The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
|
|
|
|
||||||||
|
|
|
|
||||||||
| See All Bridal Shower Favors | |||||||||||
Pages: « 21 … 11 10 9 8 7 6 [5] 4 3 2 1 » Show All
My mom and sister are throwing me a bridal shower in a couple of months - the only reason is because my wedding consists of only family. The church we are having the wedding at only holds 50 people so none of my childhood friends are invited due to the fact that it is so small and out of town as well. However, I want my friends and co-workers who are not invited to the wedding to come to my bridal shower. Is it okay to have them be invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding? If so, how do I go about inviting them - or rather how my mom and sister go about it?
i am having a debate with someone about this - what are the traditional gifts for a bridal shower that the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom “suppose to give”???
I was wondering if it is ever ok for the grooms mother to host a bridal shower. our house is very small so I would have to keep it at a minimal. I was thinking of mostly my side (4-6), her mother, her bridal party(3), and a few co-workers only. Because she has a huge family, with lots of aunts and cousins, I could not host them all. I would only do this of course if her mother or sister-in-law would not be having anything. I also would not want to offend anyone by not inviting everyone. I would do the food pantry, and also since they don,t really need anything, would it be ok to say that gifts are not required, but if you would still like to get them something that gift cards would be their best choice. I,ll be waiting for your response! Thanks so much! R
I’m the mother of the bride and coming to the bridal shower as a guest. We’re paid for the wedding, etc. What do I bring for the shower?
As the mother of the bride, there are two showers coming up next week for my daughter throw by the groom’s family members. I have already attended a Jack and Jill, and a shower a few weeks ago for my daughter. If I am going to these other showers, am I required to bring a gift each time? I helped out with the Jack and Jill with food, prizes etc, and bought her a number of things from her registry for the first shower, held by the bride’s maids.
What do I do?
Thanks
B
my daughter is having 3 - 4 showers, are her bridesmaids suppose to be invited to all the showers or just 1 - does that also include other attendees such as greeters, etc.
Hi, my sister and I are TRYING to throw my brother and his fiance a shower but they are getting married in hawaii and they keep insisting that they don’t want to register because they don’t “need” anything. They haven’t flat out said they want cash but they keep saying they don’t need anything so they refuse to register. My sister and I think they should register and their making it extremely hard for us to throw them a shower.. HELP!
I am invited to a friend’s sister’s bridal shower, but I am not invited to the wedding. My friend is giving the shower. After inviting me, she asked me if I was invited to the wedding and I responded “no.” I feel awkward going to the shower - should I go even though I am not invited to the wedding?
I was invited to a wedding shower for a coworker’s son. I have never met him and don’t live in the same town as this coworker. I do not socialize with this coworker outside of work. The shower was held 2 weeks before the wedding to which only certain employees were invited. I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I didn’t attend the shower and did not send a gift. Was this bad etiquette?
Thanks for the advice! That helps a lot!
Angela: Absolutely. This happens all the time in the circumstances you’ve described. It’s incredibly thoughtful for a bride’s hometown friends to do this for her, even if she can’t get back home in time to attend it personally.
Jennie: With a lot of communication, this situation should be fine. Although some of us have huge families, the person hosting the shower is limited to their space and resources, which might not accommodate everyone. So if you can’t shrink your list to fit a party for 20, having two is a great solution.
It sounds like the ground is cleared for this already since your FSIL offered to hold one. It is actually a service that you’re not inviting the same people to two showers. No matter what you say, that puts them in an awkward position regarding gifts (do they give two, or show up empty-handed for one of the events?).
Just make it clear that you find your FSIL’s offer of a second shower a very kind gesture, and you greatly appreciate her making it possible to include the groom’s side of the family. If possible, however, your aunt’s shower should take place first.
Finally, although it may be a bit late for an official engagement party, you may want to host an informal get-together of your own so both sides of the family can enjoy some time together before the wedding.
I need some help! My aunt is hosting a bridal shower for me next month and informed me that she can only accommodate 20 people at her house. Both my family and my fiance’s family are large–just MY closest female family and friends is about 20 people. Since my fiance’s sister is also hosting a separate shower for me, my aunt wants to invite only my fiance’s mother and not any of his sisters (he has six!). My mom is absolutely livid about this and thinks it’s awful to hurt my future sister-in-laws feelings by telling them they’re not invited to our side’s shower. What should we do? Since there will be two showers, is it ok to have the grooms family at one and the bride’s family at the other? Any advise would be appreciated.
What does etiquette indicate about having a shower for a future bride who lives out of town and wouldn’t be able to attend the shower? The bridge moved several years ago and no longer lives close to relatives. Would it be okay to host a shower in her honor for close relatives and send the gifts to the bride?
Dorothy:
This is precisely why the shower should NOT be hosted by the bride, the bride’s mother, or any family member in any capacity (including exes). The shower should be hosted by the bride’s closest friends, aka the MOH and the bridesmaids, even if that means having a very simple, inexpensive party.
Aside from the etiquette issue, I don’t understand why your husband’s ex-wife would hold a shower for this couple. I assume your husband’s nephew is not related to her. But that aside, if the shower was being hosted by friends as it should be, they could invite you both, and then you could decide as adults whether or not to come.
In this case, etiquette is obviously a distant consideration, and the party almost seems like a way to generate more grudges. Still, I wouldn’t sweat it. The important thing is that you are going to the wedding, and she is invited as well, and if she chooses not to attend, that’s her choice.
If you can handle going regardless of whether she’s there or not, more power to you. The more you take the high road, the easier over the long term things will be. Your relationship with your husband will benefit, too.
My husband is divorced and his nephew is getting married. I am his new wife. Well, his ex wife said she would give the bridal shower. Since the mother and grandmother aren’t suppose to. However, my husbands, mother called and told me I wasn’t invited and not to get my feelings hurt.
This is not the first slight I have had in this family, but i think it will be my last. His ex wife has come out and said she hates me. The children know she hates me. And she said she will not be attending the wedding because, David her ex husband will be there.
This all sounds crazy…..and it has caused a major rift…. Help
Heidi, you want to send them early enough so people can avoid schedule conflicts, but not so early they forget about it. About four weeks ahead of time is customary.
How far in advance do we send out the shower invites? 2 weeks, 4 weeks, etc.?
Denise, a workplace shower is a special case where you’re not obligated to bring a gift. But if you want to, maybe you can pool resources with other coworkers to buy a group gift, at low cost to you all.
not sure, a bridal shower gift shouldn’t be nearly as expensive as a wedding gift. If you want to buy off the registry for the shower, hopefully you’ll find a variety of items listed on the lower end of the cost spectrum. But there’s no obligation to buy off the registry for a shower.
Really, the shower should be a fairly intimate event involving close friends of the bride, so something personal (whether it came from the registry or not) would be nice.
My boyfriends sister is having a wedding shower which I am invited to. I have no clue what kind of gift to bring though. The invitations came with info on where she is registered but it’s the same registry as for the wedding itself. Am I supposed to bring a gift that is more personal like just for the bride and not like dishes? Or should I just stick with the same things that I would bring to her wedding? And do I then bring another similar gift to the wedding also?
I previously attended a friend’s bridal shower. I took her a nice gift. Then co-workers where we work are having another shower for her that I didn’t know about earlier. What is proper gift-wise? Do I show up with another gift? If so, how much do I spend? Or do I just bring a card? This is confusing. I will be attending the wedding also coming up and will be giving her a gift. Help!