The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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Please tell me when the bride should arrive at the shower
It is not a surprise
should she be there before guest so that she can greet them or arrive after everyone else?
Is it improper etiquette to invite persons to a shower that are not invited to the wedding ceremony?
Bronwen,
I am also currently my sister’s MOH, so I’m right there with you in the planning and expense of her shower. I’m sorry to hear that you’re being taken advantage of in the sense of how many people you “must” invite, cost of those people, etc. From my understanding, you have already invited the people to the party, so it is too late to set a maximum number of people you will allow your sister to have there. I think that your expectations, budget, whatever, should be discussed upfront with the BTB before plans and spending get out of hand.
A shower is supposed to be something that is planned by the MOH for the celebration of the bride. I most cases, I think that the BTB should not have anything to do with the planning and execution other than giving you a list and addresses of (a predetermined number of) guests. Of course, if you want to have a risque little get together, she must first approve, otherwise, why not make it as much of a surprise as possible? Where you have it, how you decorate for it, the food you have, what you do at it, etc. is your gift to the bride- nothing there for her to dictate.
I also have never hear of giving out “giftbags.” A small token of appreciation for attending, aka a favor, is pretty standard. That can be as simple as a few nicely decorated, homemade cookies wrapped in a cello bag for each guest. It should be neither expensive nor overwhelming for you.
Set some standards and limits, and make sure you let those involved with the planning know what they are. If it is a big deal to someone that giftbags larger than a simple appreciation favor be distributed to the guests, I would kindly let that person know that it just won’t fit into the overall budget of the shower, and that you would be glad to let him/her foot the bill for those giftbags if he/she simply doesn’t want go without them…
My daughter is having a very short engagement and a small, intimate wedding. She also lives out of town, but will be home 3 weeks before the wedding. WE did not have an engagement party, but would like to have a bridal celebration w/ some of those not invited to the wedding.
Is this OK?
Thanks for your comments,
Carol
I am currently my sister’s MOH. I’ve had a few bumps along the way but overcome them. Now I’m really feeling like it’s out of hand. I’ve first had to invite 56 people to this “Wedding Shower” because my future brother-in-law’s family is huge and would be offended if they weren’t invited. Supposedly, around 30 will show. My sister has requested that her fiance be invited to help take the pressure off her while opening presents. Hence the men and women on the invite list. I’m 2 1/2 hours away from where the bridal shower will be so the mother and sister of the bride are helping me with the party, which is great. But I feel like more things are being added to my “list of responsibilities” as we go along. I’ve already put in $200 for party supplies and will have to spend more money soon. I was just told that guests are supposed to be given gift bags at the party. I have never heard of this. My MOH didn’t give out gift bags. What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to offend anyone by laying down the law especially if I’m wrong.
Sorry, I didn’t finish my thought from the first paragraph below…:”>
It is improper to “ask” for gifts by inviting people to the shower, but then not allowing them to celebrate what the shower is honoring by not inviting them to the wedding/reception. Got it?? Whew!
Proper etiquette states that anyone who is invited to the shower MUST also be invited to the wedding/reception. Alternately, not everyone who is invided to the wedding must also be invited to the shower. It is improper to “ask” for gifts
Women invited to a shower must never assume that children are also invited by default- there may be inappropriateness of theme, or nothing for the smaller children to do. If in question, contact the hostess.
It is considered poor etiquette for family members (mothers, grandmothers, etc.) to host the bridal shower for the bride-to-be. One exception to this is a close sister who is also the maid of honor, as it is the maid of honor’s duty, both physically & financially, to throw the bridal shower. It is assumed that the MOH knows this when accepting the invitation to be the MOH.
Alternately, it is the entire bridal party’s responsibility to throw the bachelorette party, meaning that the MOH and each Bridesmaid splits the cost, so that the bride doesn’t pay anything. An exception to this might be if if there is only one member of the bridal party, the MOH, and then there should be only a shower OR bachelorette party. If there are any discrepancies with your own beliefs, be sure to voice them! Don’t be stuck paying $200 for an out-of-town shower that you’re not even attending just because someone else says it should be so… Stand up for yourself!
One gift, for either the shower or wedding, is generally sufficient.
I hope this helps!!:D>-
When having a bridal shower, is it correct to say that everyone you plan on inviting to the wedding (family) should also be invited to the bridal shower? Why would you not invite a family member to the shower and only the wedding? What is correct etiquette?
I am giving a shower for my neice. Her paternal aunt is also hosting the shower. Her grandmother wants to help. Is it appropriate for the grandmother’s name to be included as a host on the invite?
hello,
if I am purchasing a bridal shower gift online from the bride’s registry should it be sent to her home or should I have it sent to me to take to the party. Would it look weird if I show up at the shower without a gift in hand?
I am the godmother of the bride-to-be. I was thinking of throwing a lingerie bridal luncheon. The guest list will include all of the bridesmaids, aunts and female cousins. Is this appropriate?
I am giving a wedding shower for my neice. She is going to have an out of town wedding with only immediate family. Can she invite guest to her wedding shower that are not going to be invited to the wedding?
Where are the answers to all these questions below?
Do I invite my aunts to all bridal showers or just one?
is it correct for women that are invited to assume they can bring their children to the bridal shower?
When the bride has 2 children and has been with the father of the 2nd for 2 years. Is it appropriate to give a bridal shower? They have already (obviously) set up house. What is an appropriate gift.
What about a wedding shower for a second marriage?
When the bride is pregnant with the 2nd child, and they have been together for 5 years. Is it appropriate to give a bridal shower? If so, should the mother of the bride be involved in giving the shower?
IS IT PROPER (REQUIRED) FOR THE BRIDE TO PURCHASE GIFTS FOR THE BRIDAL SHOWER “GIVERS”
Should there be seatting arrangements for a bridal shower?
Is there a rule about how the gifts should be giving out at a bridal shower?