The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
by Melanie Doetsch
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
My mother of the groom and his grandmother are thowing me a shower in the next couple of months. They believe it is necessary to invite every woman in the church which would be about 100. However, I am not inviting every woman in the church to the wedding. The wedding is going to be at my church (not his). Also we are limiting our guest to 200 and don’t have room for anymore on the guest list. I have always heard it is good etiquette to only invite women to the shower who are going to be invited to the wedding. I have tried to explain this to my MOG but she doesn’t seem to care that we are going to look rude. I think it looks tacky and greedy to invite this many to the shower. How do I convince her not to invite this many people?
Cecile,
if she wont cut the guest list, in this case i would just enjoy the day but not alter my guest list. i think the church ladies wont expect an invite. it is good etiquette but in some cases the rules can be bent and this will apply. i dont think anyone will see this as greedy just alot of women wanting to share in your celebration. have a great shower and wedding!!
cecile, i meant dont alter the wedding guest list, cause the church ladies probably wont expect a wedding invite but like a coworker shower they just want to do something nice. sorry for any confusion!!!
Hi
I would just like to know whether there is a rule against talking about someone else shower while you’re at one. My sisters shower came up while we were at my sister in laws bridal shower. Was that wrong?
Nerisha,
no it is common to talk “girl stuff”, showers included. its okay!!
I am wondering what the proper bridal shower Etiquette in reguards to inviting people to the shower but not to the wedding? I am having our oldest daughter’s shower at Christmas this year and she gave me the list of friends she wanted to invite and I added a few of my friends..She says if you invite them to the shower then they are suppose to be invited to the wedding.The wedding is in another province.
Can anyone help as I am hurt that she feels I did something wrong
What is the proper etiquette for a second bridal shower? My fiance has been divorced now for 10 years or more. This is my first marriage and this will be his second. My maid-of-honor is throwing a bridal shower and I would like his family to be there but his family is not sure what to do.
Rgrussel,
*etiquette
*more tips
i would plan a shower for absolute sure! happy planning!
My daughter recently got married and I threw her a shower in October. I am the MOB and I was her Matron of Honor. She and her new husband had a small wedding in which the majority of the people from the shower were not invited (except his family and his co-workers), but she said she planned on having a reception next year in the Summer and everyone would be invited then.
When my girlfriend saw him do this, she was a bit insulted and ticked off, because she purchased these items for my daughter and not for his mother. Needless to say, she and I had an argument today, because I mentioned this to her and her writing this in the thank you cards and her response was that it was her gift cards and she could buy what she pleased; however, she was ticked off about him giving her bridal shower gift to his mother to use. I told her that when people come to a shower, it was to help her get started in life and when they hear that you spent their gift cards on frivilous guy items it might make one think what you needed a shower for in the first place. She didn’t see eye to eye on me on this one and needless to say, we got into an argument. A bridal shower is supposed to be for the bride to purchase home items…iron, silverware (which they still need) towels (which they don’t have) sheets, etc. 
I feel that she should have never told everyone that they bought a snowblower in these hard economic times especially when she was first getting married and had nothing to begin with. 
I’m not trying to be a meddling Mother-In-Law and have only visited them once since they moved in. When I went to visit, I was insulted that my son in law went in the basement and didn’t even socialize with me. When I was leaving he came up the stairs to say goodbye. I made sure I didn’t overstay my welcome and stayed for only 1 1/2 hours. I brought a car load of her things to her along with two pies and treats for the animals. I feel like I’m not welcomed there and I don’t want to go there anymore in spite of my daughter who seemed very glad to see me. I am trying my hardest to love my son in law, but he has nothing to say to me when he sees me. They are not young people (she’s 35 and he’s 42) and I’m hurt at his actions. Planning on staying away and out of my daughter’s life, because whatever I do or say is wrong. 
I have always been against showers where the bride has a registar and tells everyone what she wants. My thoughts on this is that a shower is… “Thank you so much for helping me get started in life” and not “This is what I want.” I did the best I could for her and gave her the most elegant Victorian Tea Party bridal shower that anyone could have ever had. Each guest got to take home a vintage tea cup and many gifts. I had searched all Summer long for Vintage tablecloths and tea cups at garage sales and we made our own Victorian centerpieces. Everyone said it was the most elegant party they had ever seen. There were about 50-60 in attendance. I am alone and could not afford to pay for her wedding, but I baked and cooked my brains out and paid for the majority of her shower as if it was her wedding.
In spite of my negative feelings about a registry, I placed a note in the shower invites that if they were uncertain what to pick out, a gift card from Home Depot, or Lowes would be appreciated since she had recently purchased a home (this was my daughter’s request). The shower was a success and she got a substantial amount of gifts and gift cards; however, shortly afterwards, she told me that her fiance’ now husband took the gift cards and purchased a snowblower! I thought what the heck? She read in an etiquette book that when she wrote out thank you cards she should inform the guests what they bought, so SHE TOLD EVERYONE THEY BOUGHT A SNOWBLOWER! Yesterday, my sister-in-law mentioned to me that she received a thank you card with the statement that they bought the snowblower and she had a question mark on her face. I called my daughter up today and asked her if that is what she wrote everyone who came to her shower in the thank you cards and she said yes. I was stunned that her husband took the cards and purchased “guy stuff” from a bridal shower. It was my understanding that bridal shower things should be items bought for the house and not guy stuff. I was p*ss$d off to say the least that HE took these cards and spent them. Also, the day of the shower HE gave his mother bowls that she had just received as a shower gift, so she could take food home! MY DAUGHTER JUST RECEIVED THESE GIFTS FOR HER SHOWER!
Weddings are about the BRIDE and the GROOM. Their special day, and all the events leading up to it should be about them. There is nothing wrong with having a registry – people are not required to choose from them, but it’s a nice way to help get a couple started out right with the things that they like. If you give a gift card, that means that you wanted to be thoughtful and allow the couple to use it for whatever they’d like. A snowblower may not be the most sensible gift, but it’s what THEY wanted, and they were thankful to those who helped them purchase it. It’s fine as the MOH and MOB for you to offer suggestions about etiquette and other details, but at the end of the day, its really about them, and you have to respect their decisions (even if you don’t agree with them).
I think that people will buy what they have to have in their homes, but that snowblower would be hard to justify as a purchase…so maybe it was a good thing in the end?
Gift cards to Home Depot were requested because they had a new house. Snow blowers can be a big help and they are fairly expensive so having the gift cards gave them the opportunity to get that. As long as the bride is happy with the snowblower then everyone should be happy as well. If you wanted her to get sheets and towels you should have asked for gift cards to Bed, Bath and Beyond or Target. Please don’t run your daughter’s life. Just be happy that she is happy and let her deal with her husband on the issues that she has with him. They are HER issues. I’m a MOB and I have learned to let my children handle their own. It’s hard – but you have to let go and enjoy them – you are done raising them. Don’t stay away.
I am in the bridal party and we have all gone in on a group gift to give the bride at the shower…Do I still need to purchase a shower gift on my own?
No…that is sufficient.
Bre,
Leona is right.
I, and other family members, recently gave my niece an engagment party where we presented one large gift to the couple. Am I required to buy another gift for the bridal shower?
susan, no, one is sufficient, it is only optional(personal choice) if you bring another gift to the shower.
I have been invited to a wedding shower, this is my first one as we do not have these in my country. My husband and I have already bought a gift for the couple off their registry, which has already been delivered (again very weird). I was wondering do i need to buy another gift as well for the shower? The wedding is also a destination wedding and we are going to a lot of expense to attend, so I was curious if i need to purchase more gifts – please advise?
speakeasy123,
since you have bought a gift you not required to purchase another. if you want(optional) and didnt want to go without one a nice set of towels or a gift certificate to a restaurant or even a fast food place, that you know they love. i have even seen fun gift baskets put together for a movie night, popcorn, theater candy( $1 at walmart) gift certificate for some movies. you could put on the card:
It is the Friday night and you don’t know what to do
But you wanna stay in, your honey does too.
You just want to relax and kick up your feet.
Curl up to a movie with some popcorn and treats?
Well here is a basket just for you
Enjoy your movie night you two!!
Our daughter is getting married in May at a Destination Wedding and close family members are out of town. Her Maid of Honor and I will go in together for a bridal shower but it will be so small so I am wondering if co-workers and other friends could be invited even though they will not be invited to the wedding which again, will be for a few friends and family.
Tammy,
normally anyone not on the wedding guest list shouldnt be invited to a bridal shower. in this case, as long as everyone is okay and they just want to be a part of the celebration honoring the bride/groom then by all means go for it!!
*tips
I received an invitation for a bridal shower for a niece. The bottom reads as follows…..
There will be a wishing well that we would like to fill with financial gifts to help **** and ***** begin their future together. We Encourage you to contribute. Even if it is in lieu of a gift.
Frankly, I was shocked. Is it okay to ask for money at a bridal shower. I thought cash gifts were given at the wedding. I was taken aback.
Thank you for your response
emily,
usually asking for money and on invites is not the proper thing to do. instead a sign by the wishing well with a cute poem would have been a softer approach. though, i am finding more and more hosts/couples have already set up home and really dont need household items. cash or gift cards are becoming a big thing now. stating what the guests should bring has mixed emotions. it is not uncommon to register with a honeymoon or money registry.
* example
*wishing well
a wishing well is a long time tradition. so on the other side, it can be a good thing, lettin guests know they have the option of a gift or $$$. Good luck!!
I’m sorry to be (possibly) so naive in my older age (51), but I was shocked at a response that I received from my wife relative to Bridal Showers. She mentioned that her daughter (my step-daughter) was going to have a Bridal Shower here at home, next month. I thought that was great…no problem. But then I asked, what was the event that you and her went to last weekend (remembering that it was her Bridal Shower….or at least as my memory allows). And she answered…. “Her Bridal Shower. Most people have 15-20 Bridal Showers, but we’re only having 4″…. and there was not a good tone to it. Again, I may be WAY behind the times, but do brides-to-be REALLY normally have 15-20 bridal showers? This is not a huge family. I would say just a normal average size of family and friends. Maybe as I mentioned, I’m just behind the times, and Walmart/Macy’s/Hallmark have done a heck of a job with this event? I also got some flack for not having a Groom Shower (not to be confused with a Bachelor Party). I, nor no one that I am aware of had a ‘Groom Shower’. Jesh…..I am getting old (knew that, but it seems that I learn more so each day).
Can you give me some advice / update? Thank You Truly. -D.Noland
david,
it is true it is becoming a popular trend for grooms showers and multiple bridal showers. with the bride each family, coworkers, etc. may want to throw a shower for the bride. church ladies, different friends, the list goes on and on. the grooms shower is usually gifts like: power tools,lawn and garden supplies, etc. depending on the grooms taste. weddings have gone through many “revised” etiquette and options. brides are planning very weddings that are very much “them”. there are still families and friends that have the traditional wedding and one bridal shower, which is more my style. i have to say, though, there are some GORGEOUS non/semi- traditonal weddings and showers out there!! i truly hope i have helped.
Stacey, YES you have helped indeed. I do appreciate the insight. It was mostly the number of 15-20 bridal showers that through me for a loop…. I mean, the more power to her (my step-daughter), there was at the time of the discussion, a inference that I/we were to arrange each of them. And excuse me, but my thoughts was in a the form of ‘no way’. Of course, being the wise 51 that I am…..I kept my mouth shut (;> I have since, given in to at least attributing to the ‘Groom Shower’. Considering a gas blower. Presently, they live in an apartment, and wouldn’t really need it. But they are looking for a house….so that was my thought. In any case, YES. Thank you for your thoughts and helpful guidance. BTW, how many ‘Receptions’ should I expect ???? Maybe, I don’t want to hear the answer.
Best Regards, -D.Noland
I’m going to a bridal shower tomorrow. Do I put the bride and groom’s names on the envelope/inside of the card that I’m including with their gift, or should it only be to the bride to be? Thank you!
cathie,
i would just put the brides name on envelope and on the inside just write congratulations to you both!!
typically, should those that hosted the bridal party receive a small gift from one of the mothers or the bride-to-be?
mary,
*theknot
*bridal shower hostess gifts
i think it is a very nice thing to do. although optional. i love the idea of sending flowers and a card thanking them for a special day!!
I am the MOB who will be hosting a bridal shower with MOH. The Bride does not wish to have any games. It is okay to have guests print out their names on cards to be drawn for prizes?
bonnie,
oh yes this will be perfect.
Please settle this argument between coworkers: if a guest of a bridal shower wins a prize, is she obligated to give it to the bride?
kelly,
no, that is door prizes those are not included in the brides gifts. those are what the hostess picks up to have little games at random at the shower for the guests to make it more fun. look at it like a raffle or door prize that would play at other functions, the same rules apply, winner keeps gift. the brides name can also go in the pot for the name drawing ( optional) another fun way to include her.
*link
*bridal shower games
a co-worker asked me in summer 2008 to be in her winter 2009 wedding, and then she & fiance eloped two weeks ago. our work is throwing a (surprise) bridal shower for her next week. bride’s mother has asked me if the family should still host a bridal shower, since she eloped. what do you suggest?
shannon,
a shower is usually not given for elopements. those invited to the wedding usually go to the shower.
*etiquette
BUT….
with the ever changing rules of weddings more and more brides and families are making it about what is better for them. this is my suggestion. instead of a family bridal shower i would have a small reception for them ( coed) it doesnt have to be grand, a reception shouldnt cost any more than a bridal shower. simply have cake and champagne or punch. have it in the afternoon. keep it super simple ( 2 hours tops) and have in a place where everything is already there. no rentals. wouldnt it be fun to surprise them with a reception as long as it wouldnt go against any reasons why they may have eloped( example: she didnt want a big wedding) it would just be a very nice way to celebrate upon return!! or just take them and immediate family out to dinner. i am sure family will want to give gifts etc. anyway. so they could bring them with them. think…gift certificates etc. i want sure if she already had all her home items. then gift certificates would be perfect! did they have a real “honeymoon”. if not, why not get everyone together who wants to contribute and give them a weekend getaway gift certificate to a fave spot.
stacey, thanks for your reply. the reception dinner for this friend is only 6 weeks away. i think the MOB is still planning on doing some kind of shower & the reception dinner is far enough away that the guests invited will have to stay the night in the hotel ($$). what is a polite reply to decline to attending or participating in a 2nd shower??
shannon,
if there is an RSVP just write the number of guests invited; decline. if asked for a reason just state: Thank you so much for the invitation to the bridal shower, however, finances wont permit us to attend all the wonderful prewedding events. Please accept our apologies and we wish the bride and groom all the best, we will see you at the wedding!
I see a comment about the etiquette of not necessarily inviting all the women who are invited to the wedding to the shower- this makes sense, however I’m having a destination wedding and my MOH & MOB are throwing a shower the day before. I had originally wanted to only invite a select group of close relatives and friends, however that sort of left out a small number of the ladies coming to the wedding… My worry is that the women not invited might be more insulted that they were left out since they flew half-way across the country just to come to the wedding? In this case should I just invite everyone?
kate,
if they will be at your wedding it would be very nice to invite them to the shower since it is the day before. i am asuming you all will already be at your destination. if so, it would be best to invite them. they may feel awkward being at the destination spot with all the ladies but them at the shower venue. if you will not be at your destination i would still invite them.
Okay, so I’m having my honeymoon shower this weekend, I’ve always had it in my head that since most of my gifts will be gift certificates or money towards our honeymoon registry that it would be inappropriate to open envelopes in front of our shower guests. I have been given an opinion that it would be completely insulting if I didn’t open the envelopes. What should I do? open or not open? PLEASE HELP!
lisa,
open the gifts whether gift cards, monetary, or other. that is usually the high point of a shower so guests can see the bride open the gifts.
yes, I agree should this be a traditional whoer, but I can’t exactly show my guests monetary gifts, wouldn’t that be rude?
lisa,
you are very right. i would just have it more like a party and when everyone is mingling open the cards, pull out the gift certificate or money , and display the cards on a table. or you can just choose to open them and thank everyone for their gift and it be more like a party than a shower with a traditional gift opening. if someone happens to bring wrapped gifts, which they still may, then you could open those.
*what they did here
opening gift cards and monetary gifts in front of guests can be in poor tastes. since that is a private thing. my apologies for misunderstanding.
My mother and my sisters fiancé’s parents threw my sister a wedding shower. It was only family members (parents of the fiance and my parents and my sisters) who were invited and attended, a total of 10 people. She stated a very long time ago that she didn’t want a wedding shower. Well it was thrown anyway. She got wonderful gifts and it was a great way for the families to get to know one another and what not.
My sister flipped out at everyone saying that we were selfish in throwing her a shower and she was very very angry about it. She called my mother selfish and explained my mom threw the shower only for herself, which is impossible to do since my mom and my soon to be brother in laws parents spent hours putting decorations and gifts together. She stated this all at the wedding shower, in front of her fiance’s parents.
I can understand her maybe not wanting the shower but do you think she was out of line stating all this at the shower and yelling at my mother and sisters in front of my soon-to-be brother in law and his family? We feel that she should still appreciate the gifts and the effort that went into the shower. She embarrassed our family and really made us look bad in front of our new family. Do we have a right to be upset by how she acted and said?
Thanks so much
J,
i would be hurt by this action. the shwoer was a thoughtful idea and if you decided to proceed then that was the family or hosts choice. i am not understanding why she got upset; what reasons? could something have been said previously that would make her that upset for the shower? your correct, the shower was not the place to have “the” discussion about the event. afterwards in the presence of your family only would have been more appropriate. i would offer my apologies to the grooms family for the outbursts and explain that you didnt realize a shower would upset her so much. and leave it at that. for her, i would wait til she cooled off and not ask what yall did wrong about planning but what may have caused her emotions about it. just state youwanted to do something nice for her cause you love her and also didnt realize and if it offended her you apologize. it would be so easy to get very upset by this but i do believe there could be stress or other things bothering her and the shower was a great way to relieve pressure. again i am not sure. i dont think his family will look at you in a bad way, i think they may actually wonder why she got so upset. either way i do hope that everything works out. take care!!
As MOB I am helping my other daughter MOH plan for the shower. The MOG is wanting to invite all her friends (there is no family) but has not and does not offer to pay towards anything. Must the guess list include her friends?
feebee,
usually the guest list which is given by the bride, invites those that she is close too. it will or should include aunts, cousins, etc. from the bride and grooms side of course. since the party is given is given in honor of the bride, the mog shouldnt invite personal friends( unless she was the host) and unless her friends are close to the groom/bride then that is okay ( as long as the bride approves of adding them to the guest list.)
*etiquette
Feebee, I am an MOH who just went through this same thing. Not only did I not want to allow the MOG to invite people (cuz they were all non relatives) but my sister (the bride) insisted that she be able to invite 2-4. Not only did she invite 4 but she showed up with 9 people(!!!!) to the shower and I had planned special food for the number of people I had invited, not 5 more! Nip this in the bud and remind your daughter that when you and/or the MOH is paying for the shower, she can’t give carte blanche inviting!
A co-worker of mine is getting married in November. I would like to give her a shower at work, but the bride-to-be is concerned about whether all of her co-workers need to be invited to the wedding if they come to a shower. She is planning a small wedding so inviting all co-workers would not be an option. What is “proper protocol” here? Thanks!
michelle,
a coworker bridal shower is the exception to the rule. the only coworkers invited to the wedding are generally ones very close to the bride to be, that is why most coworkers understand and a coworker bridal shower is given, which is a great way to celebrate with the bride. happy planning!
Thank you so much! I agree and cant wait it will be FUN!
I am the maid of Honor in my best friends wedding. In MAY i asked her for a list of people and told her I was planning the shower at a park close by. I reserved the pavillion she gave me a list of 20 people in June. The shower is on September 27 and two days ago (September 7) she gives me a list of 12 more people she needed me to invite. So I bought more invitations. that is one thing. Her mother and I decided on food for the party and a few weeks ago she said she wanted some other food there so the original plans were out the window. Today she says that the park i chose is not going to have enough room and the bathrooms are not fit for her party since 3 of her grandmas are comming and she cant let them go in “that things” and they are too far away. they are 25 yards away from the pavillion. 17 days before the shower she decides to change the location of the party. Mind you I planned and bought all the decorations for the pavillion and they will not be used at her mothers. Am I wrong to be pissed that she took it into her own hands to change the location 17 days before the shower when she had over 3 months to change it? :ticked: Am I wrong to have her pay me back for the lost money on the park? Am i wrong to let her and her mom do everything for the shower now since nothing I did is good enough? Bridezilla yes or no??
Ashley,
my goodness! yes, i would ask for the money back on the park due to the circumstances. Since you went through this dilemma i would step back and let someone else plan the shower and pay the expense. The bride was suppose to give you a guest list only with you and the bm planning the shower according to YOUR set ideas and budget. I completely understand how you could feel. Stress( especially wedding stress) can cause even the closest relationship some shocks.
MAJOR BRIDEZILLA!
No way should the bride be able to add another 12 people (who are somehow close enough to her that they should be invited to a shower but she forgot about them until now). Additionally, as the MOH it is extremely anti-ettiquette for anyone to take over for you and plan, it is one of your privileges as the MOH!!! As it is, let them plan it, return what you can and get your money back and I would suggest having the bride or someone compensate you for any money lost. After that, be done with it. I am an MOH and I wouldn’t stand for it.
I am the matron of honor for my sister’s wedding, which was planned for the end of October. I am hosting a shower, and already sent out the invitations for September, but then the couple decided to push back the wedding date. Should I call off the shower, or is it OK to go ahead? They still plan to get married this spring, but have not set a new date.
Matron of Honor,
Since the date is up in the air and not set, i am not sure i would proceed with the shower. It would be better to wait and push that back also until you know for sure it will be in the spring.
I was wondering. A very good friend of mine that I have grown up with is getting married soon, and my boyfriends mother and I and a few others were planning on throwing her a party and I had told the MOH that we would be doing it and we wanted to make sure it was ok with her and we wanted to include her. Well the MOH took over invited more people to host “our” party and completely left us off of the invitation as hosts??? How do I politely tell my friend the bride that I really wanted to help out and host a shower for her but we seemed to have been replaced- without worrying her or causing any “drama.” I just want to politely inform her that I thought I was helping and I am sorry that “for the record” I never even HELPED host a bridal shower for her??? I just want to be prepared in case it should come up in conversation
emily,
i dont agree with her leaving you off the host wording. you could talk to her or just let it slide. since you two are so close you could tell her that you were a part of a team of hosts but the invitation didnt show that. if you are not planning any of the shower and no money has passed then why not plan a lil’ treat for the bride on your own. have just the 2 of you or more go for lunch and have a girls pampering day. it would be best if it did come up in conversation that the bride to know beforehand. i am sure she will thank everyone who hosted at the shower and with her knowing the ones who were left out of the invitation will be mentioned in the thank you speech.
I just came from my son’s financee’s shower- I love her, by the way. She chose to take the wrapped gifts home– I’ve never heard of this, and I think several people were disappointed. Isn’t the norm to open them at the shower– that is, after all, most of what the shower is about!
confusedmog,
yes you are right. i can understand how guests would feel disappointed, anticipating the oohs and ahhs of what she got. if there were alot of gifts, i would have made sure i opened the gifts of the guests present and the guests who sent gifts and couldnt make it, that would have been okay to save them for later. i am sure she wanted to spend time with her guests instead of the entire shower opening alot of gifts, this could be what she was thinking. From the sounds of it, I do not think she meant to offend anyone if she did.
My brother is getting married soon but he is having a small wedding and not inviting our very large extended family – yet there is some pressure for a shower. The MOB is hosting a shower but it doesn’t seem right to invite people to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding. I am thinking of hosting a wedding party for the family to congratulate the bride and groom but I wasn’t sure about a shower. Any thoughts?
not sure,
etiquette usually says no, though, some brides are bending these rules. what i would do is have a family party and have it after the wedding like a second reception. this way a shower can be planned. this is a great way to include family in celebration of the big day. have a simple sheet cake to cut, nothing to fancy. i would actually opt for a cake and punch or champagne celebration, costs would be super reasonable. choose a place that needs no decor. it will be best in the long run. if you are wanting to provide food, keep it simple. light appetizers will work just fine. limit the party to 2 hours. Or a hot dog party is a great way to go. make it fun! like a birthday party except grown up. one of the most inexpensive receptions i have attended was chicken spaghetti, meatball spaghetti, a large salad, garlic bread, and simple strawberry shortcake in large aluminium pans. assorted drinks. there was even food left over cause it was hearty and a great filler. the shortcake really hit the spot. i would make it super casual so noone has to dress up alot. have the newlyweds wear their attire for pics then change or a simple dress and slacks/jeans nice shirt with flipflops. how great would that picture be!! it can be done and on the cheap. so i would go this route, just make this the shower too. for example:
you are invited to the casual wedding reception/shower of
Mr. and Mrs. bride and groom
on
date
venue
time
Wear something casual and comfortable!!
this lets guests smile to a unwinding event. a luau would be perfect for this!!! orientaltrading.com has cheap decor for this them!!
*perfect party theme
*the knot
*more ideas
*more themes
gave links just in case!!
Hello I was married July 11, 2009. I Couldn’t of asked for a more beautiful day. All 13 of my bridesmaid were great. My sister and I had a double Wedding on what would of been my MomMom’s birthday- whom I adore greatly. She had passed away but will remain with us always. Not only did I marry a man I adore but I got to share this special day with my little sister- I can’t begin to tell you all the emotions I had. I know that on July 11th I was extremely happy. My mommom was a symbol of butterflies, so on my wedding I would be surrounded by them- my flowers, the cake, the alter bows and even the ice sculpture it was as beautifull as she was. On Our Double Honeymoon we were greeted by an endless supply of butterflies I know in my heart she was there. I couldn’t of asked for a better time- it was a struggle getting there but no regrets. I want to thank all my Family and Friends it meant the world to me.
As a bride, how does one talk to the MOH about her constant complaints about money and expenses relating to the bridal shower etc. She has been offensive at times.
Kim,
this is one of those very difficult situations. i would sit her down and talk to her about things non wedding and when you noticed a relaxed time. i would say i am so excited to have you have you stand up for me on my wedding day but i was just wondering how you are doing? i havent had a chance to talk with you among all the planning and was wondering if you had any concerns? if she feels like she is not being attacked then she will most likely state what is wrong without being offensive. I would keep eye contact and listen to her. It could be she cant afford the moh expenses and is pressuring herself to do so, to keep from disappointing someone she cares deeply about. I know this can be a not so joyous moment in the planning phase. If she has not bought anything and is just complaining about the expenses just tell her that her feelings are important to you and that you go way back. that you dont want the wedding to come in between your friendship and would understand if she just wanted to share in the joy of being a guest, that you will love her just by being present. Sometimes the bridal party gets a major bashing and i am not saying it is okay to have outbursts ( but that is showing an underlying issue and it may be she cant say no even though $$$ may be very tight). Coming from a best friends role she may not want to hurt the brides feelings, and she cant speak up. I am not saying this is right cause i would want to know if they could or couldnt afford the wedding. I am sure she wants to stand by your side on the most important day of your life, and felt like she would let you down. There are many emotional issues( example: sometimes even being single and watching your bf or sis be the one getting married can cause nonintentional feelings) in a wedding especially when $$$ start hitting the table. I know i may be completely off base. Keeping the lines of communication open even if it is something hard to hear just shows unconditional love. i hope this helps!!
Please HELP!
If someone was invited to a bridal shower and did not rsvp or acknowledge the bride in any way should those people still be on the wedding list?
kathy,
there are some guests that dont rsvp. usually the bride will give the guest list for the bridal shower, if they are on thse list then yes, they are invited to the wedding too. chances are the guest wont show. i would call just to make sure they declined though. with rsvp’s some phone calls will still need to be made. if they are included on the invite list, then the bride or couple must want them included.
Is it etiquette to only send shower invites to people who are attending the wedding?
Bonnie,
guests attending the bridal shower should also be invited to the wedding.
I am the MOG. I received an invitation in the mail to the Bridal Shower given by the MOB. MOH started to give the shower, but MOB took over (all the way down to NOT listing the MOH’s name on the invite). Invitation didn’t have my name on it-just address, and frankly I just assumed they meant my daughter also. We went…talk about “uncomfortable”. No one else on my son’s side of the family was invited. Frankly, I had an argruement with my son about this. In the 22yrs. of my oldest son’s life, I’ve been “mad” at him 3 times. Age 13-caught him smoking. Age 20-he had an arguement with HIS future M-I-L. (MOB was upset with her daughter and called my son every name in the book. She was upset because her daughter didn’t pay ALL the lot rent and electric bill as she has since she started work at age 16.-Yep, you heard right. Jerry Springer type stuff).
I happen to be very proud of my son (Firefighter/EMT/Paramedic/Dispatcher-College Grad) AND my Future D-I-L. (EMT/Paramedic-College Grad). I know I’m supposed to “show-up, shut-up and wear beige” but, when my family is getting shafted on invites to the shower and the wedding…
The thought of this “one sided” wedding turns my stomach.