The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
by Melanie Doetsch
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
I am flying to Vegas to get married. I am having a very small wedding and only except about 30 people to show up, which are going to be all family. I feel bad having a bridal shower but a couple members of my family want me to have one and invite friends/family who I know will not be able to come to Vegas. Is their proper etiquette for this?
Jennifer,
Only if there will be a post reception for those not attending the wedding. Then it is fine to have a shower.
i am MOG – what am i expected to do the week before wedding…am hosting rehearsal dinner and what is expected of us as far as a wedding gift is concerned…
Donna,
* tips
* more tips
* more tips
Donna,
* here is a checklist
Is it necessary to send “Thank You”notes after receiving shower gifts?
Pat,
Yes it is considered good etiquette to do this.
Yes! You always need to send a thank you note! People took time, money and thought to do something nice for YOU!
I am having a destination wedding (Las Vegas) at a swanky 5 star hotel. My MOH is throwing me a bridal shower and I sent her my invite list. I did not include some family that live out of state. I felt that since they are paying airfare and hotel, plus a wedding gift, I didn’t want them to feel obligated to get me a bridal shower gift. Is that correct? Or will they be insulted that I did not send them an invite. I don’t know the correct etiquette on this.
Carole H.,
It is perfectly fine since you dont want to make them feel obligated as long as you know they wont be hurt that you didnt.
* tips here
You made the right decision. It an be overwhelming to be responsible for so many gifts. If the uninvited guests will understand then you’ll be fine. They’ll probably be grateful they don’t have that added responsiblity.
We are a very different bunch! :) we will be making our own invites for our combined wedding shower/bach parties and then also the wedding. Everything will be very relaxed and quirky like us. The invites will state where we are registered and that there are no kids to be at the wedding, but how would I state that we dont want any guests to be invited that arent on the list? My future MIL is paying for the wedding, we are keeping it at 100 people, I have put down my guests that are married and their spouses, but I dont want my single guests bringing a spare person of whom I havent ever even met to my wedding to eat and drink on my MIL’s dime, and also how wierd would it be to have strangers sharing your most special day w you?!! I was thinking of saying something like “please pay respect to the number of people on your invite??? trying not to sound too cheap here but the first people to be cut is going to be the ones Ive never met before in my life!
I had a very strict invite list also and asked that children didn’t come. On my RSVP card, I put “We have reserved 2 seats for you” Then underneath I put “______Number of Adults Attending” then the typical “we aren’t coming” part. It worked really well, I had a few people call and ask if they could bring someone or ask about the Adult reference but didn’t have any issues telling people that they couldn’t bring a date. Good Luck!
HELP! my assistant is getting married shortly, I’ve been to her bridal shower and given a gift, and I plan to give her a nice wedding present. Was invited to a wedding shower being given by the groom’s job..do I need to give another gift if I attend? Also we have a really small office, myself, her and our boss. Do I need to throw her a wedding shower at the office too?
Sunny,
The office shower is completely option, i depends on how much you wish to do in honoring the bride. You have already given one gift so there is no need to give another at other showers.
My mother is paying for my bridal shower which will be held at a local restaurant later this summer. She asked me about the shower invitations and whether her name could (or should?) go on them saying that she will be hosting the affair. (My MOH and BMs will handle the setting up and favors, etc.)
Please let me know about the invitations, as I’m not quite sure this would be deemed as proper/inproper etiquette? After I did some research, I actually found that: 1) it is the honor of the MOH/BMs to host the affair for the bride and 2) it is improper etiquette for a family member to say they are hosting. Please let me know what is correct. Thanks!!
Gretchen,
yes it should be on the invite along with whoever is contributing.
* etiquette
I was recently posed this question, & wasn’t sure how to reply.
Is it against all etiquette rules to host a post nuptuals shower? The couple was married out-of-state last weekend, and the mother of the groom would now like to have a shower, in-state, but only if appropriate.
Carol,
If there is a post reception or family/friends just want to do this,then it is ok.
* Check this out
Is it an elopement?
* same rules apply
I am a bridesmaid for a wedding in July. The bride to be, a couple months ago, asked me if I was going to throw her a shower. I most certainly was planning to. As we get closer to the event, she has provided me a list of 50 + people and their significant other. I have indicated to her, my visions for her shower to be intimate and elegant. With this many people at my house, I will not be able to create the enviroment I had intended, let alone provide any open space. My house is an older home with hallways and a very small kitchen. My question is, would it be inappropriate to ask the bride to be to condense her invite list or should I just suck it up and spend less per invitee?
Julia,
In this case, usually 30 people would work best in a home. She made the guest list but in the end it is up to you to state what you can afford and you will need to cut the guest list to closest friends and family members. You should discuss the number of guests that you can accomodate in your home. Bridal showers are technically, suppose, to be intimate celebrations. Stick with your vision, the host gets to plan the day.
* look at this
* And this one is especially good
Question…My brother-in-law is getting married for the second time and has asked me and his mother to throw a bridal shower for his fiance even though her friends are throwing her one. I guess he feels like this would be a good way for her to meet the family; aunts and cousins. I am worried that his family might be offended by asking to buy bridal gifts for a second marriage. Should I be?
kelli,
Not at all, unless it is a vow renewal, then second weddings/bridal showers are a new beginning and is totally fine to have a shower for the bride.
* tips
Kelli,
* more suggestions
* great article
Kelli,
* The New Rules of Etiquette by Emily Post. This is fantastic suggestions.
Is it wrong to have a bridal shower and invite my friends even though my wedding is a small, private (family only) type of affair? I don’t want to offend anyone but I want to share my day with them too?
Traci,
Only the ones who are invited to the wedding.
* the knot
Traci,
If it were me, I would have a post reception so you could invite them. It doesnt have to be big, you coudl actually make it more like a coed party except it is a shower. If there is gonna be planning anyway?!?
I need some advice. My soon to be MIL is throwing my bridal shower. She doesn’t want to include her sons dad’s side of the family (they are divorced). Then last minute I hear she’s not inviting my side of the family she only wants to invite her family. How do I politely tell her not to bother without seeming ungrateful?
Nancy,
:D
Actually the guest list should come from you. You should invite those closest to you, along with any grandparents, stepparents, friends of yours, mothers, bridal party, etc. It sounds more like she wants to throw a party in her honor, when it should be for yours.
Nancy, I meant stepmothers, grandmothers, etc. Hope this helps.
Any thoughts on how now to tell her to forget it without seeming ungrateful? Or do I just go ahead and do 2 showers – which neither me or my groom wanted?
Hi Nancy,
How does her son feel about the fact that his dad’s side of the family isn’t
included? Perhaps he should be the one to tell her that if she can’t put
differences aside for one day, to celebrate this very special event, she shouldn’t host a shower in ‘Your’ honor. Especially when she isn’t inviting
your family, LOL! I’m really sorry, this shouldn’t happen to anyone!
Good Luck! :)
Her son isn’t happy about it either. Heaven forbid she put her differences aside for one day. This shouldn’t happen…just our luck. Thanks for your input! :o)
I am a bride putting together a list of people for my MOH to invite to a couples shower. We are a non traditional bunch and have big families though I’ve heard a few times (like above) that the mega-showers are not a good idea. It is a brunch in the MOB home. Their thought is that men and women are both invited and I’m fine with whatever they plan. They have also said they would expect about 75 people (kids can come too).
I’m concerned that this will be too large scale if it’s billed as a shower and I never want anyone to feel as if they need to bring a gift (which I know I would do if I went to any kind of shower). The hostesses have asked my opinion so I have a few questions:
1. if I invite 75 people is this no longer a shower?
2. how can the invite be worded to include families and single people instead of “couples shower?”
3. though I’m not throwing or planning the shower I feel like the event is a reflection of me and knowing I can’t control what they’re doing I want to be clear about my expectations as a bride…..??
4. our families are part of different communities (small-town theater, church, volunteering) and many are asking where we’re registered. I don’t expect anyone to give gifts though I know a shower/party may bring that and by inviting many people may make me look greedy.
I guess I’m just anxious about being seen as a greedy person and want to have my fiance (and other guys) included.
Help?
Sara, Coed showers are a great idea. The guys may not want to watch the gift opening but they could have another activity for them, to keep them occupied.
1) It is still a shower if it is being planned as a shower. Some guest lists are larger.
2) some wording ideas
* love the creative wording ( it fits more of a party type shower, you could put bridal shower/ celebration party) When they are addressed make sure it has who it is to, especially since kids and singles are invited. In case they want to bring someone( word of mouth)
*tips
Sara,
3) The hosts do get to plan the shower ( they need to be sure they can afford this type of shower). it will not hurt to say you and the groom would love a coed shower, some on the style, etc. etc. Just make sure your not the one planning it. Tips are okay.
* Love this!!
* and this
Sara,
4) * I love some of the quotes here for the invites to let everyone know their presence is the most important thing to you.
#4-Pick a few charities (a project at your church, a group you volunteer for, etc) . . . let people know that donations to these groups would be appreciated as much as gifts. If you have a wedding website, this would be a great place to spread the word.
I am the MOH for someone who lives out of town. The shower will be held in my home – her home town in WI. She is flying in from Texas for the event. I am trying to figure out a tactful way to express that gifts either be sent directly to her TX town, or gift cards given. She can’t possibly take everything back on a plane with her. Any suggestions?
Kris,
There will still be some who will buy a traditional gift but the store can ship it to the brides address, or you can provide a address for the guests to ship those gifts too. Hint, Hint…I would lean toward the gift card/certificate theme. 
The gift card shower is becoming more and more popular. I am on board for this type shower cause it is one of my faves. Especially when combining it with a honeymoon shower theme. It gets mixed feelings but still it just makes it….EASIER.
Kris,
* cute idea
* article
* more tips
Kris,
I would consider heavily pairing it with this though….
* bridal shower theme
* love it
Since there are some who may frown on the gift card idea, I would ask before launching planning.
* check this out
If they were going on a tropical honeymoon, imagine how fun it would be to decorate the shower like the location. orientaltrading.com has great and cheap decor. You could even make this a coed party.
hi…could someone tell me what is the correct etiquette in my situation…my soon to be sister in law is having a bridal shower and i am in the party. all the girls in the party are required to give $250.00 for the shower and also make some type of basket for gifts of games. my questions is considering the amount of money i am spending on this shower; is it BAD etiquette not to buy a shower gift?
Grace,
* tips
* tips
* good site
thanks for the tips stacey, although these situations are not the same circumstances that i am in (i.e. travel issues and being asked late to contribute), so that really doesn’t answer my question. but thanks anyway.
Grace,
This is a large sum of money for a shower and you were asked late to contribute? With travel issues. The bridesmaids should have gotten together and decided on what they could afford instead of setting a certain amount beforehand. As hosts, you get to plan a shower on your budgets. This is pretty pricey and a shower gift to boot. Most hosts base it on what they have left ($$$), usually chipping in together to buy one gift. Since they dont want to go empty handed, then there are some that cant afford it and a few that consider the shower the gift. Gift giving is only optional, so I would go with my gut, my heart, my pocketbook, or all 3. 
I hope this helps!
I would just look at my budget and see what I can do. If you cant afford a gift then buy a very nice card. I apologize if I misunderstood the question. I thought it was just about the shower gift. The tips provided was meant to show what others have done.
Are you kidding me?? 250 bucks in THIS economy? What the heck ever happened to having a shower and people bringing a nice gift of whatever amount they can?
Whomever is throwing this shindig needs to get real. No one has that kind of money to burn these days, and in any economy, it is bad form to demand anyone pay to attend a shower.
AMEN!
Hi Grace,
I am in no way an expert, but the MOH should be doing some serious down-sizing
as $300.00 per person is outrageous! This probably doesn’t include the cost of your
gown, shoes, makeup and hair, does it? I think all parties required to donate for the
bridal shower should have a say in planning it as well! I don’t understand why the
MOH is sending e-mails, she should have asked that you all meet and discuss what
everyone can afford. Perhaps the groom should talk to the bride to be about what her
MOH is doing. I would be mortified if my MOH asked the bridal party to contribute
$300.00 for a shower! The MOHs behavior is a bit arrogant to say the least. Also,
if you do decide to talk with her, do so as a group. Best of luck to all of you!
I am a bridesmaid in one of my best friends wedding. The MOH has planned everything for the bridal shower, including the location and invitations. She sent all of the bridesmaids e-mails telling us how much it is going to cost us and that the deposits of everything will be sent that night. She never asked us how much we could afford and now she says that it’ll be around $300 per person, none of us can afford that. I felt she should have gave us her ideas and then asked out price range? I don’t know what to do, the other bridesmaids have contacted me freaking out and even the groom has come to me saying his sister will not pay this and is not coming to the shower. I’ve started an e-mail to the MOH, but I don’t know what to do. Please help!
Oh my GOSH! That’s inSANE! I would literally die! lol! I am so sorry this is happening! You should DEFINITELY email the MOH! Tell her that none of the bridesmaids can afford to chip in $300 and that if she wants it to be such an expensive shower, then she will have to pay for it herself. Tell her that each of you will chip in what you are able and will help with set up if you can. I would even tell her that it was inappropriate for her to take over the shower on her own, and that proper etiquette dictates that the bridesmaids/maid of honor are supposed to plan the party.
It isn’t your mother or mother in law, so hopefully you will realize that it is ok if she gets mad at you. You won’t have to live with her, or ever be in her family. So in my opinion, no biggie. Just tell her the truth. Sounds like she needs it. GOOD LUCK!
Oh wait, I’m an idiot. I just realized that MOH is “maid of honor” HAHA!I was totally thinking it was a “mother” and just didn’t think. Sigh. Sorry about that. So basically everything I just said doesn’t apply. :)
Here’s what I would do in this situation. Tell the MOH in an email, that none of the other bridesmaids can afford that. If a MOH decides to spend that much on a shower, than that is her choice and she will have to pay for it. Unless she asks others prior to the shower what they can afford, then she can’t expect that. Tell her that everyone will chip in what they can, but that insisting that everyone chip in $300 is highly inappropriate on her part.
My oldest daughter is planning a huge wedding in NJ. Most of her family lives in Houston. My youngest daughter (17) is her maid of honor. Two of her cousins (20 & 22)and her other sister (25) who is pregnant are planning a wedding shower for her. We tried to think outside the box with the logistics of getting the gifts back to NJ. My mother (76) came up with the idea of a “Bora Bora Honeymoon Shower”. Everyone loved the idea but the bride. In talking to the bride I have heard complaints about the design of the invitation being “up to the standard of the $100,000″ wedding she is planning to “if this is a honeymoon shower does this mean that no one will by gifts from her registery so why did she bother as that’s when you give those gifts” and finally that “proper etiquette is to give money equal to what the bride and groom spent for each guest at the wedding” not gifts from the registry. I’m at a loss here. Any suggestions or have I missed the ball in today’s wedding etiquette??? HELP!
linda,
A gift is totally optional, though everyone does usually bring or send a gift and the amount is what the guest can afford. There may be some guests that just cant afford much. The focus of a wedding should be on the meaning of the wedding and not on $$$. hoping this helps!! 
The proper etiquette is for the bridal party or hosts to plan a shower that THEY can afford and theme THEY come up with. The only thing a bride does is compile a guest list after, the hosts, have gotten together to see how many guests they can afford to invite. With a honeymoon shower even the gift registry is included so guests can pick something more traditional ( if they wish). So there should be no worry there. It is not proper etiquette to give money equal to what the bride and groom spent on the guests at the wedding. That is something they chose to do for their guests and the ideal wedding they set for themselves. The way the phrase is stated makes it appear the guests should “reimburse” what has been spent on them at the wedding and that is not true. Noone should plan a grand wedding unless they can afford it, if $$$ come into play-it has been my experience the wedding should have been on a lesser scale to ease the tension and stress.
Linda,
Hi, just found this….
* tips
* emily post
Help!!!! We don’t know the poper etiquette for this one! My MOH is throwing me a bridal shower which is being hosted by MOB. Upon finding out the date of the shower MOG is now planning one for the following weekend being hosted by SOG. I didn’t want two showers! I feel it is rude to expect guests to book the time and pay for travel there and gifts for two showers. MOG is inviting her side of the family, my bridal party and MOB. Should my MOH invite those who are invited to the one MOG is throwing? Most of the guests invited to the one MOH is throwing are excluded from MOG’s guest list (including my own sister!).
I had two bridal showers, and loved it! HOWEVER, they were completely different people at each shower. It’s totally FINE for the bridesmaids to be invited to both (they shouldn’t have to bring two gifts though… you can even tell them that, I did with mine). So as long as the people are different at the showers, then don’t worry about it. Also, all of the guests know that you aren’t throwing these showers. They won’t be mad/think less of you because YOU weren’t the one that threw them! :) It’s normal to have different showers hosted by different people… JUST AS LONG AS THE GUEST LIST IS DIFFERENT! If the guest lists aren’t different, than you may want to tell your mother in law your concerns.
i am MOG – my best friend just hosted a bridal shower for my future daughter in law for me at her home. what is proper etiquette for thanking her for doing this
Donna,
You could buy her a small hostess gift, send her some flowers, etc. Attach a card to the gift with a heartfelt message.
thanks – that is what i was thinking…
Another idea: You could take her to lunch or for a facial or a show, etc.
I am a bridesmaid and the bride has asked me to throw the bridal shower. I am also now planning the bachelorette party, because the MOH has complained to the bride that she can’t afford to do it. I am trying to send out the invites for the bridal shower and I don’t know who I should say is hosting. The MOB MOG and some of my own family who are invited to the wedding have offered to help with the shower. Do I list everyone as hosting?
Tiffany,
The bride shoudl never ask for a bridal shower. It is an option. If they help with the shower then yes they should be listed. I wasnt sure if it would be held at someones home; if so their name shoudl be listed first.
* tips
one of my friends recently asked me to throw her a shower, in addition I’m already spending $500+ to attend the destination wedding AND being a pianist, I’m playing.for FREE. I never agreed to the shower so I am having a sit down heart to heart with her on the burden she is asking me to bear. I’m over extended as is.
funny, I thought my situation was a rarity.
I’m hosting a bridal shower for my sister. Should out of town guests be invited? It’s a college friend who my sister would love to see but doesn’t want to burden.
Linda,
It is thoughtful to invite anyone ( out of town) that the bride is close too. The college friend may not be able to attend but at least she will be thought of by the invite.
Send the friend a letter . . . explain that your sister wanted to make sure she was included, but also didn’t want her to feel she had to come or send a gift. Sometimes, honesty is the easiest way.
I am the MOG, and never received a thank you for my shower gift, yet everyone else has a long while ago. Also, We were told we could invite whoever we want, since it’s a big wedding, which the parents of the bride are paying for. We’re paying for the liquor. Now, 7 weeks before the wedding we are told there are no children under 18! We have already told one of my sisters that her kids were invited. There’s only 3 of them on our side. I am very close with my sister and her children, and feel awful about it. The FOB had to cut down on his side because of inviting too many guests. That was his choice to cut back with kids on his side. They have 50 younger kids on their side. They have 300 people they are inviting, we have 100. This has caused a huge argument, and I feel that this should have been decided from the very beginning, not 7 weeks before the wedding. My sister has no sitter, and my other brothers and sister’s kids can come since they are 18, which really singles my sister out. The bride and groom didn’t decide this, the father of the bride did.
What should we do?
melinda,
Oh wow. If it didnt state on the invites “no children” then there shouldnt be a rule to say there will not be. I am assuming/hoping the invites have already went out. I would definitely ask the bride and groom, since they would be the ones to give the heads up on who and who not. It would be terrible to find out the bride and groom didnt care afterall and some didnt show up because of little ones. I would doublecheck. Another thing that would be great, would be finding a trustworthy sitter the day of the wedding, most venues/churches have a childrens room. So this would be ideal and I am sure the parents wouldnt mind.
melinda,
I am betting no children under 18 for the reception and in that case it is totally understandable( since there will be alcohol). Again I would doublecheck.
Regarding the fact that you didn’t receive a thank you note for your shower gift. 1) I know that may hurt your feelings, but I would give the bride the benefit of the doubt. She probably feels like since you are such close family, that you would understand and didn’t care about a thank you note. 2) I hope you don’t get mad when I say this but as my mother always tells me “it’s not about you.”
About the invite/guest situation… it definitely should have been told to you in advance that no children were allowed. However, if this is what the FOB is saying, that that is how it is. You could talk to him about it, and let him know that it is only three children, you are very close to them, and that they are family. If he still says no after that, then you will have to let it go. He is shelling out big bucks for this, and his word is pretty much law. Also, it is normal for the brides family to get to invite more guests than the grooms… the brides family is paying, that get that privileged. You really should talk to the FOB about this… hopefully he will realize how ridiculous this is and come around. It is after all family. You aren’t asking for friends children to come. But PLEASE, don’t let this cause huge arguments and family riffs. There are SO many more important things going on in life, without fighting over this.
Do I have to go to my sister’s bridal shower? It doesn’t sound like fun to me, and there is another event I would like to attend.
I know I sound like a schmuck.
Anonymous,
If you are in the bridal party and especially since you are her sister, I would go. It may cause some unnecessary hurt feelings. This could be a time to share in some memories and show her love and support!
I am the only sister. My niece is getting married, we are friendly but not close. My niece is very friendly with both my daughters. Should I expect an invitation to a “family” wedding shower ?
Heather,
It depends on the bride. Some invite only those closest and some invite everyone.
My friend is having her wedding in the Bahamas with family only in attendance. Would it be proper to hold a bridal shower for her and invite her friends from work who aren’t invited to the wedding?
barbara,
* tips
My wife and I are the groom’s parents have been told by our son he can’t beleive OUR freinds didn’t throw them a bridal shower / party. Freinds of the bride and groom are having multiple showers of various themes. We are invited to some and not to others. We are already paying for part of the phatogrpahy, the caribena honeymoon, flowers, rehearsal dinner, tuxes, hotel rooms for groomsmen etc etc etc are we nuts thinking this i snot our role to have our freinds throw a party..and also how many showers do we need ot provide gifts at?
Luke,
Ouch! You are in the right here. Showers/parties shouldn’t be expected by the bride and groom. Planning a pre wedding event is an optional choice. This is not your role or the friends( unless they chose too). I am old fashioned, I believe one shower is plenty-2 tops. More than that can be complicated. Focus should be on the reason for getting married, not the gifts or parties. I do wish you the best and hang in there, I agree with you 100%.
I also agree! It is not your job (or anyone elses) to ASSIGN people to throw someone a party. OBVIOUSLY your son has never thrown one, or he would realize that they are expensive AND time consuming they are. By the way, keep a list of every cent you have spent so far . . . and keep it updated. He probably has NO CLUE on what some of these things cost. You have probably already spent more money on your sons wedding then you did for YOUR OWN entire wedding! If you have other children, you will have to do it again.
I am the mother of the groom and am about to attend my future daugher-in-law’s second shower – there is also a third being given by my family. For the first shower I gave her a rather expensive item from their registry. I have not yet received a thank you card ( it has been 5 weeks) and was wondering if the bride is suppose to send them to the mothers?
Christy,
Yes, everyone who attends the shower should get a thank you. Whether a gift was given or not. I am sure with all the planning, she will write her thank you notes.
I was a little uncomfortable when I read this. Are you asking this question because you didn’t get a card or because you are concerned your new daughter-in-law didn’t get around to writing all of her cards yet?
Thank you’s are good form, but I assume the rather expensive gift you gave her is because you wanted to give it, not to receive a thank you card. Counting how many days it will take until you get one seems to be a counterproductive way to begin your new relationship with her.
She asked a perfectly appropriate question! She should have received a thank
you, and should not be required or feel obligated to buy a gift for the
second shower!
She may be waiting to send all her thank you cards at once.
Nancy,
I think one gift, especially if it’s expensive, is enough for all the showers given for the bride. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t give a gift at every shower. How many of us can do that?? Not me! I think a special gift that is within your price range is very special and nothing more than emotional support is necessary! Hang in there.
I felt uncomfortable by this post as well. No, I don’t feel like you have to keep giving gifts at each shower… you are being invited to each shower out of respect for your title… MOG. If you weren’t invited, I think you would be offended, isn’t that true? Also, yes, you probably should receive a thank you note, but sometimes brides feel like “oh, they are one of the moms, they don’t want/need a thank you note.” Wrong on the brides part, but sometimes true I would think. Either way, you shouldn’t be expecting one… I agree with Tener… it seems very counterproductive for you to be counting the days until you get one. Not good for your relationship. Give your future DIL the benefit of the doubt, and drop it.
i am planning my sisters bridal shower…the invites got out of hand and we have about 60 people attending (much to my dismay). How can we speed along the opening of gifts. I really don’t want to keep peopel for more than 2-3 hours!!!
smc,
* good tips on first question
At a shower my family attended, their were about 60 guests and opening gifts took almost 2 hours (SNORE!).
When my niece had her shower, we had about the same number of guests and it only took 20 minutes to open gifts. Have the girls from the bridal party sit at one “head table” (rectangular) with the bride sitting in the middle. Have the gift table to one side and another, empty table, on the other side. Have 2 ladies on either side of the bride. One girl should take a gift off the table, and pass it to the second girl, who should “start” the gift wrap (that is, start peeling off the paper so the bride can rip it off easily) then hand it to the bride. The bride should take off the paper quickly and say what it is and hold it up (“It’s STEAK KNIVES from Aunt Jenny!”) Then hand it to the 3rd girl, who should be keeping the list (for thank you notes) and places cards that have $$ or gift certificates in a safe box or large envelope. Then the gift should be handed to the 4th girl, who should put it on the empty table (If a card with NO $ or gift cert. included, Girl #4 can tape the card to the gift). As long as the bride doesn’t ohh and ahh over every gift, this can be done quickly. Scissors should be available to help with gifts from those crazy people who overwrap or put on a ton of ribbon (Because every ribbon the bride breaks means she’ll have another baby!) And tape should be available to attach gift tags and cards to the gift boxes. If you want to help things go even faster, make a list of everyone coming to the shower with their names in alphabetical order by FIRST names. Put it on a clip board, and as the bride says “High Ball glasses from Cousin Sue!”, she can find Sue’s name on the list and mark down what Sue gave. Girl #4 can also place the ribbons in a box to save for the rehearsal bouquet. Or if a young flowergirl is eager to help – she can be in charge of managing the ribbons, and putting gift wrap in a bag for the garbage. Good Luck!!
Just a note: For security reasons, the gift table should always be on the far side of the room where the party is being held (that is, the farthest away from the door entrance). Anyone could walk in and swipe a gift before someone would notice. This is especially true if the shower is being held at a hall with multiple parties. Here is a “photo” I made up to help explain my previous comment.
I just went to a bridal shower yesterday and the gift-opening went really well because of the game they played. Each person who attends fills out a “Bingo” card with the items that they think the bride will recieve for the shower (that she opens that day). Then, as she opens the gifts, each person crosses off the items they wrote that matches what she got. Have little prizes for about 5-10 people (cuz you have so many) that will get a Bingo based on what she receives as gifts. It keeps everyone interested, too!!
My granddaughter is getting married July. My son (her father) family lives 750 miles from “our family”. Her girlfriends have given her a shower in her hometown. Is there anyway we could properly give her a shower where we live with family without her being present. She just started a new job & wouldn’t be able to drive up the 22 hrs round trip. Anyone got any ideas for a “proxy shower” or something. I feel like she is being cheated of a shower here where her family is. Thanks
Shirley,
I am more in favor of the bride opening her gifts, and in this case throw a bridal shower in a box.
I am a bit old fashioned in a sense.
* links to bridal shower in a box.
Thanks Stacey!! What a good idea. This is exactly what I will start planning.
Maybe a Pampered Chef or Tupperware/Avon party where people could order on-line and send it to her. Even Target has a registry that would work for this type of shower. What a great idea!!!
Is it proper to invite guests to a wedding shower and not to the wedding if it is an away wedding?
Carol,
* tips
NO