The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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I am a bridesmaid in a shower held in another state. I am unable to attend the bridal shower. The shower has gotten a bit out of hand in my opinion. At this point, each bridesmaid is required to pay nearly $200.00 (this does include a group gift) but there are 6 bridesmaids. Am I required to pay if I am not attending?
Is it proper to send a thank you for wedding shower gifts before the wedding?
I am having 3 bridal showers, due to the fact that not everyone is willing or able to travel to my home town more then once for the wedding and I was wondering if it would be appropriate to have my fiances 3 cousins who I am very close with plan the one in there area, my cousins wife (i am also close to her) and grandmother plan the one that will be held in their area and my mother, his mother and his little sister plan the one that is in my home town. I also should explain that my maid of honor can’t plan any of them because she is not local to any of the 3 locations, and will just be flying in for the wedding and my second brides maid is getting married 2 weeks before me and we both think it would just be too much for her to plan the one in my home town. Is this ok to do, or does anyone have a better solution to my crazy bridal shower dilemma.
Is it appropriate to invite people to a shower/bachelorette party (they are combined) that are not invited to the wedding?
If there are more than one person giving the bridal shower and all asked to participate and there name were all on the invitation, is the cost split evenly between them?
Margie,
Although I hate opening gifts in front of others, I feel like at a shower people want to be acknowledged and thanked. Guests have often spent alot of time and thought choosing that one special gift for you. Let them know it means alot to you and makes you happy. Open those gifts, grin and bare it.
I am the mother of the bride and the wedding party has asked whether we should open the presents at the shower or not. The bride was not going to open the gifts, but I think she should. What is the correct thing to do.
Thanks,
Marg
HI - I am the MOB & the MOH has already told me it is up to me to organize the bridal shower!! She will organize the Bachelorette Party.
What is wrong with these women today???
I am going crazy - my daughter is out of control! My husband & I are not as financially set as her future husband’s family -yet she expects me to pay $3000 for her flowers for a wedding with 68 guests - she also told me they have picked out a 50″ LCD HDTV that we can buy for them as a wedding gift!!! When I told her NO - she told me how embarrassed she is of me cuz of my lack of giving to her. YES, I know she is spoiled - but she is also a grown woman with a great job - so is her husband to be.
What to do about the shower??? 28 ladies invited to the wedding - 22 are form Out of State - that leaves 6 guests! I’m in FL the wedding is in MA. HELP!!!
Hello, I am a Maid of Honor for my friend and the only member of the wedding party. She wants to have a very pricey shower with high tea at a very expensive restaurant. Is it reasonable to ask for guests to pay? How do I go about asking for assistance with the cost?
I am the maid of Honor at my sisters wedding. She is having a small wedding out of the country, so most people will not be invited. Because of this she wants to invite a lot of the people who aren’t invited to the wedding to her shower. Right now the Bridal Shower guest lists stands at 50. I think this is too much and it is causing some tension. Am I wrong? Should this many people come to a shower? A lot of these people are friends of relatives and she is not close with most of them
Is it proper to invite guests to a bridal shower even though they are not invited to the wedding?
Who should be invited to a Bride’s Maid Luncheon?
My granddaughter has already had a large shower hosted by our church family. All of our family members and friends close enough to invite to a shower attended this event. In addition there is a personal shower this week and the groom had a very nice “honey do” shower. The brides father holds a key position in a family owned business, this company has also employed our granddaugher during school breaks and has given her a generous college scholarship. In addition to all of this they too want to give her a shower and have asked for a list. All of our friends, family and co workers have already been very generous and there is no one else to put “on a list”. About 30 wedding invitations will be sent to the company employees, but none were invited to other showers. Could we “graciously” suggest that the shower be a “workplace” shower and other invites would go to the mothers and this loving grandmother? The last thing we want to do is be ungrateful. Quick replys would be appreciated
It is proper to have a corsage for the bride at the shower? Should there be one for the mothers, grandmothers, etc?
Thank you
My roommate is getting married in July. Her cousin and I are co-MOH’s. Her cousin is hosting a shower in the bride’s hometown, and I am in charge of the one where we live.
I’ve already bought store invitations that are perfect and were on a huge sale. The problem I have is this: The invitations have a pre-printed “Hosted By.” While I am paying for the majority of the shower, my mother, and the brides future sisters-in-law will be helping with a few things. The other bridesmaids, up to this point are NOT helping. My question is 1) Who should I include in the “Hosted By” section and then 2) How should I word that section?
I appreciate ANY suggestions!
Dear Mary,
No, it is most definitely not bad etiquette. It would be awful for the bride NOT to send your mom an invitation as if she did not exist. She probably sent the invitation to your mom to express that she cares for her, wishes to include her and wants her to know that she would be welcome.
My mother is sick with cancer and the bride envited her all though she knows she could never go cross country there, is that bad etiquette? Mary
Is it okay to have a bridal shower and invite friends who are not invited to either the wedding or reception? My son and his fiance are having a small wedding and reception so many of my close friends can not be invited. Is it okay to invite them?
I have a question. Is it required for the mother of the bride to bring a gift to the bridal shower?
My future mother-in-law is upset because I did not invite all her friends to the bridal shower. Should I have invited all the women invited to the wedding to the bridal shower? It seems like it would be a lot people for a bridal shower. I have never ever met and don’t know all with except to one of her friends. I thought a bridal shower is for the bride and for the families and friends that she is close to. Is my future mother-in-law out of line with assuming that all the women and that all her friends would be invited?