other long time serious relationships. All of us gals have grown close, and see each other frequently. I would like to do the party for several reasons. A- To let her know we all accept her ( since she is the second wife) B- To get to know her better C- To let her know she has support in his home territory. So when it gets down to it, I have several questions.
A- Is it appropiate?
B- If so, who should I contact?
C- Am I over stepping the MOH responsibilities. ( I am not in the wedding)
D- Should I also invite the Maid of Honor?
HELP! A very confsed Friend of a Friend!
catherine,
of course a shower is appropriate!smile. what a beautiful gesture. talk to the moh and ask what her plans are. she may want to join forces and plan the shower. inviting the moh is a nice thing also ( yes i would) it could fun for her as well. you can contact other friends who may want to host or host it yourself. it depends on what you would like to do. if the moh is throwing a traditional shower, another type of shower you can consider is a medi/pedi day with lunch and a group gift. you can keep it close knit or larger group. usually these work well in a smaller group. it will give her a chance to relax and just relish in the upcoming days toward the “big day”. also i have previous suggested to other comments. where will the honeymoon take place? a honeymoon theme shower is perfect for a coed shower. think oriental trading for decor in (ex: tropical) if they are going to hawaii. one shower is for toasters and the other is just plain relaxing fun for all. a simple party to celebrate a wedding of 2 people in love to be joined. gifts could be luggage, swimwear, etc. just be careful of gifts that cannot be carried aboard due to flight rules and regulations.
catherine, google search honeymoon theme bridal shower or travel theme bridal shower, spa theme bridal shower. also orientaltrading.com
Quick question: Even though I was persistent, the MOH (who is a good friend of mine) left me out of the shower planning. She booked it at a nice restaurant that the bride suggested for about 10-18 guests. When I asked her if she had spoken to the restaurant about a limited menu so we can keep a budget, she explained that guests were expected to pay for themselves. I was a bit taken aback but then again, I wasn’t allowed to help. I got the invitations and nowhere does it say that guests are expected to pay for their own meals. Now it is too late to change plans and I feel it is a bit tacky and rude to presume that guests will just “know”. How do I handle this when the day comes and Grandma looks at me funny when asked to foot her own bill? Of course, we are covering the brides meal.
confused bm,
usually guests do not pay for their own meals,it is an out of place suggestion. i would either talk to the venue myself and arrange something by talking to them again, usually a restaurant can accommodate soemthing simple. if it is to late, then proceed as planned, i would just have someone pass the word that way it will inform guests. or appoint someone to call and let the guests know. the one thing that concerns me is this: what if someone doesnt have the $$$ to cover what the meal is? can they order their own? i would also add this to the plan that way they can match food with their budget. this will make them feel more comfy. i would have suggested complimentary appetizers(paid by hosts) and stated on small card or bottom of invite ( guests may purchase their own entree if they wish).
Help! A shower is being thrown for me & the guests are mostly family members. 6 family members live many states away. I am 99% sure they would not come to the shower. However, since we’re sending invites to every other female family member, should we to them as well. I don’t want them to feel left out but I also don’t want them to feel like the invite is just a gift request. What do you think??
bride to be
yes it is very thoughtful to include them even if they cant make it. it will appear thoughtful also instead of a gift grabbing!! have a wonderful time!!
My sister is getting married and her friend is the MOH. Her Mother in Law to be has a guest list of 60 for the shower ours is 43. We have opted to do separate showers. We will be inviting her future mother in law & two sister in laws to ours. As they will invite my mom, me & our other sister. Do the MOH and the other three bridesmaids need to be invited to the groom’s side shower? I feel awkward telling her MIL to invite four more people than planned.
carolyn,
there is really no set rule in today’s bridal shower. if there are bm that are known to the groom’s side of the family they could be invited. with bm its usually the bride’s family shower or the moh/bm hosting the shower that the bridal party attends. its a sticky situation but the key is whoever is hosting =inviting guest. an easier way to bring it up is say heh we have talked ( the bridal party) and said if you need any help with the bridal shower we would love to help decorate etc. this will show her that you would really love to come. i hope you get to go!!
Soo…bridal registry…do I add those little cards that they give you into my actual invitation? I read somewhere it was rude, and that word of mouth is the only way to let people know. Then though, why do they offer those cards? I’ve gotten them before in other people invitations. Is it rude? What is the general consensus?
bride2be,
i would go ahead and put them in there. i got a bridal shower invite once that had items printed on back in a elegant way. i thought it was great that i could just run to the store and pick up a gift. but check the registry that way you wont be getting the same gift as someone else.
Bride2Be,
I just wanted to clarify something - your question seemed as though you were asking if you were to include the registry cards in your WEDDING invitation, right? I think Stacey was referring to your shower invitations as it being appropriate, which it most definitely is and that is why stores provide them - for shower invites because that’s exactly what a shower is - showering the new couple with gifts. However, it really is not at all appropriate to include them in your actual wedding invitation. People have no problem learning where you’re registered, but it’s rude to send gift information in any form whatsoever in your wedding invitation. Think of your wedding as YOUR gift to your guests - you’re throwing them a fabulous party. Not inviting them to get you a gift, which everyone will give you anyhow. :)
hi everyone. my good friend is getting married in july and her bridal shower is in the begining of june. I am a bridesmaid in her wedding. I recieved my invitation in the mail and it said that the shower is being given by the maid of honor Jackie. Now my friend (the bride) and her cousin are asking me if I can do desert for the shower. She is invited 50+ people to the shower and it is going to cost a lot of money! My mom and other people are telling me that I should say no because on the invitation it said the party is being given by “jackie” and that I should just give my friend a very nice shower gift. If it had said the bridal party it would be ok. I feel bad saying no bc she is my good friend and I am in her bridal party. What should I do?
dee,
usually bm do help out. it would be a beautiful thing to fix dessert. it doesn’t have to be expensive. is a cake ordered yet? that could be the dessert. or you could do cupcakes with pretty flowers sitting atop. another thing is find a recipe for strawberry shortcake you put in sheet pans. i went to a rehearsal where this was done it wasnt expensive at all. do youhave a to die for dessert like brownies? put a dallop of whipped cream and a sprinkle of cocoa top it off with a plain or chocolate dipped strawberry on the side and you have a showstopper dessert for pennies. just as one pot wonders are cheaper, so are one pan desserts. not to worry this is so doable!! break out that cookbook or computer and whip something fab up!! when youget the ohhh’s and ahhh’s you will be so happy you could help out and the bride will be so pleased!
*also find out if a shower cake will be ordered, if so, see if they’d like an extra flavor cake, if not, then there ya go!! $25.00 sheet cake to feed 50 here i come!!
I am in the same situation as Dee. I am in the bridal party, as my brother is the groom.
I received an email from the MOH…who I have never met… a week before the shower, asking me to pay on the cake and asking me to ask my mother (the mother of the groom) to make a veggie tray. The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. The invites were sent with the MOH’s name on them weeks ago.
Also…I have never met any of these people. (after this I am wondering if I want to) Would it be in poor taste to decide not to go to this “event?”
amanda,
it would be a wonderful thing to help out because your brother is the groom. i understand if it makes you feel uncomfy. i am afraid it may cause more friction if you dont go ( standing up in the bridal party etc.) you do not HAVE to go, still it would be nice since you are a member of the bridal party and you do know the bride. i am not trying to say you MUST pay on the cake or bring a veggie tray and i dont know how the request was presented to you ?!?( offensive, nicely etc) truth is these things are so tricky and can cause relationships to fizzle all for a one day event. if you feel strongly about not going then dont go against how you feel. cause it will dampen your day plus the bride and others may wonder what is the matter. i do understand your feelings but i do hope you attend.
Dee - go ahead and bring dessert. As a member of the bridal party you are expected to help any way that you can. It’s not about receiving credit, it’s about the bride and making her feel special. If you don’t feel you can afford to bring dessert for that many people, ask other b.party members to pitch in?
My brother’s wife-to-be didn’t invite my daughter, (their niece), to her bridal shower. She is only 10 months. I understand that they want an adult party, but i think its strange that she wouldn’t want her only niece to attend. When I asked if she could come (I thought they just didn’t put her on the invite and was being polite to ask), they said absolutely not. I thought this was quite offensive.
Thoughts?
michelle,
if it is an adult party then it is understood no children are allowed. it is easy for situations excluding children to bring up some hurt feelings and i am sure there are other parents that feel the same. the wife to be ( i am sure) isnt trying to cause distress or meaning to hurt feelings she just wants the adults to get together for the bridal shower. it would be difficult for guests to focus on the bridal shower activities with the lil’ ones. i have a 20 year old daughter with 2 year old twins and a 6 month old grandkids(all girls) so i completely understand your feelings but yet for a bridal shower and i would want them there cause i love my grandkids so much, yet i understand some might be put off even though kids will be kids. i was saying this cause this is usually what brides are thinking of when they request an adult party and you can opt not to go but i do hope you find someone to take care of your baby and go, it could be alot of fun!
It’s not a baby shower it’s a bridal shower. The baby can be a distraction in many ways- she can either cry or take attention away from the bride by being so cute. The shower is really about the bride. I agree with Michelle. I am sure inviting her is not meant to be hurtful, I hope you still go.
Hi,
I have four BM and one MOH in my wedding party(Whom I am really really close with). In the beginning I was going to give them all a swatch card and tell them to find dresses that they are comfortable in and that are in the color and length that I was looking for. This way they could be comfortable with the dress and the price. Unfortunately, they are a few of them that have emailed me pictures of dresses that they like and I have to say i hate these styles!!! One of them doesn’t have that great a taste in clothes and is picking out dresses that are super low cut with LOTS of cleavage(i don’t care on a normal basis, but this is a wedding!) and the other one isn’t happy with the length that I want because she is self conscious about her legs. Now, I was in both of these girls weddings and said nothing about the dresses they wanted me to wear(because that’s what a good BM does) I am now thinking of just going with my MOH to find dresses that we think will be flattering on everyone and tell them that’s what they have to get. Any suggestions o9n how I can do this tactfully with out hurting my friends feelings? I don’t want to come off like a Bridezilla but I do want a certain look for the wedding. HELP! What should I do???
confused bride,
the best thing to do here is take them to the store and have them try on some colors, not all bm will look good in the same color or style. so if your bm are wearing something that makes them uncomfy, it will show on your day and in your pics. i know when i wear something uncomfy it makes me blah but wear something i love then i stand with confidence =look and feel my best! for example, you may pick red for the bm but find deep red doesnt suit them all. then let them wear “their shade of red” ranging in shades from deep red to burgundy. the variation of dress color in bm is stunning. if you are looking for a more universally flattering shade, have them try on neutrals then pick up color in the bouquets. most bm LOVE black or brown cause they can wear it again plus it is classic and failproof. another color is burgundy or periwinkle it usually looks great on all. if one wants a deep yet tasteful(cause i agree with to low cleavage) neckline then by all means if it suits her body type, just give them all a wrap which adds a classy touch. not all bm bodies are the same so you must work with what looks best on them or you wont have great wedding pics( short bm should not wear tea length for example) just tell your bm they did great but you have thought about it and would love to go tothe store together. if you like let them still pick out what they like within taste( cause it is your wedding and you want it to look good) as determining length all bm will not look best in certin lengths. davids bridal is famous for their mix and match line letting bm wear in same color put their own variation to it. one may be in a all black knee length dress and the other may be in a long black skirt with champagne top and sash. so check it out! you will see how great it looks and your bm will thank you for it!
Stacey,
Thank you so much for your advice!!! I have chosen black specifically for the reason that EVERYONE looks good in it and I am going with really brightly colored flowers!
Help! Here’s the background: The mother of the bride held a shower and told the grooms family to do there own. The MOB invited her family and the bridal party plus the grooms mother and sister. She did not invite the best mans wife, who is a close friend of both the bride and groom, nor did she give the MOG opportunity to invite anyone (like a special aunt or close relative to the groom) Needless to say, there were a lot of hurt feelings.
Now, the Grooms family is left planning a shower that will not include anyone from the brides family (the MOB laughed when the grooms family asked if they wanted to come) nor any of the bridesmaids. The whole situation has left everyone sour and frankly, no one feels like putting in a lot of effort for the bride after this incident. (Although I feel like she was just manipulated by her family)
Suggestions? Most people I’ve related this incident too have suggested a couples shower but what’s etiquette? Although, I’m not sure MOG would go for it anyways.
Thank You
justine,
i love the idea of a couples shower. i would not let someone stop me from doing anything for the bride and groom. i would proceed as planned. i would be kind anyway. reason being this can wind up hurting and otherwise happy day for the bride and groom. i have seen family wars develop in otherwise 2 loving families and couples call off their weddings(even way into planning) and just elope. i do understand why everyone is hurt by this situation but question is: do you want to retaliate by doing the same(which usually doesnt work and causes more problems and plus most dont get effected by retaliation like it was intended) to let this dampen everything and cause bitterness or not do things the same way and bring back some joy? plus the bride and groom will usually be the ones suffering most in the end, cause this situation can set off a domino effect in their families which is a hard way to begin a marriage. its how we react to situations that dictate how long they linger or what they develop into. i am not saying you shouldn’t be offended but to many relationships are broken by “one day”. i would shrug my shoulders and plan a party that shows how it was meant to be. i bet you will see some members in the other family embarassed by their actions. kindness gets better results in most cases, still kindness CAN be used to retaliate too and it is not genuine in those cases.
I was thrilled when I was asked to be my best friends MOH. I offered to throw a Bridal Shower for her and asked her for a guest list. Her guest list was over 50, and included people like her hair stylist, the lady who works the chair next to her hair stylist, secretaries from her fiances office who she’s only met once, etc. I believe a guest list this large and inappropriate. When I asked her to narrow down the guest list to 25 she recruited help for me and asked the bridesmaids from out of state to send money; and informed all of them that I “could not handle the responsibility.” Not only was that a slap in the face, but it also put a big wedge in our friendship. All of this, and some other Bridezilla moments, have led me to step down from being in her wedding. Would it be rude of me to print this article, highlight certain parts, and leave it in her mail box? I’ll even use pink highligher, it is one of her wedding colors.
formerMOH,
i can imagine how disappointed you must feel, sending her this article is a personal choice. i think i would not do this and wait til after the wedding and see how she is then. sometimes a wedding can put alot of stress on a bride; and groom for that matter making you say or do things out of the norm. she may offer an apology but if not, then just wait it out and see how it goes. i know this is may not be what you want me to advise but if you send this it might further damage an already strained relationship. if you want your friendship back then i would wait and see what happens. she wasnt suppose to be involved in planning the shower but provide a guest list and most showers are completely appropriate for bm to help out. moh do have a large responsibility to the bride but not to the point of hurting a realationship that takes things a bit to far i think. it suppose to be a joyous occasion and for some reason $$$ or mainly the stress of trying to please others instead of what the couple usually wants, turns it upside down are some reasons behind a bridezilla. i am sorry you had to step down, under the circumstances you made the right choice for you. so no, i wouldnt retaliate. i would step back and be the bigger person. if she ever comes to you and asks what happened then you can tell her you feel treated unfairly and then if you feel the need to point things out you could in a firm yet nice way.i would not let it turn into a unnecessary war over one day,especially if it lingers or more is added to it. i hope and am thinking the storm will clear.
I am the maid of honer in my friends wedding this june. For her shower her mother asked if it was okay that me, her 3 sisters, and her mother split the expences of the shower. I agreed and thanked them for the help now the shower is planned and I came to find the the mother, grandmother, and sisters of the groom are not invited to the shower. This is a very large wedding and the shower is all ready at 65 female family members and 5 friends. The problem came when the grooms mother held her own shower and invited me and the brides mother to she shower and made us feel guilty for not inviting there family to our shower. The only reason there not invited is because the bride doesnt want them there and her mother says its not proper to invite them. What do i do? Do i talk to the bride about this? Or just go on with the shower?
stacy,
it is proper to invite the grooms family. if it is against the brides wishes; you can talk to her and ask if it is okay due to them being family and they wanted to help out. that you accepted their generorous offer and now you dont know what to do. t puts you in a difficult decision. after you talk toher if she stands firm just accept her decision. there is nothing you can do to change the brides mind. however, i might add it is not a great way to begin a new journey especially with the grooms family. ouch! i dont know the reasons so its hard for me to say. nevertheless, the grooms family may approach you with the dilemma and i would just say i am just abiding by the brides wishes and i am sorry if anyone is offended, i didnt know what to do. you can use your own words of course but i would make sure i didnt get the blame for this.
I am attending a bridal shower that will have approximately 80 guests! I understand that everyone would want their gift opened for everyone to see, otherwise what is the point, but, we are looking at a few hours of just opening gifts….at appox 2 minutes per gift, that’s over 2 hours! What is the “rule” for opening gifts? Are all of the gifts supposed to be opened at the shower? If so, can she open them as they arrive? If not, when does she start?
alice,
it would probably be good to open the shower with a thank you and a toast just to get things started. i think it would be nice to have a few “elected” people to help out to make it go smoother and faster. like one to dispose of the wrappings, one to hand her the gifts, etc. so with help this should be a easy process. i know it can be a bit long but that is what showers are for to open the gifts bestowed on the bride. smile.
I am in the same boat! I recently attended a bridal shower for my niece. My elderly mother (who lives 1 1/2 hours south of me) drove to my house. We then set out on the 2 hour drive north to the shower. As we arrived, our gifts were taken by one of the 5 hostesses. It was then “processed”. While one of the “processing gang” unwrapped, the other would record the item in a book along with the givers name. I asked one of the hostesses “what was going on” and I was told, “That’s how we do things here.” Only some of the unwrapped items made it to the display table. Mine did not. I thought the whole situation was incredibly rude and thoughtless. It was also stated by one of the processing team that “This gives the bride an opportunity to mingle with her guests.” My sister (mother of the bride) who is quite proper, seems to think this was perfectly acceptable. I just felt really bad for my mother who devoted an entire weekend to traveling for a shower and never saw her grandaughter open a single gift.
Should I let my sister know how I feel or leave it alone? I guess I am being a little selfish just because I am pretty sure that I will not be driving such a distant to any upcoming baby showers ( I am sure that is next ) to not see a gift opened (at least not by the honoree). I feel cheated and out 10 bucks for pretty wrapping. I should have carted the gift in with the original plastic target bag!
A friend of mine is getting married later this summer and asked me to be her maid of honor. I of course asked for her list of guests she would like to invite to the bridal shower.. She sent me the list of all the women being invited, it’s a small ceremoney with just family. On that list she also had 4 other friends that she wanted invited to the shower but were not invited to the wedding.. How do I tell her that’s not something you do? Please help
angela,
i would just sit down with her and tell her this is not proper etiquette to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding. if she stands firm on not inviting them to the wedding then dont invite them to the shower. print these links out and show her if you feel comfy enough and she wont be insulted by etiquette advice. smile.
*Bridal Shower Etiquette
*newsletter 88: Bridal Shower Etiquette
*Must Shower Guests Be Wedding Guests Too?
I’m attending the bridal shower and the wedding. The bridal shower was organized a little late , plus I was more of a formal friend to the couple. However they invited me for the bridal shower as well. Thinking it was just the wedding, I had by then picked up a nice gift from the registry and sent it.
Do have to purchase a seperate gift for the bridal shower as well?
Thanks
helpme,
you dont have to but it would be nice. it doesnt have to be expensive since you have bought a gift already. there are alot of gifts for a reasonable price. usually you dont go empty handed. give them a gift card to a restaurant or fix up a cute lil’ diy basket full of those $1 boxes ( size of theater candy), popcorn, and a great gift card to a video store. this is something they would love!! or a gift card to a pizza place. takeout night for newlyweds? a sure winner and welcoming change to a traditional bridal shower gift. how fun!!
My future mother-in-law has offered to throw a bridal shower for me to host the groom’s family and friends. (In addition to the shower my own family is throwing). My family’s shower for me is going to include very close family and friends (around 25 people).
My fiance’s mother is planning to invite every single woman on her wedding guest list to her shower. that’s 50-60 women. I feel this is very poor etiquette in that I thought you were only supposed to invite very intimate family and friends to a shower (it is like asking for a second gift and you shouldn’t do that to everyone) AND I will not know more than half the guest list (the rest are the MOG’s friends/co-workers/not close family members). I am very against this but do not want to be rude to the MOG - she was very gracious in offering to throw this shower for me and I want to start our relationship out on a good note. How do I correct this without upsetting her? I will feel bad for the guests invited who are not that close to me or her and I do not want them to think this was my decision (since it is my shower)…. Help!
nicole, technically you cant change her mind. if she is the host she can plan accordingly. the ones who will want to come will and some wont. you can pretty much ( by a rule take off 10-20% of the guest list) more than likely some of them will want to get you a gift anyway and it sounds she wants to do this for you. its not only for close family and friends it is for anyone on the guest list, so this is proper. what isnt is inviting someone to the shower and not the wedding, even though this is not the case here. i do understand your feelings however i wouldnt feel bad, this will give all ladies a chance( they dont have to to be close to them for them to want to give you a gift) to help you prepare for your wedding and household!! its a very nice thought. i do wish you the best!!
I have a problem. I started out with 2 MOH’s because I could not pick between a family member (who we swore to be MOHs to each other) and a best friend of many many years. When my fiance and I decided to go from big church wedding to small outdoor ceremony we decided to make all of our MOHs abd BMs honorary BMs and just choose one person to stand up. So I decided a family member who was only a BM to start with. My original MOHs would not have been able to handle MOH responsibility like my current one, and I’m not sure how to explain that to them. One is in college and has her own life 2 hours away, the other is as well. How do I keep them all working together, and how do I explain to my first MOH (my family member) that I am having another family member stand up with me?
bride2be,
you cant invite someone to stand up for you then ask them to step down. it is inviting disaster. the best thing to do is sit down with them and talk to them. tell them your having to down size the wedding and would understand if its harder on someone not to be in the wedding and just be a guest. they may still want to be a part of the day. true friends will totally understand. i hope i am understanding the ? right. that you had 2 moh and 1 bm. you made them honorary bm but then due to scaling down you picked one of the bunch who was not a moh to be your moh( so to speak) to stnad up for you. this is tough. i would find a way to include them ( if they want) have them in simple dresses with a single long stem rose with ribbons) and have the guys in simple suits or slacks and shirts. let me know if this helps!!
stacey-thank you so much! You got it right. We are having all the groomsmen and bridesmaids sit down and they are wearing coordinating colors and gettinf lowers, and also gonna be in pictures. The issue was having the one bridesmaid stand up instead of the original MOH. Which is the way it should have been in the beginning. It was kinda a mess… the original MOH wanted nothing to do w/ the wedding (not even a shower or anything) except what she and the ot BMs were wearing. But my MOH now has completely taken charge and has since the beginning. I just don’t know how to explain it to the original MOH, the rest of the honorary bridesmaids know she’s going to be up there with me.
bride2be,
i would just sit her down and ask what her feelings or thoughts are about the moh role; if she doesnt want anything to do with the wedding i would ask what would be easier for her, because you care about how she feels and what would make her comfortable. i wouldnt say anything about realizing she may not want to be in the wedding cause it will look like your trying to coax her into stepping down. this is gonna be difficult cause i dont know how she will feel being bumped ( if i am still understanding this right) to honorary bm. i have seen weddings where ALL bridal party ( men and women) including the moh and best man sit on the front bench with the other bridal party( guys on one side, girls onthe other) . this is done in mainly old chapels/churches usually where benches are to the side at the front alter ( away from the other benches ) of the building. i think it looks good to have them all sitting while the bride and groom are standing with the officiant. if it were me, have all of them precede you down the aisle then have all of them sit in specially designated areas. this will take ALOT of pressure off of you if you do this. this way if you wish, make one your matron of honor( as long as she is married) and the other your maid of honor. if both are married i wouldnt change it. i would just keep the roles like i suggested. noone is the wiser. i think this will keep the peace and take a load off of you. smile.
My son will be getting married this October. The bride’s side of the family is hosting a bridle shower. They do not intend to