The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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I am a Maid of Honor planning a bridal shower. The bride has very clearly mentioned to me and her mother that she would like money for shower gifts in place of a traditional shower gifts. Her fiance and her have not registered anywhere. But would like to use the money they get from the shower to plan a honeymoon. I did not think that this was proper etquitte to ask for money, but if it is, how do I word it on the shower invite??? Please Help!
Is it customary for the “Groom” to give a gift to his fiance at her wedding shower? I’ve heard both Yes and No. Is this a new trend? I’ve also heard that the gift should be Lingerie. Would love some feedback. Sincerely, the Best Man
You should send them at least 3 to 4 weeks in advance which gives you plenty of time to find out who is coming and allows you enough time to contact those who did not rsvp
How far ahead of the bridal shower should an invitation be sent?
I will be throwing my first bridal shower this coming June and would like to know if I should send an invitation to the bride or is it not necessary?
I want to have a Tea for my future sister-in-law in a famous hotel that has a wonderful afternoon tea service. I am wondering if it is appropriate to ask for the guests to each pay for themselves?
What is the proper ettiquette for the father of the groom to come at the end of a shower, a long with the groom, while gifts are being opened? Is the father of the bride the only one who should come, along with the groom?
I am step-mom of the bride and it is not likely that the bride’s
Maid-Of-Honor will be able to hostess a bridal shower. Is it
proper etiquette for me to hostess a shower for my step-daughter?
To Carey,
Thanks for your response. I totally agree with you. This friend of the family I had mentioned in my original post said that by inviting everyone, my sister will get more gifts. I thought that sounded a little tacky myself. My sister is having a gift table set up at the reception for people who are out of town or couldn’t get to the shower.
I rented a place for the shower that holds 60 people, invited 50. Having to rent a bigger place to invite everyone was way out of my budget. Between the dresses for myself and daughter, tux for my son and husband, all the flying I have been doing back and forth (I live out of state from sister) plus my husband is doing all the photography and videoing of the wedding, I’m running out of money here. I think the shower will be fine.
Ann
To Ann:
Stick to your guns! If they want to host a shower for other people, let them handle it. As a former MOH, the groom’s family started talking about inviting co-workers and someone mentioned inviting every woman that was invited to the wedding. I said no way, and it’s certainly not necessary…it will look like you are fishing for gifts. Remember, anyone can throw a shower, but not everyone should be invited to every shower (Emily Post agrees here, and says people should really only be invited to one, but no more than two).
Good luck!!
Crystle Says:
my mother wants to invite ladies that are not invited to the wedding …
Crystle -
Please, PLEASE tell your Mom that she should NOT invite bridal shower guests that are not invited to the wedding. You are sweet to not want to hurt her feelings, but what about those guests’ feelings? What do you think you’ll be talking about the entire shower….the wedding…the plans…the dress…the reception. And they get to sit there listening to it and know they are not invited to attend. I’m sorry but it’s really rude.
It is hard to control the guest list, but your Mom is the hostess. The best you can do is talk to her about it and ask her to lower it a bit. Otherwise, go … and try to enjoy yourself!
Good luck!
saundra hadley, wedding event planner
planning..forever | weddings & events
Is it appropriate to give little thank you gifts to the hostesses of my bridal shower?
on shower or engagement favors do you put the date of the shower or the wedding date?
I had wanted my Bridal Shower to be a small and intimate gathering of close friends and family, but it has grown into what I fear is a large gathering of about 70 people. In addition, my mother wants to invite ladies that are not invited to the wedding and cannot be invited as our reception venue will not hold anymore people. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to offend my mom, but I feel guilty inviting ladies to the shower who will not be invited to the wedding. What should I do?
Can the mother of a groom host a bridal shower? I know traditionally this is done by friends of the mother of the groom, but can an out-of-town aunt host a shower the day before the wedding if the groom’s mom does not have friends who are able to host a shower?
What do you do when you are having a small family wedding that is a long distance from the bride’s hometown and you wish to invite people who are not invited to the wedding?
I am giving a shower for my sister and invited 50 people. Family, wedding party and closest friends. Friend of the family says every woman on the list should come. That is close to 100 woman. I feel that is way too much and the cost to rent a place to accomodate that many people is not in budget. Friend of the family is giving my mother and siters fiance hard time about it. What should we do?
My daughter is getting married out of town,l on the east coast where she lives, and all of her family and friends are on the West coast. The only time she will be with us before the wedding is 7 months before the actual wedding date. Is it acceptable to have the shower then? This is the only way she will be able to have one.
I am a Aunt of the bride and my 14yr old daughter is a bridesmaid, can I host a shower?
The venue where our wedding is held has a “10 children or less” policy, unless you are going to hire a babysitter. We have decided to only invite children who are in the family, stopping at 2nd cousins. I have a 2nd cousin invited to the wedding, however her children (my 3rd cousins) are not invited. The person hosting my bridal shower has asked for a list of guests, however I am not sure if I should include children. If I include some, such as the flower girls, do I have to include everyone’s children who attends the shower? It’s getting to be quite a few children, some as young as 1 and 2 years old. Can I just invite the flower girls and no other children?