How to Word Those Wedding Invitations — Even When Life Throws Curveballs
Old-fashioned etiquette and oh-so-modern dilemmas: these two combined can perplex even the savviest bride when it comes time to word your wedding invitations.
Couples often struggle with the demands of formal language when one or both sets of parents are divorced. Not to worry, though — we'll cover some common situations, including this one. It's easier than it seems at first blush to get the wording right.
Divorced or Deceased Parents
Here's how you word it when the bride's divorced parents are co-hosting the wedding:
and Mr. Adrian Penn
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
Here's another example, for parents of the bride who divorced but haven't remarried:
and Ms. Holly Voss
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
When the groom's parents are divorced, just use the same approach. For example:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Selinde Anne Bender
to
Eric Allen Frazier
son of Mr. Travis Frazier
and Mr. and Mrs. Glenn Rikowski
Another tough spot some couples encounter is the parent who's deceased. In many cases, you'll simply want to refer to the living parent as as the host. For example:
requests the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter ...
Sometimes, though, the bride or groom wants to include the deceased parent's name on the invitation, and that's perfectly all right. Simply insert "the late" before the name of the deceased parent. The only caveat: avoid making it sound like the deceased parent is hosting. Here's an example:
daughter of Mr. Joshua Abbott and the late Mrs. Abbott
and Christian Amin Salemi
son of Mr. and Mrs. Midi Salemi
request the honor of your presence ...
Every family is different, so feel free to adapt these approaches to your own particular situation. The most important thing about invitation wording, other than it passing the basic "appropriate" test, is that you feel comfortable with it — and no one's feelings get hurt.
Who's the Host?
There's plenty of ways to word your invitations depending on who's hosting — but what exactly does hosting mean?
The answer's changed over time. In days gone by, when the bride's parents typically paid for the wedding, the honored hosts were often those who footed the bill. These days, who you deem a host depends more on your personal preference than who's literally burning up their credit cards on your behalf.
Some common options:
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists the bride's parents as hosts, because it's traditional.
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists both sets of parents as hosts, because it's gracious.
Occasionally, the couple will list the groom's parents by themselves as hosts, sometimes because the bride's parents are no longer living. In that case, simply word your invitation like so:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Miss Amanda Jackson
to their son
Jason Michael Becker
And it's not at all uncommon for the couple to present themselves as hosts of their own wedding, like so:
is requested
at the marriage of
Ms. Mikal Farina
and
Mr. Jeffrey Evans
A Few More Sticky Widgets
"Kids not allowed." Many couples want to say it, but wonder if there's a gentler way to put it across. Ms. Post would never approve, but in real life, we see invitations with "Adults Only" or "Adults Only Reception" printed across the bottom. Although it's done, it's still not kosher. The only proper way to address this is to include just the parents and not the children's names on the invite. And as with other sensitive areas of wedding planning, it's also helpful to lean on a family friend on or relative to help spread the word.Plus, it surely goes without saying that slapping registry cards in with your invites is never a good idea (no matter what those cheery clerks might tell you). Once again, this is a word-of-mouth deal. It's also common to include registry info in bridal shower invitations, and these days, plenty of couples publish it in their wedding web sites. With so many big brands offering free sites for couples, this is a no-brainer.
Your own situation might look a little daunting when you first try to translate it into the formal language of wedding invitations. The best approach: start with what you're comfortable with, and use etiquette to guide, not dictate, your choices. Say what's best for you and your fiancé, and you can't go wrong.
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I am having a bridal shower for my niece, is it proper to have a personal shower. You know like night gowns, panties etc. If so what would I put on the invitation. Another thing, she is larger than xl, do I mention like Lane Bryant or specify sizes
My fiance and I are hosting our own wedding. However, we would like to mention our parents name our our invitation. We are in an awkward situation since one: my parents are divorced and remarried (so I have to list the 2 sets with my name somehow) and two: his parents do not support our wedding at all - although we still would like to mention of their name. So anyway, when I try to word it in such a way that we are hosting our own wedding, and trying to get my both sets of parents and his parents under his, it is starting to get very wordy and confusing on who is actually getting married! (Also, he is a lieutenant in the Marine Corps, so I need to get that in there too!) Any help is appreciated! Thanks!
Hi,
How would I address a wedding invitation to a female cousin who’s husband passed away. She has 2 children and is living with a partner who I would like to include. I guess “The _____ Family” would not work here?!?!?
thx.
Everyone is pitching in on our wedding: we are, my mom, step-dad and his parents. However, I would still like to put my biological dad on the invitations. My parents feel that since my dad refuses to pitch in, he shouldn’t be included in the wedding. We already had it out about the walking down aisle and giving away (we compromised: My stepdad does the walking, my dad does the giving away). How do I broach the subject about invites? Also, how do I word it? Help.
I would like for my mom and stepmom to be mentioned in the invitation since they are paying for it. And I think his parents should be mentioned too… BUT my father and stepfather just passed away and both of his parents are divorced and remarried and we are close with our stepparents and dont want to leave them out. I just feel like that is a lot to say with my moms and my deceased fathers and his four parent plus our names. Should we just do our names together with our parents?
My fiance recenting lost his mom but his parents were divorced and his dad is remarried. What is the proper wording for the invitiation in this situation? I would like mention his mom on the invitation but his dad hasn’t given us any money for the wedding and she did before her passing. Help!
My cousin is getting married and one invitation was sent to my parents adressed to “The Jones Family”. I have not lived at home for years. Obviously I am unsure as to whether I’m permitted to invite a guest, maily my live in boyfriend, and I feel it is in poor taste to ask. I feel I should have received my own invite, and believe my cousin practiced bad etiquette for sending only one invitation. What is the right thing to do in this situation?
My mother feels obligated to “invite” ALL family to my wedding. However, to make it cheaper we were going to just send an announcement type of invitation to the family members that we know won’t attend but that my mom feels obligated to send something to. Any advice on how you would word a wedding announcement (not wedding invitation)???
Can someone please tell the correct number of invitations to send out if I am expecting 150 guest at the reception and 200 at the wedding ceremony?
When the parents of the bride are divorced the father has remarried but the mother has not which name appears first on the wedding invitation? The father is paying more than twice the amount as the mother for the wedding. Not really sure who is hosting the wedding.
We do not want children at our housewarming party but ADULT ONLY just does not cut it-any advice is welcome and we need it fast!
Thanks
Adults only is a tough situation because etiquette stands that this terminology should not be used on invitations. I would consider an alternative such as only addressing the invitations to adults, and not including children. For example, instead of The Smith Family, you would address the invitations to John and Jane Smith.
As far as who comes first on the invitation, in Patty’s situation, I would list the father first and the mother second. However, the rule of thumb is to do whatever you feel comfortable with.
The problem I have found with addressing the envelopes without children listed is that people just don’t get it. Today most people assume kids are invited and will even add them on to the RSVP if they aren’t listed. One way to make it even more clear is to make custom RSVP cards. Each cards lists the names of the people who ARE invited with a check box to make “ATTENDING” or “NOT ATTENDING” - this makes it quite clear exactly who is invited.
I am not sure how to word the wedding attire that I would like on my invitations. The wedding is a summer wedding and we don’t want people showing up in shorts or jeans and baseball caps. So how could I would this on my invitations?
A good term for this is “Dressy Casual.” It sounds like a contradiction, but describes what you want for your guest’s attire. You may want to put this in the bottom left or right corner of the invitation, or on the reception card.