How to Word Those Wedding Invitations — Even When Life Throws Curveballs
Old-fashioned etiquette and oh-so-modern dilemmas: these two combined can perplex even the savviest bride when it comes time to word your wedding invitations.
Couples often struggle with the demands of formal language when one or both sets of parents are divorced. Not to worry, though — we'll cover some common situations, including this one. It's easier than it seems at first blush to get the wording right.
Divorced or Deceased Parents
Here's how you word it when the bride's divorced parents are co-hosting the wedding:
and Mr. Adrian Penn
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
Here's another example, for parents of the bride who divorced but haven't remarried:
and Ms. Holly Voss
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter ...
When the groom's parents are divorced, just use the same approach. For example:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Selinde Anne Bender
to
Eric Allen Frazier
son of Mr. Travis Frazier
and Mr. and Mrs. Glenn Rikowski
Another tough spot some couples encounter is the parent who's deceased. In many cases, you'll simply want to refer to the living parent as as the host. For example:
requests the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter ...
Sometimes, though, the bride or groom wants to include the deceased parent's name on the invitation, and that's perfectly all right. Simply insert "the late" before the name of the deceased parent. The only caveat: avoid making it sound like the deceased parent is hosting. Here's an example:
daughter of Mr. Joshua Abbott and the late Mrs. Abbott
and Christian Amin Salemi
son of Mr. and Mrs. Midi Salemi
request the honor of your presence ...
Every family is different, so feel free to adapt these approaches to your own particular situation. The most important thing about invitation wording, other than it passing the basic "appropriate" test, is that you feel comfortable with it — and no one's feelings get hurt.
Who's the Host?
There's plenty of ways to word your invitations depending on who's hosting — but what exactly does hosting mean?
The answer's changed over time. In days gone by, when the bride's parents typically paid for the wedding, the honored hosts were often those who footed the bill. These days, who you deem a host depends more on your personal preference than who's literally burning up their credit cards on your behalf.
Some common options:
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists the bride's parents as hosts, because it's traditional.
- the couple pays for the wedding themselves, but lists both sets of parents as hosts, because it's gracious.
Occasionally, the couple will list the groom's parents by themselves as hosts, sometimes because the bride's parents are no longer living. In that case, simply word your invitation like so:
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Miss Amanda Jackson
to their son
Jason Michael Becker
And it's not at all uncommon for the couple to present themselves as hosts of their own wedding, like so:
is requested
at the marriage of
Ms. Mikal Farina
and
Mr. Jeffrey Evans
A Few More Sticky Widgets
"Kids not allowed." Many couples want to say it, but wonder if there's a gentler way to put it across. Ms. Post would never approve, but in real life, we see invitations with "Adults Only" or "Adults Only Reception" printed across the bottom. Although it's done, it's still not kosher. The only proper way to address this is to include just the parents and not the children's names on the invite. And as with other sensitive areas of wedding planning, it's also helpful to lean on a family friend on or relative to help spread the word.Plus, it surely goes without saying that slapping registry cards in with your invites is never a good idea (no matter what those cheery clerks might tell you). Once again, this is a word-of-mouth deal. It's also common to include registry info in bridal shower invitations, and these days, plenty of couples publish it in their wedding web sites. With so many big brands offering free sites for couples, this is a no-brainer.
Your own situation might look a little daunting when you first try to translate it into the formal language of wedding invitations. The best approach: start with what you're comfortable with, and use etiquette to guide, not dictate, your choices. Say what's best for you and your fiancé, and you can't go wrong.
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Hi,
My fiancee and I are getting married in Las Vegas and we are having get together in November for family and friends. However it will be a month after we are married and we were considering a “potluck” and supplying the cake and drink and hamburger and hotdogs. Nothing formal just a get together can you please tell me how to word this invitation? I am sending out my wedding announcements this week and I am debating if I should send that with the announcements or not. Please Help!!!
Hi Amanda! found this on a website and thought fit your situation to a t!!! smile!!
i think this should do it. yes send it like this that way it is combined. hope this helps!!
how can i word out an email wedding ceremony only invitation to my coworkers? Please help!
Hi Dee, you can write:
The honour of your presence is requested at the wedding ceremony
of
You
and
Groom
Date …
Place ….
However, this sounds like a recipe for some seriously hard feelings when you get back to work. People are going to think, “I rate an invite but not a plate at dinner?” In addition, you’re putting coworkers in the uncomfortable position of feeling obliged to bring a gift even though they aren’t invited to the reception.
A less hazardous route might be to be to celebrate with coworkers at a work-based bridal shower. Much of the time, everyone understands with these celebrations are usually work-only and you aren’t able to invite everyone from HR to your wedding. Still it’s best to make that clear ahead of time, and discourage the buying of expensive gifts.
Please help with the wording on a invitation for a wedding reception that is taking place after a destination wedding in Hawaii.
I appreciate your help.
Angela
Angela, not sure how formal your reception will be, if it is the full sit-down deal or more appetizers and drinks, or if you are naming your parents as hosts or simply yourselves. You could write:
Mr. and Mrs. Angela’s Parents
Are happy to announce
the recent marriage of our daughter
Angela Lastname
to
New Mr. Angela
Which took place December 8, 2008 in Honolulu, Hawaii
Please join us in celebration
at a [reception/cocktail & hors d’oeuvres reception/open house]
Saturday, December 15, 2008
[Place]
Jennifer,
I need some help with my invitations. Both sets of parents are helping pay for the wedding. My parents ( I am the bride ) are the not the problem for wording, it is my fiance’s…his father lives in Florida and he is inviting him to the wedding but his mother’s boyfriend is representing him as his father for the wedding - his father has never been there for him and he would rather have Al (his mother’s boyfriend) on the invitation instead of his father since his mom and her boyfriend Al are helping to pay for the wedding. So…how do we word this? My two parents and his mom and boyfriend…I tried my parent’s : Mr and Mrs such and such (haha) and “ms first name last name (his mom) and mr first name last name (his mom’s boyfriend) but it just seems weird and like there are too many “ands” i the wording….HELP?! Thank you!
Dianne
Dianne,
It is a tricky question of etiquette, especially when you start to get a couple of sets of parents involved on the invitation. It is a common question of how to include all the appropriate parents on your invitation. In your specific case, I would recommend doing what you suggested like this…
Mr. and Mrs. Dianne’s parents
along with
Ms. Fiance’s mom and Mr. Fiance’s mom’s boyfriend
You have the right idea, I would just use ‘along with’ as opposed to another ‘and’ like you said.
If all else fails, you may want to consider a “Together with their parents.” This is what I did because my husband’s parents are divorced and both remarried. However, we did not want to include all the sets of stepparents also (too wordy) so we opted for “Together with their parents” instead.
My step daughter is getting married and her aunt has decided to throw a spir-of-the-moment bridal shower for “family” on Father’s day (also the bride’s little brothers birthday). The Aunt did not ask the bride’s father (the aunt’s brother) if he would be able to attend, since it IS on Father’s Day. He has other plans, plus it is also his son’s birthday. The bride’s father asked the aunt to pick a better date (the brides sister/maid of honor) was not contacted and cannot attend, nor was the bride’s mother or future mother-in-law invited. The aunt refuses to reschedule and doesn’t seem to mind that she is putting the bride in the middle, having to decide to attend a shower in her honor at the expense of cancelling her Father’s Day plans with her Father. Any suggestions?
Allison,
I would pose the question “what does the bride want?” Does she want to go to the shower or to be with her father on Father’s Day? Either way, I think that she should talk to the aunt and explain what she wants. Maybe coming from the bride it will change the aunt’s mind about standing her ground on the date. Good luck!
How do you word an invitation when the bride’s father and step-mother are paying for the wedding but the bride’s mother can cause problems if she’s not on the invitaion? Also, the groom’s parents are divorced and both want to be on the invitation. HELP!!
Just wanted to know if it would be proper to state on the invitation
Dress Attire: Semi-Formal
OR… do you have any other ideas that would get this point across. This wedding is on NEW YEARS EVE and we would like it to be better than Sunday best. Is that too much to ask?
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Wow Elaine,
I don’t know anyone who would go out to a party, wedding or otherwise, on New Year’s Eve and not dress to the 9’s. My wedding is also semi-formal. I placed that information on an insert with other event informaton and on our wedding website. You can also have friends and family members spread the word.
My fiance and I are having a destination wedding. It will only be our parties and ourselves. No family.
But we will be have a HUGE reception, how would I word the invitations?
I don’t want them to be too formal, thats just out of character for us. Can anyone help?
Hi Meaghan,
I would choose an invitation that reflects the casual nature of your event. There are plenty of themed invitations would reflect a fun and casual event.
If you would prefer to not use a themed invitation, I would recommend stating “Casual Dress” on the bottom left or right corner.
Hello,
Sorry this is so off subject, but there wasn’t a good place to ask.
I am wondering about paying and tipping my vendors and help. First I a have to provide my own bar tenders. I will need two of them for about six hours. How much should I pay them. Also, how much extra should I tip DJ, caterers(buffet style dinner), cake baker, etc… I really would like to know so I can figure out all our funds, and more importantly so I don’t undertip anyone. Thanks!
how would you word an invitation stating your wedding is family only but inviting them to the reception to celebrate..
Joyce,
I would try to word it something like this. Jane Doe and John Smith are to join together in marriage in the company of there parents Mr and Mrs so and so and Mr and Mrs so and so. We ask you to join in the celebration of their union by attending a reception at 3:00 at the such and such hall.
You mention when the groom’s parents host many times an invitation is worded so that the groom’s parents names are there, requesting the honor of your presence at the marriage of the bride, to their son…and you say sometimes that’s done when the bride’s parents are deceased. That, I can understand. But I’m NOT deceased, and my daughter and her fiance (because his parents are paying) completely left my name off of the invitation. I was very hurt and upset, and told them anybody who knows her is going to ask why my name isn’t there…and I’ve already received an e-mail asking that very question…and several other people have said they thought it was hurtful for her to do that.
I just don’t get it. I’m her mother, regardless of anything else, and it hurts.
Candy,
If you asked your daughter about it, did it seem that she intentionally left your name off the invite? Or did she not know better? That was a faux pas on her part. Even if you’re not paying, the invitation could have been worded, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their son John to Jane Doe daughter of Ms. Candy Doe.” No matter who’s paying, I think it’s always good to have parents named on wedding invites deceased or not. Afterall, we all have or have had parents at some point and most often have them to thank for who we are today. My fiance’s parents are both deceased and we named them on the invites. I just worded it so everyone would know that we were the hosts and mentioned that I was the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. etc. and he was the son of the late Mr. and Mrs. such and such. Why? To honor our parents. Your daughter probably just didn’t know the appropriate way to word the invitation. I hope you recover from your hurt feelings and forgive her and you two mend things between you. The invites have already been sent and you can’t change it. The important thing now is to move on and have a terrific wedding. Good luck!
What should an invitation say for a reception only no wedding, and no kids. It’s for a friend I really need help ASAP the reception is May 3, 2008
I need some help. My parents are divorced & my dad has remarried, but my mom hasn’t. Do I add my dads wife name on the invitation to or do I just put my mom and dads name on it.
OK so how would you word an invitation stating your wedding is family and close friends only but inviting them to the reception to celebrate..
Help! How do you tell wedding guest that you are going to a restraunt for dinner following the ceremony, but can not pay for everyone’s meal?
Did you ever receive an answer for your question? I am in the same situation and I need help. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
This is a tough one. A restaurant reception is something you typically cover, instead of asking guests to pay their own tab.
How about this … if money is REALLY tight, instead of having your guests go dutch, just treat them to a simple cake and punch reception after the ceremony.
Then, if you want a tight-knit, very intimate group to join you for an afterparty at a restaurant, you can spread the news via word of mouth that people are paying up for their dinner. However, this might cut your group down enough that you can foot the bill, which would be infinitely better.
I completely agree with Dawn P. To be honest, there is no “etiquette acceptable” way of specifying on an invitation that you would like the guests to pay for their own meal at the restaurant. I suggest taking a different approach entirely.
Have you considered having a potluck style dinner at a friend or family member’s house and asking guests on the invitation to please bring a dish to pass? Or another option is that if you would very much like to go to a restaurant, spreading the word of each couple paying for their own meal via word-of-mouth. Lastly, consider having your friends over for just dessert to celebrate.
If all else fails and you would still like to go to the restaurant for dinner and having the guests pay for their meals, consider saying on the invitation “Meals at (the restaurant) range from $15-$30.” I would strongly recommend staying away from this option, though.
My parents are paying for the majority of the wedding but my fiance and I are also contributing. My parents are divorced and both have remarried. My fiance was raised by his grandmother. Would it be too much to include his grandmother on the wedding invitation along with my parents? If not, how can it be worded?
I need help. My parents are paying for 90 percent of our wedding and have asked that we keep the guest list to around 250ish, which seems very reasonable to us. Their list is about 100 and ours is 75. My fiance’s parents list is pushing 190 and they have already expressed that they can’t cut the list. My family is literally about 4 times the size as theirs and much closer. My parents have cut out most cousins, all co-workers, and many good friends, but his parents have people they don’t talk to or even like on the list. How do I tell them that cuts have to be made? Do I tell them they need to foot the extra 80 people on their lists bill? I am practically growing an ulcer over the stress of this situation. PLEASE HELP!
Heather, this is simple, really. Your parents are already committing a ton to this event, and your job is to plan it, not to wear yourself out over impossible demands.
Your side has a guest list number, their side has a guest list number. Clearly, this is already more than equitable. They HAVE to cut their list. You can explain that your venue and budget only accommodates the number of people your parents can comfortably pay for. There is a fire code for such places and you must abide by it!
If his side wishes to invite more people than you planned for, they will have to foot the difference in the bill for the larger venue, the per-person catering cost and any other incremental costs. Period. You will have to make that clear and stick to your guns, or better yet, explain the problem to your fiance and let him handle the job of talking this out with his family.
IMHO, what is happening here is disrespectful, although your fiances’ parents are probably just wanting to honor their son. Still, this is a real boundaries problem that needs to be resolved realistically — they need to respect your headcount, or pay for the difference.
Thank you Dawn. I’m glad to hear you say that I am not being unreasonable. Hopefully this can all be resolved so we can enjoy the rest of the planning process and of course our wedding.
My parents are paying for the actual place where we are getting married and having our reception. My fiance’s parents are also contributing 10,000 dollars to our wedding. My fiance and I are footing the rest of the bills, which will probably add up to about another 15,000 dollars! Techinically we are all paying for the wedding, but are my parents considered the HOSTS since they are paying for the place? My dad wants their name on the invitation and I’m not sure if we should include my fiance’s parents names too? But then that doesn’t leave any room for our own names! HELP
Daisy, clearly both sets of parents are involved and want to be included, and you seem happy with that. So why not just go with slightly updated but still formal wording that includes both sets of parents?
Mr. and Mrs. Daisy’s Parents
and
Mr. and Mrs. Fiance’s Parents
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Daisy Maidenname and Daisy’s Fiance
If for some reason your invite is too small to accommodate that, you can always present yourselves w/ a nod to the parents:
Together with their parents,
Ms. Daisy Maidenname
and
Mr. Daisy’s Fiance
request the honor of your presence …
in which case I might tip your parents off in advance so there aren’t any surprises, especially since your dad already cared enough to express his opinion.
I’m having an adult only reception, the websites say’s not to put that in my invitations rather by word of mouth. I know for sure that will not work with the family if it’s not listed they will bring there children!! I also no that just puttting the parents name on the invitation will not work either. My cousin just had an adult only reception and about 50 people showed up with children!! YIKES! What should I do?? HELP
Help! My parents are divorced and my father is paying for the wedding. Who’s name goes first on the invitation?