Having a Second Wedding? Some Thoughts to Ponder
Second marriages usually involve dealing with issues that weren’t around for the first one. Though the logistics of planning a wedding might go a little smoother with practice, a couple planning a second marriage also has to deal with some tricky issues — including red tape, paying for the wedding, and children from previous marriages.
The most important thing to do is to get your marriage license, which takes a little extra documentation for “second-timers.” If one or both of the parties were married, you need to bring proof to the clerk’s office that you’re divorced. Most couples bring their printed and notarized divorce decree. If the spouse has passed away, you’ll need to bring the death certificate.
A second marriage also usually involves different methods of financing the wedding. If your parents paid for your first wedding, they might not feel compelled or even eager to contribute a second time. Sure, it’s possible they might contribute, but typically it’s the couple themselves that shoulders the cost of the wedding. If this is the case for you, it’s important to settle on a budget beforehand. Also, along with all these financial considerations, it’s important to emotionally prepare for the fact that second weddings don’t always generate the hype and excitement among friends and family that first weddings do. It’s just one of those facts that go along with being human, and nothing to take personally.
Wedding attire is another issue for couples planning their second wedding. Many brides entering a second marriage shy away from white, haunted by the feeling that white is reserved for first-time brides, and guests might disapprove. Nonsense. Wear whatever color you want. Since a second wedding is likely to be less formal, you can run with an even wider array of colors and styles than before — including the whitest of whites, if that’s what tickles your fancy. Don’t let the possibility of a few raised eyebrows dissuade you. It’s your wedding, not theirs.
Another consideration you probably didn’t deal with the first time around is children from a previous relationship. It’s important to talk about marriage plans early on in the engagement, so children can get used to the idea. It’s also important to inform your ex about your wedding plans at roughly the same time you tell the children. That way you’re not putting any children between you and your ex, or burdening the kids by asking them to keep a secret from another parent. After your children have time to get used to the idea, ask them how much they want to get involved. Children feel important when they’re consulted in just about any capacity, and they’re often eager to participate in the wedding itself. If your kids are involved in the wedding, they’re much less likely to feel resentful about it, or ignored.
Finally, while a second wedding is usually less formal, it doesn’t have to be. If your budget can accommodate your desires, the choice is entirely yours. There’s no reason in the world why you can’t hire a string quartet, arrange for white-gloved butler service, and wear a train that rivals Princess Di’s.
Even though the second wedding comes with a few extra hurdles to clear, many couples find themselves feeling more liberated — somehow set loose from all the traditional burdens and minutiae of the first wedding. To some, the second wedding might be a little less of an event. But to the couple themselves, it’s just as special as the first marriage — and often, even more.
I will be a mature, over 50 bride in the fall. This is my first marriage, his second, and although I don’t want all the traditional aspects, I do want a wedding to remember.
I would like my fiance and I to actually greet our guests as they arrive at the church prior to the ceremony and then walk down the aisle hand in hand. Any ideas for how this can be done so we create an easy transition from greeting people to beginning the ceremony?
lois, typically receiving lines are post ceremony right after or pre reception. i love the twist though, your making it more ceontemporary!! you could choose tostand at the venue doors and welcome everyone which is a warm hospitable thing to do or go with share in a pre wedding cocktail( have non alcohol on hand for those who dont indulge too!) check it out….
*pre wedding cocktail
google search pre wedding cocktail hour for more info if interested!!
this is my second marriage, his first. Is it proper for me to have a shower?
absolutely!! very proper!!
This is my second wedding and my fiance third ,I am having a blast planning this one. I was really young the first time around and there was not much planning involved in it as for him he just wants me to be happy and as long as it is outside he is ok with it. As for the gifts we really don’t need much, we are going to make it optional we can always use the money as we are paying for this ourselves. Trying do alot of it myself to keep the expenses down to a low.
I think …great for you! We are in the midst of planning a summer wedding, it is my first but my fiance has been married before. It is certainly unconventional wedding but I feel a little less pressure to have the “perfect” event for that very reason. We also have a house and we have shared it for years now, how do we politely refuse gifts? Do you think we can word it in our invitations? I just feel that we do not want to ask people to travel to our wedding and also give us a gift since we really have all the housewares that we need? I cannot really get a good answer from anyone on this topic, my mother says it is rude to refuse gifts! Really?
vic,
there is no way to refuse gifts, since it is their choice to bring one. however, register for things you dont have. like tools or other things you dont have. or google search honeymoon registry etc. ( google image honeymoon registry)
* Q&A: Wedding Gifts: Can We Ask Not to Get Any?
* We already have everything we need - should ( or a charity)
I am getting married for the second time, and I have to say that this wedding is so much more fun to plan. My first wedding was perfect (not so much the marriage, unfortunately) It was the big princess wedding that every girl wants. My parents spared no expense. They are not rich, but they made all my dreams happen on that night. Still, it was so stressful to coordinate. All the flowers, and attendants, and musicians… it was dizzying and nerve-wracking.
I think a bride’s wedding is kind of her writ-of-passage into womanhood, which is why the first wedding has such an air of perfectionism about it. This wedding, my second and his first, is all about fun, and the two of us celebrating our new beginning together. We are going completely unconventional, because it is what we want. Rather than floral centerpieces, and the pre-dinner fruit and cheese bar, we are having fondu in the middle of all the tables. We are having a garden wedding either at his family’s house or the local gardens here, which will save us tons of money on flowers and decorations (God’s done the work for us, there!) and my bouquet will be made of gerbera daisies. Our wedding favors are going to be a donation to St. Jude’s childrens hospitals and medical research, a foundation which is VERY important to me. We’d rather put the money towards something meaningful rather than bubbles or silly candies that will be thrown away and/or eaten without much thought. The most important thing is that we will be writing our own vows. That is what is important, because the vows are about the marriage- everything else is just about the one day.
In re: to the wedding gifts. I got married young and divorced young, however there is very little that my fiance or I need. We are going to give guests the option of bringing a gift, or donating the money they would have used on a gift to a charity of their choice. I don’t expect gifts because it is my second wedding, and my divorce wasn’t so long ago, but my fiance will most likely recieve some.We will put the suggestion out for charity donations, and people will do what they wish.
Im a soon-to-be bride (30) of a second marriage. Im not sure of the protocol for inviting guests and what I should plan for this time. My first wedding was planned in less than 2 months and ended after 6 years. My fiance is 9 years younger and never been married. I want this day to be as special for him as it is for me. I have already picked the dress, flowers and attendants but having trouble with just about everything else. We are writing our own vows and will only have family and close friends attend the ceremony, the reception is open. I would really love some advice on what to do. Thanks!
I am a mature bride-to-be for the THIRD time. Add the fact that my fiance is 20 years my junior -well, I am avoiding the big, fancy wedding ceremony this time and would like a small, private, intimate wedding on my birthday (Dec 24) or Christmas Day. I was even considering a small ceremony after church. (A surprise for the congregation). I am the musician (piano) and I am sure that rising from my seat would create all kinds of curoisty. I also don’t want to steal the day’s thunder from families. I am anxious to know what others think. I am also following the thought of having a private candlelight evening ceremony for less than 30 friends and family in our apartment complexes Club House. It is complete with fireplace and kitchen. An intimate snack or dinner? We have been together for 7 years and have seen many trials and challenges. This would be the beginning of our new life together (FOR REAL!) Since I sing and play keyboards, what do you think of me putting together CD’s of our favorite love songs as gifts to our guests?
Second Wedding Gifts Optional Rule - First of all I think one does not have to do with the other. But I will play along. First of all if someone marries young and divorces young the odds are their new spouse has never been married so by not giving a gift you are being unfair to the person who has never been married. Second, many people lost a lot of money in a divorce and could use the money even more considering they are also more likely to be paying themselves. Finally, if the first wedding ended in an anullment there was no first marriage. The bride or groom is not re-marrying since the first marriage was annuled. The second optional gift wedding rule is more intended for widows/widowers who are re-marrying and have a sizable next egg and plenty of grandchildren/children. I can’t ever imaging attending a 27 year old girls wedding who got taken by some sharp talking man at 23, received an annulement and is now re-marrying a nice man at 27 and paying for the wedding herself and not giving a gift.