The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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According to TRADITION (not “the new trend”) is it customary for the bridesmaids to cover the cost of the bridal shower? (By the way, 90 women have been invited to the bridal shower! :(()
My friend is 45 and this is her first marriage. Her mother does not want me to give her a shower because “she is 45 and doesn’t need anything.” She is downright mad about it and insists that we do not give her a shower and “if we do have a shower, keep her family out of it.” Am I wrong to want to throw my best friend a bridal shower, even thought she is over the “traditional” age that people get married?
I hate bridal showers and think that they are an awful waist of time and money. Do i have to go sit there for hours?
What do you hate most? Opening gifts in front of everyone?
If it’s only family and a few friens, make the most of it, especially with people you don’t see very often. You could make it a time to play catch up with some folks.
The bride is having a small family only wedding. Her aunt would like to have a shower for her - all guests would not be included in the wedding as would be family only. Is this acceptable and should the invitation note that the wedding is family only so people know not to expect a wedding invitation?
I am the sister of the groom and I am throwing a bridal shower for the bride. She is having one thrown by her aunt in her home state where all her family is. I am having one here where my family is. I want to invite the groomsman and “guy” family members and friends after the shower or while the presents are being opened. How do I word it on the invitations?
Gina,
Personally I feel that since this is your shower your mother and future mother in law should be invited. It’s nice that your father’s girlfriend wants to throw you a shower, but it is your shower. Unless you plan on having two showers, your mother should be invited. If I were you, I’d tell her your feelings on this.
As to your other question about the grand march, while I’m not sure of the proper etiquette, I would think it would be a personal choice on your part. If you and your fiance are ok with it, then I say do it.
Should the girl friend of my father be involved in the grand march at the reception? They have been together for 4 years but they are not married.
My dad’s girlfriend of 4 years is throwing a bridal shower for me but she recently told me that she is not inviting my mother or the grooms, is this the right ettiqutte for divorced parents or no? They have been divorced for 20 years so there is not any uncomfortableness with anyone.
Hey Kelly - for a wedding, it would to ask for money but that is because a wedding invitation does not imply that a gift is expected and so ANY mention of gifts is rude. For a shower it is totally different. A wedding shower is to shower the bride with gifts and an invitation to a bridal shower implies that a gift is expected. It is perfectly acceptable for a shower to indicate what type of gifts are preferred - including cash.
Since this couple wants money for their honeymoon, work that into it and have a honeymoon-themed shower. “Help us send BRIDE & GROOM on the honeymoon of their dreams. In lieu of gifts, a financial contribution towards a romantic honeymoon would be appreciated.”
I am a Maid of Honor planning a bridal shower. The bride has very clearly mentioned to me and her mother that she would like money for shower gifts in place of a traditional shower gifts. Her fiance and her have not registered anywhere. But would like to use the money they get from the shower to plan a honeymoon. I did not think that this was proper etquitte to ask for money, but if it is, how do I word it on the shower invite??? Please Help!
Is it customary for the “Groom” to give a gift to his fiance at her wedding shower? I’ve heard both Yes and No. Is this a new trend? I’ve also heard that the gift should be Lingerie. Would love some feedback. Sincerely, the Best Man
You should send them at least 3 to 4 weeks in advance which gives you plenty of time to find out who is coming and allows you enough time to contact those who did not rsvp
How far ahead of the bridal shower should an invitation be sent?
I will be throwing my first bridal shower this coming June and would like to know if I should send an invitation to the bride or is it not necessary?
I want to have a Tea for my future sister-in-law in a famous hotel that has a wonderful afternoon tea service. I am wondering if it is appropriate to ask for the guests to each pay for themselves?
What is the proper ettiquette for the father of the groom to come at the end of a shower, a long with the groom, while gifts are being opened? Is the father of the bride the only one who should come, along with the groom?
I am step-mom of the bride and it is not likely that the bride’s
Maid-Of-Honor will be able to hostess a bridal shower. Is it
proper etiquette for me to hostess a shower for my step-daughter?
To Carey,
Thanks for your response. I totally agree with you. This friend of the family I had mentioned in my original post said that by inviting everyone, my sister will get more gifts. I thought that sounded a little tacky myself. My sister is having a gift table set up at the reception for people who are out of town or couldn’t get to the shower.
I rented a place for the shower that holds 60 people, invited 50. Having to rent a bigger place to invite everyone was way out of my budget. Between the dresses for myself and daughter, tux for my son and husband, all the flying I have been doing back and forth (I live out of state from sister) plus my husband is doing all the photography and videoing of the wedding, I’m running out of money here. I think the shower will be fine.
Ann
To Ann:
Stick to your guns! If they want to host a shower for other people, let them handle it. As a former MOH, the groom’s family started talking about inviting co-workers and someone mentioned inviting every woman that was invited to the wedding. I said no way, and it’s certainly not necessary…it will look like you are fishing for gifts. Remember, anyone can throw a shower, but not everyone should be invited to every shower (Emily Post agrees here, and says people should really only be invited to one, but no more than two).
Good luck!!
Crystle Says:
my mother wants to invite ladies that are not invited to the wedding …
Crystle -
Please, PLEASE tell your Mom that she should NOT invite bridal shower guests that are not invited to the wedding. You are sweet to not want to hurt her feelings, but what about those guests’ feelings? What do you think you’ll be talking about the entire shower….the wedding…the plans…the dress…the reception. And they get to sit there listening to it and know they are not invited to attend. I’m sorry but it’s really rude.
It is hard to control the guest list, but your Mom is the hostess. The best you can do is talk to her about it and ask her to lower it a bit. Otherwise, go … and try to enjoy yourself!
Good luck!
saundra hadley, wedding event planner
planning..forever | weddings & events