How to Word Those Wedding Invitations — Even When Life Throws Curveballs
Old-fashioned etiquette and oh-so-modern dilemmas: these two combined can perplex even the savviest bride when it comes time to word your wedding invitations.
Couples often struggle with the demands of formal language when one or both sets of parents are divorced. Not to worry, though — we'll cover some common situations, including this one. It's easier than it seems at first blush to get the wording right.
Divorced or Deceased Parents
Here's how you word it when the bride's divorced parents are co-hosting the wedding:
and Mr. Adrian Penn
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
Here's another example, for parents of the bride who divorced but haven't remarried:
and Ms. Holly Voss
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
When the groom's parents are divorced, just use the same approach. For example:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Selinde Anne Bender
to
Eric Allen Frazier
son of Mr. Travis Frazier
and Mr. and Mrs. Glenn Rikowski
Another tough spot some couples encounter is the parent who's deceased. In many cases, you'll simply want to refer to the living parent as as the host. For example:
requests the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter ...
Sometimes, though, the bride or groom wants to include the deceased parent's name on the invitation, and that's perfectly all right. Simply insert "the late" before the name of the deceased parent. The only caveat: avoid making it sound like the deceased parent is hosting. Here's an example:
daughter of Mr. Joshua Abbott and the late Mrs. Abbott
and Christian Amin Salemi
son of Mr. and Mrs. Midi Salemi
request the honor of your presence ...
Every family is different, so feel free to adapt these approaches to your own particular situation. The most important thing about invitation wording, other than it passing the basic "appropriate" test, is that you feel comfortable with it — and no one's feelings get hurt.
Who's the Host?
There's plenty of ways to word your invitations depending on who's hosting — but what exactly does hosting mean?
The answer's changed over time. In days gone by, when the bride's parents typically paid for the wedding, the honored hosts were often those who footed the bill. These days, who you deem a host depends more on your personal preference than who's literally burning up their credit cards on your behalf.
Some common options:
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists the bride's parents as hosts, because it's traditional.
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists both sets of parents as hosts, because it's gracious.
Occasionally, the couple will list the groom's parents by themselves as hosts, sometimes because the bride's parents are no longer living. In that case, simply word your invitation like so:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Miss Amanda Jackson
to their son
Jason Michael Becker
And it's not at all uncommon for the couple to present themselves as hosts of their own wedding, like so:
is requested
at the marriage of
Ms. Mikal Farina
and
Mr. Jeffrey Evans
A Few More Sticky Widgets
"Kids not allowed." Many couples want to say it, but wonder if there's a gentler way to put it across. Ms. Post would never approve, but in real life, we see invitations with "Adults Only" or "Adults Only Reception" printed across the bottom. Although it's done, it's still not kosher. The only proper way to address this is to include just the parents and not the children's names on the invite. And as with other sensitive areas of wedding planning, it's also helpful to lean on a family friend on or relative to help spread the word.Plus, it surely goes without saying that slapping registry cards in with your invites is never a good idea (no matter what those cheery clerks might tell you). Once again, this is a word-of-mouth deal. It's also common to include registry info in bridal shower invitations, and these days, plenty of couples publish it in their wedding web sites. With so many big brands offering free sites for couples, this is a no-brainer.
Your own situation might look a little daunting when you first try to translate it into the formal language of wedding invitations. The best approach: start with what you're comfortable with, and use etiquette to guide, not dictate, your choices. Say what's best for you and your fiancé, and you can't go wrong.
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Hi,
I know a thousand people have asked about the no children thing but I just don’t feel like any of the wording fits. I have no problem with kids and it isn’t a money issue, it is the fact that we have a lot of friends with very young kids and my fiance and I want to actually hear each others vows. We are having a catholic wedding so a little longer than most… We have been to too many weddings where the parents don’t have the courtesy to take their kids out of the church or use the crying room! Can we say please no children under the age of 8? I understand it is all in the envelope addressing but I know 60% of the people with kids are clueless when it comes to wedding etiquette and invitation wording. Can we say no children at the ceremony since there will be about a 2 hour break between the ceremony and the reception anyway?
Thanks!
amanda,
*tips
you could put something like We love children but this will be an adult only wedding event.
*more tips
word of mouth is key also a wedding website.
Hi,
I’ve been going back and forth on so many aspects of my wedding invitations. One moment I think I have it, then I read a new guide/post/discussion on wedding etiquette and I am up in chaos again. This is what’s going on:
1) My parents divorced when I was 11
2) My Mom remarried when I was 12
3) My mom and step-father divorced when I was 20
4) My Dad remarried when I was 22
5) My step-father is still a huge part of my life and I still call him dad even legally now he is not
6) We will not be serving alcohol at the reception but might possibly have a champagne toast
7) We do not want kids under the age of 15 attending for location and budget reasons
All parties here are chipping in for the cost of the wedding along with me and my fiance. I don’t want to leave anyone exluded and have worded my invitation for the hosting as:
“Together with their families
Tricia Elaine Johnson
and
Brandon Charles Jones…”
As for the no children part, I included the last line with,
“Adults only reception to immediately follow in the back gardens”
On the reception card, I want to somehow name out all my parents and would like to use previous advice with,
Ms. Annette Rene Ashby
Mr. and Mrs. Richard William Johnson
Mr. Mark Thomas Ashby
Request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception
following the ceremony
in the back gardens of the mansion
Does this ramble too much? Is there a way to streamline it a bit?
Also, I want to include more information on the ‘no-kids’ part by somewhere including our wedding site address where we speak more on our reason not to include kids along with the cut off age. Where would be the best place to include this information? On the invitation or the reception card?
tricia,
there is nothing wrong with what you have. under the circumstances together with their families would be most appropriate and not to mention easier.on the reception card you could write 15 and older only in the bottom corner or in under the main info. along with my wedding website.
i commented on your post right after you posted it and my post isnt here!!
My fiance and I are struggling to word our wedding invitations. My parents are married and footing most of the bill. However, his mom has been married three times. The first, to my fiance’s biological dad (who will be at teh wedding, but was not a big part of his life). Second, to his stepdad (who he considers his father); we are using his stepdad’s large backyard to hold the wedding and reception. The worry is that with my parents paying, and his stepdad hosting the ceremony in his yard, that we will leave out his mother. And even if we include her somehow, then we leave out his biological dad.
Thanks!
Jessica,
to keep it easy you could put, bride and groom along with their parents etc……
*tips
or
mr. and mrs. brides parents
invite you to share in the joy as their daughter
brides name
joins hands with
grooms name
son of
Mr. and Mrs. (MOM”S new name),
grooms real father name, and stepfather.
*wording
*more wording
*invite wording
Beatrice, you really dont have to state anything on the invites or reception card but if you want to as a courtesy do as follows on link…..
*this should help
have a wonderful wedding!!
My son recently got married. I paid for the wedding and her father only paid for the hall. I asked my ex if he wanted to help pay for the wedding and he said no way. (he doesn’t like the new daughter in law)
so when we did the invitations I only put myself and her parents(only cause he paid for the hall) on the invitaitons. now my ex is ticked, but i did ask to help and i paid close to $5000.00 for a small wedding and i did all the flowers, food and all wedding stuff myself. . so was i in the wrong not to include him on the invite.??
Luann,
it can go two ways. first the ones hosting can be listed on the invite. a way to list him would have been
bride
daughter of
mr. and mrs. brides parents
and groom
son of
grooms father and grooms mother ( since you are not together)
request the presence of your honor as they
join hands in marriage
etc…
that way his name would be listed ( even just being honored as the father) which would be very thoughtful.
My parents are paying for the reception, and our invitations say “together with our parents..” I would like to honor my parents by mentioning them in the reception card. Any suggestions on how to language?
Thanks!
amy,
Mr. and Mrs. Alfred E. Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding luncheon
following the ceremony
The Sheridan Plaza Hotel
Boston, Massachusetts
it will be the same wording as invite hosting. good luck!!
I need help wording our wedding invitation. Here’s the specifics:
-My married parents are paying for the entire reception.
-His mother and stepfather are paying for either the DJ or photos (not finalized yet).
-His dad is paying for the rehearsal dinner.
Should take this to mean my parents are hosting the wedding and put their names at the top and somehow include his parents further down in the invitation? I’d appreciate any help you have.
Thank you!
julie,
look below to the previous posts. just state the groom is the son of. this will be sufficient for the invites. if they were hosting the wedding it could also be this…. ( which if they pay for anything they are considered hosts.
together with their parents
or
Mr. and Mrs. brides parents
and
Mr. and Mrs. grooms parents
invite you to to the marriage
as bride name
and
grooms name
as they join hands etc.
Hi Stacey,
My fiance and I are having a pretty traditional Catholic wedding. While his parents are chipping in here and there, my widowed mother is paying for 90% of the wedding. My fiance REALLY wants the traditional “Mrs. Susie Smith requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Nicky Jeanne to Mr. Thomas Johnson”.. but I’m concerned this is a little dated and from the dowry days (the woman’s parents are excited that THEIR daughter (only first and middle name) is being married TO a man (title, first, last name.)
My fiance does not like the “Together with their families”, so I’m wondering if there’s a way to stay traditional and not offend anybody, without insinuating the woman is being given away TO someone? I’m not some militant feminist or anything, but it just feels inappropriate to me. I thought about maybe “at the marriage of her daughter (FULL NAME) AND (GROOM NAME)?
nicky,
why not have something like this….
Ashley Beatrice Smith
daughter of Marcy Anne Smith and the late Steven Andrew Smith
and
Rodney Allen Jones
son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Thomas Jones
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
since his parents are chipping in i would mention them on the invite and this is the way to do it. i like the way this is worded, its proper and traditional without the “to” you dont care for. i hope you like it.
I have a question:
How should I write the Invitation with the Bride’s parents hosting and the Grooms parents providing the location.
Should I put there names up at the top with my parents or the bottom with the location’s address?
terri,
if they are paying/providing the location technically they are hosting also. so it would be up top
whoever contributes more should be listed first.
like:
brides parents
and
grooms parents
request the honor of your presence etc…..
OR
Mr and Mrs (brides parents)
request the pleasure of the company of
(guest)
at the marriage of their daughter
(brides name)
to
(grooms name)
son of Mr and Mrs (grooms parents)
at (ceremony)
(ceremony address)
on (date)
at (time)
and afterwards at
(reception)
(reception address)
at (time)
(i like the second one the best)
terri,
on the second one, i would leave out the guest name( example above is usually for ultra formal weddings) here is my modified version…..
Mr and Mrs (brides parents)
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
(brides name)
to
(grooms name)
son of Mr and Mrs (grooms parents)
at (ceremony)
(ceremony address)
on (date)
at (time)
(reception)
(reception address)
at (time)
( if in same location as ceremony, use:
Reception to Follow
Great Room)
So I am getting married on October 24th, I am having a very difficult time wording my invitations. Issues are as follows:
1-my fiancees parents are divorced
2-we want both sets of parents mentioned.
3-my parents are hosting
4-his father, although, he has since passed was a MAJOR influence in my fiancees life
5-I hate boring wedding invites
I chose wording that I liked and the day before I sent it to the printer, we got his brothers wedding invitation in the mail…guess what?!? They have almost word for word the wording I chose.
HELP!
ali,
Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Myers
request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
Anne Catherine
to
Theodore Joseph Johnson
son of (insert mothers full name here with no mrs.preceding her name ) and the late Kwame Johnson, in blessed memory,
to share in the beginning of a
new journey
as they become one.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
at 6 o’clock in the evening
Mistin Golf and Country Club
6496 Grand Oasis Road
Sarasota, Florida
I am getting married on august 21st, and its just going to be a small wedding, parents, grandparents, siblings. and the following day we are having a big reception and inviting everybody, i need to know how to word it, with both set of parents because they are both helping pay. and i also need to know how to word it and fit in that we have a daughter. i need to mention her, we are a family and she is in this as much as we are. any suggestions??
michelle,
Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Myers
and
Mr. and Mrs. Kwame Johnson
invite you to share in their joy
at a reception to honor the marriage of
Micheal and Janie Myers Johnson
,together with their daughter, ( insert her name), as they celebrate family and new beginnings
Saturday, the eleventh of October
two thousand and eight
six o’clock in the evening
San Bay Yacht Club
42 Burgundy Drive
Los Angeles, California
I am having a very informal outdoor ceremony and reception. However, we are trying to keep the actual ceremony very small with just immediate family(parents, grandparents, etc) and a few very close friends. But I also want to send out invitations seperately for the reception but not sure how to word them in a casual way but still not to insult anyone.
krissa,
*reception only wedding invitations
*reception only wording
Invitation frustration!!! we are having a cash bar and we are not registering any were we would like cash..so how do you politiely say we want money? lol
thanks karma
Karma,
the best way to state this is by word of mouth. be prepared for some guests to buy items anyway. another way to do this is google search cash wedding registry. its really a neat thing to do! another idea is a honeymoon registry.
Hey I have a question:
I am getting married in Florida, and I am sending out invitations but do not know how to word the invitation. I want to invite everyone but I want to word it in a way that shows we understand everyone will not be able to attend and that is fine with us and also how would I word that there will be a hometown celebration for everyone that couldn’t make it?
I also have no idea if I need to extend the invite to my aunts and uncles, I do know one or two of my aunts would make the trip but I dont want to just send them the invitations and worry about the other aunts and uncles finding out because I am not as close to them?
Any advice would help …Thanks
Karly, send invites to ALL of them. even if they cant make it, its rude not to send one, just cause they cant make it doesnt mean they shouldnt be remembered in the invites. i wouldnt say anything just send out the wedding invites. okay i just came across something that said dont indicate that you understand they cant make it, that its understandable not wanting them to feel pressured, but it will make them look like you dont want them to come. it will have the opposite reaction.
here is the link:
* RE: Invitation Wording destination wedding at home reception(gellchom’s post)
*Wedding invitation wording help? ( i love the wording here, that goes on the reception card)
*wedding invitation wording( this might help some)
for the hometown celebration:
*Post Wedding Reception - Wedding Invitation Wording / Verses
some great wording here! keep it simple like #3 or this..
Please join
COUPLE
for a post-wedding celebration
DATE
at TIME
ADDRESS
CITY, STATE
Given by:HOSTS
( i would make sure to put the dress code also, so they will know what type party it is.) hope this helps and have a wonderful day!!
I am divorced, this will be my second wedding, i have 2 girls from my first marriage. I never changed my last name back to my maiden name because of the girls. I am not sure how to word the invitations because i really don’t want to use my ex-husbands name.
would it be ok to just use my first and middle name if my parents full names are on the invites?
nicole,
sure that is fine, as long as their name isnt listed like theyare the hosts. i am assuming you are. if you put the parents request the honor of your presencce at the wedding of ( this means they are hosting). usually in this case you use your legal name, but if it makes you uncomfy then use the name you prefer, valerie in the post below has a link i gave her “which last name to use”.
here is an example:
Please join us for a celebration of love as
bride first and middle name
daughter of mr. and mrs. name
and
grooms first and middle name
son of mr. and mrs. name
join their hands in marriage
Date
Time
Place
city, state
reception ( put type like dessert reception for example) to follow ceremony
but put the address on the envelopes from your legal name so everyone will know who it is from. some may not know you as maiden name. but this is the way to keep it of the invite and it does confirm who yur parents are( your maiden name) at same time. but keep it to both of your first and middle names so it looks intended.
what is the polite way to say on the invitation that there are no children allowed.
merryanne, do not include the childrens names on the invite(though sometimes this doesnt work, most of the time it needs to be bolder) i think its best to include an extra card to state that it will be an adult only wedding and reception and along with word of mouth.
*Appropriate wording for “no children please” on invitation?
*The “Adults Only” Wedding Reception
*How to Write a Wedding Invitation Excluding Children
*Should Child Care Be Arranged for Guests at an Adults-Only Wedding?
*Wording the Wedding Invitations-Sticky Situations
Here’s my situation. This is my second marriage and I never changed my last name from my first marriage. I don’t feel right putting my ex’s last name on my invitations, but that’s my last name still. Also, how do I word an invitation for a reception with appetizers, cash bar, and dancing?
valerie,
if this makes you uncomfy then go ahead and use this, does everyone know you by either name? or just your married name. i would use what guests know.
*Q & A - Which Last Name Should I Use?
i ran into the cash bar question earlier. i wouldn’t put cash bar on my invites so have a simple white card if your not using reception cards that read….
As we continue in celebration
please join us for appetizers, dancing and cash bar
immediately following the ceremony
place
address.
or
Please or Come join us for
appetizers, dancing, and cash bar
at time
venue
address
you will definitely want to list cash bar before hand, so they will know to bring $$$, have these printed with your invites(like a reception card) or go to a simple office supply and find plain white business cards, take them to a print shop and voila.
Thank you for the suggestions Stacey. I forgot to mention that we’re not having everyone at the ceremony, so the invitations will be for the reception only. I won’t have a separate card for the reception inside the invitation. That’s where I’m not sure how to word the invitation itself.
valerie, ahhh! got it!! just have you and your husbands names
mr. and mrs. (him and you)
request the pleasure of your company
for appetizers and dancing
at time
venue
address
cash bar available ( i just love this approach!!)
( center this a few spaces below in a tasteful spot below the information, where it wont be missed, if its at bottom of invite it may be overlooked)
okay i really like this option where it says cash bar available, it sounds so much better…..
*Cash Bar at a Wedding
*Q&A: Invitation Wording: Reception-Only Invites?
*Reception Only
Thank you! That’s what I was looking for, I just couldn’t get the words out!
valerie, you are so welcome and have a wonderful wedding and marriage!!
I didn’t see this anywhere, so sorry if it was already answered! My father is deceased, and my mom is remarried. I really want to include my dads name on the invitation, which would obviously state “the late…” but where does it go?? And how do I word it? And then could it be the same on the programs?
soontobemrs,
Wedding where mother is remarried, father deceased:
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honor of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Lisa Rodriguez, daughter of Joe Rodriguez to Mr. Richard Jones on Saturday the tenth of June, two thousand and nine at one o’clock in the afternoon, St. Jude’s Church, Springfield, Arizona (for father where mother is deceased, replace the names accordingly and change “her daughter” to “his daughter”).
here ya are, they say dont do this on invites but my father is deceased, if it were me i would do the same, i think its a beautiful sentiment. just mention his name and not put “the late”. i wish you the best!!
I would add “the late” because if you don’t you risk people thinking that the father is divorced from the mother and still alive. “The late” makes everything clear and is perfectly appropriate.
We are having cocktails (with hors d’oeuvres and cash bar) and reception. How do I word this to let guests know that alcoholic beverages are NOT free.
ciru, hi! i looked back over invitation wording. Do not word it in your invitations. Put it on your reception card. Something like this: “Dinner Reception and Cash Bar” or “No-Host Bar. But make sure everyone knows what a no host bar is. another idea was buy simple plain business sized card and include reception and cash bar to follow and slip it in your invitation envelopes (in case your not using reception cards. I have read many posts asking what it was. Also spread by word of mouth. I would definitely pay for the toasting beverage. champagne a signature cocktail(the welcome drink)? have it at a time slot, during dinner and BEFORE the cash bar is open to guests, otherwise it will be harder to keep up with.
My fiance and I are getting married in the fall. My parents are divorced and my mom is paying for 80% of the wedding..how should I word the invitation to not leave my father completely out but emphasize it is relaly my mom doing most all of it!!?!??
tiffany, i like this the absolute best. it mentions your father and really doesnt state who is paying for what. it doesnt matter all that matters is your special day with your loved ones. this according to what i read on etiquette is the best way to handle a sticky situation. it may hurt your fathers feelings and embarrass him on the wedding finances. so i would do the following.
The wording of the invitation has nothing to do with who is paying, both sets of parents’ are included so the guests know whose families the bride and groom belong to -
Lisa Marie,
daughter of Frank Smith and Linda Jones
and
Henry Mark,
son of Luke and Mary Williams,
request the honour of your presence….
i hope this will help!! i think the invitation should be about who is coming together to share in happy occassion, instead of showing who hosted/paid for the wedding!! smile!! i wish you the best of luck!
Hello Tiffany,
Thank you for your inquiry with http://www.invitationconsultants.com.
I would suggest one of the following options. The easiest way would be for the invitation to be from your mother as traditionally the person doing the inviting is the one hosting the event.
Mrs. Samantha Randy Pierce
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Rebecca Cynthia Pierce
to
John Michael Kollins
on Saturday, February nineteenth
at five o’clock in the evening
Cypress Country Club
1078 Cypress Road
Cypress Point, Florida
Then, you can honor your father some other way, such as in your programs.
Otherwise, it is impossible to indicate that one parent paid for more than the other, but you can at least list your mother’s name first in the wording:
Mrs. Samantha Randy Pierce
Along with Mr. Gray Pierce
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Rebecca Cynthia Pierce
to
John Michael Kollins
on Saturday, February nineteenth
at five o’clock in the evening
Cypress Country Club
1078 Cypress Road
Cypress Point, Florida
If you have any other questions, please let us know.
Thanks,
Dawn
InvitationConsultants.com