The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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I’m attending the bridal shower and the wedding. The bridal shower was organized a little late , plus I was more of a formal friend to the couple. However they invited me for the bridal shower as well. Thinking it was just the wedding, I had by then picked up a nice gift from the registry and sent it.
Do have to purchase a seperate gift for the bridal shower as well?
Thanks
helpme,
you dont have to but it would be nice. it doesnt have to be expensive since you have bought a gift already. there are alot of gifts for a reasonable price. usually you dont go empty handed. give them a gift card to a restaurant or fix up a cute lil’ diy basket full of those $1 boxes ( size of theater candy), popcorn, and a great gift card to a video store. this is something they would love!! or a gift card to a pizza place. takeout night for newlyweds? a sure winner and welcoming change to a traditional bridal shower gift. how fun!!
My future mother-in-law has offered to throw a bridal shower for me to host the groom’s family and friends. (In addition to the shower my own family is throwing). My family’s shower for me is going to include very close family and friends (around 25 people).
My fiance’s mother is planning to invite every single woman on her wedding guest list to her shower. that’s 50-60 women. I feel this is very poor etiquette in that I thought you were only supposed to invite very intimate family and friends to a shower (it is like asking for a second gift and you shouldn’t do that to everyone) AND I will not know more than half the guest list (the rest are the MOG’s friends/co-workers/not close family members). I am very against this but do not want to be rude to the MOG - she was very gracious in offering to throw this shower for me and I want to start our relationship out on a good note. How do I correct this without upsetting her? I will feel bad for the guests invited who are not that close to me or her and I do not want them to think this was my decision (since it is my shower)…. Help!
nicole, technically you cant change her mind. if she is the host she can plan accordingly. the ones who will want to come will and some wont. you can pretty much ( by a rule take off 10-20% of the guest list) more than likely some of them will want to get you a gift anyway and it sounds she wants to do this for you. its not only for close family and friends it is for anyone on the guest list, so this is proper. what isnt is inviting someone to the shower and not the wedding, even though this is not the case here. i do understand your feelings however i wouldnt feel bad, this will give all ladies a chance( they dont have to to be close to them for them to want to give you a gift) to help you prepare for your wedding and household!! its a very nice thought. i do wish you the best!!
I have a problem. I started out with 2 MOH’s because I could not pick between a family member (who we swore to be MOHs to each other) and a best friend of many many years. When my fiance and I decided to go from big church wedding to small outdoor ceremony we decided to make all of our MOHs abd BMs honorary BMs and just choose one person to stand up. So I decided a family member who was only a BM to start with. My original MOHs would not have been able to handle MOH responsibility like my current one, and I’m not sure how to explain that to them. One is in college and has her own life 2 hours away, the other is as well. How do I keep them all working together, and how do I explain to my first MOH (my family member) that I am having another family member stand up with me?
bride2be,
you cant invite someone to stand up for you then ask them to step down. it is inviting disaster. the best thing to do is sit down with them and talk to them. tell them your having to down size the wedding and would understand if its harder on someone not to be in the wedding and just be a guest. they may still want to be a part of the day. true friends will totally understand. i hope i am understanding the ? right. that you had 2 moh and 1 bm. you made them honorary bm but then due to scaling down you picked one of the bunch who was not a moh to be your moh( so to speak) to stnad up for you. this is tough. i would find a way to include them ( if they want) have them in simple dresses with a single long stem rose with ribbons) and have the guys in simple suits or slacks and shirts. let me know if this helps!!
stacey-thank you so much! You got it right. We are having all the groomsmen and bridesmaids sit down and they are wearing coordinating colors and gettinf lowers, and also gonna be in pictures. The issue was having the one bridesmaid stand up instead of the original MOH. Which is the way it should have been in the beginning. It was kinda a mess… the original MOH wanted nothing to do w/ the wedding (not even a shower or anything) except what she and the ot BMs were wearing. But my MOH now has completely taken charge and has since the beginning. I just don’t know how to explain it to the original MOH, the rest of the honorary bridesmaids know she’s going to be up there with me.
bride2be,
i would just sit her down and ask what her feelings or thoughts are about the moh role; if she doesnt want anything to do with the wedding i would ask what would be easier for her, because you care about how she feels and what would make her comfortable. i wouldnt say anything about realizing she may not want to be in the wedding cause it will look like your trying to coax her into stepping down. this is gonna be difficult cause i dont know how she will feel being bumped ( if i am still understanding this right) to honorary bm. i have seen weddings where ALL bridal party ( men and women) including the moh and best man sit on the front bench with the other bridal party( guys on one side, girls onthe other) . this is done in mainly old chapels/churches usually where benches are to the side at the front alter ( away from the other benches ) of the building. i think it looks good to have them all sitting while the bride and groom are standing with the officiant. if it were me, have all of them precede you down the aisle then have all of them sit in specially designated areas. this will take ALOT of pressure off of you if you do this. this way if you wish, make one your matron of honor( as long as she is married) and the other your maid of honor. if both are married i wouldnt change it. i would just keep the roles like i suggested. noone is the wiser. i think this will keep the peace and take a load off of you. smile.
My son will be getting married this October. The bride’s side of the family is hosting a bridle shower. They do not intend to invite the groom’s side of the family, including me, because they say the guest list of 40 is too big already. They stated that I, the groom’s mother, should host a seperate party for the groom. If I host a party there would only be about 6 people. I told my son I thought it very rude for her side to exclude his side of the family. He now states that he knew that I would start trouble. I feel like just staying out of the situation and I do not want to host a seperate party because of the “slap in the face” attitude of my son and his fiance. Plus I lost my job and can’t afford it. What should I do?
i would ask if you could pay for the guest that you would like to invite if it is ony 6 people. If you are unable to pay for 6 guest then you can not expect someone else too either. Also if your son thinks your starting trouble I say the h?ll with them both.
good luck
lori, hi! i am sorry for your dilemma, that is inconsiderate on their part. i know how difficult this can be during a special moment in your life too; the marriage of your son. unfortunately, you cant change their minds. the mothers are not suppose to even be throwing a shower. i can understand being hurt by a loved one and it will make you feel like not doing anything. can you talk to the brides mother? or will that infuriate your son? your son is caught in the middle, but should not be inconsiderate toward your feelings, he should speak up for HIS family. you are not causing trouble at all, i cant see where 6 more people would hurt the guest list. i cant help but wonder why they didnt invite the grooms family, on purpose, plus why is your son treating this situation the same as the brides family are ? doesnt the bride want her future husbands family there too? i am hoping she will speak up.
I hope and pray that your future family members will come
to thier senses and not make a muddle of what should be a
wonderful event for both families.
I’m MOH and currently planning a bridal shower. One of the bridesmaids is the grooms little sister that is still in high school. Should she be included in the planning and paying for the bridal shower? I feel weird asking someone so young to help pay for things….
nicole,
no, technically she does not help pay; give her things to do though like putting together favors and other things that could help the bride. so your on the right track with not asking someone so young!!
With the way the economy is the mom of the teen (grooms mom) could contribute.
Hi, I am a BM for a double wedding. I don’t know the other bride, and only see the bride I know once or twice a year (family member). I know none of the other BMs, MOH, etc. I got an invite to the shower (!) a few weeks ago. No calls ahead, no input, just an invite. Not consulted about anything. According to the brides mom, no one knew who I was and “just forgot” about me. I got a call today from another BM, who said they are “finalizing” things and the cost of the shower would be split b/t the BMs!. When she told me the cost (well over 300.00 a person) I about had a stroke. Told her flat out I wasn’t giving them the $. Apparently over 100 people are invited, it is at a restaurant, etc. What is my responsibility in this situation? I don’t have this kind of $, and certainly don’t feel responsible for the other bride’s cost..thanks!
elaine,
this is rude to suggest this much money from a bm and you are right to not do this. if you are not involved in anything then technically you cant be considered a host. it is unfair that noone consulted you to see if you could pay this amount. you are not responsible for the other bride only the one who invited you to be bm. however, they must be doubling everything?!? it would have been better to have separate showers. since you havent seen the bride no more than you have, i WOULD opt to bow out gracefully; because it looks as if the restaurant is already booked and to late to suggest a less expensive alternative. so many unnecessary dilemmas arise like these when the true meaning is lost in the midst and bm or others that may want to share in the day are pushed to opting out as a result of not being included in the planning. i do hate to hear how this is going for you. i do hope all works out for you in this situation.
NO their is no doubbling they are sisters same people and family one sister has 4 guest from the groom to be family which she did not have to pay .they are sisters. save a dates were sent a year in advance to eveyone including the BM names a clearly printed 60 people coming to shower a little over$ 200.00 which includes the party favors, decorations, invites, stamps and a gift for only One bride is all she was asked.Maybe the BM should have read her Save A date she would have seen the were sisters.
or read the invations .She wants out and i would love that to happen .
The Proud Mother of the two
TO BE
I am the oldest bride for the double wedding. My wedding day will be a very happy day- not only will I marry a man I am inlove with and dated for 9 years- but I have the priveledge to share this day with my sister who means the world to me. My sister and I worked together planning a wedding that will be nice with a bridal party of close friends and family, picking people we thought would love to be there. Our maid of honors (Aunts) chose to have a shower in which we would enoy, a time to relax and have fun.Although most details will be a surprise to me- I am upset to here about the problems this is causing. Sorry you didn’t call me sooner. I would appreciate it if you step down from the bridal party. I want people in the party who want to be there not because they feel obligated. The Party will go on- I want it to be a peaceful experiance for my sister and I.
The Oldest Bride Amy
Good for you this is your special day and you should enjoy it
Good Luck
remember it only takes one bad apple to ruin the whole
bunch. you and your sister will enjoy the day with out her.
I’m sorry but am I the only person who thinks it’s freaking outlandish to ask anybody to pay $300 for a bridal shower? I know I know it’s your special day but just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want.
This is pretty sad that a family has decided to come on a message board and rip someone to pieces. This has to be one of the least classy things I have read in regards to weddings.
Where can you go for $200? How about have the shower at somebody’s house or at a church? Pot luck people it ain’t that hard
This is just sad and shameful. You should all be embarrassed.
Wow-I don’t know if the WHOLE STORY is on this board, but what I do know is that I am embarrassed for you and your family to have put ALL you business on here. Yes, your BM started it, but you and your whole family replied on here. It’s kind of sad. You are right, your wedding should be as worry free as much as possible, but come on, not everyone can pay as much as others and shouldn’t be asked to step down because of it. So sad… I can understand that you are hurt, but I bet she is too…
Elaine,
I read your comment then all the ones underneath it. First of all for anyone to just expect you to pay $300 or more for a bridal shower is RIDICULOUS!!! Second these people are very obviously so classless that they had to respond to you on a website!!!! Are they mad that you needed advice and went on the web? It’s not like you gave their names or anything you were simply asking for opinions. I think it is completely tacky and RUDE for the bride to ask you to step down from her wedding on a website! Does she not have a phone???They are saying that you are making this stressful for them but it looks like they are just a bunch of drama. While it is the bridesmaids responsibility to throw the shower for the brides (which you knew going into it that it was a double wedding) it shouldn’t cost you a small fortune and NOBODY should have an issue with you not being able to afford it. Everyone’s situations are different. The person who commented that you were being cheap obviously doesn’t know what she is talking about because you can have a VERY nice shower for that many people for WAY less then $300 per bridesmaid, I know I’ve done it.
I’m sorry that you are going thru this drama. GOOD LUCK with these CRAZIES!!!!
Hi,
My niece is having a bridal shower given by her MOH. The invites were sent out asking most to all of the invitees to bring some kind of food and the MOH will contact them to let each know how many people are coming!!!!
I have heard there are a few people NOT coming because of this. Is this proper way to do this? I was told my niece is trying to have a proper etiquette wedding and this does not seem correct.
I know times are tough but it appears the MOH is doing what I have seen is not what a bridal shower should be, in that asking all the female guests of the wedding to attend. I also have been told the other BM are not helping at all.
jeff,
you dont invite guests to a bridal shower and state for them to bring food. the moh is the host and is required to provide all the refreshments unless it was a potluck and agreed upon by all.
*Wedding Showers ( this is proper etiquette)
Actually - it just depends on the kind of party that is being held. We had a recipe / kitchen party for my sister-in-law and it was bring your favorite dish along with the recipe and the gift was all related to the kitchen / entertaining. This way the bride can taste your recipe and know what she’s fixing. In the invite we sent out index cards and collected them after the party and made a cookbook out of it.
My sister-in-law loved it and uses the recipes collected all the time!
Hi… i was wondering if you have a desitination wedding with a few people and then have a reception party for everyone afterwords, can you still throw a bridal shower?
kim,
*Destination Wedding Etiquette -
*bridal shower etiquette
yes as long as you HAVING a reception for everyone, if your not then the shower isnt appropriate.
kim, here is the link that didnt work….
*destination wedding etiquette
Hi,
I think we have the oddest situation and I am at a loss for how this should have been handle. The bridal shower for our niece is coming up and since none of the BM or MOH (and there are 7 of them) planned a thing, the brides mother and aunts planned a beautiful shower at a restaurant with all the trimmings. Only women were invited. The groom is attending the shower. One “guest”, the girfriend of the grooms uncle sent her rsvp that she was attending along with the UNCLE!!!! This is unheard of in our family and we think it is incredibly rude to just invite yourself, and especially since he is a male. The bride and groom are now fine with this… (what else could they say) The reason given for his attendance at this all women affair is to represent the family…….. He will be the only male there other than the groom. Even the bride’s father is not attending for obvious reasons. How else could this have tactfully been handled when that email rsvp showed up. My response would have been thank you and happy to meet you, however this is for women only. Any advise for future brides and us would be interesting!!!
Thanks,
Kathy
kathy, wow! i hate to hear this. it will be a difficult process since the groom is attending also. the only fair thing to do since it is for “women only” is to have no males there including the groom, but if this cant be done then the hosts need to say in a kind manner that although thats very thoughtful that he would want to be there it is for women only ( if he says the groom will be there say he is the only exception since this is being thrown in their honor)
another thing is maybe the groom could wait til the last 15-30 minutes to show up and hang out. this is normal too. generally to help load gifts etc. plus the bride and groom arent suppose to be involved in the planning at all. since they are not hosts and you are then the planning rules are in your favor also ( in this case) the girlfriend will stand up for the family. i would definitely handle this cause it is very rude of him to invite himself. i do wish you the best!
Hi Kathy,
Goodness. That is a bit of a mess. My suggestion would be to reply to the email RSVP and indicate to the Uncle that he may feel a bit “outnumbered” as he will be the only rooster guest at the hen party…..
OR if their is any lingerie going to be presented at this shower, that his presence could be embarrassing to the bride…. GOOD LUCK!!
We are playing a couple of games at the brides’s shower. Do winners of the games keep the prize rhey have won or give it to the bride?
linda, they are the winners to keep.
hello, I am a bridesmaid and the MoH and I are hosting the bridalshower at my house. The guest list has grown to be 40 people. We’re having an indoor/outdoor shower on my back deck. (my house is not that big). I was wondering with a shower of that size, is it rude not to open the gifts in front of everyone? The recent showers I’ve been to, people get pretty bored sitting and watching that. Your thoughts are much appreciated.
Thanks, Stephanie
stephanie,
yes you should open the gifts at the shower, since that is one of the main reasons for the shower. find a great lil’ spot and have someone sitting beside you to handle setting gifts, throw away paper (immediately) and write down who gave what so you can send out thank you cards later. it will help keep you organized. one thing you can do is have your bm help you unwrap them(though some may dislike this). one way to avoid ALL that writing is look at the guest list and prewrite or print from computer, all the guests that way when you open gifts you can just look at the name and write down the gift.
example:
Guests(preprinted): handprint:
aunt sally: toaster
jenny: blender
cousin martha: towels/washcloths
i think the more help you have the quicker the process will be. i also just read where it was requested that guests wrap them in clear cellophane. to me it is taking the fun out of it and the shower is losing what it stands for in the first place. the oh’s and ah’s of what you get. it would be like having a birthday party and waiting til the guests are gone to open gifts. i would open them definitely. sometimes not all the guests will be sitting and watching. some will be talking and just glancing/smiling. so maybe that will help.
What is the etiquette regarding how many showers a couple should have for their wedding? Recently, it seems friends and family members have had an excess of showers (one couple had 5. Yes - 5). For my wedding there was 1. It included my family and fiancee’s family. Is it just me that thinks it’s slightly arrogant to have several wedding/bridal showers for 1 wedding?
Also, I’m a little confused and bothered. I’m a BM in B-I-L’s wedding, and just asked the bride about the shower (assuming that she would expect her BM’s to host). She said her mom and a friend of her mom have discussed hosting, and she would let me know what they decide. Isn’t it the job of the MOH and BM’s to host the shower?
confused bride,
technically yes. the moh and bridesmaids host the shower but so much is changing these days. i would talk to the brides mother and discuss this. if you want to host it and feel like it is being taken away from you. the mothers are not suppose to throw a shower and the bride isnt suppose to expect one or even be involved in the planning. it could be the mother wants to be involved. this would help with finances, so it could be a blessing in disguise. but if she is taking over it wouldnt be the proper thing to do. you can have more than one shower but if the guest list is the same then they are not required to bring another gift; although most will. i made some suggestions to other brides about having themed showers. this would work well in this case too, if you wanted to do something fun.( then the bride will get different things other than household stuff) another idea is to get JUST the bride and bm together and have a special day out. pool your resources together and give her a day at a spa or lunch and a fave activity to do or just give her a GREAT couples gift ( like a gift card or massages at the honeymoon spot(find out where they are going) i promise THEY will be thrilled)alot of times the bride wants something other to do than JUST wedding activities, it will help her unwind. i would just look at what would mean the most to her and go from there. sometimes bridesmaids look at it like getting off the hook(with someone else hosting it) and being able to have an outing that is even more spectacular than throwing the shower. if it were me i would LOVE having a theme shower or a day out with just my bm, i would get a chance to relax from the stress of planning, to me that goes beyond getting something for the house!!! a
just a thought.
*Throwing a Great Bridal Shower
let me know if you need xtra help; i would love to give you more ideas!!! have a great day!!
Confused Bride,
I was recently the MOH and was confused about who was supposed the pay for what. It ended up that the bride’s mother and I threw the shower together because the other BM’s lived in a different state and it turned out really great because who knows the bride better then her closest friend and her family?. If you feel like you are being left out make sure you tell them that you want to do something special for the bride and that you would like to be in charge of aspect of the shower whether it be the cake or the decorations or the games. This way no ones feelings get hurt and everyone gets to be involved and it’s more cost effective for everyone!
I am supposed to be throwing a shower for my sister, but herfiance’s mother has decided to take over. She has picked a day sent out invites and only to her family, my mother, me, and only a couple of friends my sister knows. Also she plaing this at a time that is only convienent for her and her daughter. I am really frustrated and don’t know what I can do or say to her to get things changed?
lisa,
) and proceed planning a shower for her anyway- with people that are close to your sister dont omit the grooms family from this party, it will be rude even with your present circumstances… 
) turn it into a “fun” day. everyone go to a restaurant and have lunch, or if budget doesnt allow then have a luau style party or (wherever her honeymoon is) a destination theme shower. honeymoon bridal showers(she could actually get help with the honeymoon (google honeymoon registry) with $$$ or items, swimsuits , or ski jackets etc. (depending where they will be going.) are becoming the rage and your sis will most likely get the toasters etc. at the first shower, so step out and give her a DAY to remember!!! it is so easy to let someone frustrate you but i would take this and turn it into an opportunity to throw a great party. even a spa themed bridal shower would be ideal, i am sure she would love a mani, pedi or a facial. how relaxing!! 
ouch! i hate your going through this dilemma. unfortunately, she has sent out invites there is not much that can be done. however, there is a rainbow!! go through with this shower(ugh! i know
so many of these dilemmas arise when focus is taking off the true meaning of the wedding. i do hope this helps and i hope you can plan a wonderful day for your sister!!!
google: honeymoon bridal shower
spa theme bridal shower
travel bridal shower
also orientaltrading.com one of the cheapest places for those lil’ umbrellas; among other CHEAP but tasteful decor!! have fun!!
Hello!
I am the MOH and I am having the bridal shower in about a month. The bride mentioned having alcohol (wine, sangria or margarita’s) at the shower. I have never been to a shower with alcohol and I was wondering if that was common/etiquette?? I don’t have a large budget and would rather not spend the money if it is not necessary.
I too have a small budget, but am having an alcoholic punch at the shower in addition to sodas. A punch is easier becuase there is only one kind of alcoholic beverage choice and you don’t have to keep remaking it. I’m making a Lemonade and Midori punch and adding slices lemons and limes for color.
My daughter (a bridesmaid) and I are hosting a shower for her friend. A couple of questions:
1. Guests invited to wedding from out-of-town (FAR out of town); have sent regrets to wedding. Appropriate to invite to a shower?
2. At what age should an female child living in her parents’ home receive a separate invitation?
3. Is is appropriate to invite youngl children — toddlers, babes in arms, elementary school-age children to an open house bridal shower?
mary,
1) yes it is rude not to invite someone even if you know they cant make it.
2)over the age of 18 receives a separate invite even if living at home.
3)yes it is. but usually mothers etc, will have a babysitter. i have been to several bridal showers and some there were kids and some not so many. i would leave this decision to the parents or the legal guardians.
* Can Kids Come To a Bridal Shower
I am the mother of the groom. The wedding is going to be about 4 hours away and the brides family lives about 3 hours away. There is only one MOH who is the brides sister, no other attendants. Who should give the shower for the grooms family. He has four sisters. Should they give the shower even though they are not in the wedding? Should we notify the MOH. Should we invite the brides mother and the MOH to the grooms side shower? I don’t think I should give the shower since I am the grooms mother. Please advise.
debbie,
technically no your not suppose to but unless there isnt anyone else tha volunteers i would. no the sisters should not give a shower if they are not invited tothe wedding unless they just choose to whether they are invited or not. but if it is on bad grounds they are not invited then i wouldnt push that issue. yes if you can throw a shower it would be thoughtful to invite the brides mother and the moh, even if they cant make it. so yes go ahead in this case and throw a great shower!!
Hi Debbie,
If I understand your question correctly the grooms sisters can throw a shower together even though they are not in the wedding. They love their brother and can do so as a welcome to the family for both bride and groom. You should notify the MOH and invite her and the brides mother as well. If the sisters do not want to throw the shower, I do not think it inappropriate for you to throw one yourself. It’s been done before. Good luck.
Thank you so much. I am not sure why the sisters are having such a hard time throwing a shower. They think that since they can go to her faily shower which is 3 1/2 hours away that is good enough. I keep sayig that there are others that would come to a local shower but notone that is far away.
I am mob and was wondering, my daughter is getting married in a differnet town. They are limited for the # guests. her moh is having a shower in our town can you invite people not invited to the wedding?
I am in the same dilemma. My daughter is having a second wedding and it’s the first for the groom. Budget requires a small family wedding. Is it right to invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding.
luann and contralto,
unfortunately no. it is rude to invite guests to a shower and not in the celebration of the wedding day.
*Wedding Etiquette
*Invite to bridal shower, but not the wedding??? ( it also has the link to emily post etiquette for this situation.)
I agree. It is rude to invite people to a shower who are not invited to a wedding.
I am the MOH in a wedding in May, the bride lives in another state and is coming back for a bridal shower I am throwing next month. The bride’s mother (who is verbally abusive to the bride behind closed doors) has called me and said that she would like to help. I am not sure I even want her help b/c I know how horrible she is to her daughter. I have already told the bride that I am ready to take her mom out if she tries to ruin her wedding day.
What job could I give her for the shower that she can’t mess up?
brenda, what a dilemma for the bride. technically the brides mother does not help plan or host the shower. it is the moh and the bridesmaids. so unless you just want to do this your off the hook. just keep things smooth and thank her for her help but you really have everything done. if you still want to give her a job, have her make a dish or help clean up (this is always a great thing to have a team of helpers), help with decor. otherwise i would just keep it to the bridal party. good luck!!
*Who can throw a Bridal Shower?
What is a traditional gift for the mother of the groom to give at the bridal shower?
I am MOH for my friend who is getting married. She just emailed me a guest list for the shower…almost 90 people!!! Postage alone for the invites will kill the budget and even if only half of them come - how am I gonna feed all those people. It feels tacky to me - but I don’t know how to get her to pare it all down. Plus she didnt register anywhere and really just wants money -???????
brokeMOH, wow! that is alot of guests! smile! i would talk to her and tell her you cant afford that. and she didnt register? no this is rude you cant just ask for money. you cant tell guests waht they are going to give the bride. she cant put this all on you.
the bride cannot go over the amount the bridesmaids and moh agree on. the bride isnt suppose to be involved. however, if you do plan to do this. have cake and punch. it is plenty and will satisfy all guests. can include ice cream if you want and simple finger sandwiches and chips. for 90 people this WILL fit into a small budget. i have actually never seen anything more than a cake and punch bridal shower. think inexpensive decor etc. axe the whole lunch idea. this will be tooooo expensive. have your bridesmaid get together and make the food. add veggie and fruit trays. i promise this is pretty cheap!! or do a nice pasta bridal shower. spaghetti, salad, garlic bread(this is cheap and goes along way) with cake. voila!! hope this helps!!
*Would an old fahsion Bridal Shower be boring?
*Who pays for the bridal shower??
*Do bridesmaids always pay for the bridal shower?
*Too broke to be your maid of honor
I am the bride, we’re getting married 6 hours away, my Mom & BMs are throwing me a small casual shower at my mom’s house and my Dad(my parents are divorced and do NOT get a long) and his gifrlfriend are throwing me a couples shower/cookout party for his side, both showers in my hometown-2hours away from ym fiance’s family. My fiance’s mother hasnt said anything about having a shower or anything for us in his hometown, where all of his family lives. Should I expect them all to drive to my hometown for the shower when we’re already asking them to drive so far for the wedding? And if, so do I invite them to my mom’s or dad’s shower? OR, would it be rude to ask my fiance’s mother if she would like possibly get some of his family together for a small shower-like gathering of sometype?
Please Help!
Confused
confused,
have a wonderful time and great wedding!!
you will probably have to invite them to one of the showers that are being thrown. you cant ask someone to throw you a shower,(they are not required-only a thoughtful thing to do for the bride) you are not suppose to be involved at all. but, you can get your fiance to bring up the idea to see if his family hs anything planned. just for curiosities sake. i would add their names to the simple casual shower, keeping the guest list tothe women. that way they may carpool etc. but whatever you do dont ask for someone to throw you a shower, it would be rude not to invite his family tothe shower cause i bet they are wondering the same thing!!