My Favorite Wedding Movies

I’ve become addicted to wedding movies. The only problem I have these days with most wedding movies is that they don’t spend enough time showing the wedding.

In fact, in that way I relate to a character in one of my favorite wedding movies, Muriel, who passes the time in her no-future job as a video store clerk by hitting the rewind button again and again so she can watch Princess Di emerge from the carriage, drawing that giant train behind her.

If there were such a thing as “24-Hour Real Live Weddings TV!!” — and there probably will be — I’d watch it. Scary. Since there isn’t, I have to get my wedding jones through wedding movies. Which at times, means risking contact with extreme sappiness, something I usually take pains to avoid.

Still, even for the hard-core realist, there’s some perfectly lovely wedding movies out there. Here are some of my favorites. And not-so-favorites.

Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride. I’ve always loved the tale of gentry-marries-parvenue, but I never got to hear it in rhyme before. Tim’s blue bride is simply breathtaking. It takes about a nanosecond before you start rooting for her, even though she’s dead and a little conniving. I give it an A+.

Toni Collette, pictured at a press conference for “In Her Shoes,” plays an unlikely ugly duckling in “Muriel’s Wedding.”

Muriel’s Wedding. This Australian sleeper stars the irresistible Toni Collette, who we are supposed to believe is awkward and not very beautiful because her front teeth protrude slightly. The only one who treats Muriel worse than her awful friends is her father, but because Muriel isn’t very opposed to theft, she eventually extracts some kind of justice. She also makes her way to the city, and embarks on a new life with her best friend, played by the wonderful Rachel Griffiths. Of course, since Muriel’s main goal in life is to “get married,” her troubles — and humiliation — don’t end there. A+.

The Wedding Crashers This movie spends a lot of time in the cavernous mansion of its insane “first family” and less time at actual weddings, but it offers some funny observations about the types of readings people usually choose and the behavior we usually resort to in these situations. Because Vince Vaughn is delicious, and Owen Wilson comes across as adorably human as well as verbally skilled, and because the characters that drive the plot are quirkier than they strictly had to be, this movie gets an A-.

Bend It like Beckham One of the few movies I can watch over and over. Charming and confectionery all the way, without being trivial. Sure, the main thread is about breaking through cultural stereotypes to achieve your potential, but it’s all wrapped up in a lovely wedding package. A-.

Monsoon Wedding Actually, I remember enjoying this movie quite a bit. I remember the otherworldly beauty of the female leads. And being successfully made to feel uncomfortable when a dallying couple is caught making out in a car, and harassed by officials. I also remember the touching courtship of the impossibly skinny wedding planner. And if I remembered more, I’d probably give this movie an A. Time to re-watch. B

My Best Friend’s Wedding. The best thing about this movie is Rupert Everett. When he’s not busy stealing the scene, he sends the movie totally off its tracks. When you hit the singalong scene, you completely forget the context. Your mouth starts hanging open. Then the scene ends, and you remember the movie’s supposed to be about some love triangle. As Ebert pointed out, the whole affair walks a fine line that keeps it from becoming too predictable. At first, we’re rooting for Julia Roberts; then somewhere along the way, our loyalties shift. All told, a solid B wedding movie.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding I didn’t like this movie half so well as I thought it would. I’ve been hopelessly in love with John Corbett ever since the first episode of Northern Exposure smacked me in the head. But if you put John and Nia Vardalos together over a shadow box and had them dangle puppets from a string, the puppets would have more chemistry together then they do. And since there isn’t otherwise a great deal of plot to the movie, I found it a bit of a dead fish. C.

American Wedding I can’t really review this movie, because I couldn’t bring myself to finish it. Don’t get me wrong; I’m completely tasteless. I loved American Pie. I just think the writers should have been left to pursue their best, most tasteless, truest selves, and that just wasn’t possible with a wedding story, “waiter in backless leather chaps” aside. C.

The Wedding Singer Any movie with Drew Barrymore gets an automatic C at best, unless she’s in a spandex bodysuit and doing roundhouse kicks.

The Wedding Planner As Ebert once said, “this is a terrible movie.” Those were very strong words for Ebert. And if I was being absolutely truthful, I’d point out that they belong to a Hillary Duff vehicle, not a J. Lo one. But really — If the Shoe Fits. D.

That pretty much covers it for me. What are your favorite wedding movies?