How to Word Those Wedding Invitations — Even When Life Throws Curveballs
Old-fashioned etiquette and oh-so-modern dilemmas: these two combined can perplex even the savviest bride when it comes time to word your wedding invitations.
Couples often struggle with the demands of formal language when one or both sets of parents are divorced. Not to worry, though — we'll cover some common situations, including this one. It's easier than it seems at first blush to get the wording right.
Divorced or Deceased Parents
Here's how you word it when the bride's divorced parents are co-hosting the wedding:
and Mr. Adrian Penn
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
Here's another example, for parents of the bride who divorced but haven't remarried:
and Ms. Holly Voss
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
When the groom's parents are divorced, just use the same approach. For example:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Selinde Anne Bender
to
Eric Allen Frazier
son of Mr. Travis Frazier
and Mr. and Mrs. Glenn Rikowski
Another tough spot some couples encounter is the parent who's deceased. In many cases, you'll simply want to refer to the living parent as as the host. For example:
requests the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter ...
Sometimes, though, the bride or groom wants to include the deceased parent's name on the invitation, and that's perfectly all right. Simply insert "the late" before the name of the deceased parent. The only caveat: avoid making it sound like the deceased parent is hosting. Here's an example:
daughter of Mr. Joshua Abbott and the late Mrs. Abbott
and Christian Amin Salemi
son of Mr. and Mrs. Midi Salemi
request the honor of your presence ...
Every family is different, so feel free to adapt these approaches to your own particular situation. The most important thing about invitation wording, other than it passing the basic "appropriate" test, is that you feel comfortable with it — and no one's feelings get hurt.
Who's the Host?
There's plenty of ways to word your invitations depending on who's hosting — but what exactly does hosting mean?
The answer's changed over time. In days gone by, when the bride's parents typically paid for the wedding, the honored hosts were often those who footed the bill. These days, who you deem a host depends more on your personal preference than who's literally burning up their credit cards on your behalf.
Some common options:
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists the bride's parents as hosts, because it's traditional.
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists both sets of parents as hosts, because it's gracious.
Occasionally, the couple will list the groom's parents by themselves as hosts, sometimes because the bride's parents are no longer living. In that case, simply word your invitation like so:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Miss Amanda Jackson
to their son
Jason Michael Becker
And it's not at all uncommon for the couple to present themselves as hosts of their own wedding, like so:
is requested
at the marriage of
Ms. Mikal Farina
and
Mr. Jeffrey Evans
A Few More Sticky Widgets
"Kids not allowed." Many couples want to say it, but wonder if there's a gentler way to put it across. Ms. Post would never approve, but in real life, we see invitations with "Adults Only" or "Adults Only Reception" printed across the bottom. Although it's done, it's still not kosher. The only proper way to address this is to include just the parents and not the children's names on the invite. And as with other sensitive areas of wedding planning, it's also helpful to lean on a family friend on or relative to help spread the word.Plus, it surely goes without saying that slapping registry cards in with your invites is never a good idea (no matter what those cheery clerks might tell you). Once again, this is a word-of-mouth deal. It's also common to include registry info in bridal shower invitations, and these days, plenty of couples publish it in their wedding web sites. With so many big brands offering free sites for couples, this is a no-brainer.
Your own situation might look a little daunting when you first try to translate it into the formal language of wedding invitations. The best approach: start with what you're comfortable with, and use etiquette to guide, not dictate, your choices. Say what's best for you and your fiancé, and you can't go wrong.
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I have a question:
How should I write the Invitation with the Bride’s parents hosting and the Grooms parents providing the location.
Should I put there names up at the top with my parents or the bottom with the location’s address?
terri,
if they are paying/providing the location technically they are hosting also. so it would be up top
whoever contributes more should be listed first.
like:
brides parents
and
grooms parents
request the honor of your presence etc…..
OR
Mr and Mrs (brides parents)
request the pleasure of the company of
(guest)
at the marriage of their daughter
(brides name)
to
(grooms name)
son of Mr and Mrs (grooms parents)
at (ceremony)
(ceremony address)
on (date)
at (time)
and afterwards at
(reception)
(reception address)
at (time)
(i like the second one the best)
terri,
on the second one, i would leave out the guest name( example above is usually for ultra formal weddings) here is my modified version…..
Mr and Mrs (brides parents)
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
(brides name)
to
(grooms name)
son of Mr and Mrs (grooms parents)
at (ceremony)
(ceremony address)
on (date)
at (time)
(reception)
(reception address)
at (time)
( if in same location as ceremony, use:
Reception to Follow
Great Room)
So I am getting married on October 24th, I am having a very difficult time wording my invitations. Issues are as follows:
1-my fiancees parents are divorced
2-we want both sets of parents mentioned.
3-my parents are hosting
4-his father, although, he has since passed was a MAJOR influence in my fiancees life
5-I hate boring wedding invites
I chose wording that I liked and the day before I sent it to the printer, we got his brothers wedding invitation in the mail…guess what?!? They have almost word for word the wording I chose.
HELP!
ali,
Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Myers
request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
Anne Catherine
to
Theodore Joseph Johnson
son of (insert mothers full name here with no mrs.preceding her name ) and the late Kwame Johnson, in blessed memory,
to share in the beginning of a
new journey
as they become one.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
at 6 o’clock in the evening
Mistin Golf and Country Club
6496 Grand Oasis Road
Sarasota, Florida
I am getting married on august 21st, and its just going to be a small wedding, parents, grandparents, siblings. and the following day we are having a big reception and inviting everybody, i need to know how to word it, with both set of parents because they are both helping pay. and i also need to know how to word it and fit in that we have a daughter. i need to mention her, we are a family and she is in this as much as we are. any suggestions??
michelle,
Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Myers
and
Mr. and Mrs. Kwame Johnson
invite you to share in their joy
at a reception to honor the marriage of
Micheal and Janie Myers Johnson
,together with their daughter, ( insert her name), as they celebrate family and new beginnings
Saturday, the eleventh of October
two thousand and eight
six o’clock in the evening
San Bay Yacht Club
42 Burgundy Drive
Los Angeles, California
I am having a very informal outdoor ceremony and reception. However, we are trying to keep the actual ceremony very small with just immediate family(parents, grandparents, etc) and a few very close friends. But I also want to send out invitations seperately for the reception but not sure how to word them in a casual way but still not to insult anyone.
krissa,
*reception only wedding invitations
*reception only wording
Invitation frustration!!! we are having a cash bar and we are not registering any were we would like cash..so how do you politiely say we want money? lol
thanks karma
Karma,
the best way to state this is by word of mouth. be prepared for some guests to buy items anyway. another way to do this is google search cash wedding registry. its really a neat thing to do! another idea is a honeymoon registry.
Hey I have a question:
I am getting married in Florida, and I am sending out invitations but do not know how to word the invitation. I want to invite everyone but I want to word it in a way that shows we understand everyone will not be able to attend and that is fine with us and also how would I word that there will be a hometown celebration for everyone that couldn’t make it?
I also have no idea if I need to extend the invite to my aunts and uncles, I do know one or two of my aunts would make the trip but I dont want to just send them the invitations and worry about the other aunts and uncles finding out because I am not as close to them?
Any advice would help …Thanks
Karly, send invites to ALL of them. even if they cant make it, its rude not to send one, just cause they cant make it doesnt mean they shouldnt be remembered in the invites. i wouldnt say anything just send out the wedding invites. okay i just came across something that said dont indicate that you understand they cant make it, that its understandable not wanting them to feel pressured, but it will make them look like you dont want them to come. it will have the opposite reaction.
here is the link:
* RE: Invitation Wording destination wedding at home reception(gellchom’s post)
*Wedding invitation wording help? ( i love the wording here, that goes on the reception card)
*wedding invitation wording( this might help some)
for the hometown celebration:
*Post Wedding Reception - Wedding Invitation Wording / Verses
some great wording here! keep it simple like #3 or this..
Please join
COUPLE
for a post-wedding celebration
DATE
at TIME
ADDRESS
CITY, STATE
Given by:HOSTS
( i would make sure to put the dress code also, so they will know what type party it is.) hope this helps and have a wonderful day!!
I am divorced, this will be my second wedding, i have 2 girls from my first marriage. I never changed my last name back to my maiden name because of the girls. I am not sure how to word the invitations because i really don’t want to use my ex-husbands name.
would it be ok to just use my first and middle name if my parents full names are on the invites?
nicole,
sure that is fine, as long as their name isnt listed like theyare the hosts. i am assuming you are. if you put the parents request the honor of your presencce at the wedding of ( this means they are hosting). usually in this case you use your legal name, but if it makes you uncomfy then use the name you prefer, valerie in the post below has a link i gave her “which last name to use”.
here is an example:
Please join us for a celebration of love as
bride first and middle name
daughter of mr. and mrs. name
and
grooms first and middle name
son of mr. and mrs. name
join their hands in marriage
Date
Time
Place
city, state
reception ( put type like dessert reception for example) to follow ceremony
but put the address on the envelopes from your legal name so everyone will know who it is from. some may not know you as maiden name. but this is the way to keep it of the invite and it does confirm who yur parents are( your maiden name) at same time. but keep it to both of your first and middle names so it looks intended.
what is the polite way to say on the invitation that there are no children allowed.
merryanne, do not include the childrens names on the invite(though sometimes this doesnt work, most of the time it needs to be bolder) i think its best to include an extra card to state that it will be an adult only wedding and reception and along with word of mouth.
*Appropriate wording for “no children please” on invitation?
*The “Adults Only” Wedding Reception
*How to Write a Wedding Invitation Excluding Children
*Should Child Care Be Arranged for Guests at an Adults-Only Wedding?
*Wording the Wedding Invitations-Sticky Situations
Here’s my situation. This is my second marriage and I never changed my last name from my first marriage. I don’t feel right putting my ex’s last name on my invitations, but that’s my last name still. Also, how do I word an invitation for a reception with appetizers, cash bar, and dancing?
valerie,
if this makes you uncomfy then go ahead and use this, does everyone know you by either name? or just your married name. i would use what guests know.
*Q & A - Which Last Name Should I Use?
i ran into the cash bar question earlier. i wouldn’t put cash bar on my invites so have a simple white card if your not using reception cards that read….
As we continue in celebration
please join us for appetizers, dancing and cash bar
immediately following the ceremony
place
address.
or
Please or Come join us for
appetizers, dancing, and cash bar
at time
venue
address
you will definitely want to list cash bar before hand, so they will know to bring $$$, have these printed with your invites(like a reception card) or go to a simple office supply and find plain white business cards, take them to a print shop and voila.
Thank you for the suggestions Stacey. I forgot to mention that we’re not having everyone at the ceremony, so the invitations will be for the reception only. I won’t have a separate card for the reception inside the invitation. That’s where I’m not sure how to word the invitation itself.
valerie, ahhh! got it!! just have you and your husbands names
mr. and mrs. (him and you)
request the pleasure of your company
for appetizers and dancing
at time
venue
address
cash bar available ( i just love this approach!!)
( center this a few spaces below in a tasteful spot below the information, where it wont be missed, if its at bottom of invite it may be overlooked)
okay i really like this option where it says cash bar available, it sounds so much better…..
*Cash Bar at a Wedding
*Q&A: Invitation Wording: Reception-Only Invites?
*Reception Only
Thank you! That’s what I was looking for, I just couldn’t get the words out!
valerie, you are so welcome and have a wonderful wedding and marriage!!
I didn’t see this anywhere, so sorry if it was already answered! My father is deceased, and my mom is remarried. I really want to include my dads name on the invitation, which would obviously state “the late…” but where does it go?? And how do I word it? And then could it be the same on the programs?
soontobemrs,
Wedding where mother is remarried, father deceased:
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honor of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Lisa Rodriguez, daughter of Joe Rodriguez to Mr. Richard Jones on Saturday the tenth of June, two thousand and nine at one o’clock in the afternoon, St. Jude’s Church, Springfield, Arizona (for father where mother is deceased, replace the names accordingly and change “her daughter” to “his daughter”).
here ya are, they say dont do this on invites but my father is deceased, if it were me i would do the same, i think its a beautiful sentiment. just mention his name and not put “the late”. i wish you the best!!
I would add “the late” because if you don’t you risk people thinking that the father is divorced from the mother and still alive. “The late” makes everything clear and is perfectly appropriate.
We are having cocktails (with hors d’oeuvres and cash bar) and reception. How do I word this to let guests know that alcoholic beverages are NOT free.
ciru, hi! i looked back over invitation wording. Do not word it in your invitations. Put it on your reception card. Something like this: “Dinner Reception and Cash Bar” or “No-Host Bar. But make sure everyone knows what a no host bar is. another idea was buy simple plain business sized card and include reception and cash bar to follow and slip it in your invitation envelopes (in case your not using reception cards. I have read many posts asking what it was. Also spread by word of mouth. I would definitely pay for the toasting beverage. champagne a signature cocktail(the welcome drink)? have it at a time slot, during dinner and BEFORE the cash bar is open to guests, otherwise it will be harder to keep up with.
My fiance and I are getting married in the fall. My parents are divorced and my mom is paying for 80% of the wedding..how should I word the invitation to not leave my father completely out but emphasize it is relaly my mom doing most all of it!!?!??
tiffany, i like this the absolute best. it mentions your father and really doesnt state who is paying for what. it doesnt matter all that matters is your special day with your loved ones. this according to what i read on etiquette is the best way to handle a sticky situation. it may hurt your fathers feelings and embarrass him on the wedding finances. so i would do the following.
The wording of the invitation has nothing to do with who is paying, both sets of parents’ are included so the guests know whose families the bride and groom belong to -
Lisa Marie,
daughter of Frank Smith and Linda Jones
and
Henry Mark,
son of Luke and Mary Williams,
request the honour of your presence….
i hope this will help!! i think the invitation should be about who is coming together to share in happy occassion, instead of showing who hosted/paid for the wedding!! smile!! i wish you the best of luck!
Hello Tiffany,
Thank you for your inquiry with http://www.invitationconsultants.com.
I would suggest one of the following options. The easiest way would be for the invitation to be from your mother as traditionally the person doing the inviting is the one hosting the event.
Mrs. Samantha Randy Pierce
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Rebecca Cynthia Pierce
to
John Michael Kollins
on Saturday, February nineteenth
at five o’clock in the evening
Cypress Country Club
1078 Cypress Road
Cypress Point, Florida
Then, you can honor your father some other way, such as in your programs.
Otherwise, it is impossible to indicate that one parent paid for more than the other, but you can at least list your mother’s name first in the wording:
Mrs. Samantha Randy Pierce
Along with Mr. Gray Pierce
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Rebecca Cynthia Pierce
to
John Michael Kollins
on Saturday, February nineteenth
at five o’clock in the evening
Cypress Country Club
1078 Cypress Road
Cypress Point, Florida
If you have any other questions, please let us know.
Thanks,
Dawn
InvitationConsultants.com
Hi,
My fiancee and I are getting married in Las Vegas and we are having get together in November for family and friends. However it will be a month after we are married and we were considering a “potluck” and supplying the cake and drink and hamburger and hotdogs. Nothing formal just a get together can you please tell me how to word this invitation? I am sending out my wedding announcements this week and I am debating if I should send that with the announcements or not. Please Help!!!
Hi Amanda! found this on a website and thought fit your situation to a t!!! smile!!
i think this should do it. yes send it like this that way it is combined. hope this helps!!
how can i word out an email wedding ceremony only invitation to my coworkers? Please help!
Hi Dee, you can write:
The honour of your presence is requested at the wedding ceremony
of
You
and
Groom
Date …
Place ….
However, this sounds like a recipe for some seriously hard feelings when you get back to work. People are going to think, “I rate an invite but not a plate at dinner?” In addition, you’re putting coworkers in the uncomfortable position of feeling obliged to bring a gift even though they aren’t invited to the reception.
A less hazardous route might be to be to celebrate with coworkers at a work-based bridal shower. Much of the time, everyone understands with these celebrations are usually work-only and you aren’t able to invite everyone from HR to your wedding. Still it’s best to make that clear ahead of time, and discourage the buying of expensive gifts.
Please help with the wording on a invitation for a wedding reception that is taking place after a destination wedding in Hawaii.
I appreciate your help.
Angela
Angela, not sure how formal your reception will be, if it is the full sit-down deal or more appetizers and drinks, or if you are naming your parents as hosts or simply yourselves. You could write:
Mr. and Mrs. Angela’s Parents
Are happy to announce
the recent marriage of our daughter
Angela Lastname
to
New Mr. Angela
Which took place December 8, 2008 in Honolulu, Hawaii
Please join us in celebration
at a [reception/cocktail & hors d’oeuvres reception/open house]
Saturday, December 15, 2008
[Place]
Jennifer,
I need some help with my invitations. Both sets of parents are helping pay for the wedding. My parents ( I am the bride ) are the not the problem for wording, it is my fiance’s…his father lives in Florida and he is inviting him to the wedding but his mother’s boyfriend is representing him as his father for the wedding - his father has never been there for him and he would rather have Al (his mother’s boyfriend) on the invitation instead of his father since his mom and her boyfriend Al are helping to pay for the wedding. So…how do we word this? My two parents and his mom and boyfriend…I tried my parent’s : Mr and Mrs such and such (haha) and “ms first name last name (his mom) and mr first name last name (his mom’s boyfriend) but it just seems weird and like there are too many “ands” i the wording….HELP?! Thank you!
Dianne
Dianne,
It is a tricky question of etiquette, especially when you start to get a couple of sets of parents involved on the invitation. It is a common question of how to include all the appropriate parents on your invitation. In your specific case, I would recommend doing what you suggested like this…
Mr. and Mrs. Dianne’s parents
along with
Ms. Fiance’s mom and Mr. Fiance’s mom’s boyfriend
You have the right idea, I would just use ‘along with’ as opposed to another ‘and’ like you said.
If all else fails, you may want to consider a “Together with their parents.” This is what I did because my husband’s parents are divorced and both remarried. However, we did not want to include all the sets of stepparents also (too wordy) so we opted for “Together with their parents” instead.
My step daughter is getting married and her aunt has decided to throw a spir-of-the-moment bridal shower for “family” on Father’s day (also the bride’s little brothers birthday). The Aunt did not ask the bride’s father (the aunt’s brother) if he would be able to attend, since it IS on Father’s Day. He has other plans, plus it is also his son’s birthday. The bride’s father asked the aunt to pick a better date (the brides sister/maid of honor) was not contacted and cannot attend, nor was the bride’s mother or future mother-in-law invited. The aunt refuses to reschedule and doesn’t seem to mind that she is putting the bride in the middle, having to decide to attend a shower in her honor at the expense of cancelling her Father’s Day plans with her Father. Any suggestions?
Allison,
I would pose the question “what does the bride want?” Does she want to go to the shower or to be with her father on Father’s Day? Either way, I think that she should talk to the aunt and explain what she wants. Maybe coming from the bride it will change the aunt’s mind about standing her ground on the date. Good luck!
How do you word an invitation when the bride’s father and step-mother are paying for the wedding but the bride’s mother can cause problems if she’s not on the invitaion? Also, the groom’s parents are divorced and both want to be on the invitation. HELP!!
Just wanted to know if it would be proper to state on the invitation
Dress Attire: Semi-Formal
OR… do you have any other ideas that would get this point across. This wedding is on NEW YEARS EVE and we would like it to be better than Sunday best. Is that too much to ask?
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Wow Elaine,
I don’t know anyone who would go out to a party, wedding or otherwise, on New Year’s Eve and not dress to the 9’s. My wedding is also semi-formal. I placed that information on an insert with other event informaton and on our wedding website. You can also have friends and family members spread the word.
My fiance and I are having a destination wedding. It will only be our parties and ourselves. No family.
But we will be have a HUGE reception, how would I word the invitations?
I don’t want them to be too formal, thats just out of character for us. Can anyone help?
Hi Meaghan,
I would choose an invitation that reflects the casual nature of your event. There are plenty of themed invitations would reflect a fun and casual event.
If you would prefer to not use a themed invitation, I would recommend stating “Casual Dress” on the bottom left or right corner.