The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
by Melanie Doetsch
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
Is it appropriate to list the Hostesses as Bridemaids and the names of the mother and mother-in-law or should all the bridesmaids names be listed?
Is it appropriate to ask for gift reciepts from gifts purchased at Target?
I am the mother of the groom, the wedding shower is being held 3 1/2 hours away from my home, what is the proper attire? The shower is from 1:30 to 3:00 would it be rude if I had to leave at 2:30 to get home before it gets dark, as I can’t see after darK?
My future daughter-in-law has decided not to register for her bridal shower and is planning on asking for a “donation” toward her honeymoon in Italy. Is this a proper thing to do? I don’t feel that it is, and if it is not, how do I tell her?
my friend is planning a bridal shower for her daughter……she is wondering how, if any, proper way to ask for a gift card in lieu of an actual gift ??
Help! My best friend is getting married at a small intimate service (no bridal party or reception). She wants me to throw her a huge shower though….she said “how else will i get gifts if I’m not having a reception?” Isn’t it really terrible ettiquette to invite people to a shower,expecting gifts, and not inviting them to the wedding?
what should i do?
I am the bride and I need HELP! What is an appropriate gift to give to my brides maid for the throwing me the shower?
Should the Mother of the Bride bring gifts to the Bridal Shower?
I am making the invitations for my future daughter-in-law’s shower, my question is, I have included a card in the invitation with special notes for the shower, ie.. to include a gift reciept for target, because of doubles, that they won’t except returns without a reciept over $20, is this ok? And the engaged couple has set up a special account for their honeymoon expenses, would it be a real fou-pah if I included a note, (“Any monetary gifts given to the Newlyweds will be put into an account for their Honeymoon!) I think it may be and I don’t want it to look as if we are asking for money… argh!
Thank you,
Cheryl
I am getting married in June 08, and then moving to South Africa in August. It is very expensive to ship things abroad so we have not set up a registry. However, we aren’t sure what to do about people who would like to buy us gifts. Etiquette dictates we should not request money, but it there anyway to clue in our guests without being rude?
Please help!
How soon is too soon to have a bridal shower before the wedding date when two showers are being planned?
I am hosting a lingerie bridal shower, I am the MOH. The other bridesmaid, is taking care of arrangements for the bachelorette party- not financial arrangements, but the plans.
Is it bad etiquette to ask the other bridesmaid to help fund the bridal shower? She has given me some suggestions as to plans- which I’ve taken, but I don’t know if I should ask her to help money wise.
Also, if she is unable to help money wise, should I still put her as a “host” for the bridal shower since she’s helped with the plans?
I’m hosting a bridal shower for my sister. She lives in Oregon, I live in California and we’re having the shower in NY, where we’re from. My sister will be unable to bring gifts back to Oregon on the plane. I’m wondering if it is proper etiquette to include something on the invitation requesting that guests send their gifts from the registry directly to her in Portland? If so can you suggest a polite wording for the request?
My niece is getting married and sent an email out to coordinate her wedding showers. I was taken back and thought it was a little bold. she indicated that the maid of honor would give one shower, another bridesmaid giving a couples shower, the sister of the groom a family shower for his side of the family and she indicated one from someone on my side of the family. She gave the dates that he would like each shower to take place. I have already given the engagement party this past summer and I don’t feel that I should have to give a shower, nor really anyone else on my side of the family. Could the shower being given for the grooms side of the family include the brides family? and isn’t 4 showers with a bacclorette party and having had an engagement party alot? Your thoughts!
hi, i’m the maid of honor and am throwing a large couples shower (30 invitations were mailed). am i expected to bring them a gift to the shower too? want to do the right thing! thanks for the guidance!
Help please! I am hosting a wedding shower for my sister in law and her future husband later this year. Since my sister in law is hoping for a guy/ girl shower with dancing – I thought of a great idea to have it at a local bar/grille that offers a private outdoor/indoor patio with bar and stage. This would be during the day and the bar will have finger sandwiches, salad, chips/dip and light desserts with coffe/tea. Since I was planning on a day shower with a beach theme I really thought this would be a great idea.
However when I mentioned this to the other girls in the party they offered their ideas. Which is great I want all of them to be involved but I really do not want to have to cook and clean up after 160 people eat, drink and dance – and I think this is what they are planning on doing.
In the end It will end up costing $340 each.
The bride has already paid for each of our dresses so we are already saving $200-were as in other weddings we would have had to pay this.
As the maid of honor I am willing to pay the $340 plus the cost of the DJ and favors/decorations.
I have arranged to meet with the five remaining bridesmaids and my mother in law for input and hopefully some support.
Beofre I propose this to them again – I am just looking for some feed back on whther this is too much to ask from the other girls?
Need Help:
I am the mother of the groom. My son and I live in NJ. My son’s fiance lives in CA. The wedding is being held in AZ where the brides parents live. 2 of the bridesmaids live in Philadelphia. Ok so my question is:
Should I have a shower in NJ? SHould I ask the 2 bridesmaids in Phil. to help out? There is a shower in AZ in Feb. I’m not sure who is giving that one. I don’t know the right thing to do here.
Thank you very much
I live in Colorado and in May I’m getting married in Kentucky. My mom who lives in Virginia is hosting a bridal shower for me. Since we live so far away, it would be best to recieve money or gift cards instead of actual gifts. Is there any wording that is proper to use to say this in a shower invite? She was thinking of something like “in lieu of gifts, a basket for cards will be available”. Does anyone have any other suggestions???
Should the Mother of the Groom be invited to the lingerie shower?
Is it traditional for the bridesmaids to contribute (financially) to the showers?
Is it a bad idea to have a fee shower?
My mom and sister are throwing me a bridal shower in a couple of months – the only reason is because my wedding consists of only family. The church we are having the wedding at only holds 50 people so none of my childhood friends are invited due to the fact that it is so small and out of town as well. However, I want my friends and co-workers who are not invited to the wedding to come to my bridal shower. Is it okay to have them be invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding? If so, how do I go about inviting them – or rather how my mom and sister go about it?
i am having a debate with someone about this – what are the traditional gifts for a bridal shower that the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom “suppose to give”???
I was wondering if it is ever ok for the grooms mother to host a bridal shower. our house is very small so I would have to keep it at a minimal. I was thinking of mostly my side (4-6), her mother, her bridal party(3), and a few co-workers only. Because she has a huge family, with lots of aunts and cousins, I could not host them all. I would only do this of course if her mother or sister-in-law would not be having anything. I also would not want to offend anyone by not inviting everyone. I would do the food pantry, and also since they don,t really need anything, would it be ok to say that gifts are not required, but if you would still like to get them something that gift cards would be their best choice. I,ll be waiting for your response! Thanks so much! R
I’m the mother of the bride and coming to the bridal shower as a guest. We’re paid for the wedding, etc. What do I bring for the shower?
As the mother of the bride, there are two showers coming up next week for my daughter throw by the groom’s family members. I have already attended a Jack and Jill, and a shower a few weeks ago for my daughter. If I am going to these other showers, am I required to bring a gift each time? I helped out with the Jack and Jill with food, prizes etc, and bought her a number of things from her registry for the first shower, held by the bride’s maids.
What do I do?
Thanks
B
my daughter is having 3 – 4 showers, are her bridesmaids suppose to be invited to all the showers or just 1 – does that also include other attendees such as greeters, etc.
Hi, my sister and I are TRYING to throw my brother and his fiance a shower but they are getting married in hawaii and they keep insisting that they don’t want to register because they don’t “need” anything. They haven’t flat out said they want cash but they keep saying they don’t need anything so they refuse to register. My sister and I think they should register and their making it extremely hard for us to throw them a shower.. HELP!
I am invited to a friend’s sister’s bridal shower, but I am not invited to the wedding. My friend is giving the shower. After inviting me, she asked me if I was invited to the wedding and I responded “no.” I feel awkward going to the shower – should I go even though I am not invited to the wedding?
I was invited to a wedding shower for a coworker’s son. I have never met him and don’t live in the same town as this coworker. I do not socialize with this coworker outside of work. The shower was held 2 weeks before the wedding to which only certain employees were invited. I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I didn’t attend the shower and did not send a gift. Was this bad etiquette?
Thanks for the advice! That helps a lot!