The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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My daughter is 21 years old and she is getting married in Dec. 08. She wants to have a co-ed shower so her fiance’ can be included. The wedding is going to cost my ex-husband and I over 16,000.00 already (not to mention extras) I bought the 4,0000.oo wedding gown on top of this. The grooms parents are doing the rehearsal party. The bridal party are trying to schedule and plan this shower. I suggested to the stepmother, and soon to be mothernlaw that we were looking at probably 50 quest. They’re expecting 150 quest. I suggested balloons for decorations, Keg beer, etc., and they suggestion bottled beer and arrangements,ect. My point is that they think that we have a money tree in my backyard, and has all these suggestion (champagne taste) but not wanting to put the money where there mouth is. This is a shower for her son as well. The brides maids are all in college. If this was a tradional shower, I could probably bite my tonque and just pay for it. The cost for shower is: Hall 750.00, DJ 250.00, Favors 200.00, invitation 125.00,decorations 200.00 or more, beer, wine, and sodas ?, food ? I’m probably looking at 2500.00. She offered only to make pasta,jambalaya, and potato salad. There is alot of history here where they are free loaders. When she walks around with 300.00 purses. We have done so much for her son (giving him a job, a home,ect.). We don’t regret that, but when is it enough. My daughter has always said that his parents never helped with anything, and I’m afraid that when she finds this out it will cause a problem in their relationship. Please advise with your opinion. Confused, Roxanne DeLaune
is it rude to invite someone to the bridal shower that is not invited to the wedding? this has happened to me twice recently and i am not sure how to react.
I believe it is and this it’s very TACKY!!! I am in the same situation. How did you handle it?
I too believe its Tacky. I would decline the invite.
I am the Maid of Honor but also the Bride’s yougest sister (19) is it OK for me to throw a Bridal shower for her at our home (the parents home)… I don’t wan’t to seem gift grabby for my sister.
Should the mother and sister of the groom be invited altho they have already done a family shower?
Is it ok to invite a couple of friends who will not be invited to the wedding?
hi just wondering. we are making a bridal shower for our
dear friend. is it customary to have a cake? pls advise.
the luncheon is a buffet where dessert will be available for all.
My daughter is getting married in August. We had a family shower for both sides of the family and all were invited. Then the made of honor (my other daughter) gave a personal shower at my house. When it came time for the shower, I gave my daughter a hug and said you ladies enjoy yourself and I left. A guest gave me a strange look as if I were being rude by leaving. Should I have stayed?
My daughter is having a very small wedding. Is it polite to ask people to a shower who won’t be invited to the wedding? Thanks!
Is the bride suppose to give a gift to the people that give her the bridal shower?
Tania,
Any responses to your query? My daughter is also having a small wedding and I want to invite some of the cousins and friends not invited along w/ the small group from our area who are invited. I’m doing it anyway as I think they’d like to see her before “tying the know” but hopefully understand that the bride and groom have decided on a small wedding….
I am going to be the maid of honor for my best girlfriend for the secong time. She is getting married for the second time. The first time I planned an elaborate shower. Do second time brides normally have showers? Do I need to go all out like I did the first time?
If you are the mother of the groom and giving the shower, should you invite the brides mom, sisters, grandmother? They may be having a shower also but not sure yet. Thanks
Help! I am a first time Maid of Honor trying to plan a perfect shower for by best friend. My question is whether or not a “collective” shower is appropriate?
Hello,
I am a bridesmaid to my sister-in-law. I live out of town, but have made it known that I’d like to help out in anyway, even if it’s just to provide encouragement. The maid of honor has not sent me an invite to either of the showers. I know that due to my distance, I may not have been able to come, but isn’t that for me to decide? I haven’t know about either of these events until after the event took place. Don’t I at least get invited?
Thanks for answering my question!
Sincerely,
Frustrated Maid (who knows the rules!)
Due to financial reasons, we are having a small wedding. My family usually has large family weddings and showers. My sister wants to throw me my shower, but I am not sure if it is ok to invite all the women in our family, or do we just invite the women who are invited to the wedding? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!
Good friends are having a “destination” wedding which a limited number of people will be attending (cost and distance). We want to do a reception for them at parent’s home after the wedding. Any advice?
My MOH wants to bring her 5 month old baby to the shower. It’s at a wine bar!
Judy: Yes, it’s considered poor etiquette to invite anyone to the shower that isn’t going to the wedding. The idea behind the shower is the bride’s “inner inner circle”; it shouldn’t be a huge event.
Maureen: the bride typically greets the guests one-by-one at the shower, so she should arrive a bit before they do.
Debbie: More often these types of items will just include the bride’s name, at the shower.
Christine: I’ve never heard of the bridesmaids having to buy a gift for each guest. Perhaps whoever’s asking for them is talking about favors? At a shower this might involve an inexpensive token, a few homemade cookies or a small bag of candy, but favors at showers (like all events) are TOTALLY optional, not a requirement. Also, you bridesmaids and the MOH should be handling the planning, not being told what to buy. Who is doing the telling here? The MOH, the bride or someone else?
Is it proper or expected for the bridesmaids putting on the bridal shower to purchase a token gift for each guest present? My daughter who is in the bridal party was told she needed to get gifts for all of the women present. Since I haven’t been to a wedding shower in ages I have forgotten if this was the case.
Please let me know as I feel it is an added expense to the bridesmaids who are already shelling out lots of money to put on the shower. And if they are expected to purchase gifts what would be appropriate and how much money should be alloted each gift? thanks, Christine
Hi! When it comes to thank you cards, though I have nice handwriting, can I type out cards on my computer and print them out?
If there are bridal shower thank-you personalized bags should the bag have the bride’s name or the bride and grooms name