The Bridal Show

The first thing I learned at the bridal show is that since I identified myself as the groom, all responsibility I chose to exert over the process disappeared. As the groom, if I chose to be ignored, I could. That allowed me to view the thing completely from a guy’s perspective. Of course I put my two cents in here or there, but the salesperson inevitably focused his or her attention back to Kimberly. Most salespeople briefly acknowledged my presence, and then I pretty much disappeared.

That being the case, I felt free to let my attention wander. So I came up with tonight’s top ten list:

The top 10 benefits of attending a bridal shower with your fiance, in no particular order.

10: You get some appreciation for how expensive the wedding will be.
This probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but this was the first time I really started confronting the numbers involved in this business, and how much the vendors are competing for business. I’m sure we’ll able to play them against each other to get the best deals.

9. Bragging Rights
I work in an office with six women and five men. I’m sure my little sisters in the office will be awfully impressed that I was such a good sport. They’re all married, and I wonder how many of their husbands braved the same waters.

8. You get to harass DJ’s.
Hiring a DJ is going to be tough for me. The DJ company that so egregiously mishandled my first wedding was the first we encountered. Kimberly has heard the horror story hundreds of times, so she instantly went inot attack mode with a relentless barrage of questions that had the poor man cowering. I was able to drop my resentment when the sales rep insisted they have no creative links whatsoever with the other regions of the country. They’re not used to someone with strong musical opinions telling them what to do.

Here’s a note to the DJ’s by the way - you can get the groom on your side at a bridal show by letting them play with some of the equipment. I kept waiting for an invitation, but got none. I’ll have to be more forceful the next time. If I could just have played with a light board for five minutes, some lucky DJ would have been much closer to getting our business.

7. You get to see women lose their S@#t.
During the fashion show the crowd starting getting crazy. A group of dancers dressed as groomsmen did a couple dance numbers. They were throwing out free goodies and the younger brides in the audience went nuts. At the end of the fashion show, the bakery company donated a cake to four lucky contestants who tore through the cake with their bare hands to find a coin that entitled them to a diamond necklace. I was expecting far more of the contestants. They were pretty timid. I wanted to see a fight break out and cake flying. I like to think that’s what Kimberly would have done if she’d been given the chance.

6. You get lots of free stuff.
While Kimberly talked business, I scammed all the free stuff I could. I got a few cool pens - the kind with the gel tip. The next time I go, I’m going to fill out more forms to win free stuff. I’m going to use my spam mailbox so I don’t get too inundated by what will certainly be a barrage of junk mail. I saw one woman with a cool travel mug, but I couldn’t find the vendor anywhere. One bridal wear shop gave KIMBERLY a really cool tote bag, but all they gave me was a crappy paper bag.

5. Cake, cake and more cake.
As soon as Kimberly started talking business, I was free to sample. She’s lactose intolerant, and most of the cakes had dairy products. The burden of cake tasting fell onto my shoulders. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it. By the time we got half way through the big room, I had a wicked sugar buzz. There’s nothing like a raging sugar buzz in the commercial frenzy that is the bridal show. I also found that there’s no such thing as a dairy free wedding cake, or if there was, it would look like crap.

4. You get to see lots of bridal glow.
Kimberly had a great bridal glow on all afternoon. I know when her mind is racing, and it was off and running the minute we walked into the show. She’s a woman with a happy mission, just like the hundreds of other women there.

3. The chance to win money and trips.
The more information you’re willing to give to sales reps, the more chances you have to win cool stuff. The door prizes at this show weren’t too shabby. Most of them included a weekend getaway, which is what I was most interested in winning.

2. The After-Bridal-Show Nookie
My willingness to take part in the wedding preparations seems to have been a powerful aphrodisiac for Kimberly.

1. You get to imagine what your fiance will look like in her dress.
I know this sounds mushy, there were a few dresses that I could really picture on Kimberly, and I got just an inkling of what it’s going to be like to watch her come down the aisle. I’ve already decided I’d prefer a strapless number because Kimberly has beautiful shoulders. My heart is going to be pounding.