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The Practical Side of the Handfasting Ceremony

There's an awful lot of information about the Handfasting ceremony.

Libraries carry books on the subject, specialty shops sell special ribbons and cords for the ceremony itself, and you'll even find boxes and porringers designed for holding those ribbons.

And yet, some of the logistics make the Handfasting ceremony something of a challenge. How do you handle all those cords or ribbons before, during and after the ceremony?

If you've thought about the Handfasting ceremony but decided you know too little about it to go ahead, here's the practical information you need to make it all happen smoothly and naturally.

Handfasting gift - completed!Avilion Mist - Handfasting of Lady Isolde and Sir RichyAvilion Mist - Handfasting of Lady Isolde and Sir RichyAvilion Mist - Handfasting of Lady Isolde and Sir RichyHandfasting gift - in progressHandfastingTeraBret-005HandfastingTeraBret-029HandfastingTeraBret-050HandfastingTeraBret-013HandfastingTeraBret-030

Ten Tips for a Stress-Free Ceremony

1. Cords are easier to handle, so go for those rather than ribbons. However, if you're only going to have one, it could be anything from a ribbon to an exotic piece of material.

2. If you don't want your attendants to carry the cords in a container, place them on the table with the rest of the ceremonial paraphernalia — either hanging across the table, or in a box or bowl.

3. Decide whether you want to use just one cord, or half a dozen.

4. If using ribbons, you can have them tied, or wrapped around your wrist. If using cords, you can have a slip knot which slides up like a noose.

5. Decide who will tie them — the celebrant or your attendants. If using a number of cords, you could have a different attendant tie each one — male and female, alternating.

6. While your attendants or celebrant tie the cords, have your celebrant speak, explaining what each cord stands for. Or leave a card for each of your attendants involved in the handfasting. Each attendant can simply pick up the cord and read the words from the card.

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A Handfasting Ceremony in Springfield Lake, MO

7. Rehearse it! Rehearse the entire handfasting. Start where the celebrant calls the attendants by name. Go through the process where the attendant picks up the cord, returns to the altar, ties the couples' hands and returns to his or her place in the bridal party. The attendant should practice taking it slowly and ceremoniously. Help your attendants place themselves cueing up appropriate background music.

8. Inevitably, the cords need come off before you sign the register. But here's a thought. Although normally hands are tied cross-wise — the bride's right hand in groom's right hand — consider tying your inside hands instead. That is, if the groom is on the bride's right arm, tie her right hand to his left. If you take this route, you can probably actually sign the register with your hands still tied. Which makes for great photos!

9. After the signing (in British weddings), you'll return to where the ceremony began to be introduced as husband and wife. Before that happens, consider making an event out of the untying, as you did with the tying. Again, proceed slowly. Perhaps the celebrant can say a few words here, just as s/he did during the tying.

10. As the attendant unties each cord, s/he'll return it to where it came from originally (such as the ceremonial table). When the whole wedding party's back in their places, the celebrant greets the couple, and invites everyone to come up and offer best wishes.

Vlady Peters is an Australian Civil Marriage Celebrant authorized to perform marriage in Australia. She also performs general ceremonies such as Baby Naming, Renewal of Vows and Commitment Ceremonies. To learn more about Vlady, visit her at www.weddings-celebrant.com

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12 Comments in 6 Threads.  Add a New Comment »

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Heather
wrote
on January 20th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
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My Fiance and I are wanting to incorporate a handfasting into our ceremony - we are having issues with finding clergy to perform the ceremony in our area. any suggestions?
our wedding is September 26, 2010

wrote
on March 3rd, 2010 at 10:30 pm
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Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Hi Heather

How exciting you have set a date. You didn’t mention where you are located however, if it is in Melbourne I would be very happy to talk to you. I perform beautiful handfasting civil wedding ceremonies, and would be very happy to meet with you and discuss your plans.

cheers

Sylvia JP CMC

 
Betsy
wrote
on March 12th, 2010 at 10:22 pm

lots of clergy are tentative about adding “pagan” rites to a ceremony. it is often easier to convince clergy to add handfasting, unity candles, broom jumping, etc. when they learn that it is not only a symbolic gesture but has a historic or cultural role in your cermony.

 
 
Michelle
wrote
on January 2nd, 2010 at 8:04 pm
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My fiance and I love the symbolism of a handfasting ceremony but I did have a couple of concerns: We plan on getting legally married a day or two before our wedding. My best friend and his best friend (neither of which are ordained or anything) were going to officiate the small ceremony for our friends and family. I was wondering how we could work a handfasting ceremony with two officiants (plus two attendants). We really excited about doing this since this ceremony really suits us. Please help!! :?

 
Kris
wrote
on July 29th, 2009 at 5:03 pm

We are planning a handtying wedding. The way we have set ours up is that we have a union of equals vow for the exchanging of rings followed by the register signing and then the binding of the hands with a separate vow. This way there are no awkward untying moments and it symbolizes the union of our souls followed by the binding together of our lives from that moment forward.

 
Lee
wrote
on June 20th, 2008 at 2:13 am
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my partner and i are performing the ceremony tonight, at midnight going into the summer solstice. just the 2 of us, 2 souls who reunited after years of being apart, from tonight we shall never be seperated again xxx love you michelle xxx

Barb
wrote
on November 23rd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
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I found your note very touching. I am now seeing my first husband and we are considering this ceremony. We have been apart since 1975 and started seeing each other again in March of 2008.

 
 
Teri Lee
wrote
on October 6th, 2007 at 2:51 am
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Hi.. would you be able to tell me if according to the wiccan or pagan handfasting ritual if it is considered good luck to be married on the day of a new moon.

wise_witch
wrote
on September 30th, 2008 at 7:24 am

:idea: full moon. new moon is REALLY BAD!!

Lulu
wrote
on January 4th, 2009 at 8:17 pm

The new moon is a great time to do it,as the new moon signals new beginnings and all that.

 
sonja
wrote
on January 10th, 2009 at 12:31 am

Handfasting is personal. But personally speaking, I must agree that Handfasting should take place during a waxing moon.

 
 
 
Brenda
wrote
on August 1st, 2007 at 4:21 am

Hi! I was told that the handfasting cord should remain tied when the bride and groom release each other and then put into a bag of some sort to keep the “knot tied” and put somewhere special to both parties. How would you recommend going about this?

Sara St. Hilaire
wrote
on September 10th, 2007 at 6:50 pm

Hello,
Originally the knot remained tied until the marriage was consummated. Only then could it be untied.
Although I do like the symbolism of keeping it tied in a memento box.

 
 
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