The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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My sister and I are giving my niece, who lives out of state, a wedding shower. When my sister asked her where she was going to register, she told her she just wanted gift cards since she would have to ship the gifts back to where she lives? Is this appropriate?
carol, no its not appropriate but if she doesnt register then you can buy (which is what your suppose to do) what you want for the couple. more and more tradition is fading and new rules are emerging. i have a feeling gift cards will be huge in the future.
ask her to register, if she wants too. since bridal showers or gifts are not required. she may just prefer a giftless shower. where there is food, guests, and activity for like a girls day out. a pamper party perhaps. all the women would love this. have someone come to your home, that throws spa parties. in this case i would tell everyone the dilemma,(some will still buy a traditional gift) and see if they would be interested.
i love the idea personally but still struggle some mixed emotions, but it saves trouble bringing back gifts and shipping. plus the happy couple can buy what they need especially with a group visa gift card(which you can get at walmart). if the other guests agree then go for it! imagine the brides surprise with a nice size visa gift card. perfect for home or honeymoon, groceries, bills, etc. . i know opening the gifts is amazing! but again imagine a nice amount on one and opening it up. wow!! then you have time to gab and enjoy refreshments and practically no clean up.
*‘Soothing Spa’ Bridal Shower Theme(great idea for more of these google search spa bridal shower) unique and guests will love it!! also google a travel bridal shower, find out where the honeymoon is and buy things for that. also google honeymoon bridal shower and honeymoon bridal shower theme(more results)
*Bridal Shower Theme: The Honeymoon(this one makes sense to me, i am in love with this idea!! so fun to decorate and if you do this ask if she will have a honeymoon registry(google search)
*How to ask for gift card/monetary gifts for out of town wedding?
*gift cards only
*Out of Town Bride - Bridal Shower Question
*Out of town bride & gift problem
*Out Of Town Bridal Shower…Please Help!
*Bridal Shower Theme Ideas
*honeymoon bridal shower
HELP! I have been asked to be the MOH in a friend’s wedding. We used to be best friends until I moved 700 miles away. I accepted because we still see each other when I’m home and talk occasionally. She recently came to town to pick a bridesmaid dress that looks good on me and her 1 other bridesmaid. She has turned into a complete snotty b*tch (sorry, no other word fits). She made snide remarks to my boyfriend and me all weekend in MY house. She has told me that I cannot get engaged or married this year because HER wedding is this year. All she says is “I’m the bride” and throws temper tantrums (literally) if she doesn’t get her way about ANYTHING. I had finally had enough the last night they were here and told her what I thought. She went completely nuts and was screaming that it’s her day and she deserves to be selfish about her wedding….My boyfriend used to actually like her and now hates her and said he is not going to her wedding and if I go, he will not be here when I get back because she treated us so horribly. We like her fiance, but I can’t handle her anymore. What should I do? I don’t think we are close enough for me to be her MOH when she doesn’t care a thing about my life. I told her my boyfriend was saving for my ring and wanted to get married soon, and she said “that’s good” very snottily….Am I wrong? She hasn’t called or emailed to say thank you for anything we did for them when they were here. I also finally had to tell her that she couldn’t call about the wedding EVERY night because I work all day and would like to relax and spend time with my boyfriend….that made her really mad….I’m sorry, but finding your florist is not exciting news to me! I don’t care what we wear or what she wants to do…it’s not my wedding and I’m too far away…..ADVICE PLEASE!!!!
Jen, i really hate to hear what your going through! she is not being considerate and just cause she is the bride does not mean she has control and can tell everyone what they can or cant do. unfortunately, wanting everything to be perfect and the stress of planning is affecting her and she may bounce back when the wedding day is over. usually a commitment is a commitment but in this case,as long as you dont care how it affects your friendship and it will(which it doesnt appear to be one to her anymore), i would politely decline. i mean you can talk to her if you wish and it may do some good but she is being seriously rude and in your house. i cant help but wonder is she jealous of you or she is mad at you for moving away etc. i know this isnt in all bridezilla cases but i think i would ask her why she is treating you so badly. she wants all eyes on her and it doesnt work that way. you still have a life, though a moh does have a responsibilty to the bride. but this is way out of hand. sad to day, she wont call or thank you for anything either cause she is only thinking about her day. REMEMBER it is not worth risking your own happiness over.Where will you be if your boyfriend is gone, is it worth it? i wish issues didnt arise like this, but the true meaning of a wedding is fading. but again, i would advise you to drop out of this wedding. If you go after all of this, it will be fake smiles etc. just pretending to be happy just for her sake that day. it should only be about true happiness and you probably wont be true to yourself if you go. I am sorry i know this cant be easy. but theres no question about it, its either her or your boyfriend. i do wish your boyfriend hadnt given you an ultimatum , i wish it could have been said whatever you decide i will be here but just know if your gonna be moh, after what she did, know what your getting yourself into. but he is concerned about you and knows her behavior was completely unhealthy. i can just see that since an ultimatum come up it was REALLY awful. i would not go but wouldnt harbor resentment either in the aftermath.
if you do this now she may think you will always do this for her. good luck. if ya want write me back and let me know how it went. i will help any way i can.
*How to Get Rid of a Bridezilla
Stacey, Thank you so much for your response. I was GENUINELY happy for her and have offered to do all the invitations, favors, etc..whatever I could do from a distance. I was even going to take a weeks vacation time to go up the week prior to the wedding to help. My boyfriend did tell me yesterday that he shouldn’t have given the ultimatum and I could do whatever I wanted, but I honestly don’t want to be in her wedding anymore. I don’t think i even want to be friends with her. It has always been a competition about things with her….I am happy with myself and secure in my relationship, and I don’t feel like I need to compete with anyone. My wedding is going to be simple (as simple as one can be), but I’m passing out color swatches to the wedding party and telling them to find a dress in one of those colors that they are comfortable in on the beach and show up! I don’t believe it’s all about the wedding..It’s about the MARRIAGE of the two people. I was dreading her even coming to see me because of all the drama I have had to listen to, but I’ve always been nice! I’m definitely not going to be in her wedding and I think we’ve outgrown our friendship. She STILL hasn’t called or emailed about the past weekend, so that tells me something…Thanks again!
Help! I’m the Mother of the Groom and have been asked by both the bride & groom to help give the MOH a push to make sure the bridal shower actually happens! I have tried several ways to tactfully offer assistance and money to help out. The wedding is 9 weeks away and the MOH still hasn’t picked a date, place or “even thought about it” because she’s “too busy”. However, she does not want anyone else giving the bride a shower. The other bridesmaids all want to help; but, also have been rebuffed. What is the correct way to handle this situation. I do not want to hurt her feelings; but, time is running out!
vicki,
this is a sticky dilemma, first i would sit down and and explain that a bridal shower needs to be set and taken place. That if she is to busy then someone else should start the process. Tell her the wedding is 9 weeks away and the shower should have been thrown a month ago. it sounds as if she is deliberatley trying to postpone it due to lack of funds and is embarrassed to say. unfortunately, there is no easy way to handle this, as she may not get the message if she is gently talked too. the shower is not expected is only optional, so the bride and groom cant insist a shower be thrown, however, i cant help but wonder if the moh is gonna throw one. what i would do is this: start the proces of planning a shower ( as a mother you can if the moh nor anyone throwing one) involve her(dont let a bad situation turn worse), just ask her would she like to help and how much can she help, that your not trying to take this from her, totally understand how a wedding and life can be time consuming and would love her to plan it since its her role( but again shower is not required) but you would really love to see them have a shower cause its a special moment and the bride would be disappointed without one andshe cant go back on a moment missed and what if you and/or the brides mother hosted with the bm and moh helped (as she could ask) would that make it easier for her, because it is about helping each other. And you would be thrilled to help!! let me know how it turns out!! Good luck!!
My best friend is getting married this summer and I’m her maid of honor. I began starting a conversation with the 4 other bridesmaids about when a good date for the shower would be. One of the other bridesmaids, that I don’t know very well, has offered to host the shower at her home. She had already talked to one of the other girls about that and they’ve already begun working on plans without me. I tried to speak up and say that I would really like to be involved, because I feel as though as the MOH I should be hosting (or at the very least co-hosting) the shower and the email response I got told me not to worry about it and just to worry about the “fantastic toast I was going to give at the wedding”.
The bride means SO much to me and it’s really important for me to be involved in her shower. I’m really hurt because I feel like I’m being pushed out. How can I nicely go about getting myself more involved?
michelle,
i would sit them down and ask why they were trying to exclude me, that as moh one of your roles is to plan the shower but love that the bridesmaids are doing such a wonderful job starting the process, it could be they are trying to lessen the many responsibilites of the moh, tell them what you told me, that this hurts you and you want to help as much as possible make it a joint effort. but it does sound to me they are trying to be nice and cut the load. tell them you know they are being thoughtful but it feels like they dont want your help and it is hurting your feelings. sometime due to the excitement, things like this can happen, and is a ( i was not thinking) issue. and sometimes it is a alternative motive behind it. i really dont think this is the case. but open up and be heard.
Hi!
My fiances mom has told me that the ladies at her church want to put a bridal shower together for me since they all have known their family through the church for years. My fiance and I both feel like we aren’t in need of anything at the house and, in fact, want to get rid of a lot of clutter. We don’t have a lot of space in the small house we live in. We had decided months ago that we were only planning to ask for Home Depot cards because of this reason since we wanted to renovate the house a bit and create a little more space. His mom, however, felt as though it wouldn’t be right to just ask for gift cards and that her churchgoer friends would want to be able to actually give gifts for me to open at the party. My fiance was still against it, but eventually, I was able to convince him to register at Target and to also announce that Home Depot gift cards were appreciated.
Now, after putting together only a few items on my gift registry for Target, I feel a little at a loss. I don’t feel as though I have a lot listed…and half of it I feel is just being listed just to take up space and give people things to buy. My fiance is wanting me to make a note on the registry which says something to the effect of, “Though any gift would be greatly appreciated,” we would prefer Home Depot gifts cards. The only problem is, we are unsure of how to tactfully add this to our Target wedding page without offending someone. I do not know 95% of the people that will be there so I don’t want to sound pretentious since it was very nice of them to even put this together for us. What should I say?
kristina,
why not actually register at home depot for things you do want? including the gift cards. you can register for things you have always wanted too! like sports equipment and tools or outdoor furniture at any store. the options are endless. also google search honeymoon registry and cash wedding registry that will open up so much!! whatever you do dont register for things not needed or wanted they will take up even more space. i would go back to target and remedy what i didnt want or axe that registry all together. look at your hobbies, think of stores that have things you might love for your hobby. you cant stop guests from buying a gift of their choice, but you can bring it back for something else or even put it on a gift card for everyday household stuff even groceries ( if they have a grocery store or section) you will always need that!! smile. my suggestion register at lowes, home depot, or any other home store, including furniture stores or decor stores. this will give you a head start on things that youwont have to purchase later. and if they go to the home stores and get a bad gift you can bring it back put it on a gift card and use it later!! my sis did this at all the remodeling and decor stores!! it was great!! guests will get the hint of what you want!!
I am attending a bridal shower at someone’s home. Is it appropriate to bring a gift for the hostess (a bottle of wine) as well as the shower gift for the bride?
No. I have never seen anyone bring a hostess gift at all to a shower. Bringing a bottle of wine to a traditional, family wedding shower–for example, one held in the afternoon serving little tea sandwiches and cake, doesn’t seem fitting. That said, if there is some reason you think the hostess might particularly like wine, such as the shower is non-traditional in some wine-like way, for example it’s a couple’s shower held in the evening and you expect a lot of drinking there, maybe. I think people only expect guests to bring a gift for the bride.
Hi, I am a bride and my MOH is throwing a bridal shower. My family is treating me bad, as well as my moh. I dont think she deserves this treatment, and it makes me mad, that my mother and my family is being this way. My mother is trying to control everything, and she got upset that i did not invite her friends. My moh is paying for everything, and my bm has not contributed anything. Now, my mother and my Aunt, whose daughter is 12 and my jbm, are upset b/c I did not invite the jun bm to my shower. I thought that the shower was only for adult women? Is this correct? Am i wrong for not inviting the jun bm to the shower?
katie, hi! yes the junior bridesmaid should be invited. It doesn’t have to be only for adult women, thats the bachorlette party. it would be rude not to invite her, since she is a member of the wedding. she is not responsible for hosting or attending if she doesnt want but she still needs an invite. i would call her personally or send her a belated invite. inviting her makes it and her feel as she is a part of the wedding, excluding her might make her feel left out. even though she is a junior bridesmaid she is still a bridesmaid. she can be given fun things to do but is NOT required to chip in money like the other bridesmaids.
here is a link discussing her roles and responsibilites.
*Junior Bridesmaid Roles and Responsibilities
I’m part of a 6 person wedding party helping the maid of honor plan a shower for a dear friend. She already had quite an extravagant engagement party and is expecting the same of her bachelorette party. The wedding party consists of people who are frankly young and living paycheck to paycheck in NYC. The proposed bridal shower will cost us $600 per girl to host. Is this fair?
trippy,
omg! $600 per girl in our economy? i would definitiely speak up, before its to late. it should have been discussed about the amount that could be paid. I would say that I wasnt in financial position to afford $600. And find some alternatives if you want to contribute anything and it shouldnt be insisted or required but waht YOU can afford. a bridal shower is an option not a requirement.
*bridesmaid paying for bridal shower ( here is an article that resembles yours, i think it will help tremendously, it has wedding etiquette expert answering)
*Do bridesmaids always pay for the bridal shower?
I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. The maid of honor has recently informed us that it will cost each of us 100$ (not including the gift) to throw the type of shower the bride wants. I am the only bridesmaid who doesn’t earn income (I am a stay at home mom) and my husband just took a huge paycut at his job. It was a stretch for me to even pay for my dress. Knowing that I couldn’t afford to buy an expensive gift, I offered to address the invitations to the wedding. After telling the maid of honor this I got the response of “she would do it for you” So I am at a loss with this…The shower is going to be a luncheon at 20$ a plate. Anytime I have been to any kind of gathering like that, people were expected to pay for their own lunches. Is that tacky? I’m not sure what to do here…
Jennifer, you are not required to pay for a bridal shower. if you can contribute then do so!!
But with your financial situation, it would likely be difficult. it SHOULD NOT be the type of shower th ebride wants, since it is a thoughtful party to throw in her honor, she is not even suppose to be involved. I think it is rude for the moh to try to make you feel “guilty”. I would offer what i could pay and contribute my time, whatever amount of time you can pitch in. It amazes me how compassion and consideration are put on the back burner when money and a wedding are involved. 
I would look at my finances and say i have this to contribute and i cant do more. check out the post i gave trippy and the links. these would apply to your situation also.
I”m putting together a guest list for a bridal shower for my daughter. Many of our guests will be from out of state and are already making plans to attend the wedding. What’s proper etiquette regarding the shower? Do we send invitations to women who we know will not be able to attend the shower?
anita,
yes go ahead and send to them anyway. even if they cant make it, its thoughtful to include them.
I am giving a shower for my niece whose family lives in Virginia and that is where the wedding will take place. The shower will be in Illinois since this is where her grandparents live. Does anyone have any ideas about how to go about the shower gifts? Buying them and bringing them to the shower seems rather expensive since then we will need to ship them. Is it okay to tell them to have them shipped to her home and bring a wrapped picture of the gift? Since I do not know what people want to spend I do not want to do a group gift. I would appreciate ideas.
linda,
*Out Of Town Bridal Shower…Please Help!
* Out of Town Bride - Bridal Shower Question
Is there any etiquette rule that says that a shower can’t be given by a family member such as an aunt? I know that is what I was told when I married the first time 30 years ago. My niece is getting married in June and her bridesmaids are all college students or recent graduates on a tight budget. I am considering offering to host the shower to ease the pressure on the ladies.
In my mother’s family it is tradition for the Aunts to give a shower for their side of the family and they include the attendants and future mother-in-law. Sometimes a close friend or two. It’s perfectly acceptable for an Aunt to host a shower. It’s nice to give the bridesmaids a break too. :)
julia, etiquette is flexible these days. i know i post about ideas for the proper etiquette, when asked but i would do waht feels right. i see nothing wrong with it. its just usually mothers that dont but even those rules are changing especially with our economy. go for it and have a ball!!
I am MOH at my best friends wedding. The shower has turned into a nightmare. She wants to dictate the food, place, and time.( All things her future mother-in-law wants) Should we have a shower at the home of someone we’ve never met? I thought the host determined everything. Was I wrong to suggest her mother-in-law have a seperate shower? This is a nightmare and the bride is angry to the point where I fwewl I may no longer keep my position.
pickles,
the host does usually determines this. you shouldnt have to go through this type treatment. this is when weddings and showers turn into something awful instead of a day of celebration. it becomes to out of control. you werent wrong in suggesting this, i would speak up gently otherwise it will turn even more horrible. why not let this be the mother in laws shower and you can turn around and throw the bride another shower. but if you are the host and your money is going into something you arent allowed to plan then i would find another alternative. if you havent put $ into this shower then dont(as long as you have no say so), if they are taking control and tell them you will plan second shower. you should talk to the bride and tell her that you and the bm want to plan a shower in her honor and how much it means to you. that it is hurtful to watch someone taking control of what the bridal partysuppose to plan. etiquette states the mothers only plan a bridal shower if there is noone else. if it still doesnt help then let the FMIL plan and pay for this shower. save your money that would have gone to the shower and pitch in with your bm, take the bride to a fab lunch, get manis and pedis, present her with a group gift. just have a day of fun for the bride and bridal party, keep it just you all. noone can take that from you and you will have happy memories and will be more relaxing and comfy than a bridal shower, i promise!!
Tahnk you so much for the advise. I have spoken with the bride and she’s determined to have it her way. She wasn’t dinner at lunch. Now she’s dictating the food. She said in her family the FMIL and MOB are always included in the planning and to make sure they are informed in every step of the way. Plus, we had planned a weekend getaway for the bride’s bachelorette party. Now it is a day trip to a small theme park with the groom and his attendants.
I am the MOH at my best friend’s wedding and she is having two showers, one hosted by me and one hosted by family members. Is it expected or appropriate to bring hostess gifts for a bridal shower?
natalie,
the moh and bridesmaids usually give a group gift, if you want to give one personally you can also do that. you do not have to bring a gift to the second shower, but its very nice and thoughtful if you do. it doesnt have to be nothing more than kitchen towels, etc. something simple and inexpensive. might i suggest those fabulous microfiber kitchen towels, those are the best towels i have ever seen. she will be sure to love them!! i just saw those at a local $ store, in neutral and candy colors. since you will most likely group gift the 1st one, just grab a couple packs of these or one pack with a must have(kitchen timer) and you are good to go!! remember dont spend a fortune on a gift, especially with the economy the way it is. walmart has vaccums for 40 bucks, consider a coffee maker, inexpensive! she will love it! and definitely get an idea that will be used, something traditional.
natalie,
almost 4got….hostess gifts are not expected but almost always done. or ya’ll decide on small gifts each, like i suggested. rule of the south: you never attend a party empty-handed!!
Is it rude to suggest a bridal shower at someone’s house? The bridesmaids are sort of on a tight budget.
sammy,
it is an idea that can be tossed about, among the moh and bridesmaids. you can, however, casually bring it up among family. but randomly picking someones home isnt in good taste. It should be REALLY okay to have it at a home. which is a great place to hold a bridal shower. some people will say yes out of obligation due to the event, i would make sure there is a proper cleanup crew and make sure this event wouldnt interfere in someones personal day, keep them from doing things they needed to do. usually family members where i live offer their home. and if there is someone in the bridal party that attends church, a church hall is a great place to hold i, it may even be offered free to the member.
HELP!!!!! I am in a very good friend’s wedding in May. There are 3 BM, including the MOH who is the bride’s cousin and lives out of town. We have agreed to jointly plan and host the shower, which is great… Except that the MOH has responded to a grand total of 2 e-mails about the shower in the last 6 months. She doesn’t drive, so she can’t come to our town to help with the planning and the other bridesmaid and I both have multiple young children and tight budgets which prohibit us from getting enough time away to drive to her town and then have a planning meeting. We have simply excepted that this is going to be the situation and have been doing the legwork ourselves. The biggest problem now is that the other BM has made all kinds of plans and budgets without either of us. She sent out her budget spreadsheet last week including a list of all the food she thinks we’re going to need along with prices. She believes that we will be able to host a shower for 50 -60 people for less than $300 after spending only $100 on food. This wouldn’t be a problem if I knew she had an “in” to get us discounts, but the only reason that she believes this is that she has not planned for what I feel is nearly enough food. With 50 to 60 people, she is only planning to make 24 sandwiches (cut in 4), one small cheese and cracker spread, and a veggie tray consisting of one bunch of celery, 2 cucumbers, 3 peppers, 2 heads of brocolli, and 1large bag of baby carrots. In my opinion, this is only about enough for 20 - 25 guests. I am more than willing to contribute additional money to make sure that we have enough food, but the biggest problem is going to be convincing her that we need more. I have been scouring the internet for a webpage that has guidelines on the proper quantity of sandwiches, etc to make for a shower with a light luncheon and can’t find anything. If anyone knows where to find this information it would be great because she’s more likely to listen if it’s coming from somewhere else rather than just me. Any other advice would be great too…
frustratedbm,
hi! absolutely, just google search party food quantities. you will see lots of guidelines there. here is just one but check out the others they have alot of info.
* Party Planning: food quantities, food quantities, finger sandwichesSep
frustratedbm,
i understand your dilemma. i would personally make more food, here in the south we always make more just to be on the safe side. this is one of the easiest menus i think that is out there.
croissant sandwiches or 1/2 sandwich per person (chicken salad or tuna salad)
pasta salad
potato salad
fruit salad(which eliminates the need for a fruit tray)
cake
olives, nuts, pickles,
punch or whatever beverage you will be serving.
What is great about this menu is, its one pot wonders. a little goes along way and it is nothing to get few items and whip this up. i know it sounds like alot of food but it makes for a beautiful presentation.also the beautiful thing about places like sam’s club etc. is they have it in big containers already made and all you need to do is scoop it into a crystal bowl. you all may like this idea?!? this link is fabulous it gives so much info! just divide this in half or a little over.
*ELLEN’S KITCHEN
i need to know if it is bad luck to open gifts with a knife or a scissor
joya, unfortunately both. its even bad luck to even get a gift of knives. have fun!!
just found this…
You can’t use a knife or scissors to open your gifts at the shower (nothing that might CUT or cause a break in the marriage)
heres a website at brides, you’ll see it at 3rd post down.
*for fun- wedding superstitions?
My nephew is getting married in a small wedding with a small reception to follow. Only 11 people from my side of the family have been invited with only 5 of those people being female. The wedding is being kept small due to economic reasons. It is totally improper to invite women to a wedding shower who will not be invited to the wedding?
cindy, unfortunately no. you cant expect someone to being a gift and attend a shower if not invited to your wedding.
*Q&A: Bridal Shower: Must We Invite Everyone to the Wedding?
My brother is getting married and my mother just informed me she was invited to the bridal shower (I’m a bridesmaid but won’t be home until days before the wedding). My mother absolutely detests social events as they make her very uncomfortable. She doesn’t even want to attend the wedding, let alone a measly shower. Is there any way she can respectfully decline the invitation to this event? Thanks for your help.
anna,
i dont think there is gonna be an easy way to avoid hurt feelings in the matter. Is there any way she could set aside her dislike for social events for a day or two? While noone can make her go to the shower she should definitely be present for the wedding. If there are other “feelings” surrounded by relationship issues, that can make the shower/wedding attendance different. But mostly should be set aside unless it is completely miserable. However, many relationships suffer due to a parent not attending, sometimes irrepairable. Unfortunately, there is no good way to respectfully decline, especially since she is the future mother in law. Maybe she could go but not stay long. Or someone could sit with her to help ease her discomfort. Either way i wouldn’t decline, it could cause alot of pain. hope this helps.
In my situation, the mother of the bride is hosting the bridal shower in their hometown (different town from the wedding). The maid of honor is the one relaying all of the information to the bridal party, and she has mentioned she would “like” us to help her out with $75 from the bridal party, as well as additional expenses for “prizes” to be given out at the shower, which will be attended by 50-60 people.
It sounds to me after reading some of the entires in this page that I am correct in assuming that a few of these are not exactly traditional practices in throwing a bridal shower. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this situation?
amanda, you are right to assume these are not traditional practices. usually the bm ( mainly the moh throws the shower) together from the beginning. but if the motb and the moh teamed up to throw one then they should pay for the shower. as long as the bm were not in the plan from the beginning, if so, then you will be hosts as well. otherwise, you can contribute if you choose but in this situation not required.
amanda,
i forgot to mention its considered improper for the mothers to host the shower. unless the bride doesnt live in hometown, then its acceptable for the mom to help. the rules are bendable on the shower, if you plan, your a host and contribute. but technically, bm are responsible for the bachelorette party. hope all this helps.