Can My Mother Be My Maid of Honor?
This is a fairly easy question to answer. There’s only one rule when it come to picking the person who will stand next to you on your big day — ready for it?
The Rule: Your Maid (or Matron of Honor) should be someone who you are close to, someone you trust, and someone you know you will be able to turn to for support in the future as well.
So, that said, there are no rules saying that can’t be someone related to you. In many weddings, the bridal party includes siblings, so why not parents? I can’t say I’ve ever been to a wedding were the mother was in the wedding party, but I have been to two recently where the father served as Best Man. I think having your mother as your maid (matron) of honor is an amazing and wonderful idea that will be a cherished, lasting memory for both of you!
One suggestion I’d have, though, is to arrange for your mother to wear a different color or style then the rest of the bridesmaids (if you have more). This will help separate your mother from the other bridesmaids, so that she maintains a place of extra honor: after all — she’s more then just a Maid of Honor!
The Expert
Crystal Unrau is an experienced wedding planner who specializes in ettiquette, wedding decor, wedding fashion, wedding planning and most importantly, dream weddings on a budget. She is the owner of Wedding Style Diva.
I am going to be 50 years young and will be getting married 2012. I have an 24 year old daughter who wants to be my MOH but I also have my school friend that introduced me to my wonderful man that wants to be in the wedding but I also have my best friend who has helped me through my rouch patch from my divorce after 21 yrs of marriage but has helped me sooo much. Please help me so confused on who to ask. Need Help!!!! Thanks,
Rene,
The bride should pick someone( regardless of age or relation) she feels closest too, who has been there thru thick and thin, your best friend to stand by your side on your wedding day. Why not have one as the MOH and the other two as honorary bridesmaids, some brides can’t choose between their bestie or their daughters, so they have more than one MOH. You could have three MOH if you wanted, make the wedding day your uniquely your own!:D You could also have a Matron of Honor and MOH ( the difference between the two is matron of honor is married and the maid of honor is unmarried). If two of the women married then have two matron of honor and one MOH. Remember the bride has this honor to choose the special people standing by her side, there will be loved ones/friends who will want to stand up with you but the final choice should come from your heart and the meaning it has for you. Hope this helps!!
Hi,
I could do with some advice. I will be 28 when I hget married and my bridesmaid will be of a similar age. I was thinking of having my bestfriend who will be about 68 as my MOH. She does not look her age but do you think this will look odd???
Lily,
Not at all. When choosing a Moh, look how close you are and what she means to you in your life. It doesn’t matter what the age, all that matters is the bond.
Can my six year old daughter be my moh? My fiancé asked his 13 year old son to be his best man! Thanks
Lisa,
I personally dont see anything wrong with it. There have been several brides choose children bridal party. What I would do is have them up there and incorporate a special reading and gift to each of them for a blended family.
Hi i asked my mom to be my MOH even though i have 2 sisters im more close to my mom than my sisters i know they wont get mad because they will be brides maids. and wont be jealous of their own mother so i think everything’s going to work out i came to this site because my mom didn’t think mothers could be the MOH so i came here looking for an answer.
Brenda,
Of course mothers can be MOH!
It is about who you want to stand by your side.
* tips
My future daughter-in-law jsut asked me to be her matron of honor. I am golad to ahve found this discussion. Although, I am very honored that she chose to ask me to be her MOH, I am unsure if her own mother may be hurt. It is really a dilemma, I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot with the “in-laws”
Figment,
It is such an honor to be asked for such a special role but I do understand how it could give off mixed signals to the mother. The bride asks the closest person to her to stand by her side on her wedding day. It is wonderful you both are so close! If you decline it can cause hurt feelings to the bride. If you both are close and communicate well, then try talking to the bride about how it may hurt her mother. Then you both could talk to her mother together just to see how she feels about it. If she doesn’t mind then proceed but if she acts a little confused then it is a sign she is hurting and may or may not say so. Wedding guests will possibly be confused by this too. Unfortunately , it may be best to politely decline if it causes more hurt than it should be. This is a very difficult situation. Would the bride be willing to have both mothers stand by her side? What a beautiful sentiment that would be. I am not sure about their relationship and it could be she asked her to stand by her side too, it would be the safest choice. Having 2 MOH is perfectly acceptable and I am sure you could talk to the bride and she will understand your concerns.
Can my daughter me the maid of honor? She is only 16 yrs old
Jennifer.
Yes! she just can’t sign the marriage license/certificate.
My mother in law asked me to be her matron of honor for her 3rd marriage and I really don’t want to. It’s a super small wedding less than 10 people. I really think she only asked me because she had know one else. I can’t say no because my husband would be upset. what should i do???
smommie,
in this case i think it is best to try to honor her request, if you can, a few moments vs. family/husband being upset. i wish you the best!
My daughter asked me to be the maid of honor. She has a sister and asked her also to be a maid of honor but she only wanted to be there and not to have Mom there. So now there are so many hurt feelings. don’t know what to do.
mary ann,
Since she asked you both to be in the wedding party then the bride should have 2 maids of honor. this is perfectly acceptable to have 2 people that she is close to, to stand by her side. It can become difficult who walks first etc. but i say not to worry about that, even if the sister wanted to walk first and you second, it doesnt matter since there is no rank and you both know your standing by the brides side on her special day. i am not sure why she doesnt want mom there but this shouldnt cause stress for the bride and feel she should pick between the 2 people she loves. i would sit down with them and talk out how to do the procession. one way to do this is to have both the mom and dad walk the bride down the aisle, such a beautiful, beautiful sentiment. and do like one wedding i saw where all the bridal party are designated an area to sit on front row. ( bridesmaids on brides side of aisle and guys on grooms side of aisle) this way everybody walks down the aisle yet is not standing in any certain order. when it is time for the recessional then bride and groom walk out as planned first, then followed by the pairing of groomsmen and bridesmaids. if you dont like the bridal party sitting then just have both parents walk bride down the aisle and then mom( mom on left side of bride so it is easier to walk over to her maid of honor spot) can assume her designated place by the sister. this also gives the maid of honor her special “feel” about standing by the bride and will give the mom an extra honor of walking with the bride, before she is given in marriage to the groom. a cherished memory.
My daughter is 31 and getting married I also have a 36 year old daughter who is married and the problem is my daughter asked me to the maid of honor and I am the mother and now the sister is mad that she wasn’t asked this honer a she told me I should back out so I did aske my daugther it would be better to have her sister and not me because there is hurt problems and my daughter said no she wants me and her sister could also be another maid but the oldest insist there should only be one and it should be her. So now I am in the middel and now the oldest sister, my daughter is not talking to me. I hate this and I don’t want this problem its a year away and already the hurt problems are there.
I dont know what to do anymore at this point the older sister said she will just sit there in the background. O God its turning out to be a crazy here and now everyone is hurt. What do you think about this.
mary anne,
i am sorry about your situation. when the true meaning of the wedding is out of focus, unfortunately issues like this arise. you could all sit down and try to find a way to make it work. this is gonna cause alot of stress for the bride and her wedding planning could become something other than a special moment in her life. since allof this is happening and there isnt alot of leadway in the situation why not talk to your daughter ( the bride) and just see if your role could be both parents walking down the aisle. the bride should have who SHE wants standing by her side and noone should be blamed for this especially you. issues like this can make the bride feel like it is not her day anymore and feel pressured into making decisions she doesnt want. there is give and take in a wedding but choosing the bridal party is a honor that shouldn’t be taken away from the bride. . a wedding should be a time of joining together for the bride not hurtful situations that can put a gap between family and/or friends. maybe the bride can talk to her sister and give her another important task in the wedding?for instance, does she have some amazing talents that could be specifically used in an area of the wedding, that the bride would love to have her input on? this is a way to keep the sister from feeling left out too.
the only other alternative, i regrettfully say, is the bride to opt out of having a bridal party( which is not fair to the bride) and have you and her father escort her down the aisle as a way to keep you in the ceremony. i am hoping the bride can talk to her sister. maybe the sister doesnt understand why she is not considered “close” enough to be asked to be a bridemaid. with a talk and finding out if this is the issue or it is masking a deeper situation, may help solve this. i do hope everything will be okay for you all and this will pass.
My mother is my best friend, but I also know her and know that she does not want to be MOH. She does not want to be standing for 30+ minutes when she can have a wonderful seat up front. I think it depends. Because if your mom loves the idea then go for it but realize what your asking her to do and if she has physical problems with her back or feet then it’s cruel to ask her to stand that long.
I think your maid of honor should be someone who has stuck by you all your life..and honestly it’s been hard for me to find a true friend in my day besides my mother she has always been my best friend and always will be and she is gonna be my maid of honor when i get married. It’s not very common for a mother to be one where i’m from but she deserves it! Mother, sister or whatever whoever has always been there for u make them your maid of honor.
I just got engaged a few weeks ago and have been planning to ask my mom to be my MOH since I figured out I would probably be marrying my fiance (which I’ve known for like 2 years). She has always been there for me and is my best friend. I wanted her to have a bigger part in the day…my dad gets to walk me down the aisle, so why not have her be my number one girl for the day!!
I asked her last night, and she was very happy and emotional! She started crying and at first she was like “That is so sweet, but shouldn’t you have one of your friends?” But after I told her I had thought long and hard about it, she accepted! And let me tell you she is so excited and honored. It’s going to be so amazing to have such a special memory with her!!
can the grooms mother be maid of honour
I recently got engaged and started talking about wedding ideas. I never thought of having my aunt (who im very close to) as a matron of honor.. I always thought it “HAD” to be a friend so I told my friend I wanted her to be my matron of honor. Well, now I really would like my aunt to be my matron of honor because she is part of my family and really is my best friend..through it all..What do I do?
I’ve had many friends who pick their “best friend” at that point of time in their life…and 2 years after their wedding they never speak. SO, if you want your aunt, it’s a great idea, she’s family and you KNOW you will always be in touch because of that.
I plan on having my mother be my Matron of Honor when the day comes and I don’t care how awkward others see it, she’s my best friend, and she is going to support me and not be over bearing. So do what will make you happy!!!
Hi, I wouold like a very good friend of mine to be my maid of honor/bridesmaid. She is seven months pregnant. She’ll probably have to sit down if too much for her to stand the entire ceremony. Is it ok?
My queston is, that my sister has asked a friend of hers at work to be the maid of honor. I am really upset because we are very close. This person is only 27 years old and my sister is 52 and this is her 5th marrage. My sister wants me to do her hair and make the cake. I know why she want this person to be the maid of honor, so my sister will get a wedding shower out of her. I love my sister and when she told me who she asked, she asked me if I was mad and I told her I was. I told her she should have asked her daughter first than me or my younger sister. Her boyfriend and soon to be mother-in-law sid she was wrong to ask the girl and should have been me. How do I handle this? I heard her say that now she is going to have to tell her friend and she said it will probably hurt the girl. What do I do?? Please help.
My aunt is my maid of honor for my Sept. 08′ wedding. I have girlfriends that are standing up. But I chose my aunt because no matter what was going on in my life, she gave me unedited advice, unconditional love, and always respect. Not sure why you would feel funny about it. A maid of honor holds a special meaning a meaning that she obviously already holds in your life. It would only be the appropriate thing to do without question.
why not! it’s your wedding, you can do whatever you want. The wedding police are not going to show up and stop the wedding after all.
can an unmarried sister of the bride be a maid of honor
Hi I was wondering, my aunt is really my best friend but I do not want to make her my maid of honor because I feel funny about it. But she is making my wedding dress and helping me plan the wedding. So in all right, she should be. I do not have any girlfriends that I can rely on to help me plan it. I have always turned to her for help emotionally and she has made my prom dress and my sophmore homecoming dress. Would that be appropiate to ask her? what do you think?
I think by all means have her be your made of honor. You are truly blessed for having such a close relationship with her. My Mom told me two weeks before my Wedding, she didn’t feel I deserved to where white. It wasn’t “appropriate” in her eyes.I had made the decision at 20 to have sex once before marriage.Then discovered my college engagement was more of a frat prank. That one mistake, carried w/ me 8 yrs. later when I married & she still see’s me as tainted now.I am divorced now & at 39 she still states if she had it to do over again she woud tell me the same thing she did then & wouldn’t help w/ planning. I say you go girl!!! You have her be your made of honor & you cherish that type of bond. To this day I wish I had that type of unconditional love & acceptance. As I said you are truely blessed
Missy,
It is very appropriate to ask her. The role of MOH should go to the Brides nearest and dearest. There are no rules against it. If you are that close then it wouldn’t make any sense to fill the MOH shoes with someone else due to relation, age, etc. It is your choice and honor as the bride to choose that most special person to stand by your side( one who you can count on, who will be thrilled to share this with you) on that most special day. What a beautiful sentiment to your aunt. I agree with Sheri, you are truly blessed. I woud call her up or go to her and ask her as soon as I could! Congrats!!and just imagine the fun you will have planning your wedding together!