The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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:(I am wondering whether my feelings of hurt are correct. My brothers daughter, (one of 3 female triplets all being married this year, but having their owns weddings) is about to have her bridal shower in two weeks. i have just recently learned about it. I live in Florida, but had all intentions of attending. Now that I know that I am NOT invited I am hurt! Should I say something to my sister-in-law or brother, or should i just keep my mouth shut!
Thanks for your answer in advance. PS……..My daugther-in-laws who live in the same city the the shower is being held in were not invited either!
Jessica, thank you for actually giving me a response and your ideas were helpful. I had thought about doing that and hoping it will all work.
Thanks again for taking the time to give me your input, I really appreciate it!
Ladies!
Help each other out and post more suggestions also!
Is it okay to invite the same people to both of your wedding showers. I have my fiance’s family throwing as well as my aunt on my side of the family.
Jessica, your advice is great, thank you so much for your thoughtful suggestions! :D>-
Robin,
Why not? I’m sure it would be much appreciated. The bride to be should be able to provide you with the names and addresses of people to invite.
RoxAnn,
My mother asked everyone coming to the shower to bring their favorite recipe with them. At the shower she presented me with a recipe book. She had already copied all of her favorites recipes on the cards inside. Then we passed around the extra cards and everyone wrote down one of their favorites. It was an extremely thoughtful, useful and special gift.
Trisha,
Are you familiar with her co-workers? If so, perhaps you could ask each one to provide one specific item: cookies, fruit, flowers for decoration, etc. This should hep you with your budget, and you would not be specifically asking for money.
Kim,
Try to remember that the shower is a gift to your niece. Will you cause division by bowing out? This is her (your niece) special time and not a time for squabbles between relatives. Truly I can’t think of a graceful way to bow out now.
Marilyn,
Showers are intended to pamper the bride! That being said, one should always write a Thank You note to the hostess(es). One note that can be read aloud or posted on a bulletin board should suffice for the Sunday school class. If the hostess is your best friend, close relative etc. and you still feel like you want to do a little extra, a small gift or something home-made like cookies or banana bread. Cookies would also be an affordable option for the Sunday school class.
Ellyce,
First you should register at places like Target, Walmart, Bed Bath and Beyond, any stores that you find in Michigan and California. Then you will just need to spend an afternoon returning the gifts you receive from those stores for credit (some stores will give you cash with receipt). You shouldn’t have too much stuff that you can’t return.
If that is really not an option then I would add a line to the invitations stating that you request no gifts as you will not be able to transport them. Guests should get the hint.
I am hosting a bridal shower for my roommate consisting of co-workers. She has already had the bridesmaid hosted bridal party consisting of family. My dilemma is this: what is the etiquette around paying for the event? Is it in poor taste to ask for contributions?
Please help! I offered to host my neices shower but now MOB has taken over and planned all the details , changed all previously agreed upon arrangements and has sent out several hundred(that is not a typo) shower invitations. I want to gracefully decline further involvement but how?
I have a dilema. I’m from Michigan and my fiance is in the service currently overseas. He will be flying to Michigan for our wedding and we are then immediately going to be relocating to California. It’s going to be very difficult to transport all the gifts from a shower in my little Corolla and I know it’s not good etiquette to ask for money but we really can’t handle getting the gifts from Michigan to California. Any suggestions on what we should do? I’d really appreciate it, thank you.
should the bride give a gift to her bridal shower hostess? what if there are several hostesses, like a Sunday School class?
What is a special gift I can give my daughter, the bride, for a shower gift? I am doing all the food for 50 people and helping the only bridesmaid in town to do all the work. I want it to be special, but I am also on a budget.
Is it appropriate for the mother of the groom to host a bridal shower. My future daughter-in-law lives here, but her family and all of her attendants are several states away and are planning a shower there. She has friends and co workers in the area, although I don’t know them.
Cindy,
Wow, what a greedy little mess! Someone needs to inform your niece that showers are typically thrown voluntarily by the couple’s closest friends or family members. Her only input should be to avoid possible schedule conflicts and additions to the guest list at the host’s request.
Mickie,
Just try to arrive at the shower a little early so that you can have a few moments with the bride beforehand. Let her know how happy you are for her, how much you care, and how happy you are to have made it to the shower. Then kindly let her know that you just wanted to tell her before the shower as you’ll need to leave a little early to arrive home safe. She’ll understand, and no on else’s opinion will matter.
Michelle,
Your friend seems way out of line. It is very rude and improper to exclude family and friends from her wedding, yet EXPECT them to spend money on her. Moreover, she should have never put you in that situation.