The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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This may be a stupid question but does the Bride-To-Be usually participate in the bridal shower games??
my mom wants to give me a bridal shower but my soon to be mother in law said that the brides mother is not supposed to give the shower is this true?
My sister in law is insisting on having her shower on a saturday afternoon and she has an 80 person guest list. 80 PEOPLE!!!! Please tell me am I crazy… I though it was supposed to be a surprise. Why is there 80 ladies invited in the first place?? And we the bridesmaids have to fork over the money for all these 80 guests. I THINK THIS IS SO OBNOXIOUS! She’s not supposed to tell us the rules of the game is she? It has to be at a restaurant with a bar so when we are done with our required “green back” shower we can all sit with her and at the bar and be forced to get sH*T faced with her. Oh what fun!! Please help I’m in bridezilla hell!!!!!!!!!
I am trying to find out what the current ettiquette or traditional gift is that the bride’s mother gives to her for the bridal shower.
I look forward to the day when bridal showers become passe. Far beyond the too large crowd, games, awkward conversation and a blown Sunday - personally, they offend in every way with their outstretched hands (Chicago area; yes a gift is expected). Obligatory giving is not a gift. People who truly are that close will give and don’t have to be conspicuously ‘asked’ with a registry URL. The fact that bridal showers still exist and are thrown for anyone beyond those in need (younger, no real startup items) is, to me, appalling. When a shower even hints at greed, I find this the ultimate in classless.
Many new brides these days have been self-sufficient for years. Perhaps they’ve already showered themselves years prior (or should have) with a non-fancy but good set of dinnerware and such; hence, no shower. Yes, I’ve heard all the “it’s for the TWO of you and your NEW start” stuff. And yes, that’s a push from the retail bridal industry.
Honestly, how many ladies are ever going to pull out that thousands-worth of good china from the specially purchased space-hogging curio and just ‘take up’ entertaining? Unfortunate as it may be that entertaining has fallen away due to increasingly busy schedules, just all seems outdated.
Realize my ideas aren’t popular, but there have to be more girls out there than just me that think the notion is becoming tired.
FOR LINDA’s post on 7.11.07 - As a wedding director/coordinator and having been around this industry for a long time, I’d like to free you up! You are the mother of the bride - YOU DO NOT HOST A SHOWER!!!! NEITHER SHOULD THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM!! Definitely not proper ettiquete - it should be hte maid of honor and/or close friends offering to host a shower. She might end up having multiple showers, with multiple hostesses and different guest lists- that perfectly fine. You don’t want to send an invitition to more then one shower unless: they are a part of the bridal party, they are the mothers, or it’s a close friend that’s request to be invited to all.
Niether is it proper for someone to go out and reserve a place and buy items, then ask you to not only pay for the shower costs, but to reimburse them for what they’ve already spent.
Your daughter needs to stand her ground now - or she’s going to have to live like this w/ her in-laws the rest of her life. Your financial commitment to her wedding, especially considering your circumstances is extremely gracious and sacrificial.
To be honest - I was appalled at what you posted and how things have transpired. If your daughter won’t hold her own- then you need to.
OK MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED JULY OF 2008, HER MOTHER INLAW TO BE HAS GONE AND GOT A PLACE FOR HER SHOWER AND GOT THE CENTER PEACES , NOW I WAS TOLD I AM TO PAY FOR SHOWER INCLUEING WHAT SHE GOT DONT GET ME WRONG IT IS VERY NICE PLACE NICE CENTER PEACES SHE DIDNT LIKE ANY PLACE I TOLD HER
I AM JUST SO CONFUSSED MY MOM TOLD ME THAT THE BRIDES MAIDS SHE HAS 2 AND THATS ALL THE GIRLS IN THE WEDDING WERE TO TAKE CARE OF SHOWER , I AM DISABLED DONT WORK GET A FIXED ICCOME EACH MONTH HER DAD WORKS IN A FACTORY, WE GAVE THEM 10,000 TOWARD HER WEDDING WE JUST CANT AFRORD ANY MORE AND DONT WANT TO HURT ANYONES FEELINGS. BUT THE 2 GIRLS WAS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS BUT THEY BOTH JUST GOT NEW HOMES AND ARE WORKING ON THEM IT IS UP TO THEM THATS WHAT A BRIDES MAID IS AM I RIGHT OR WRONG ,OR INCOME IS NOT HIGH LIKE SOME OF HER FRIENDS AND THEY WANT TO INVITE ALOT OF PEOPLE HIS SIDE OUR SIDE AND OMG HER FRINDS AROUND 70:(( COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO . MY DAUGHTER GETS UP SET WITH ME WHEN I BRING IT UP SHE DONT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT BUT I DONT KNOW HER FRIENDS I AM LOST, I TELL HER IT ISNT FARE TO US SO WE WOULD HAVE TO TAKE SOME OF THE 10,000 TO PAY FOR HER SHOWER IF I HAVE TO PAY SHE SAID NO THAT IT IS FOR HER WEDDING FOOD AND PLACE OK THATS OK WITH US BECAUSE SHE IS OUR DAUGHTER BUT I REALLY DONT UNDERSTAND HOW TO TELL HER AND HIS MOM THAT THE GIRLS HAVE TO DO THAT PART, PLEASE HELP ME OUT .8-|
I agree with Stacey. Showers are a waste of time. I really dislike them. The awkward conversation, the games. I’ve been invited to plenty also where I wasn’t in the bridal party and barely knew the bride (such as she was the girlfriend of a co-worker.)
CAN WE HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER WITHOUT PLAYING ALL THE GOOFY GAMES? WE JUST WANT GUEST TO COME BY, DROP OFF THEIR GIFT, THE GIFT DISPLAYED AND THEY LEAVE. NOTHING FANCY
My daughter’s future husband’s family will be hosting a bridal shower. for her. Is it a tradition or customary for the future bride to bring a gift for her future mother-in- law?
My daughter is having a small immediate family only wedding. Is it appropriate to invite other family members to the shower?
Regarding Angela Says:
Professionally I print place cards. For a formal event, you should use titles. EX: Mrs. Emily Smith or Mrs. John Smith
I am going to a bridal shower in July. I have purchased a gift for the wedding already do I need to take a gift on the Bridal shower day as weel?
When writing place cards for a very formal bridal shower brunch, at a fancy catering hall, does it make a difference how names are written on place cards or not? Should it be Mrs. Emily Smith, or just simply, Emily Smith???
Can you please answer a question for me? I recently heard that the future mother-in-law was hosting the bridal shower. She has requested $250.00 from each of girls in the wedding, which is 5 girls. Is this something new? Please let me know.
Thank you,
:-? Question, My wife is the mother-in law of the bride and she wants to get involved with her future daughter-in-law’s wedding. My wife feels left out of the whole proceedings and with her youngest son getting married she feels alone in the whole matter. I’m in a bit of a quandry over this whole thing and stay out of the fray. Can you tell me, what can the mother-in-law do to help plan the wedding?8-|
Should I include aunts who live out-of-state on my bridal shower invitee list? Want them to feel included, however they will not be able to attend. Don’t want them to think we are just looking for a gift.
Do all bridesmaid help pay for the shower even if they all can’t attend?
What is the proper thing to do if 2 of the guests have responded that they will attend the Bridal Shower, but will be arriving an hour late. The luncheon is being held at a restaurant. Should lunches be held and served to them when they arrive or should they just join for dessert since everyone else will most likely eaten.
Is it considered inappropriate to give a bridal shower for a couple who has already eloped? They will be holding a reception later and would only invite guests who are invited to that.