The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
by Melanie Doetsch
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
my sister is getting married in August and I am planning the bridal shower..She seems to think it is okay to invite women to the bridal shower who are NOT invited to the wedding.. I feel that is rude… Any thoughts?
My mom did the same thing when I got married. I felt really uncomfortable not inviting them to the wedding afterwards. I don’t know what the proper etiquette is, but, if you are going to feel uncomfortable you should definitely stay away from it. Although, the gifts I got were phenominal!
Tasha,
it is improper etiquette to invite someone to a bridal shower and not the wedding.
*etiquette
Hi Tasha,
Your right! It is inappropriate to invite anyone to the bridal shower that is not invited
to the wedding also. Good Luck!
Iam the mother of the groom, please help. I thought my soon to be daughter in law and I were close guess I was wrong. My daughter and granddaughter are bridesmaids. None of us were invited to pick out dress’es I have not been included in any of the planning, we got togehter, to discuss the bridal shower, but when invitations arrived my name or my daughters name were not on the invites. Just sisters, girlfriend, brides mother and fathers girlfriend I feel very left out and believe me I know it’s not my wedding, relatives and friends aren’t coming because they feel I’ve been left out. What should I do.
Hi Di,
How are your daughter and granddaughter supposed to know what to wear the day of the wedding??? All three of you should have been present when the bride picked out the dresses for the brides made, as well has her own. It is generally appropriate for the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom to coordinate their dresses, i.e., if the mother of the bride wears a long gown, so should the mother of the groom, and colors should coordinate with the bridal parties dresses, not the same color, but something that isn’t complete contrast. You and your daughter and granddaughter should have been invited to the bridal shower, no question about it. I would have a little talk with the insensitive twit who didn’t include you! I’m sorry, hope everything turns out well!
Sorry, I meant bridesmaid!
Hi, Di! I am soon to be a mother-in-law, too. Please don’t fault your son’s fiance for YOUR feelings! Perhaps her own mother wished to pick out her daughter’s dress privately. (Which is actually fine). And as far as the shower goes, perhaps they thought there would be another shower given by friends or family members on the groom’s side, or maybe it was just too small to include more people! Take a deep breath. I’m sure nobody is doing anything to hurt you on purpose. It’s a stressful time, but don’t add to it by creating drama. She LOVES your son!
My shower is this weekend and I am wondering if I should toast the hostesses? Should I do this before the gifts are opened? If so, does anyone know any nice toasts?
Kimberly,
Usually the hostesses toast the bride and the bride thanks the hostess with a hostess gift. It is totally up to you though. before the refreshments or food is served or after the gifts. I have seen bride to be’s in my family or friends just stand and thank everyone for being at the shower and say how much it means to the bride they are there during such an important time in her life. And the hostesses for planning such a beautiful shower. Thank you all so much for everything.
What to do? My nephew (whom I do not have a close relationship with) is getting married. I have never met his fiance. His mother (my sister) sent me a bridal shower invite. I am not going (not only on principle) but also because they are a 7 hour car drive away. I assume I am invited to the wedding, though I guess wedding invites haven’t gone out yet. My question is twofold: 1. should I even have received an invite in the first place, given the circumstances of not knowing (let alone having met) the bride? 2. because I got the invite, am I now obligated to send a gift? (not that I will….however I am curious as to the “proper etiquette”.
Thank for any input you may have; appreciate it!
Wow! Would you have been happier if they did not include you in the wedding activities? Weddings are about celebrating love and family, they were trying to include you in the celebration.
not happy or unhappy; just trying to figure out the etiquette/expectations in this situation.
Chrissy,
Hi, You are not obligated to buy a gift; buying gifts are always optional. However, it is a nice gesture not to go to a bridal shower empty handed. Since you have decided not to go then you don’t send a gift but can choose to bring a gift to the wedding. Again it is optional. This is a chance to meet and get to know the bride to be. I am sure they wanted to include you in the shower and wedding because they want you there not JUST because your family. It is a chance to be a part of someones new journey they are going to take. I hope everything goes great and you make the decision that you feel best in your heart.
I would say proper etiquette, would me to call your sister or who ever is organizing the shower and thank them for the invite but explain that you don’t think you will be able to make the seven hour drive. Then wish them a wonderful shower!
My daughter became engaged to a man in Italy and came back to the states to get married, I arranged the whole wedding and met him 2 days before!!! If someone in the family is getting married, you accept them as your own!
Hi,
Since it is considered proper etiquette for a bridal shower to take place well in advance of the wedding, it is not unusual that you haven’t received your invitation as yet. This is done to relieve the bride of stress closer to the day of he wedding. That having been said, if you are invited to the bridal shower, you better be included at the wedding. Whether or not you go is entirely up to you, but yes, you should send a gift. Bridal showers are really for family and intimate friends and co-workers, you are a member of the family, it is very thoughtful that the bride invited you. Bridal showers are a great opportunity to get to know the bride.
I am getting married in Mexico so only my family and my close friend whom is my bridesmaid is coming. Is it tacky to have a bridal shower even though my friends aren’t coming to my wedding?
Gina,
Technically it is not proper. Nowdays with the etiquette rules changing it is pretty much up to the hosts( some don’t mind) they just want to share in a celebration where, at home, is easier.
* tips
Gina,
I think it depends on whether or not you plan to have a “reception” once you get back to the states. I’ve heard of many brides doing small/family-only destination weddings, but when they get back home, they have a reception to celebrate with friends. If you are planning a reception for when you come back home, I think it’s OK to have a shower and to invite those you plan on inviting to the reception.
Hi,
I think this issue falls under the category of ‘unusual situations!’ Your aren’t supposed to have a bridal shower including friends not invited to the wedding, but since your getting married in Mexico, I think it’s fine. I would suggest that whatever type of shower you have, ask your friends not to bring gifts! This will let them know that you want to spend some time with them, and gifts aren’t the reason why. Perhaps a spa day, or a girls night out where everyone picks up their own tab.
I am the bride and my MOH and MOTB are thowing me a Bridal Shower next month and asked me for my guest list. I would like to invite some friends from work that are not being invited to the wedding (due to it being very small and out of town). Can these friends still be invited since they aren’t invited to the wedding?
Racheal,
* tips
As long as they dont mind not being on the wedding guest list. Cause usually you don’t invite someone to a shower and not the wedding. If you plan to invite only some of them, do so discreetly to avoid any hurt feelings, also let them know they do not have to bring a gift, you just wanted them to share in the celebration.
I have recently been asked by my best friend to be the MOH at her wedding. I accepted of course and am having the best time helping her out. She’s getting married here but lives three states away. A lot of the planning has fallen on me and I am thrilled to do it.
I’m having an issue with the brides mother though. In fact it isn’t even my issue really. The bride and groom are paying for the bulk of their wedding. and yet her mother is continuously second guessing her. Almost daily, i talk to my friend who relays yet another conversation with her mother that ended in
. Seriously, every time she talks to her mom she ends up crying.
Her mom wants to be involved in the wedding and shower planning and I’m just not sure how to handle her. I know that it is traditional for her to be involved in some way but not in everything right? I’m throwing the lingerie shower and bachelorette party and her aunt is throwing the bridal shower. I’m just really uncertain of where the lines are drawn.
Two last questions:
Does her mother have to be invited to the Bachelorette party?
Is it inappropriate for the groom to give me a gift to pass on to the bride at her lingerie shower?
Thanks in advance for all your advice.
Breanna,
If she offers to help and you don’t mind. Just give her specific things like decor or food etc. If she says anything, just say, thank you Mrs. Mom for the tips and will keep them in mind. it makes her feel heard and you get to keep your plans.
If the bride gave the mom something to do it might make it easier for the bride. Like the mom can address invites etc. She may not know what to do since most weddings use to be a family involvement. However, her role is to support her daughter. I would talk to the bride and give her some support and reenforcement. It is simple for the bride” she pays she says”.
* read this
* here are some other tips
* more tips
First Question: No. The parents are not invited to the bachorlette party. This is a time for the bride to kick up her heels with her friends.
Second Question: No, the groom shouldn’t send a gift to the shower. If he wants to buy a gift it should be for the wedding day. The shower is for the girls to get together with the bride but if he wants to send flowers he can.
My sister and best friend are throwing me a bridal shower, tey live about an hour away from downtown. I live downtown so they have asked if they can use my house to hold the shower because they can’t afford to rent a space. I don’t mind but I am wondering if it is bad etiquette to have my own shower at my house?
Christine,
Holding the event at your home is not a problem as long as you are okay with the idea.
I was asked recently to be the MOH for my good friends wedding. I was honored at first and immediatly accepted, but now I dont know. It seems the all the bride cares about is being the center of attention (which I can understand to a certain degree but she is loving drama right now). All she cares about is money and gifts, which is inappropriate to me since this is her third wedding. She said she has never had a bachelorette party and I told her I would love to give her one but now she wants a bridal shower too. I think this is wrong because both the bride and the groom are older and have everything they need– neither one needs a new toaster or anything like that. Not only can I not afford this but I was told that I have to do this because I am the maid of honor. None of the bridesmaids want to help financially and I dont know what to do. Not only do I have to buy my own dress and everything, but my husband and son are in the wedding too so we have to rent their tuxes. I am going to give her a bachelorette party. She wants the whole enchilada bridal shower with about 50 guests and when I told her I didnt want to rent a hall for that many people she almost got an attitude. The wedding is scheduled for next february so everything will have to be inside and no ones house will accommedate that many people. I just feel like I am getting a huge financial burden all the way around and I dont know how to talk to her about this without her getting upset. I knew some money would be involved but this is getting out of control.
Cassie,
As MOH it is only optional you throw a party. It is not polite for others to be telling you that you must throw pre wedding parties and the bride’s only involvement should be the shower guest list. In the beginning of any event a budget must be considered and worked within. LIke if you were throwing a bridal shower: My budget will allow me to include 15 closest friends and family at my home with light refreshments and lots of fun!
I hate to hear about your dilemma. If you cannot afford a bridal shower then I wouldn’t plan one. You shouldn’t be made to feel obligated to throw any type of shower if you can’t.
Cassie,
* tips
* third wedding etiquette states that prewedding showers and gift giving events are commonly excluded.
* great advice here
* more tips
I am going to be invited to a bridal shower that I know I can’t attend due to a scheduling conflict. Do I still have to send a gift? (I’m not in the bridal party but am planning on attending her destination wedding.)
Kimberly,
You could do one of 3 things: bring a gift to the wedding or send the gift by someone to the shower so you don’t have to bring it on the trip. Plus with airline regulations, it might be easier to send it to the shower. Another thing you could do is drop it off in person at her home.
We are proceeding with a “poor etiquette” shower for my daughter who is getting married far away. but for whom local friends want to plan a celebration. We are inviting MOG and the like, but they won’t be able to come as they also live far away. Should the hostess also send invitations to the only remaining set of grandparents, even though they won’t attend either due to distance and age?
Joan,
It is a thoughtful thing to invite the grandparents even though they are probably not gonna be there. it is poor etiqutte not to do so.
Hi, I am getting Married March 5th 2011, and the people planning my shower are having a hard time deciding when to have it. Some say the middle of Feb or early Feb, and some day more back in August, to avoid any holiday hustle and to make sure that I dont get stiffed on receiving gifts. This is my first wedding and I want this to go well. I would prefer to have it earlier, because I am paying for a big portion of my wedding and I feel like I may be stressed at that time. Also my bachelorette party is suppose to be in Vegas, a gift from my bridesmaids. What are your thoughts on this?
I suggest the end of January. Feb. is too close to the event.
Joan,
The shower should be planned 4 to eight weeks before the wedding.
Sherice,
That is meant for you!
* here is the etiquette
I am getting married in 3 mos. We have been engaged since Dec. of ’08. A dear friend got engaged in January of this year and is getting married this August. She is one of my bridesmaids as I am one of hers. Recently, I have begun receiving emails from another of her bridesmaids wanting to start hosting showers, parties, etc. The date for their couples shower has been set for two weeks before my wedding. When I questioned the bridesmaid regarding the date of the party, she said that date worked best for everyone and if I couldn’t afford to host, then I could still attend. [We have the same circle of friends.]
I feel as if my wedding is being completely overlooked. No plans have been made for a shower or bachelorette party for me, and it is really coming close to the wedding. I don’t want to be the bridezilla who is all consumed with me-me-me, but I also don’t want to be overlooked. What do you think?
Mia,
I can understand how you may feel. It is quite normal to want to feel special during the most important time in your life. I am sure someone is planning your bridal shower too. I would try not to let it dampen my spirits. Remember the true meaning of why your getting married and the wonderful person who your gonna spend your life with. Any prewedding parties are optional but that doesn’t take away the sting of watching the same circle of friends not give equal treatment to both engaged friends. It is very difficult when 2 friends are soon to be married along the same timeline, especially when both brides are also a part of each others bridal party. I am sure they didn’t do this intentionally. I know this may not be the proper thing to do but is there someone like a friend that could quiz your MOH? “Like heh I’ve got a great backyard if anyone is stumped on where to have Mias shower.” At least it could bring the oversight to their attention. I do wish you the best on your upcoming wedding!
I’m one of 6 bridesmaids in my friend’s wedding and we are throwing her a bridal shower. Being that we are all strapped for cash (and the guest list is rather large at 30 people), is it still necessary to buy the bride a shower gift or is it acceptable to consider the fact that we are throwing her a shower our gift to her?
I don’t know what is considered “proper”, but you all could consider presenting her with a photo book of the shower, or all of you could make up a simple quilt square and put all six pieces together, or…
Another thought is to make a small donation on behalf of the six of you to something that is meaningful to the bride.
Joan,
This is optional and most hosts do pitch in together for a gift but with the shower that is sometimes considered the gift.
Hi Olivia,
I think the shower, especially for 30 people, is the gift to the bride! That said, I love Joan’s idea of giving her a photo book of the shower.
Hi! I am the (co) Maitron of Honour in my husband’s sister’s wedding and have been designated to throw the bridal shower. The problem is that the bride keeps adding to the guest list and is now at 30+. To me this is way too many people to have at my house (the largest of us all) and it is too expensive to have it at a restaurant seeing as the other girls are strapped for cash and I don’t know them well enough to ask them for help anyways. When my sister-in-law threw my shower 4 years ago I had about 15 people and they had a DIY type of shower without any bells or whistles. I want to throw her a nice shower, but what is the best way to ask her to cut down the guest list without insulting her? I have tried to be subtle about it in the past but she isn’t really gettiing it and I don’t want to hurt her feelings or step on her toes. Thanks!
Jodi,
Actually it is up to you as the host to plan the shower within your means. Usually the shower has those closest to her, with the grooms immediate family( mother, stepmother, sisters, grandmothers). I would talk to her that your home will not hold more than a set number of people and your budget strict, so who would she be willing to cut from the list. I would give her a number that I was able to work with. MOH and bridesmaids need to figure out their budget first so they will be prepared. Now if you do decide to have a larger guest list. Why not have it outdoors? Think simple summer party fare, which is very easy on the budget. I went to a party once where they served trays of homemade chicken spaghetti, salad with the fixings, tea, water, soda, trays of strawberry shortcake (using cool whip, strawberries and prepackaged poundcake cut into squares layer and your done) and rolls. It was amazing and VERY delish!
*tip
* this is for a wedding but would work very well for a shower, great outlines!
Hi Jodi,
Are all those individuals that the bride keeps adding to the list also going to be in attendance at the wedding? If not, you might mention to the bride that that is not the proper etiquette thereby reducing the number…maybe.
Or, you can plan a shower at a spa or restaurant and tell guests that instead of gifts they will be paying for their own lunch. You’ll word it better than I did, LOL! I often wonder if some brides (certainly not all) even consider the sometimes enormous cost to their bridal party 
Question. If a bride and groom are planning a tiny wedding with just 6 people or so in Maui. The trade off was to only have a small reception with the groom’s close family and a just a few of the bride’s close relatives. This is all for financial reasons. Is it bad etiquette to throw the bride a shower if none of these people will be in attendance at the wedding or the very small reception.?
Brenda,
Unless you are having a post reception to invite all the guests then it is considered poor etiquette to invite them to a bridal shower.
* tips
I had a similar question. The “rule” of etiquette seems to say only wedding guests go to a shower. However, we are organizing a shower for a bride who will be married away from her home turf, and people who knew her growing up want to have a shower to celebrate and honor her. So we’re doing it – some guests are going to the distant wedding, some are not, and we don’t care – these folks just love the bride! So I would say to you – hang convention and do what works to celebrate.
My nephew is getting married in June and the wedding shower is planned for April which the maid of honor is handling all aspects. The shower is being held at the bride and groom’s house (the groom offered the house). The house is small and at best could accommodate 15 to 20 people max. 60 women are invited and the invitations has not gone out as yet. They are collecting $150 from each bridesmaid which includes money for the cake, invitations, flowers, and beer and liquor etc. but does not include the food. Food is being provided by family members. Anything left over, will be for a gift card for the bride and groom. It sounds like they are planning a beer party more than a bridal shower. While my sister is not paying for this shower, should she as the mother of the groom say something about any of this? The bride’s mother is also upset about this shower.
Joanne,
Unfortunately, there isn’t much that can be said. The hosts get o plan the event like they wish. I would try to pass it along that maybe champagne, wine, or a cocktail like a mimosa might be fitting instead of beer and liquor. Alcohol at a bridal shower is perfectly appropriate for a afternoon or evening function. Since alcohol will be served, I would advise no children be invited, especially with the beer and liquor, not appropriate for minors. I would also suggest a larger facility. It might not work but then again they might take any tips into consideration. The key is being nice when offering suggestions. I usually never suggest this due to the bride may have alot on her plate but if there was someone that could give her a heads up. She might be able to pass along some yeahs or nays. Having the shower outdoors would be an option.
Ye-ah, there probably isn’t much room for comment. Call me old-fashioned, but I think dunning the bridesmaids for $150 towards this shower seems excessive. And clearly, you can’t fit 60 people in a 15-20 person-sized house. It’s going to have to be outdoors, at least in part. Hope you all live in the warmer climes!
Hi Joanne,
How many bridesmaids are there? Are all 60 guests invited to the wedding? Cake, invitations, flowers and alcohol, at $150 per bridesmaid, that’s ridiculous. Especially when you consider the cost of the bridesmaids gowns, shoes and accessories! This is strictly my opinion so takes it for what it’s worth, I think someone should talk to the bride about etiquette! Showers can be so much fun, and relatively inexpensive if they are properly coordinated. I agree with you, too much money being asked of the bridesmaids! Also, a little DIY could shave a lot of the cost!
I am the step-mother of the groom. The mother of the bride is wearing a navy blue long gown to the wedding and reception. I plan on wearing a more casual dress to the ceremony due to it being outside at a park and a more fancy champagne at the knee dress to the reception. Is this proper?
kathy,
I would make sure the casual dress fits in the formality of the wedding, yet not overshadowing the MOG. If it is a casual dress in a more semi formal setting that wouldn’t be appropriate. It would need to be a bit more dressy and tailored perhaps. Usually casual dresses would be for informal or casual weddings. If it is simple like a classic navy blue dress then doll it up with some pearls. classic styling is always a winner when in doubt.
* tips
* more tips
* tips
Kathy,
I wouldn’t worry about it, and I certainly would consider wearing a formal gown to
a ceremony in the park. I think the dress you plan on wearing to the ceremony
sounds lovely.
hello my friend was married at 19 never had a shower had 5 guests at her wedding and was divorced two years later . she met a great guy and they are getting marrid this june now to me this is her first real wedding (its very formal at a golf course and butler service and open bar and the dress the outside ceremony the whole 9. anyway I am maid of honor. the other bridesmaids are fighing me on a bridal shower. my friend that is getting married gave me a guest list in hopes that everyone on it is invited because she does not want to invite aunt joanne but leave out cousin laurie even though she rarely talks to either of them. we feel it will cause conflict, i need to rent a hall as opposed to a having the shower in the small cramped condo of the mother of the groom, and i am being fought the whole way by other bridesmaids .. what to do they worry about cost but I can get the hall for free I think they just dont want to deal with anything personally. The have offered to give me 100 towards the shower.
by the way she is 32 now:)
Dee Dee,
I am thinking the bridesmaids just cannot afford what it will cost for a large bridal shower. After dress and accessory expenses, travel expenses, or other expenses, it can drain a pocketbook quickly. A bride should make out the guest list but the hosts of the shower should not exceed what they can pay either. A bridal shower is optional, a thoughtful thing to do for the bride. I would talk to the bridesmaids and see if they had a smaller shower if they would be interested. If they don’t then I wouldn’t push the issue. If you really want to plan the larger shower for the bride and $$$ are not an issue then I would proceed with planning. It is okay for you to be the only host. It may turn out that someone else has been thinking of throwing her a shower, then you could combine resources if they wanted.
* the knot
Whatever you decide I wish you the best and happy planning!
Dee Dee,
Usually, family/friends closet to the bride and grooms mother, grandmothers, sisters, stepparents, bridal party, should be invited.
* tips
I’m a little upset, my son is marrying a girl who has very idealistic ideas about weddings in general. I think that if my son wants to be at the shower he should be allowed, as well as his father. I’m sorry but if the “guys” are not included I’m really not looking forward to going.
I am the maid of honor for my sister’s wedding. I am throwing a bridal shower for her at my parents house. We have invited 30+ people and cannot add anymore. We have invited the people closest to my sister and included the groom’s mother, sister, sister in law, grandmother and flower girls. The Groom has 45+ aunts and female cousins so we can not include them for cost reasons and room sake. The Groom’s mother asked the groom to ask my sister to ask my mother and I if it would be ok to invite her sisters and her son’s girlfriend. My mother and I feel she will bring uninvited family members if we say yes, like she did to the engagement party. We believe this is not fair and that we have the right to say no. Would it be rude for us to say we can not have any more people for room sake and suggest they throw their own shower for their large side of the family?
Christiane,
You are on target with the guest list! Close family/friends of the bride. I would invite the grooms sisters though, just dont add “and guest to the invite”. I would tell them with the sisters on the list, the venue is filled to capacity and the head count is turned in( if you have done so). I would suggest a grooms side shower for the bride and say how fun it would be! That there wasn’t enough space to invite them all, even though you wish you could have. The guest list should be made up by the bride who she wishes to be there. Like the wedding this too is her day.
Christiane,
Here are a couple links that might help.
* like here
i am giving my daughter her shower because her bridesmaid and maid of honor can not afford to. she is getting married in jamaica and everyone is spending alot of money to go to the wedding. my question is after buying her dress and all the goes with it. bookign the jamaican trip and now throwing the wedding am i now expected to give her a gift. i have bought her wedding night outfit as well as her wedding album and a few other things for trip.
Peggy,
No the shower is usually a gift in itself. However, I have seen different views on this which leaves it totally optional to the host.
* this is from the Emily Post Institute
So its okay not to buy one. Plus as far as “gift”, the wedding night outfit, could be considered your special “gift” to your daughter. Due to wedding night gifts can be given at lingerie showers.
Can anyone suggest what to do, My daughters bridal shower is given by her bridal party which is very nice, but the maid of honor is being difficult, and if you ask me mean, she is running the whole thing without contacting the rest of the bridal party. my daughter in law ask her why she didnt put on the invite wishing well. She texted her no, no wishing well! if you want to buy her some house hold items and give them to her from you and you alone go ahead.
it hurts me as a motherthat my daughter isnt having a wishing well
what is the big deal? my daughter gave her one…. i want to say something but i cant its the bridal party giving it. i wish i was giving it… but this is what her group does! any suggestions? please help
Joanie,
Unfortuately, there isn’t much that can be done with the bridal party being the hosts, they get to plan the shower according to their budget and preferred style. But not to fear, she can still have it, just place it at the wedding reception. It is perfectly appropriate!!! I have seen them there before!
* cute link
* more links
Is it proper to invite guests to a wedding shower when the couple has not had a wedding where guests were invited?
Joy,
As a rule guests should never be invited to a bridal shower if not on the wedding guest list unless it is a co-worker shower which is the only exception.
My daughter lives in Brooklyn, grew up in w. Mass., and is getting married in Charlottesville, VA. People my age who know her want to organize a shower here in MA for locals who aren’t invited to the wedding. Is this kosher??
Joan,
Those invited to a bridal shower should be invited to the wedding. If they still insist they want to host a shower for her regardless of an invite, then they just want to share in some way in her special day.
My fiance and I own two separate homes and have duplicates of many household items. We registered at one store, but only for a few items. We plan on selling one home and building an addition on the other home. My sister has asked me how I would like to word the bridal shower invitations in so far as it pertains to the gifts. I don’t know what is appropriate – considering that we really want money. Is there a tactful way to word it…or should I just put our registry on and have everyone spread it by word of mouth?
thanks!
Would registering at a hardward store (Home Depot or Lowes) be an option? Friends of mine did that because they were re-doing their house. Just an idea!
Register for honeymoon excursions, or donations to not-for-profit group. I have seen those listed in the wedding channel.
Mary,
Stating money on invites is not proper etiquette. Word of mouth is best. But there is something you might look into…
* look here
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The wedding quest list includes people from all over the US. Some may not be able to attend the wedding. The question is – do we invite everyone on the guest list to the shower, knowing they may not be able to attend the wedding? It seems like you are asking for two gifts. And even if they will be attending the wedding from across the country, they more than likely will not travel for the shower. Should we skip the shower invite? Thanks for any input!!
I would only invite very close friends, immediate family and extended family if you are “close” to them and have a good relationship.
Hi, as the mother of the groom, I am at a loss for a shower gift for my new daughter in law. I want to give her something that she will have for a long time (forever?), but all her registry items are everyday things. Any ideas?
Maybe a really nice picture frame that she could put one of their wedding photos in.
I agree a nice crystal frame always compliments a wedding picture.
Crystal or Engraved toasting glasses for the wedding day are also very nice.
My niece is getting married Mid May in Mexico. It a destination wedding and therefore she is mailing the wedding invitations on March 1st. I am throwing a bridal shower together with the Maid & Matron of honor along with the mother of the groom. The date of the bridal shower is April 17th in Chicago (where bride & groom are from and most people attending the wedding live). Please clarify for me: should the bridal shower invites be mailed out BEFORE the wedding invites are send? Which should guests receive first (note guests were already send a “Save the Date” in November), the wedding invitation or the bridal shower invitation. Thank you. Sincerely Debbie
Debbie,
The shower invites should go out 3 to 4 weeks before the shower date. So if you wanted to send them out then it is perfectly fine!
Hello,
I am getting married in September. How far in advance do I need to give my MOH the final Shower Guest List? I know her intention is to surprise me…. but it’s kind of difficult to finalize too far in advance. Thank you for your help!
Bride-To-Be,
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