The Basics of Bridal Shower Etiquette
While showers have evolved into something more relaxed in recent years, you should still know the basics of bridal shower etiquette to avoid a chance of offending anyone.
Since there will probably be disparate groups at the shower — friends, family and co-workers, usually — it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Especially in the case of family: mothers and grandmothers can place great weight on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know "the rules"!
The Maid of Honor's usually the person who plans and organizes the bridal shower. If she lives out of town, however, it's fine for someone else to do the honors.
Don't take over without checking with her, though. It's her privilege, and you should always ask her before assuming anything. If you're going to do it for her, make sure you keep her comfortably involved through frequent emails and phone calls.
Bridal shower etiquette traditionally says that a shower should take place at least four to six weeks before the wedding. This is just for practical reasons — the bride's going to be too busy any closer to the ceremony — but if she's coming home only two weeks before the wedding, talk to her and see how she feels about having a shower in her honor so close to the wedding. Chances are, she'll think that's fine if most of her friends can manage to come.
There's been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn't quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower's meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride's closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests.
Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.
Finally, bridal shower etiquette means making a special point of including the wedding party members ... and the mothers. Ask each of these people to take on some particular responsibility, whether it's recording a list of the givers as the gifts are opened, or running the party games. This will help everyone feel like a key part of this special day.
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Help!! My husband’s boss is getting married and he asked one of the bridesmaids and I to plan a bridal shower. Her sister is the maid of honor, but has not planned anything…nor is she making an effort. The groom says that her family is not wanting to make any plans, just want to show up to whatever has been planned. Since the wedding venue is 2 hours away and that is where the bride and groom’s friends/family is from, we are planning on doing the shower on the Saturday early afternoon the day of the rehearsal dinner. We know this is cutting it very short, but we don’t have time to go back and forth before the wedding. Since we don’t know anyone in the town, and have a limited budget, any ideas would help on where we could have this shower would be helpful. We thought about a restaurant, but we don’t want to be obligated to purchase everyone’s meals. We will provide the cake and decorations. Any suggestions??
Who pays for all that is required for the bridal shower?
Should the family of the groom, who have been invited to a shower honoring the couple, bring a gift with them for the couple? Traditionally, when does the family give the couple their wedding gift.
Kelly,
If you are registered for gifts, when the items are rang in at the register, gift receipts will be given to the customer automatically. Plus most people have the good sense to include the receipt in the card or package. To ask for a receipt leads the gift buyer to believe that there is a good chance you are going to return the gift they have so thoughtfully bought for you.
Mary,
I have lived in different areas of the country and the customs are different everywhere. In the mid-west, shower and wedding gifts were expected, but the shower gifts were inexpensive items. In the south, where I now live, most people give one nice gift and if they are invited to a shower they bring that gift to that event. Note on invitations to multiple showers; if I know I will be invited to more than one shower (possibly a personal or honey do in addition to miscellaneous) I determine the amount of money I want to spend over all and then buy gifts to fit the budgeted amount. I never mind being invited to more than one type of shower, but never feel obligated to bring a major gift to each event. LC
I have a question. Is it in good taste to ask for a gift receipt to be included with the gift given at a bridal shower?
If one receives a wedding shower gift and an invitation to the wedding, does this require two gifts? And does the answer change if the invited cannot attend one or the other event?
We have about three hundred and fifty people on our wedding guest list. Is it proper to invite every woman to the shower? Can I just have the shower for more immediate family and friends? If not the shower will probably be at least a fifty or sixty people. I just need some outside opinions. Thank you.
Is it proper to include the flower girl in the planning and cost of a shower, like the bridesmaids?
I am declining a wedding shower invitation, does etiquette require that I still ship a shower gift?
The shower is being held 500 miles from my home. The bride is my second cousin who I have met once: as a child, she attended my wedding. My plan is to attend her wedding only and send only a wedding gift.
Thank you.
Should i give a small gift to the ladies hosting my bridal shower?
My Mother is engaged to be married in June. As an “older” bride they want no gifts. My sisters and I are hosting a luncheon in lieu of a traditional shower so I am wondering if you have any creative ideas for something we can do or make instead of the usual shower gifts?
Staci - just a matter of preference. Run it by the bride & see what she thinks. Many times a shower has a totally different theme; no need to match.
Connie - are you talking about a situation where you can’t attend the shower but are sending a gift? Ordinarily you’d bring the gift to the shower … feel free to elaborate.
Deborah - by etiquette, absolutely not. By modern practice, it’s fuzzier. Best route — gauge it by how personally close you are to the bride. Hopefully you have a wedding invite fast in hand!
Hi Linda - as you know as a former wedding planner, it’s traditional for close female relatives AND close friends to attend a bridal shower, so mothers and grandmothers are definitely part of the picture. (Kudos to everyone for keeping this intimate and not overblown). You probably can’t change the MIL’s mind, but as for yourself, feel free to plan, attend and enjoy. Also, congratulations on your close relationship with the bride-to-be!
If you receive a bridal shower invitation and cannot attend the shower, are you required to send a gift?
To which home should bridal shower presents be deliverd if the bride lives on her own? Should it be the parents house or the person giving the shower?
Should the favors/decor of a bridal shower coordinate with the wedding colors?
A personal shower (lingerie) will soon be given to my granddaughter. We are very close and she has asked me to be her wedding planner and has also asked me and her mom to come up with a guest list of about 20 people. She has been away at college and her close friends are scattered. He invite list will include her four bridesmaids, and other people she would like to ask include other female members who are involved in the music and serving as house party at the reception as well as her mother, soon to be mother in law and me. Her soon to be mother in law has informed me that she does not plan to come as the “mothers and grandmothers don’t attend this type of party and only 4 or 5 young people should be invited.” I have been a wedding consultant for several years but came out of retirement to help my grand daughter. Is this a new trend? I don’t want to embarrass anyone.
Thank you for your comments.
Is it proper etiquette for the mother of the bride to have the bridal shower?
I need some ideas for my daughter to give the hostess of her Bridal Shower….thanks
Claudette -
WHO is asking you for the money? The other bridesmaids or the bride? Well - regardless I think it’s fair to say “I’m sorry, I am spending a lot of money to be a part of this day. If you’d asked me prior to these activities I’d have been able to explain to you I’m unable to contribute financially due to the constraints of plane tickets/travel costs”
This happened to me in the past and that is exactly how I explained it to the other bridesmaids. They were upset with me, however, they really had no reason to be as they handled it poorly. Not myself.
Good luck!!