Modern Girl’s Guide to Wedding Traditions
Weddings can follow an inherited way of doing something .... or you can start a new family tradition by personalizing the ceremony with a unique theme or location, adding ceremonies within ceremonies or including ethnic customs.
Ceremonies are evolving to include blended families, and an interest in reconnecting to extended ones. With so many options and so little time to decipher them all, how does the modern bride decide which traditions to continue and which new ones to start?
They Went the Distance
Wedding experts Deborah Weckesser and Dawn McGrath, founders of Sapphire Solutions, the online Wedding Guides & Wedding Outlet, offer brides some trivia and tips on selecting which traditions might be right for them. Some wedding traditions still going strong include:
Toasts - The wedding toast is usually given by the best man immediately before the meal is served. The custom of drinking wine, a symbol of life and love, from a common cup represents the bride and groom's deep sharing.
Cutting the Cake - Developed as a wedding fertility tradition, the custom of a wedding cake or cutting the cake goes back to Roman times when a wheat cake was showered at the bride and groom. Today, the couple cuts the first piece together with their cake server.
Another cake tradition is to freeze the top of the wedding cake to eat on the couple's first anniversary. But because of the loss of taste involved, many couples opt to have the baker recreate the top of their wedding cake for their first anniversary — always a great idea if your wedding cake wasn't the age-old tradition of fruitcake.
Tossing the Garter - The wedding garter has been a tradition since the 14th century and is still popular today. The traditional garter toss is meant to bring good luck to the man who catches it. Legend goes, he'll be the next to marry.
Sixpence — Part of the Old English wedding rhyme of something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, a silver sixpence in her shoe. Long ago, it was customary for the bride to place a shiny, silver sixpence in her slipper on the wedding day to ensure a life of fortune. Even today, many brides place a sixpence in their shoe for good luck.
Invent Your Own Traditions
Traditional customs can be used at your wedding celebration alone, or along with inherited family or cultural practices. Or, personalize your ceremony or reception and start a wedding tradition of your own! Some ideas:You may want your guests to sign a guest book as they enter the reception. The book may be left on a table with a wedding pen for guests to sign. In this age of computers, the guest book stands out as a personal, hand-written document with well wishes from family members and friends to be passed on for years to come. You can also have guests "autograph" a signature frame or signature platter that can be displayed in the home after the wedding.
Have your names and wedding date engraved on your wedding cake server. When your children get married, pass it on to them. They can add their initials and wedding date and pass it down from generation to generation.
Celebrate your wedding during one of your favorite holidays, or use a season as a theme.
For those summer or beach destination weddings gaining in popularity, decorate with naturalistic items like seashells, sand dollars, and sand. Websites like The Wedding Outlet offer wedding accessories and products for many themed weddings.
What's Old is New Again
Couples are increasingly including a custom that celebrates their heritage or cultural background like jumping the broom, breaking the glass, or the dollar dance. Young guests will enjoy seeing these customs for the first time, and older guests will appreciate your efforts to keep those traditions alive.Some ceremonies within ceremonies to consider for the big day might include:
The lighting of the unity candle, which symbolizes the newly joined couple but also the two families. It may include two small candles lit by the bride and groom's parents that are then used by the bride and groom to light the larger unity candle.
The couple can have their parents, grandparents, friends, children, and any other special people join in the lighting of the unity candle. Save the unity candles from your wedding ceremony, and relight them during a special occasion — like an anniversary or the birth of a child.
Having a second wedding? Try a family medallion ceremony to underscore the importance of family and the significance of two families uniting. During the ceremony, the couple's children join them at the altar. The bride and groom place a sterling-silver medal around the neck of each child and pledge their love.
Today's brides have many opportunities to include traditions in their weddings, whether they're newly created or centuries old. Happily, today you can take advantage of a wealth of online resources to help you discover and pick the perfect customs.
It's this combination of technology and new ideas that allows you to truly personalize your wedding — as a modern bride!
Hi Emily, I think more and more people “of a certain age”, or even not, are turning to Europe for ideas here. Over most of the continent bridesmaids are not a big thing. Typically the bride is followed down the aisle by lots of child attendants instead … nieces, nephews. This is lots of fun for everyone and makes great photos.
Even if you don’t plan to dress any of your wedding party in wings … I think this photo is adorable inspiration.
with so many people waiting longer to get married, a lot of the traditions seem out dated to me…things for younger girls. Where I still agree with a registry, the items needed will be different for an older couple etc, but considering the ceremony etc, what is the thought of having bridesmaids when the bride is over 35?
Hi Michelle! This is really pretty easy, but it depends on what type of mood are you’re trying to set. Sultry, fringe-and-velvet moroccan? Simple … put incense in the corners.
Otherwise, wedding planners do this a lot by making a quick tour of the room — just before guests arrive — armed with a high-quality home fragrance. As you know, they make some amazing blends these days in a spray can … we’ve come a long way since the days of Apple Pie or Vanilla.
Sure, the scent won’t last forever, but because of the way the nose desensitizes, it doesn’t matter. What you want is that initial impression when people walk in the room. After the first five minutes, if they’re still thinking about the scent, something’s wrong (and they won’t be able to taste their meal right).
Anyhow, if you don’t mind a bit of a splurge, check out some fab sprays starting with Blanc D’Ivoire Senteurs, Dyptique home fragrance or Rigaud or Costes room sprays.
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Our boutique closed several years ago that carried the Blanc D’Ivoire Senteurs room spray plus several other scents from the same line. There’s nothing like the wonderful smell. I have tried for years to find out how to order it. Do you know how I can place an order?
Debbie! did you get any help on this Blanc D’Ivoire room spray locating? our boutique closed as well and i’m on the hunt for it!
Thanks!
jen
how can I add a scent to my event? Candles are not an option for fear kids would knock them over. Plug-ins unless consealed well are tacky. Any other options. I’ve thought about reed diffusers, but the room is rather large (100′x90′ w/ 30′ ceilings). Thank you, Michelle
In place of the unity candle we are doing a sand ceremony. This the service is on the water we may have a hard time lighting the candles and keeping them lit. Another reason for doing the sand is we are uniting two families together this way the kids can be apart of the ceremony.
I recommend a wine mixing ceremony to replace the unity candle. This was perfect for our outdoor wedding when we didn’t want the unity candle to blow out.
I need an idea to replace the unity candle portion of the ceremony. Any ideas??
I need some ideas for a fun replacement for the garter toss. any ideas?