Plan the Perfect Military Wedding
The day's finally arrived. After all these years waiting for the right one, you've finally find that special someone. Soon a marriage proposal comes your way, one that's sure to change life forever.
Finally, you've got the chance to plan the wedding you've dreamed about since childhood. And all your plans start falling in place, almost like magic — when suddenly something comes up to change the tune. Your soon-to-be spouse learns they're about to be deployed overseas.
All your hopes and dreams for happiness seem lost ... at least for now. You still long to marry — but there's so much to do, and so many unique circumstances that other couples don't face! From finding a chaplain to paying those amped-up fees involved in a rush wedding, your task list can seem even more daunting than the average bride's.
True, it's not like you're the only one to face this. Others, too, have lived the military life from day one, and were so proud to play a role that they enlisted as adults. If you're one of those who grew up in the military, shifting from base to base and city to city, you probably long for a military wedding that embodies all the traditions and pride you've cherished all your life.
Yet, as you know, there are plenty of rules and regulations when it comes to doing things military style — even for weddings. And staying within the guidelines can be overwhelming. As a bride, you need answers on how to do it — and those answers won't be found in the pages of all those bridal magazines or bridal books. But take heart!
It goes without saying: there are vast differences between a civilian and a military wedding. In the the latter case, the ceremony may take place at the base/post chapel. Your officiant will be a military chaplain. The Arch of Sabers or Swords (depending on the branch of service) is used. And you'll need to pay special attention to the special formalities involved with invitations and seating arrangements.
To help make your military wedding planning a little smoother, try these tips:
Even if the couple chooses not to have the traditional Military Wedding, insurance (unless they are having a quick, simple civil ceremony at the courthouse) will save headaches and cover the loss of deposits or money due to changes or cancellations. When you marry into the military, never-ending shifts in deployment dates — quick deployments, delayed deployments, and extended deployments — are common. It's best to plan ahead and be safe.
Take this example: The date's been set for a year out. You paid the deposits, and prepared the invitations (whew!). Then a set of orders shows up for the bride or groom that read, "Report to your duty station 19 May 2007. " Unfortunately, the wedding date was set for 25 May 2007! You now have to change everything ... and even re-order those invitations.
Unless you're working with extremely military-friendly vendors, there's a real risk of losing hefty deposits. Insurance is your best bet for safeguarding against this.
For a new bride who's marrying into the service, there's a whole new lingo to learn. For starters, you'll need to get acquainted with the formalities of the Arch ... but do the groomsmen raise Swords, or is it Sabers?
Here's your answer: Sabers are used for Air Force and Army. Swords are used for Coast Guard, Marine Corps and Navy. The National Guard and Reserve go by the same etiquette and regulations of their service branch (i.e. Army National Guard, Air National Guard, Naval Reserve, etc). Also, although most military personnel won't own a Sword or Saber, they can contact the Chaplain — who'll normally have these on hand for your use, or if not, the Commander will.
There are plenty of other terms you'll want to become familiar with and knowledgeable about, but don't worry ... as time goes on, the language will become second nature.
For tradition's sake, you're better off leaving it in. After all ... wasn't it the tradition that drew you to the idea of a full military wedding in the first place? It's best to only omit this step if the bride's the service member.
If you're not familiar with "the Swat," here's how it works: When the groomsmen assemble after the vows, the bride and groom then pass through the Arch of Saber or Swords (this symbolizes the military's welcome, and the couple's safe transition into their new life together). The couple pauses as the last two men lower their sabers or swords in front of the bride and groom. Then, the man to the right will then lightly "swat" the bride on the rear and say "Welcome to the Army" (or name the appropriate branch of service).
It's important to know the proper seating arrangements for guests — not to mention, where the bride and groom should stand, including who stands on which side. The standing arrangement is determined by whether the service member is an officer, or enlisted.
A guest list will have Commanders, other Officers within the unit, and peers. It's important to know the proper seating for all your guests ... and also for the receiving line. Everyone associated with a service member (i.e. their Commanders, Officers and peers within the unit or office) should be invited to the wedding.
When seating the groom or bride's Commander and spouse, seat them with the family of the bride or groom, whichever group they represent. Commanders are usually seated in the front row when the bride or groom's parents can't attend. Seat all other higher-ranking Officers directly behind the family of either the bride or groom.
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My husband was active duty Army for nine years and is now serviing in the DC Army National Guard. When we reply to invitations, have address labels printed, etc., how should we convey his rank and branch affiliation? Is it even appropriate because he is not active duty? For example, is something like, “Captain and Mrs. John Doe, ANG” acceptable? or is it just Captain and Mrs. John Doe?
Hey all. I just have a quick question:
I’m engaged to an NCO stationed in Oklahoma, yet we are planning on having our wedding back in our home state of Michigan (since most of our families live there). I am really excited to have a traditional military wedding, but I am concerned about being able to pull off the Arch. All of my fiance’s military friends live here in Oklahoma - is it too much to ask them to fly all the way to Michigan? And if they are willing to do so, what if they can’t get leave time? Any comments or suggestions?
Jessica,
I would talk with them about it first and see what can be done and then go from there. it is not to much to ask if you they were included on the guest list anyway. so that alone would be a big plus.
Hi Stacey (you seem to be the go to gal),
I need help to incorporate some naval touches into a 1940’s garden themed wedding. The groom is in the Navy as well as his groomsmen and they will be wearing their uniforms. The overall feel of the wedding is simple garden, with mason jars, vintage photos, pearls and peacock feathers. The brides colors are cream, teal and accents of brown. She does not want the military theme to be overstated but would like small simple touches. Any ideas would be greatly apprciated. The only thing I could come up with is incorporating the anchor, but how?
Thanks so much!!
Ruth,
ya’ll are to kind!! i am so happy i am able to help with the brides special days. I love LOVE! the anchor, it is actually perfect for a 1940’s style wedding. i would add it on the programs ( motif), invites, paper goods. i would make sure the paper has an vintage look to it to bring out the naval theme. another thing is to find a naval charm ( anchor?) and have it attached to the bridal bouquet on a tiny blue ribbon( for the something blue). also think about a anchor cake topper. that is actually all i would add, so it would be simple and beautiful for the theme.
Ruth, another idea is to have old looking frame plaques and name each table after a USS ship.
Thanks Stacy, these are great ideas. Do you happen to know of a good site that sells the naval charms? I would like to just get some white plastic ones; I’ve looked and have not had much luck.
Would incorporating the sailors hat be too much? And if I did it how would you suggest to use it. Keep in mind this is still a garden style wedding.
The only other idea i had for adding the naval touches was to frame vintage pictures of the ships and soilders.
Thanks for all your help.
ruth,
i would try craft stores, they should have what you need.
*these are not white but they would work great
*more charms
*silver charms
*OMG! look at this!
*anchor cake pulls
*love this!
your right the white plastic anchors are very hard to find! if soemthing happens and you cant find them then just find a tall lightweight anchor and set it beside your wedding cake with a sailor hat. that would work very well. actually i was gonna suggest putting the sailor hat by the cake in a setting. the frames with the ships/ sailors would be perfect and a great conversation piece. i love wrapping the bouquet with the nautical rope. if you cant find any white charms just add a silver one to the bouquets. with the rest of the decor it will be a good balance. if to much nautical is used it would take away from the 40’s theme and make it more ship like. just a few touches would be enough. in the 40’s they didnt have much so having a themed glass heirloom looking cake topper and the groom in uniform would have been how they would have decorated. ( even though the cake topper i posted most likely wouldnt have been invented). it would have been a simple cake with a very traditonal bride and groom topper ( the one with the lace and white plastic). those silver cake pulls could be used and are gorgeous! that would “fit’ into the vibe and still staying true to the 40’s. i would actually stick with the metal naval charms instead of the plastic for more authenticity. LOVE the vintage frames though! flea markets and second hand stores. have any old family letters from the 40’s? make copies and set those out in strategic areas. another idea is honor all those soldiers and get pics and enlarge them, put them in frames, and hang them on a wall with vital info like a military hall of history.guests would most likely get a kick out of it! great for cocktail hour. just any military members from the family/friends. this would be a rare but very remembered thing to do at a wedding. plus it is really not that expensive to do. simple frames from a dollar tree or flea market and enlarging pics to a “decent” size would be sufficient, they all dont have to be 8×10 or bigger. just an idea!!
Thanks Stacy -
I love the idea for wrapping the bouquet and the cake pulls.
Thanks for all your help!
Hi Stacey, you seem like the lady to go to when a girl needs help! I just got engaged last weekend and with the groom in the military the wedding is planned for the first weekend of Feb 2010! I am so far behind already and have no clue of what colors I want! I am having trouble because the groom and the groomsmen will be wearing thier dress blues along with two others, while one will be in his dress greens, and two others in tuxedos. I will attach pictures of the venue we have! I was thinking some colors that are more casual like a dark brown, ivory, and light yellow. Please help me!
Thank you so much!!
Vanessa
vanessa,
WOW! what a venue! it looks like a tuscan or spanish type setting. as far as the guys dont worry about matching the uniforms. i am loving the dark brown, yellow, and ivory.
* check out how it resembles this italian venue! have you thought abput adding only faint touches of orange or even pink? it doesnt have to be much just in the centerpieces.
if you like the tuscan theme, consider ( also) using grapes in your centerpieces.
* beautiful centerpiece
let me know if this is something you would like
Hi,my names sarah and im getting married in september 2010.My fiance’ is in the National Guard and is planning on wearing his class A’s,i dont really want to use green in my colors,but im confused on which colors to use,so that it still matches him but doesnt clash.. The wedding will be outside,so i want fall colors.. Any ideas id be so greatful and maybe ideas on flowers too,i was thinking sunflowers,but im not sure how’d that look…
Sarah,
Since his attire will be his uniform, it is not necessary to match. with his class a’s, you are in luck cause fall colors will match perfectly!! green will go with everything, that shade also. sunflowers would be beautiful.
*check out this
*WOW!! I love everything about this wedding! the colors pop, look at those sunflowers!
*beautiful!
*this is just perfect!
i just put together a board to give a idea of the color scheme. i simplified it cause the many mixes of colors with the green ( on the board) looks to busy.
I am getting married to my best friend and we both have agreed that we are going to have a Military wedding, but in a church to make our families happy. I need help finding places in Michigan that will meet both of the requirements. I am an Army brat so I know how things have to be just not all that good with the state we are planning on getting married in…If anyone could help me that would be wonderful..
Thank you very much,
Amanda
I have in the middle of a HUGE dilema. the wedding is 81 days away and I have everything planned. The colors I have for the BM’s are a burgundy/wine colored dress and they will be carrying green orchids that have the burgundy lip in the middle. My dress is ivory and I have white orchids with the burgundy lip. I did all of this because my fiance is in the army and was going to wear his class A’s. However, he just got promoted to CPL and wants to get his dress blues. Should I change the flowers? What could I change them to? Should I leave them the same? ugh! please help!
makayla,
i would leave everything alone. the burgundy/wine and the green orchids will be a gorgeous compliment to the dress blues. it is actually probably gonna be a better combo for pics especially with the jewel tones and the fresh green. if you want to pull in some blue just leave it to you and him and wrap your bouquet with the same shade of blue he is wearing in the ribbon around your bouquet. the ribbon and his uniform can be your something blue!!
I am getting married on Valentine’s Day and despirately need some guidance. My fiance’ is a Marine but I think the only thing Military we are wanting is the sword ceremony. The wedding will be held 4 hours from a Military base though so is there any way that we can still make this happen??
Thank you,
Kristin
kristin,
Hi! do you mean the sword ceremony at the location?
*tips
i hope i gave you the right link you needed if not let me know!!
I”m needing help! I recently got engaged to my best friend and he just happens to be in the marines. We dont want a full military wedding but we cant decided on colors. He will be wearing his dress blues and i desperately need help in deciding the colors and arrangements. He is leaving it pretty much all to me and i can’t decide. Can anyone help?! Our wedding date is July 31st, 2010
Maybe different blues & silver would look really beautiful. I will look up some links & post the links for you but don’t worry everything will be fine I’m in the same boat with my fiancée he wants me to plan everything my self too
stephanie, first what color is your location. this will play a huge factor in your colors. do you have a pic?
Hi My name is ashlee, and im engaged to the man of my dreams, and he is in the national gaurd and we are getting married march 20th 2010, and he is going to wear his green tux or whatever, and i dont know if i should have my colors the dark green & like Black & silver, i just dont want anyhting to clash at my wedding, but were not making the wedding a real military wedding, so im so confused how to do all this stuff, since im not in the military… HELP Me Plz
ashlee,
you really dont have to match his uniform. are you wanting something with some color? i do love black green silver white color scheme though. it is very sharp when put together.
*google images and boards
*black white green
*more black white green
there are lots of colors that go with the dress greens. could you tell me the colors you both like then i can find some ideas or make you a wedding board.
*wedding forum page with pic links
*navy and green
*yellow and green
*this will always be one of my faves, the orchids have a touch of color to add.
*champgne and green
*sage and purple
* if you wanted you and him to really stand out as a couple wera this!so beautiful
*you can search any color or type any color combo you want and see how it will look, i love this site
well both of our fav. colors is green… so thats the other reason i would like to have green, but i dont want his suit really dark green and our green a light one… ya i love the black, silver, green & white theme too i just didnt know if it would look ok? i know i have 5 months left but im already freaking out about everything… i feel like im going to for get something, or not get stuff done in time.. so more ideas plz, lol
ashlee,
have you thought about putting the girls in black? then add green and white florals? silverware, silver accessories, cake plate, silver floral containers? i think it would look fantastic, very very nice. have cylinder vases with floating orchids and a floating candle? white linens, black napkins or black runners. simple chic.
if you do this color scheme i would have a a lighter shade of green like hydrangeas with white roses or orchids to contrast. another color is using brown and green. that is a gorgeous combo. since you love green i would stick with that, but not the same shade as the grooms suit. it will not flow as well if everything matches that shade of green. now adding lighter to darker greens with whites inthe florals would look beautiful. you could add a touch of very pale yellows in the florals.
*something kinda like this
*or this ( i love love love how this looks, with a touch of pale pink in the florals to break it up a bit)
*carla wedding, love how they did this ( this is a great way to decorate for a march wedding)
*more from previous wedding
if there are other colors youd like me to look for paired with green, let me know which ones you both lean too. thanks a million!!
omg i love the ideas :) thank you so much… he doesnt care on the detailes im planning hes just showing up..lol so i def. can use all the help u want to give :) my info is froggiez1@hotmail.com or cell # 309-299-2470 i will take all ideas u can throw at me, :)
ashlee,
keep me posted on help ya need. i am so happy you loved those ideas!! have a wonderful wedding!
Hi ladies!!!
Ok… so I am recently engaged to the man of my dreams (and of course he has to be a soldier lol). I have no clue where to start. I am attracted to the idea of a military wedding but we will be getting married soon (December)… and it will be a very small wedding- both been married before. Mainly just family and friends. I am worried about attendance and of course “the arch”. Any advice???
Of COURSE you can have the Arch if you want! Check out http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/military_marriages/index.shtml, which gives invaluable advice on military traditon and customs. There is also a book out called the Military Bride, by Vanessa Baldwin. If you want to do the Arch, ask the post Honor Guard to assist you. Just be warned about the swat. Expect it. Welcome to the family and have a piece of cake for me! :)
Becky,
Thank you for your help. I am hopeful this will all work out. With my fh stationed in Alaska it is difficult to come up with enough to do the arch - my main worry. I mean of course we could fly “his guys” down here to Georgia, but man that gets expensive fast.
ashley,
if you need any help with colors etc. let me know. would love to help out!! have a great day!
Hi, I’m Melissa & I am engaged to a US Marine. We live in Jacksonville, NC and are planning on having our wedding July 2010. The main colors are red, white, and blue..but I don’t want it to come off as too patriotic, you know? How can I keep my colors, but keep the USMC theme as well? We are having a traditional USMC wedding.
melissa,
would you consider adding another color to the palette? like here, where they added shades of wines, burgundy and red? pretty nice!
*color board
*another idea
*military real weddings
*wedding board
*brides.com
*real wedding
*nice
*blue and red
*lots of pics
Hi! Melissa I just want to say welcome to Jville!!! I live here to; In Midway Park base housing.Hope you find everything you looking for,I have to plan my wedding for next year too;I don’t even know where to start.
I’ve been engaged to a wonderful man for almost a year and planned on getting married before he was deployed but did’t want a shot gun wedding. He will be returning home july 2010 and could be deployed 6 months after returning home. We have both been married before and had bad marraiges. Is it proper to have another formal wedding like our firsts and since he is in the national guard can we have military style wedding? Also, I’m not sure on colors that would go with Army colors. My sister was my maid of honor in my first wedding is it okay to have her as my maid of honor in this one or not? Were close and really want her in it any ideas?
the color scheme you wanna keep with navys or blues or whatever matches the uniform. if you can have a military wedding i’m not sure.
jennifer,
yes you can have a formal wedding if that is what you want. yes as long as he is active you can have a military wedding. just follow the same etiquette for the branch of service he is in. army national guard. i would love to help with your colors! it is best to look at the venue, you will want to compliment that. you can have her as your maid of honor again.
*military wedding tips
*more tips
*the knot military weddings
*army weddings
*real weddings
Of COURSE you can! I’m marrying into the Army for the 3rd(!) time! (I’m a glutton for punishment!) And welcome to the family! :)
Amber,
as long as he is retired or active you can have the traditions including the uniform. if he is active/retired he can choose either a tux/suit or his uniform( matter of choice) that is for any gm too.
*civil and military guidelines
*military Q&A
*red and yellow wedding board
*lots of pics to search
I am recently engaged to a man who was in the army for 15 yrs and i myself grew up i an army family. we decided to have a WWII era wedding . Dress like they did back then and encourage our guest to . come dressed up as well . we are restoring a 1942 army jeep to drive away in. I am having a hard time finding info on wedding announcements from back then and how the receptions were done if any was planned. Any ideas ??? thanks
Hey there!
Me and my Navy Corpsman have been engaged for a few months now and he finally got the OK to have leave around Christmas. I already have my dress picked out, it has a blue sash to match his Navy Blues, or even whites depending on what I decide he wears! Anyways.. Im hoping for December 19th, to be the wedding day. Its so close to Christmas, and he is in the Navy so Blue is a MUST color in this wedding. However… I can not for the life of me decide on any other color! I would go with silver, but its the colors from my high school and I dont want it to look like a winter prom! I also dont want to incorporate too many reds, simply because as so many women have said before me, I dont want to make it a patriotic wedding! I would love a winter themed wedding… but I live in Arkansas… so its never really snowy or “wintery” here so Im so afraid it would look like a high school winter dance. Soo.. what can i do to shy away from the “winter prom” and “patriotic” feel? By the way we are getting married in my hometown church. My church and most of my family kind of look down on dancing as a whole. But me and my fiance both have dreamed of having our first dance to our song “Over the Hills and Far Away” by Led Zepplin.. is there any way of making this easy on my family and church family?? There will be a first dance… and we arent wanting any “Party” dancing like the grinding stripper club stuff, but more of any elegant but fun time. Also… what can I do about favors if I dont want the wintery patriotic stuff?? HELP IM SO CONFUSED!!!!
hey i read this and when you were talking about it i imediatley thought of silver, but you said you didnt want a “wintery feel”.. what about some kind of purple, like an orchard or something. Or maybe a yellow color with the blue and maybe silver etchings. Im not sure about why you dont like dancing but i think that the Led Zep song would be a really good choice. I agree about not having a patriotic wedding and Im glad your thinking of it. Also Dec 19 is the day i started dating my fiance and 1219 is always a special number for us, so i especially loved that :)
Samantha,
can i see your venue? to see what it looks like and find some complimenting colors with the blue. another option is to have a monochromatic blue color scheme with shades from light to dark blue. also can you tell me some colors that you like versus dont like? can’t wait to hear fomr you. also the song will be perfect and go with what you love not what is expected. It is your day afterall!!
isnt this beautiful?!?
*style me pretty wedding
purple would be a great choice like Alysia mentioned.
*blue and purple wedding board
*wedding boards
*blue and gold is another choice
*navy blue wedding boards ( i included this because of the bold color paired with navy, you said you liked led zepplin, so this might be a way to go, romantic and edgy. so if this suits your personalities better then consider pairing it with pink, would be an awesome color combo, just use soft fluffy flowers to make it look more romantic)
simple blue and green would be a great color combo.
*blue and green boards
*navy and green
also signup and login at theknot.com once there, click wedding photos and it will take you to color galleries. you will love this!!
brides,
check out this great 1940’s theme military wedding in red white blue. it is so great!!
*the knot real wedding
I have a simple question. My husband and I just got married June 28th, 09 by his brother with about 7 family members there. All my husbands and it was right after church. We did this because he is in the military and was moving to a new base. We know we want to have a vow renewal next year for our one year anniversary for all of our family and friends….but would it be okay to go all out with the blues and wedding dress and all that jazz? I bought my dress and then we got married a lot sooner than expected. I don’t want people to think we are being tacky…and a lot of my family thinks it will be okay.
ashley,
by all means have your dream wedding. there are a few things though i would not incorporate. not being “give away”, since your already married, no blusher veils( these are reserved for first time brides), your married so a bachorlette party wouldnt fit, though you can have a simple get together like a lunch or a mani and pedi day. everything else is perfect to have!! i wish you all the best!!
Hi Ashley!
My husband and I have been married for nearly 12 years. he is in the Navy and I recently joined. We are planning our vow renewal next year and I would like him to be in his dress whites as I would like to be in a nice navy Blue gown. I never had a bachelorette party, but it will be nice to hang out with the girls for a night beforehand. I was never given away, so I am thinking about asking a very special person to do the honors. I feel whatever you would like to do is up to you and your groom. Have it as big or as small as you want. I am not one to adhere to all the wedding “rules and proper etiquette” as you can read. I am in it to have fun, love my day and make sure everyone is happy and good to go!!! Good luck and take care!!
Hi Ashley,
I had a chuckle when I read your story. My husband and I have our wedding planned for May 15, 2010 and in May 2009 he was told he was going to be deployed in August one year! We rushed to the courthouse on June 27, 2009 and got married! THEN….two weeks after we got married, his orders were cancelled! Sooo, HECK YEA I’m having my big fat greek (ok Irish) Wedding with the white dress the cake the bagpiper the whole nine yards! He now has his new orders set in stone and he will unfortunately leave a month after our wedding, I already had the dress too!
hi everybody!
i made a gone with the wind inspired theme and thought it would fit perfect for a military wedding because it was during civil war days. when grooms married in their uniform. i updated it but still wanted to keep that southern feel. i couldnt find a military groom on the board site so i just kept it like it is. anybody marrying at a grand house or plantation? this would be the perfect theme to fit in!!
i recently just got engaged to a marine! we are planning our wedding around march or may of 2010 depending on leave and deployment. heres our problem, he is from texas and im from west virginia. we have family and friends that wont be able to make it either way but we want most of them there so we were thinking a place in between both states. Of coarse we are doing the traditonal military wedding but my colors are patriotic and we want it in marine theme not the fourth of july. you help would be greatly appriciated!! thanks
megan,
are you wnating just red white and blue or you wanting a different variation of color? could you tell me what type of mood you want to set? and also what does your venue look like? i will help however i can!!