The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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Is it appropriate to give little thank you gifts to the hostesses of my bridal shower?
on shower or engagement favors do you put the date of the shower or the wedding date?
I had wanted my Bridal Shower to be a small and intimate gathering of close friends and family, but it has grown into what I fear is a large gathering of about 70 people. In addition, my mother wants to invite ladies that are not invited to the wedding and cannot be invited as our reception venue will not hold anymore people. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to offend my mom, but I feel guilty inviting ladies to the shower who will not be invited to the wedding. What should I do?
Can the mother of a groom host a bridal shower? I know traditionally this is done by friends of the mother of the groom, but can an out-of-town aunt host a shower the day before the wedding if the groom’s mom does not have friends who are able to host a shower?
What do you do when you are having a small family wedding that is a long distance from the bride’s hometown and you wish to invite people who are not invited to the wedding?
I am giving a shower for my sister and invited 50 people. Family, wedding party and closest friends. Friend of the family says every woman on the list should come. That is close to 100 woman. I feel that is way too much and the cost to rent a place to accomodate that many people is not in budget. Friend of the family is giving my mother and siters fiance hard time about it. What should we do?
My daughter is getting married out of town,l on the east coast where she lives, and all of her family and friends are on the West coast. The only time she will be with us before the wedding is 7 months before the actual wedding date. Is it acceptable to have the shower then? This is the only way she will be able to have one.
I am a Aunt of the bride and my 14yr old daughter is a bridesmaid, can I host a shower?
The venue where our wedding is held has a “10 children or less” policy, unless you are going to hire a babysitter. We have decided to only invite children who are in the family, stopping at 2nd cousins. I have a 2nd cousin invited to the wedding, however her children (my 3rd cousins) are not invited. The person hosting my bridal shower has asked for a list of guests, however I am not sure if I should include children. If I include some, such as the flower girls, do I have to include everyone’s children who attends the shower? It’s getting to be quite a few children, some as young as 1 and 2 years old. Can I just invite the flower girls and no other children?
Re: small, intimate bridal shower: My 2nd wedding, my fiances first. His large family very excited and very easily slighted… how do you pick/choose who is excluded without offending?
I am thinking of putting adults only on my invitation for the churh service, even though it is an adult reception, I know many friends with kids 5 and under that would think nothing of bringing all there kids to the church part and the will be far from quite, I know this isn’t usually done, but I would like to enjoy my wedding with out kids yelling and crying.
I would like to here others comments on this idea.
4 weeks is best
How soon do we need to send out invites before a shower?
I am also wondering about a shower gift to a out state wedding I am invited to, do I send one?
How do I know who and where to send it? Aren’t showers a surprise?
Should you send an invitation to people you KNOW will not be able to attend the shower due to distance and/or previous engagements?
Yes you should include where the bride is registered with your invitations. Most registries give the bride a little card with her information on it. If you don’t have one of these, go to the places where she has registered and ask if they have inserts you can add to your invitations. Another popular thing to add is the “wishing well poem” which you would type up yourself on decorative paper if you wanted to have a wishing well for household gadgets ect.
Here is one:
http://www.ultimatewedding.com/articles/get.php?action=getarticle&articleid=945
I am hosting a shower for the bride. Do I include where she is registered with the invitation?
I’m a bridesmaid for a wedding and was asked to throw the bridal shower since the maid of honor is out of state. I’m more than happy to do so and the bride is providing me with a guest list that she would like. However, the groom’s sister and mother want to invite about 20 more people. I suggested that they have a separate shower and that is what the bride also wants. Can I just invite the people on the bride’s list or do I have to invite all these other people too? The bride and I really want the shower I’m throwing to be a small, intimate shower rather than another wedding reception.
It’s difficult to ask for cash in your bridal shower invitation without the risk of offending someone. There are several ways to approach it, though. If your need for cash stems from honeymoon expenses, sign up for a honeymoon registry and list the URL on your shower invitation or wedding web site. Alternately, let close friends and family know why it is you have a special need for cash, so they can pass on the information if asked.
In some parts of the country, it’s not uncommon for a shower invite to read “Presentation Only,” which is bridal code for “please bring money, not gifts.” But in other areas, this would be considered offensive.
Finally, if the issue was that you simply had enough things already, you could simply request “no gifts.”
I am looking to find the proper ettiquette for my first shower and his second, he is planning a golf outing and I a regular bridal shower, the dilema that I have is that we really dont need alot of “things”, we are more in need of cash, how do we nicely incorporate that on a bridal shower invitation