The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
by Melanie Doetsch
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
is it ok to invite people that are not invited to the wedding?
Linda,
Unfortunately no, it is improper etiquette. Exceptions: co-worker or church ladies hosting showers.
We have been invited to a bridal shower and asked to bring some of the food as well. The bride-to-be explained that her maid of honor dropped the ball and she wants her guests to pitch in and pay for everything. Is this appropriate. I am somewhat annoyed- am I being petty?
Sarah,
This is not appropriate unless everyone got together and agreed to make it a potluck. The maid of honor and bm’s are usually the ones hosting the shower and paying for the costs. SHe should plan a shower that she can afford, decide on the budget and number of guests. The hosts gets to decide what she/they can do, even cut the guest list if necessary. If the guests bring food and is not a tradtional potluck then it can be in lieu of gifts. One way around this is to have it called an “old fashioned potluck”. This has to be stated on the invite and word of mouth. Everyone needs to be contacted ahead of time to see if this is okay. If this theme is used, then it should be decorated vintage too. Wildflowers, gingham, etc. Pull in the ambiance. The guests should never be directed as to what they should bring, whether food or gifts. it would be like inviting guests to the wedding and having them pay a cover charge at the door.
Traditional the mom or grandmom pays for the shower, and the maid of honor or bridesmaid help plan the shower. They should not be asking guests to share the cost.
Hi, I’m one of the bridesmaid for my future sister-in-law’s wedding. Her and my brother live out in California and we live in Iowa. I decided that since not everyone from my family will be able to make it to the wedding (plane tickets are expensive!) that I would have a shower here for her (a surprise one). I already talked to my brother about a date they will be flying out and I invited my family. My problem is that my father’s side bailed out on the shower and now I only have 7-9 guests (besides the bride and myself) that will be able to attend the shower.
I’m worried because that seems extrememly small and I’m not sure what would be the best idea for such a small shower. I was planning to have it at my house (which isn’t too large), but I wasn’t sure if maybe I should have a couples shower now or just plan it for the small amount of people going. What should I do? Any options for such a small party? Thanks!!!
Afton,
This frees up etiquette tip that guests invited to the shower should also be on the wedding list. Since they were invited and cannot attend due to expenses, this is a very thoughtful idea. I would make it a couple shower or have a intimate dinner party shower. With a small group, a planned spa day would be super nice. I have been to a shower that had a small guest list and it was very nice. No matter what you choose you can’t go wrong.
soh my god I hope she doesnt read this we will all be paying a cover at the door. Thanks for your response. I think I will bring the food and yes it will be in lieu of a gift
Sarah,
I hope my post was neither misunderstood or offensive.:meh: I meant all guests would be okay with the potluck, if not, then noone should bring food. That the host is responsible for the costs of the shower. In rare circumstances the food would be in lieu of the gift. If you choose this way, then recommend to others and have it on the invite, if they also agree on the potluck, to make food in a dish with the recipe card attached so the bride could have the container and the recipe to boot. This could work and maybe have it like a traditional-slash-recipe shower. Would give guests a little more room for gift giving and maybe soften the idea of bringing food, if the dish and recipe accompany. Guests wouldn’t have to worry with bringing the dish back home. 
I actually love this idea!! 
I would find out what others are doing too. If someone can talk to the hosts and exlain this is inappropriate then it may can be changed. When bringing food, it can be an option and a polite way, to ask all guests not to bring gifts. This would be for a mere get together, overall, instead of the tradtional shower. This wouldn’t be the way I would generally recommend, unless the bride has everything she needs already. Which most brides do nowdays.
My daughter is having 3 showers held for her–one by my friends, one by my family, and one by her bridesmaids–all in different areas of the country. I am invited to all 3. Am I to bring a gift to each? My daughter says “no” since we are paying for the wedding, but I would like to be certain I’m not committing a faux pas if I go empty-handed.
Thanks!
Laura,
When invited to multiple showers, only one gift is necessary. If you choose to bring a gift just bring it to the shower of your choice. Also attending the shower, outside of the “main” shower, you have the option to attend and is not required.
My son just moved here from out of state with his bride- to be. She will be going to her home state for a bridal shower with her bridesmaids and family. Should I throw her a shower in her new home state? I am worried because she only knows a small handful of people which of whom are mostly my friends. What to do?
Gene,
It would be a good chance for her to meet some family/friends. You could also choose to bring her to a spa day or dinner. I think it would be nice to have a little something for her, yet it is optional. One of my favorite is called the honeymoon shower, where she can do a honeymoon registry, like a honeymoon fund( google search; honeymoon registry also honeymoon fund, then honeymoon theme shower for loads of links. Decorate it like their honeymoon location. I usually don’t suggest money gifts due to etiquette.However, the rules are bending. In this case, due to a small group of your friends, you could talk to them and say….
“Hey, I want to throw a honeymoon theme party for the bride. Since she is already having a traditonal shower, instead of household gifts, I thought about a monetary gift towards their honeymoon. They dont know about it and thought it would be a great surprise, I wanted to give anyone the option if interested in joining in the fun-giving is optional though.”
Some, may not receive this well, but if they are your friends-they may just get excited about the idea. Explain she has most of her stuff and this would be fun! Eliminating the need to pick out a gift, even if its 10 bucks. Making it coed would be super too. In this case, I wouldnt call it a “shower”. Just a honeymoon themed celebration with BBQ etc. Keep it simple. Find decor at Oriental Trading on the cheap. If you have a pool, that is even better. THEN surprise the couple with a monetary gift close at the end of the night before everyone leaves, find a fun way to incorporate it, like inside a coconut. The couple never has to open the gift and reveal the amount though. This is a good way to avoid etiquette issues, like if the guests are not invited to the wedding they cant be invited to a shower tip. Also if she hasn’t registered for a honeymoon fund, you may be able to set one up for them. Check and see. Also send a invite to the bridal party, mother, grandmothers, sisters. Even if they can’t attend, it is a thoughtful gesture to include them. Hope this helps!!
I have a friend who’s getting married and I’m throwing the shower. I decided to have it at a restaurant since everyone is so busy with work and other business. I am currently employed only part time and have limited funds to spend, so is it okay to ask the invitees to pay for their meals? I plan to pay for the cake, decorations and favors. No one has volunteered any funds and by the way I have been her friend for over 30 years and a couple of the other ladies have known her since high school. How do I handle this?
Joyce,
Unfortunately, it is not proper to ask the guests to pay for their meals. it would be best to talk to the restaurant to find out what can be done. They may have a wonderful list of heavy appetizers that will fit the bill along with beverages. If they can’t try to find a restaurant who will work within your budget. Sometimes restaurants have a attached room that can be rented and you can bring your own appetizers. Another option is to have it at a home or banquet hall, find one already beautiful, and serve a italian dinner- keep it simple spaghetti, red sauce and chicken, garlic bread, caesar salad, and dessert. I went to a rehearsal dinner once with this menu and it had strawberry shortcake in sheet pans and assorted beverages. it was soooo good. actually they asked guests to make a plate-trying to give it away. Because a little went a long way. Gotta love those one pot wonders!!! Etiquette rule of thumb: “work within the budget you can afford.” it can cause stress to plan a event not within your means. ( also I would ask if anyone wanted to cohost, if there are some bm’s I would ask them to help with the bridal shower). I wish you the best in planning!! If you have any more questions, I would love to help!!
I had discussed the bridal shower I’m throwing with the bride on a few occasions and I had made it clear that I did not want children attending, securing a sitter for my own and even scheduling the shower for a weekend that the bride did not have her children in her care. I just found out (almost 1 week away from the shower) that she has invited some of the ladies on the list to bring their daughters and she is now planning to bring her daughter. The age ranges are from 6-10. She told her MOH (who informed me of the situation by calling) and then proceeded to get in touch with me via e-mail to inform me of the changes. The party is being held at a nice Tea Room and I don’t know if other guests are planning to bring lingerie gifts or other inappropriate items to the event for the bride. I am also having trouble figuring out games that would include both the adults and the children. What is the best way to handle this situation? I’ve resigned myself to sucking it up and trying to incorporate the kids but I don’t want this to become all about keeping the kids entertained as opposed to being able to enjoy the party games and lunch that will be going on for her. Any advice would be welcome! Thank you.
Bella,
You as the host, decides what type of shower it shoudl be and if it is inappropiate for children, they theyshoudl not attend. The birde makes out the guest list of who she wishes to attend and then the hosts decide how many they can comfortably afford. Technically, if the bride did not include children on the list, then it was impossible to know she wanted them there. Since she does and it is confirmed by others bringing their daughters then there isnt much that can be done. Tea parties are fun for all ages. My daughters birthday was “tea” themed. it was wonderful, they had a chance to dress up and had a ice cream sundae bar. Little girls can make this tea super special and they ust light up with excitement. Ages 6-10 should be a great age to behave among the festivities. Are there some things they could be involved in? Most showers I have been to either had children or didnt, I always enjoyed children at these events, it makes it fun and gives them some memories. Ask the veneu what they have for children as far as that goes. Add a ice cream sundae bar with toppings, have little favors for them, set up tables jsut for them with cool little things to do, or activities but also include them in the shower activites. It must be important to the bride that they are there. If there are lingerie gifts, try to keep those as discreet as possible. or maybe the bride can keep the item in the box ( if inappropriate) and show box side to side without the girls knowing what it actually is. hand them the bows and ribbons, if they want them so they can reuse them in their crafts. You know how little girls are. ( smile). have a special door prize drawing for them, yet every child gets something at the end.
bella,
* games link
* more links
* more ideas
* super links here
Thank you so much for the help! I have found a few appropriate games for everyone to play and I will be calling the venue Tuesday to set up a kid friendly table and see what fun food options might be available for them. I love the door prize idea and I thought I would get each girl a pair of white gloves, a pretty garden hat and some pretend pearl jewelry so they can really get into the theme. I checked out the links and found a few more activities I think the kids would enjoy as well as the adults. I appreciate all of your help so much, I felt like I was going into a tailspin with the sudden change of children on the list so close to the shower date but you’ve given me the simple fixes to make this great for everyone!
Bella,
It sounds absolutely adorable already. I think the girls will have a ball, usually loving weddings,it gives them a chance to also be a princess for the day, I bet they are already dreaming about the dress they will wear! 
It was my pleasure!! I am a fan of having children at weddings/prewedding events they can make the event so lighthearted.
I had hoped to have a shower for my niece before her wedding. Her mother was not returning my calls so, after waiting 3 months, I spoke with my niece to see if she was interested etc… Her mother is now mad at me and says wedding etiquette requires everyone to go through the MOB on everything. The M/FOB are paying for a very nice wedding but I don’t know that I was inappropriate or breaching etiquette.
If it was wrong from an etiquette stand point I’ll apologize. If not I’ll ignore her behavior as perhaps being overstressed by the planning.
Martha,
While it is true that you just “check out” to see if a shower is being planned you should not run everything thru the mother of the bride. I have never heard of this. She didn’t return your calls so you are not in the wrong, to proceed with a question. I hate things like happen, you are very thoughtful to want to throw a shower for your niece. If you are on the grooms side then that changes things. You can host a shower if you like, it is actually common for both families to have separate showers. I hate that she is upset, but you have not breached etiquette.
What do i get the bride, my sister, for her wedding? How about for a intimate shower? A bra, garter or what? I am a bridesmaid.
Jenna,
It depends on your budget, but you can buy her something from victorias secret, etc. A bra, garter, any type of undergarment, a beautiful nightgown, etc.
For the wedding, you could give a monetary gift, which is customary in Illinois. The minimum could at least cover the cost of the plate (I usually give a minimum of $100, $200 if my husband attends. Since you are her sister, you could give a little extra, but that may depend on how much you have spent to date, like throwing the shower, your dress, bachelorette party. Stay within what is affordable to you)
If they are registered, select a gift within your budget from the registry, if they are not registered, any thing for their home should be acceptable. For an intimate shower, lingerie would be acceptable or a spa gift card or something for her to pamper herself.
Thanks, This was very helpful, and I hadn’t even considered the wedding present yet, but I am very grateful for the advice. :)
Hi, my girlfriend is gettin married.she called me over and sat me down on her couch and said there is gonna be 5 bridsmaids in new york and 5 bridsmaid in new jersey that is in the wedding party and being that not everone is gonna travel to new yersey because there is more people in new york that is going to the wedding, iam gonna have 2 showers, one in new york and one in new jersey. so she told me that the shower in new york is gonna cost $400.00 a piece a bridsmaid (300 for the restaurant and 100 for a big giftt) (total$400)then she told me where she wanted her shower and that one of the bridsmaid discused this with her.but the other bridsmaid and myself did not know that the bride was gonna know where her shower was with the other bridsmaid.well when all the bridsmmaids got together to discusse the price(400) they were not very happy.
help from jean
jean,
The bride should never dictate the price ( if I am understanding your post correctly) of the shower, how it is planned, or where it is held. The hosts get to decide all the planning and what they can afford. A shower is optional and thoughtful event in honor of the bride. The hosts need to get together and discuss the budget, etc. The only thing the bride does is give a guest list which the hosts still get to decide how many guests they can afford. A shower should only consist of both sides immediate family…sisters, mothers, grandmas, any close aunts to either bride and groom, and brides closest friends, bridal party, if the shower has no alcohol or lingerie, then the flower girl and her mother should be invited. Showers are usually kept intimate. I am not sure of the different showers, unless the grooms family is in one place, if they dont come together for one shower then they would optionally host one or be invited to this one. I wouldnt plan another shower due solely to the bm’s location. Due to the same guests should not be invited to more than one shower unless it is the immediate family( who have the option to attend just one), yet is still thoughtful to include them. 
If two showers can be held then possibly that money for another shower could go into the bm’s travel expense for the one shower. If they cant make it due to financial reasons then they do have that option. 
Hoping everything works out for the shower. IF you need extra help please let me know!! 
Oh no
hi,that answer made me feel much better thank you.when a couple of the bridsmaids couldn’t put in the 4 hundred a piece, we all did not know what to do.the reason for this is, she wanted to know who couldn’t put the money in because she did not believe that they couldn’t afford it and we did not wanna tell who the people were because we didn’t feel right doing that.the bottom line was she told all her bridsmaids her shower is gonna cost 4hundred a person if you cant do it i will understand and you wouldn’t be able to help out in the shower then,but you can go to the shower.So some said yes and some said no and the reason some said no is because they felt the shower was priced to high and the bridsmaids felt like they had no involvement with the shower.I and another bridsmaid brought this to her attention (the bride) but we didnt mention who couldn’t.she was upset and said they can afford this they just dont wanna do it .I told her well lsome are upset because they feel like they have no say in the shower because you know about the place and you put a price on it.gotta go for now but more to come
jean,
What is going on here is she is losing focus of the meaning of the event. Please do not put yourself in a situation that will tap out your resources, if you do then there will be a strain throughout the entire event and possibly the wedding or after. As with anything in life, know what your limits are and stick to your guns. I have seen alot of this type thing. I am not very fond of the idea that she thinks some can afford it but just wont. The economy is very tight right now, bm dresses, and travel expenses are enough without 400 per person on a shower. That is too high for a shower, if I was a bride I would never expect anything from my bridal party, just be honored they were there with me. Please keep me posted and I may can help you along the way. Remember it is up tp you all, the hosts, to dictate what type of shower will be held. 
Again, she cannot stipulate the shower. She cannot be involved in the planning at all and esepcially cannot dictate the gift or price of the gift, no more than you would TELL someone what they were gonna give you for your birthday, that is entirely up to the guest. You all should take this upon yourself and not let her know of the shower plans etc. This is very rude demanding behavior of the bride and highly improper. Unfotunately, this kind of thing takes place and usually results in no shower and you all do have the option not to throw a shower, if things are out of control. Alot of people think that a shower is mandatory and it is not. The way around this is to keep the planning private and if she does find out someway, then firmly but gently say this is what we can afford and we are doing this to be thoughtful and honor you as the bride. Bottom line, she will have to enjoy it or not, my hope is that she will.
In my opinion, the bride has no say in her shower plans unless she plans to throw and pay for it herself. It is not for her to decide who can afford what. It should be up to the bridesmaids to get together and make the decisions as a group. In my family, we include the bridesmaids in the planning, but in most instances, finances are tight for them so the MOB and MOG pay for everything. The only time I, as a bridesmaid, pitched in to pay for the shower, was when it was for my sister. I have never paid for a friends.
My daughter lives in Nevada and her bridal shower will be in Illinois. Is it appropriate to include the wording, “gift cards appreciated” on the invitation? Transporting the gifts back to Nevada would be very costly.
Deb,
I would have that in the wording itself and make it a gift card shower.
* here is what others have done
Some will choose to bring their gifts anyway. So she may have to set up a way to ship them.
Since the bride will have to ship all gifts home to Nevada, gift cards/certificates are appreciated.
Hi!
My friend is getting married and i am the MOH. There are 3 other bridesmaids. About 40 people will be at the bridal shower. Do i ask them to be involved in the shower throwing? I think i can handle it (monetary wise) by myself, but i am super shy and will know only the bride and one of her bridesmaids. Is it appropriate to let one of the more outgoing ones know, so maybe they can help in the talking aspect?? i am so shy and nervous that i wont even be doing a speech at the wedding. speaking of, is that alright?
Thanks for your advice! :)
MOH,
Speeches are optional, but you could always have one of the bm do a toast, you coudl all stand up together. Or you coudl do a quick toast( google search wedding toasts). It is very acceptable to ask the bms to help out with the shower, actually that is usually the way it is planned. Each one pitches in their part in planning and expenses.
I am the groom’s only sister, and I am throwing a bridal shower for the bride so our side of the family can get to know her more (they live far away). How far in advance do I mail out the invites? And what’s the proper etiquette when specifying that no gifts are necessary?
Ashley,
Since they live far away i would send them out 4-6 weeks ahead of time. Normal timeline falls within 2-4 weeks. I think 4 weeks should be plenty of time. If no gifts are necessary and there will be no gifts opened from your side of the family by the bride, then changing shower to bridal luncheon etc. may work better. Since the term “shower” is to shower the bride with gifts. Here are some wording examples:
your presence is requested in lieu of gifts…
your Presence is your Present
Your attendance is the only gift we require”
Some guests may ignore this statement and bring gifts anyway, especially if it is called a “shower.” You could call it a afternoon tea or bridal blessing or luncheon to honor the bride.
My mother’s friend has offered to throw a bridal shower for me. The guest list only includes my mother’s friends who have watched me grow up over the years. My bridesmaids are throwing a separate shower for me. My future mother-in-law lives far away and I have not heard any plans on if she or a relative or friend are going to throw a shower for me (I don’t need 3 showers anyway). Should I invite her to the shower that my mother’s friend is throwing for me? Please note that she and my mother have never met.
Jen,
You should invite her, any of the grooms sisters, grandmothers, or “like family” females to the groom) regardless if groom side hosts a separate shower, to the one hosted by the bridal party. Since your mothers friends are hosting then this would be a more intimate shower with just them (much like a church ladies shower or coworkers shower). It is not necessary to invite her to this shower.
My cousin is getting married this October. He has always been like a little brother to me so his fiancee asked me to be a bridesmaid. My mom and I decided to throw a bridal shower on behalf of my cousins side. Neither one of us have hosted a shower and aren’t quite sure who to invite. We will be inviting the other aunts and cousins on the groom’s side as well as the groom’s mother’s friends (my aunt). I assume the bride’s mom is invited. How about her sister? Do all of the other bridesmaids need to be invited? (I’ve never met any of them.) Should we leave it open to the bride? I do know an aunt on her side is also throwing her a shower. Thanks!
Jodi,
You invite any immediate members on both sides of the family like mothers /grandmothers of bride and groom, close aunts of thegroom, close cousins of the groom, sisters of both bride and groom, flowergirl( as long as its not a lingerie or has alcoholic beverages) and her mother, bridal party. They may choose to decline since it is optional to attend a second shower , still thoughtful to send an invite. Since this is for the grooms family then aunts, friends, cousins of the bride need not be invited, only what I have listed. But those closest to the groom will need to be.
My daugther and I are giving my daugther a bridal shower with about 65 people at a banquet hall. Should we make seat assignment cards?
Candy,
It is a matter of choice. If you want everyone to just sit where they may that is very common.
If a future sister in law (the grooms only sister) is unable to come due to previous plans, should the bride have to reschedule the shower?
Callie,
Not at all, you should schedule the shower when you are can host it. There may be friends or family members that cannot make it, quite common. Unless the bride minds, you could always ask her if you feel uneasy. Then you can reschedule. If the invites have been sent and the venue is secured then I would proceed as planned.
I would like to throw a bridal shower for my niece, but her & her fiance have two households combined so I was wondering about a gift card shower. Any suggestions?
Donna,
Gift card showers are becoming hot tickets. * tips
* more tips
I have a bridal shower etiquette question: is it proper to invite the cousin of the groom and not invite the cousin’s child? This is occurring in my family and I am really perplexed at the fact that these people are supposed to be my family yet they have excluded my daughter from the bridal shower and inviting me under my married name which I have never used and am in the process of divorcing my daughter’s father at the present moment! Please help me!
maureen,
It depends if children will be allowed. If it is a bridal shower with drinks then children are usually not invited. There are also bridal showers ( without alcohol) that also exlude children because they want to make it more of a adult affair or its a lingerie shower ( which is inappropriate for children) or could be due to children can becoming bored easily at events. Whoever made out the guests list probably listed you with your married name was likely an oversight and meant no harm. I would find out if children in general are not allowed or your daughter is invited. I would call the hosts number that should be listed on the invite.
Both my fiance’ and I are older (40′s) and we have everything we need for a house. My MOH suggested having a “bunco” style game bridal shower where everyone would bring $20 dollars (kinda like a buy in) that would go to our “honeymoon pot” and she would provide the game and food and drinks and prizes. Is this something that is done? This is my first wedding so the guest list for the wedding is large and the shower is about 60. Should we break it up into two showers?
Susan,
It is never polite to ask guests bring money. I would have the shower honeymoon themed, decorate it according to where they are going. Set up a honeymoon fund for this even register for a few honeymoon related items, so others can bring a traditional style gift( some will anyway).
* links
Another idea is a gift card/certificate shower.
* love these links( weddingwire is one of my faves, cute poem)
My sister is getting married and having a small private wedding ceramony with just immediate family and close friends. The same day they are having a reception but inviting everyone else to that ie aunts, uncles, cousins. Who do I invite to the bridal shower? Everyone that was invited to the wedding reception or only those invited to the actual wedding? Thanks so much.
Amanda
Amanda,
Since you are having a reception too. You can choose from those going to either. Immediate family like mothers, grandmothers, sisters( on both bride and groom side), anyone close to the bride or groom like friends or aunts etc.
H
ow far in advance are you supposed to mail invites to wedding shower?Beth,
At least 2-4 weeks in advance.
What’s the etiquette on inviting children to a bridal shower? Immediate family & flower girls? Please help!!!!
Josette,
it is a matter of choice, if it is an adult party with alcohol or lingerie party then it is not recommended. I have been to several that had children and several that didn’t. The flowergirl should be invited along with her mother.junior bm’s etc that is in your wedding. If you have children present make sure there are things for them to do and food they like. Also state it on the invite if children are welcome. You could even hire some babysitters to keep them occupied and entertained. f you plan on no children, you can still invite those in the wedding.
HELP! Our daughter is getting married out-of-town in a small ceremony. Several people we would normally invite if the wedding was closer have expressed dismay. Would it be proper to invite them to a shower locally in this instance? If yes, then how do we explain the situation so there are no hurt feelings?
Martha,
Unfortunately, only those invited to the wedding should be on the shower guest list. You could always have a small reception for the guests who did not attend the wedding. That way they could celebrate with the bride and groom. If you choose to do this, then inviting them to the shower would then be okay. it does not have to be a huge reception, a simple BBQ style party would be fine or have a coffee and dessert reception at a proper time away form main mealtimes. Everyone loves a good piece of pie or cake with a great cup of coffee. In fact make that a theme, coffeehouse style. Throw in some soothing colors like browns, greens, cream, have coffeebean centerpieces, etc. Would be so cute!!
My son is getting married and the mother of the bride doesn’t want to have a combined shower with both families even though we only plan to invite around a dozen people. Her family is planning her side and I am now planning my side. Is it really necessary that I attend the one her family is having? Considering I will only know her and her mother, and I get very uncomfortable being around people I don’t know. Other people I have spoken to don’t think it’s necessary to go. Anyone else have an opinion on this? Thanks.
Sarah,
it is a nice to attend even though it is an option to attend only one. Even though it is a uncomfy situation, it is customary for the MOG to attend in celebration of honoring her future daughter in law. It is not uncommon for brides family and the grooms family to have different showers, it can make it easier in some instances. I would try not to be offended by this situation, because traditonal shower guests are: immediate family members of the bride and grooms side, those closest(friends) to the bride( if there is a special aunt close to the groom then it is thoughtful to invite her, for example), grandmothers, sisters. Sometimes it is best to attend to avoid any hurt feelings of the bride or the groom. Families are joined and there may be future events where the families may mingle with each others friends. Wishing you the best!!
im a brides maid and i would like to now if the bride should demand where she wants her bridel party to be?also if the groom shoud have anything to do with it?
Shernia,
If you mean her bridal shower then no. If you mean demanding all of your time and dictating where you should be without considering your schedules etc. then no. This is very rude behavior. The groom is not involved with the shower either unless it is a coed and those type showers are not the most common. She can delegate other wedding related things, put someone in charge, and then step back while they handle it. A wedding should be a joyous time and it should never affect any relationships.
Hi, how much should the bride know about the bridal shower and should everyone go in one big gift for the bride?and should the bride put a price limit on the gift?
Laura,
the bride should not be involved with the shower other than compiling a guest list, after the hosts decide what their budget will be and how many guests they can afford. ( it is usually immediate family members of bride and grooms family along with those closest to the bride that are invited( if there is someone like aunts that are close to the groom, it would be nice to invite them too.) A shower should actually be a intimate event. The hosts can pitch in on one gift if they choose, just get together and decide on a gift budget and how much you will pitch in.
Laura,
Forgot to mention, the bride should not put a price limit on the gift. That is up to the guests/hosts on what they buy for her, just as any other gift giving event.
Question:
If we are planning a jack and jill but everyone that may come are not invited to the wedding is that the ok?
I thought the rule of thumb was if invited to a jack and jill they should be invited to the wedding.
Kim,
You are right, guests invited to shower should also be on the wedding guest list.
I am planning a shower for my friend’s 2nd marriage. It will be a nontraditional wedding which dictates a small group of only 49 total attendees. Should only the guests whom have been invited to the wedding be invited to the shower? Is it okay to invite those not invited to the wedding?
Also, with such a small wedding venue, how do you properly fill in spaces for those who initially invited cannot make? Is a second wave of invitations appropriate?
Is it okay to invited people to a post-party whom were not invited to the ceremony?
Sandra,
For the post party, inviting those who didn’t attend the wedding is very common, a great way to celebrate with the couple! 
Guests invited to a shower must also be on the guest list. Sometimes a second round of invites do go out when some guests cannot make it, though it is kept hush-hush because it can hurt feelings knowing they were on group b list. Just make double sure the ones declined still cant attend ( and wont show and surprise you :eek) That is why I always think it is best to have ‘too” much food for any guests that may show up. I have found RSVP not to be 100%, some guests change their minds even after saying they cant originally attend.
Sandra,
* some tips for 2 guest lists
My fiancé and I are planning to elope to Mexico for our wedding ceremony. We decide that this was the best option given our budget and situation. He has been married before; I have not and we are both middle aged. My mother wants throw a bridal shower for me and I am thrilled and honored. I was curious what a proper guest list would be, given that we are eloping and not hosting a reception. We are considering inviting just family and close friends, would this be considered taboo since there will be no wedding or reception invites?
Thanks!
excited bride,
However, if noone “expects” to attend and they want to throw a party/shower anyway then it can be done.
With an elopement, there shouldn’t be a bridal shower, since they forego all the traditional wedding aspects. It would be great, instead, to have a very small reception with close friends and family. I wouldnt worry about all the decor etc. Make it more like a simple family celebration with the added tiered /sheet cake and punch, tea sandwiches, pasta salads, potato salad, even a BBQ. Or what would be super fun would be a mexican theme dinner. It is more budget friendly than you think!