The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
by Melanie Doetsch
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
I was planning on a small shower for my niece, but due to the fact that she is not having another in town, I need to invite more family members (both sides) and my house is too small. The MOB suggested I host the shower at the bride’s home (she will have moved out to live with parents)-which is larger and better centrally located. Is this proper? It seems odd to me, but it is only family. I want to do what’s right.
Jo,
Oh this is perfectly fine. I have seen showers hosted at brides homes many times.
* article
The bride (my daughter) is a college student 1500 miles away from home. She is planning to be married in her college town. She will be visiting “home” 6 months before her wedding date. Is it too soon to throw her a bridal shower for her “home” friends and relatives, while she’s here?
Margery,
Not at all. In this case you would pick the best timeframe that you can. Happy Planning!
I live across the country from my family and my fiance’s family. I wasn’t planning on having a shower since everyone involved in our wedding is scattered around the country. I recently decided to have a small shower, in three weeks, and just invite local friends and my bridesmaids (including my fiance’s sisters). My MOH and a friend are hosting. Should they still invite the moms despite short notice for travel plans?
Yes! Always include Mothers of Bride and Mothers of Groom unless you are on bad terms with them. Even if they can’t come, you can’t go wrong with inviting them but they might be hurt if not, at least, invited.
Thanks Sharon! I took your advice and even though my fiance’s mom isn’t coming I think she appreciated the invite. Plus, my mom changed her plans and is going to make it!
My fiancé and I are going to St. Lucia for a weddingmoon, just the two of us. The weekend after we get back we are having a reception for everyone! We will show the video of our wedding ceremony and pictures on a slide show at the reception. We will also have the normal stuff, like first dance and cake cutting. Is it alright to register and have a shower?
Does anyone have input? It would be greatly appreciated!
Tonya,
Hi, In this case go right ahead if someone has offered. it is perfectly acceptable.
* here are some tips
Thank you Stacey!!
Absolutely! I’m getting married in Turks and Caicos and all the etiquette info I can find says that it’s perfectly acceptable.
My daughter is throwing a bridal shower soon. We received the guest list from the bride and on it are a number of college friends who have already thrown the bride a personal shower in their college “town.” Some of these are wedding attendants others just friends. Is it proper etiquette to send a second invite to friends when they’ve already attended one shower, especially when they are all college students with limited resources?
Leah,
Your right. The guest list shouldn’t include the same guests but the bridal party should be invited to all showers even though they have the option not to attend. Also the mothers and sisters. Dont invite anyone to the shower that is not invited to the wedding.
* etiquette
* more tips
I am the step-MOTG, myself and my daughter ,who is standing up in the wedding, will be throwing a separate shower due to the large size of my family so not to put a burden on the MOH who is not related. It was uncertain if the brides family is also having a separate shower also since they live 150 miles away. I know I need to invite the MOTB and the wedding party but do I need to invite the MOTG also?
Carolyn,
Usually the MOTG is invited. It also depends on how well you get along, as to whether she attends. If you normally dont get along, for example, try to put on a happy face for the bride. Still I think she should be invited, it would be rude not too.
Hi,
are you expected to take a gift to the wedding (money in a card) even if you’ve given a shower gift?
bronxgirl,
not at all, unless you choose too. You have given one gift that is sufficient.
Hi Stacey,
I didn’t know that if a shower gift was given, a wedding gift is not necessary,
Would you expand on this information just a little please.
Thank you!
Lauren
Lauren,
My apologies for any confusion. Most guests choose to give the couple a cash gift at the wedding rather than traditional gifts. There are mixed feelings on this issue and though there is no “set rule” since gift giving is completely optional, it is more a personal choice. I have seen that many guests who have attended a shower and given a gift, omit the wedding gift. Where others choose a gift for each.
Lauren,
Forgot your link..
* the knot
Lauren,
In the gift giving, wedding gifts of cash etc. are majority over traditional gifts. Most bridal shower guests choose from the wedding registry anyway, making one gift ideal and enough for the occasion, whether given at a shower or the wedding. It still serves that same purpose if it is more catered to a “couple or household gift”. If there is a shower specifically targeted to the bride like lingerie then of course a wedding gift is highly appropriate.
Lauren,
Sorry my computer is acting up a little.
Etiquette rules are being bent and changed now. It is about what suits the individual or couple. So one gift or multiple gifts it is never wrong either way. I hope this helps.
*** If a guest ever feels uncomfortable going empty handed, even if they have given a gift from the registry, then by all means buy a small gift to the couple even if it is monetary. Always go with your personal choice in gift giving.
Lol! Thank you very much for the advice Stacey, I really appreciate it!
Lauren
While it can be a little financially straining, yes, both a shower and wedding gift are expected. Keep in mind what the wedding entails, is it a huge event? Usually people spend about $100/plate if it is open bar, so it is custom to cover the cost of one’s plate.
Hi Kelly,
Thank you so much! I thought it was appropriate to bring gifts to both, but wasn’t certain.
Lauren :)
I currently live in Texas (as does my MOH). My family lives in Nebraska where the wedding will take place. My future in-laws live in Wisconsin. With that being said, my mother was the one who ended up throwing my bridal shower during my spring break, which as spent in NE planning out many great details of the wedding. All of my relatives from both sides of the family were invited as well as my close friends from growing up. It was a TREMENDOUS oversite not to invite my groom’s mother, and it was only realized AFTER the shower was held. A month later my groom’s father called and requested an appology from my mother for not inviting her. I feel horrible as I am now finding out a bridal shower should have definately included her as well as members of the groom’s family. What should/ can I do now?
Amy,
I would just talk to her and tell her it wasn’t on purpose. That with all the wedding details and shower details it was an honest mistake and that you all understand how hurt she must have been. Offer the apology. She may be okay right away or it may take a little time. Either way I am sure that it will pass. I do wish you the best.
I am the MOH for my sister’s wedding and will be throwing her a bridal shower. I have three questions:
1) The bride’s family (including myself) and the groom’s family live an hour and a half away from each other. I want to invite the groom’s mother, grandmothers, and aunts. Am I obligated to find a location for the shower that is halfway in between (which would be about 45 minutes for everyone) or can I have the shower in the bride’s hometown and expect the groom’s family to make the long trip?
2) Going along with my first question, I know that someone in the groom’s family sometimes throws a shower for the bride. Because they live far away, and the groom has a very large family (something like 15 aunts,) I suspect that this may be the case. Is it okay for me (the MOH) to call the groom’s mother and ask her if someone in her family plans to throw a shower for the bride? I am hoping that asking would prevent any hurt feelings or confusion later, but I don’t want to seem like I am suggesting that they have to throw her a separate shower.
3) When talking to my sister about her bridal shower, she asked me if there was a way that she could ask people to give money instead of a gift. I told her that while a few people might choose to bring a gift card, showers are traditionally for giving gifts, such as kitchen goods and linens. Have you every heard of having a cash shower??? It seems really tacky to me, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something.
Colleen,
1) As MOH you should find the venue that fits your budget as well as the shower. So as host you can find the place you deem suitable, either option is fine. It just depends on what is available.
2) you could if you wanted too. Just to get a idea. I would sit down with the bride and decide on the guest list but you get to say how many guests you can afford. Decide on the size and budget of shower beforehand. All of the aunts dont technically have to be invited but it is thoughtful. Just the grooms mother, grandmother, any sisters, etc. The guest list shouldnt be the same for multiple showers.
Colleen,
it could be they may want to go together and throw the shower to make things easier but I wouldnt suggest this unless they bring it up. Even if someone lives far away and cant make it always include them, it is thoughtful.
3) It is 50/50 split among gift card showers, whether tacky or okay. I personally see nothing wrong with it as long as it is tasteful. They are becoming more popular.
* here are some tips
Colleen,
one way to do this is the bride could do a registry with limited items and then have the rest in gift card registry at local places. It would open up options. Cause some guests will still bring a gift. Another idea is the honeymoon shower where guests buy things for the honeymoon or give gift certificates.
* more tips
Get theme from the honeymoon destination. For example: tropical honeymoon? then throw a tropical bridal shower. Oriental trading has great and inexpensive decor for this.
Is it ok to send out shower invitations before sending out wedding invitations?
Rose,
shower should be at least 4 to 6 weeks before the wedding. wedding invitations at least 8 weeks.
Rose,
The bridal shower should be held at least 4 to 6 weeks before the wedding, so send out shower invites about 3-4 weeks before the pre wedding event. The wedding invites should be sent out at least 8 weeks before the wedding.
sorry that comment didn’t sound right.
I am MOH for my friend. I am planning the entire bridal shower, but her mom is paying for the food. I am paying for cake, invitations, centerpieces, favors, and any other extra’s needed. On the invitations, should the hostess be the mother of the bride, or both the mother of the bride and me?
Doreen,
It would say on the invitations Given By: Your name and the MOB name. Whoever, is contributing to the shower should be listed.
I am MOH for my brothers wedding. They live 9 hours from me. The other 2 standups are also across the country. Am I supposed to hold a bridal shower for her and if so how would I do this? Also, there is no family anywhere near them except for her parents and most of the family is not willing to travel to the wedding. All of our families live here. We want to have a reception for them when they come back here so that all the family can see them. How long after the wedding would this be appropriate.
Jackie,
You could do a shower in a box.
* details here
* more details
Jackie,
as soon as they get there or up to 3-4 months after.
* tips here
Hi- I am the MOH and am helping with a bridal shower in May. I live out of town so some of the other hostesses of the shower have taken over the majority of the planning (which I am okay with). I have asked several times about the details and no one has filled me in. I asked several times what I can do to help and finally was told that I could get the hostess gift together. My question is how much should we spend on the hostess gift. If it was up to me we would get a really nice gift but I don’t want to overstep and commit people to spending more money than they want. I have asked how much people were comfortable with and no one has responded. Is there proper etiquette on how much to spend? Thanks!
KC,
There is really no price. It varies. Some spend $15, $20, or $30. It doesnt even have to be that much since hostess gifts are not required. Bath and Body Works or Victoria Secret body lotions or hand soaps etc. would be ideal. Especially when they have that 2 for $20 deal at B&BW.
Hi, I am the mother of the groom. The mother of the bride and I are splitting the cost of the bridal-shower. Should I bring a gift in addition to paying for half of the shower?
Martha,
Gifts are always optional. “Usually” hosts do go again and buy or split the costs on a useful gift. It doesnt have to be expensive if you choose to buy one.
Hi, I’m the bride and my best friend and her mom threw me a shower and then my mom and MOH are hosting one in a month. I’m just not sure whether or not i should invite the host of the first shower (my best friends mother) to the second shower. It’s not about numbers, I just don’t know if she will feel like she has to come or send a gift.
Also, another bridesmaid and her mom are hosting my bridal luncheon the day of the rehearsal dinner…do I invite the mom to the second shower?
And what is the etiquette about inviting both of the moms to the rehearsal dinner? I feel like since they were so kind to give me a shower/luncheon I should include them.
Boy am I clueless! Help :)
blue’01,
Inviting the mom is optional. Since it is your best friends mom you could invite her due to closeness but since she has hosted a shower you dont have to include her on the guest list. it is really how it makes you feel. Usually etiquette says dont invite the same guests to more than one shower. She is not required to bring a gift and just her presence. The same goes for the second mom.
For the rehearsal dinner, traditionally includes, bridal party/children in the bridal party and their parents/ bride and grooms parents/all those taking part in the wedding ceremony and their spouses or dates.
blue01′,
forgot the grandparents/officiant and spouse. Some choose to include out of town guests to get a chance to “visit” but this is only optional.
* tips
So, yes, you can invite the moms if you want them to be there( although still optional).
Hi! I am hosting a friend’s bridal shower at my house and also splitting the cost with two other bridesmaids. There are 50 people coming to the bridal shower so it is getting a little expensive. The MOH asked me what I was buying for her gift. Am I expected to bring a gift?
mbmaybe,
It is totally optional. The shower can be the gift. Some try to pool their $$ together and buy one gift or can go out on their own. I wouldn’t worry about the gift due to the expenses of the shower.
I am an out of town wedding guest and I have been invited to the bridal shower. I am attending the wedding, but should I be expected to attend the shower as well? My husband feels the couple may be insulted if I don’t come but my feeling is it’s expecting too much of out of town guests to travel 6+ hours twice in several weeks. I was surprised to even be invited. BTW, I am an acquaintance of the bride but it is really my husband who is close friends of the groom.
Mary Beth,
Most likely you received an invitation out of courtesy and not actual expectation that you would attend. Imagine if they had had a bridal shower and not invited you at all, you may have been a little disappointed, even if you weren’t able to come. I don’t think it is a big deal if you don’t go.
Mary Beth,
It is optional. You could try to make it but if time or finances dont permit then it is fine to extend your apologies but look forward to seeing them at the wedding.
We are having a destination wedding in Florida (we live in New England) and are planning on having a reception at home for those who can not attend. My MOH and myself have been looking for an answer to a dilemma. Who should be invited to the bridal shower? Do we just invite those that are invited and are going to travel to FL for the actual ceremony or is it alright to invite those who will be invited to the at-home reception?
Christal,
Actually since you are having a post reception, you are still celebrating with those who wont be attending the destination wedding. So you can invite those that go to the wedding and the reception to the bridal shower. Have fun!!
Just wondering if anyone ever heard of having a bridal shower after the couple secretly got married in Las Vegas? Seems awkard or inappropriate for the bride to expect gifts after intentionally not including anyone in the marriage ceremony. Any opinions?
Mlwarthen,
It is inappropriate. I would consider a small reception to celebrate with the bride and groom. This would be best. Since a bridal shower is thrown before the wedding, it is most likely to br frowned upon when the elopement is a secret from the beginning. It can make it appear the gifts are important but not the guests presence.
I am MOTG and just have some issues with the bridal shower. I was not consulted on the date and had to do a lot of rearranging and cancelling to be able to go, but that’s not the main issue. I asked my son who was invited and I found out that very few of his relatives are invited because th bride has not met them. He seems to think only peole the bride has met should be invited. My sister is very close to my son and he lived with her over a summer home from college, but she is not invited. I am afraid she will be hurt. Is there some kind of rule about inviting people the bride does not know to the shower? These are people who are invited to the wedding.
Char,
Usually the guest list is made up of her closest friends and relatives. The grooms side would be any sisters, grandmothers, and his mother. Sometimes the grooms family will throw a shower in the brides honor, this is especially good to meet some of his family. This bridal shower is within proper etiquette.
* here is a link
Char,
I meant to say there is no rule about inviting someone based on how well the bride knows them. I would ask the host would it be okay if she came. That way no feelings will be hurt. Both you and your son are actually “right”. This would also be a great way for the bride to meet family members. The bride or hosts may not have known inviting the grooms side can be an option, so I am hoping mixed feelings wont arise, because it could be not knowing for sure who should be invited.
I am MOG. MOH is having bridal shower inviting both families, bridal party and bride’s friends. Groom’s aunt is unable to attend MOH shower and wants to throw a couple’s shower. Because both families are large and she wants to keep size to 30 guests, she is thinking of only inviting parents of bride/groom, a few relatives of groom (groom wants some of his uncles invited) and then couples the bride/groom socialize with. Is it OK not to invite bride’s relatives if there will be a few of the groom’s relative’s invited? Aunt doesn’t want to duplicate guest list from MOH shower and if we invite bride’s relatives, the guest list would be too large for her to accommodate. Don’t want any hurt feelings on bride’s side of family!
Kackie,
There is nothing wrong with this. It is the grooms side host/groom that will determine who comes to this shower. The shower guest list shouldn’t be duplicated so your on the right track! Happy Planning!
Kackie,
Be sure to invite the bridal party of both bride and groom, they should always be invited( even if they choose not to attend) along with the brides sisters, brothers, grandparents.
My daughter is living abroad and her bridal shower will be in in the US. Is it appropriate to ask for monetary gifts? Bringing unusable electronics or paying for shipping of gifts is prohibitive.
Diane,
You could host a gift certificate shower.
* here are some links
* more links
* what others did
* tips fpr a greenback shower
Diane,
Under the circumstances I think a greenback bridal shower. This is pretty much the only alternative so I say go for it.
* * more tips
I am having a personal bridal shower for my step daughter in law with approx. 20 guests. It will set me back approx. $1,000. I will be giving her gifts at this shower also. The brides mother is also giving her a shower at a later date. My question is am I expected to buy another gift for the bride’s mother’s shower too? Will I look cheep if I don’t give her a gift at the other shower and should she announce that I gave her a shower at her mom’s shower? Thanks!
Kathy,
No your not expected to buy another gift. Actually you dont even have to buy a gift for the shower your hosting( the shower is the gift) although many hosts pitch in and buy a gift for the bride to be. It is optional. No she shouldnt announce you gave her a shower. If it is mingled on ( which I am sure it will be) then that is fine but to announce the shower at another shower would be in poor taste.
One of my bride’s maids is throwing me a personal shower. I told her that I would get her a list of people who are invited to the wedding so she didn’t invite anyone who wasn’t. However, I found out today she sent the invites out already and included two people who weren’t invited to the wedding. I already sent out my wedding invitations and do not have any room for extra guests since my wedding is going to be very small. I feel really bad because these girls are not invited to my wedding and I’m not sure what to do. I would really appreciate some advice.
Lynn,
Since the bridal shower invites have gone out there isn’t much that can be done. If you can find room at the wedding, I would at least try, it would be a nice thing to do but if it is no way around it I wouldnt worry due to limitations on room. maybe you can talk to the person at the reception venue and see what can be done. They might be able to push chairs closer to fit 2 spaces and the food cost shouldn’t be to expensive for 2 more.
if invited to several showers for the same couple, is it expected to bring a gift to each of these?
Mildred,
Only one gift is necessary.
If each guest at the shower receives a favor, then should gifts still be given to the “winners” of the games?
Sabrina,
Yes, favors are usually given and if there are games small “prizes” are given to the winners. Kinda like door prizes for example.
I’m my sister’s matron of honor and am throwing her bridal shower. While on I’m on vacation, my mother decided that not everyone had received my shower invites and resent her own handwritten invites to the entire guest list. In addition her invite indicated that the shower is being thrown by the bride’s mom and sister (I’m throwing it which is what my invite said). She also listed her number for rsvp but will not tell me when guests rsvp to her. I’m angry and think she is being extremely rude. Am I out of line?
Laurie that would infuriate me!!! I’m not really sure how you should handle it but i don’t think that is out of line whatsoever to be angry about this. She clearly overstepped her boundaries. Maybe you can assign her some things she can do to give her a job, and then make separate contact with the people you are missing rsvp’s for and just apologize for the confusion? I’m not sure but i would be mad!
Laurie,
No you are not out of line. Has the bride been informed? In this case, I think I would say something, since the bride is the one who makes the guest list. I know the bride is busy etc. and should not be involved in planning, this is an exception. I agree with Jenn, she did overstep her boundaries. I would also take back control of the shower. Is it to late to change the venue , or the date, and call the guests on your guest list and throw your own shower for the bride to be. I know it may be a hassle. You could even arrange to have just the bridal party, bride, her close friends and have a day/night out together just you all. Say a spa day with lunch and the gifts you have for her. ( which you shouldn’t have to do but still throwing out another option for you).
Laurie -
First, you are justified in feeling upset. Your mother overstepped and showed little respect for you and your sister by complicating what should be a celebration.
Unfortunately, what’s done is done. I think it’s important you take a deep breath and consider carefully how you can handle this with grace, for everyone’s sake. I don’t think you should get the bride involved – the last thing she wants to remember about her wedding is how her mom and sister got into a power struggle over the shower. You are in control of how this plays out.
I don’t know your mom, but I think you should sit her down and tell her you are hurt by her behavior. Back up your position by showing her it is a standard etiquette for you to handle the shower – use websites, magazines, whatever it takes to validate your point. Then tell her you value her presence and you recognize how important she is to this event. Ask her if there is something you can agree to be “her” contribution to the shower. In doing so, you are respecting her, but you also establish this as your special responsibility, and that it means alot to you to do it well. It’s a great gift for you to honor your sister with this shower!
Remember, weddings are about love and family. You are in a tough spot and I’m so sorry for your challenge, but the choices you make about this are very important – you can do it!
In a wedding 6/5 Shower 5/1 RSVP for shower April 17th the mother of the bride said if there are alot of RSVP that are not attending the shower let her know and she will invite more? Do you really think this is proper? If more invites are sent out they will say RSVP by April 17th.
Jo,
It sounds like what is done on wedding invites sometimes. Guest List A and Guest List B. meaning if there are some empty slots in Guest List A then some from Guest List B can fill the spaces.
* like here
The key is not letting the B listers know they were on the B guest list as it would hurt feelings. Due to the situation here the guests may reveal when they had to RSVP. Whoever is the host of the bridal shower will get the final say as to how it is done. If the host feels it is inappropriate then I wouldn’t refer to a “B” list.
Jo,
Bridal shower guests should also have an invite to the wedding. It sounds like a bigger turnout would be preferred but it shouldnt matter since the focus is on honoring the bride and not the gifts. And those closest to the bride sharing this with her.
* also check this out
In other words No B list… Hurt feelings. Don’t let the B listed people find out . Isn’t this sort of walking on egg shells? Why can’t people decide on who they want to invite, if it is to be relatives and close friends a small intimate affair wouldn’t you have a pretty good idea of who was going to be present.
My stepson (who lived with me and his father from the time he was 12 until he went to college and moved back in with us after he graduated from college) is getting married. His fiancee and I get along great. I have a much better relationship with her than my stepson’s mother. I have been invited to her bridal shower, but it is 2 1/2 hours away and I really don’t want to go. She told me it was fine if I didn’t attend, but that she wanted me to feel included and that’s why I was sent an invitation. Would it be rude of me not to attend? Thanks.
Michelle,
Not if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you are also not “obligated” to go. I would just thank them for the thoughtfulness of the invite and regret that I couldnt attend but will see them at the wedding. I wouldnt go into further detail. If you want to send a gift you can, or just bring it to the wedding( optional).
Help!
There are two showers planned for my wedding… one for the bride side and one for the grooms side of the family and our friends are mixed between the two depending on whos family they know better and the bridesmaids are invited to both.
Our two families have civil relationships with each other but no where near what I would call a close relationship to each other.
I had put together the guest list myself with some help from members of both sides of the hosts of each shower. I did not include my mother or my grandmas on the grooms sides shower and vice versa i did not include the grooms mother on or grooms grandma on the brides side shower.
I did get asked a couple weeks ago from my aunt about invited my fiances mother to the shower and called her and asked her how she felt about keeping the two families separate from the showers and she said she was absolutly fine with it since my mother is very critical about things that others plan.
Today I got a call from my mother yelling at me on how it wasn’t right that I didn’t invite her and my grandmas to the grooms side shower and how it is proper ettiquette to do so and it a was tacky in what I was doing.
Any opinions?!?!?!?
Stacy,
Usually the groom or the brides mothers/grandmothers are invited to the showers. I would just explain it to my mother that is why there is going to be 2 showers. It would make it easier on everyone and you knew everyone didn’t get along and wanted it to be a great day. That it makes you feel less like celebrating when your in the line of fire and that it is alredy beginning to cause problems ( by her yelling at you) and you didn’t want it to be a bad situation. Tell her you love her and they will celebrate with the brides shower.
* here is the etiquette
Stacy,
When you marry the groom, his family comes with the package, as does yours. I think you’ve entirely missed the point of a bridal shower. It should be a day for your family and closet friends to celebrate YOUR BIG DAY! Also, anyone that you invite to the shower should be included at the wedding…how’s that going to work out, LOL?
You could change it from two bridal showers to a Jack & Jill party, he can fend off his family while you handle yours, don’t do this to yourself!